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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
     

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

3.1 19
by Wendy Terrie Behary, Daniel J. Siegel (Preface by), Jeffrey Young (Foreword by)
 

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What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with

Overview

What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the Narcissist offers several strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe.

You'll learn how to move past the narcissist's defenses with compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn to understand the worldview and coping styles of narcissists and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely to be a narcissist. By anticipating and avoiding certain hot-button issues, you'll discover ways to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Also covered are strategies for limit-setting and for knowing when to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides-such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing- are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation. (Mar.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
From the Publisher
“Wendy Behary has dedicated decades to understanding narcissism, both as a clinician and a scholar. In Disarming the Narcissist, she distills these hard-won insights into a very readable form. This book is a terrific resource for those looking to better understand narcissism.”
W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781572245198
Publisher:
New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:
03/01/2008
Series:
Unassigned Series
Pages:
176
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.60(d)

Meet the Author

Wendy Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and couples therapy.

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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed 3.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 19 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have been doing research on narcissism, for personal reasons, and I have found this book to be one of the most relevant and comprehensive that I have read thus far. I would highly recommend it to anyone who finds themselves having to dealing with a narcissist in any area of their lives, in order that they may gain some understanding of the difficult and paradoxically inclined mentality that dictates the behavior of the narcissist. My compliments to the author for a job well done with the presentation of the subject matter.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
 This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narcissism. It does not offer simplistic advice or a quick solution that, like chewing gum, seems great at the start but quickly fades. With warmth, a delightful sense of humor and compassion, this author takes you by the hand and introduces you to the key strategies we have found effective in dealing with, and overcoming, narcissism. This book is clear, practical, and enjoyable to read. It will take time, effort and repeated study to fully grasp all that is offered but I can assure that your effort will be well rewarded since this author has obviously "done her homework" and truly knows. Upon first read, some of the strategies may seem difficult to execute. This is because they are built upon a blending and layering of skills and knowledge involving the heart and the mind. This is what it takes to be effective with narcissism. There is not a quick and easy way. I can assure you that if you are not just going through the motions, they work. Similar to learning to play a musical instrument or a new sport like golf or tennis, what can seem daunting at the start will eventually be in your grasp if you break it into the steps you need and gradually put it all together. Some of us will be a quick study and some of us will benefit from additional "coaching". The author provides useful links for the latter. This book is asking a lot of it's readers; that they understand the concept of schemas and that they grow up emotionally and approach their life, and the narcissist's they may love or encounter, from a place of strength, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom. If you want another book that outlines how horrible narcissists are and how you are their unwilling victim, you will not appreciate this book. If you are willing or interested to learn about yourself and looking at your own part of the dance, such that through your own growth and modeling the relationship, even with a narcissists, has a chance to improve, then this book is for you. Bravo    
Isolepis More than 1 year ago
Very much work has gone into this. Yet there are no easy answers. Don't look for a formula here. You will understand the narcissist better for reading this. If you would like a specific narcissist to change, then you may still need professional help. A great start on the problem.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
No way would any therapist encourage engaging empathy with a narcissist. And any therapist that does should have their license revoked. Narcs do not change and to imply using guided empathy in hopes they do, does nothing more than to help spiral more victims down the rabbit hole, and increase the number of clients therapist get. Anyone good therapist such as Robert Hare who really understands how detrimental narcissism is will tell you two things; gray rock and/or no contact. Pure and simple. I find way too often books written in so called efforts to help those deeply affected by people with this disorder wind up giving more focus on the narcs than truly helping victims to heal their wounds, gain their emotional and psychological strength back. I've read many backs on the subject due to being affected from my own personal experience for the last ten years and I can tell you the last thing any victim needs is any incling to Stockholms syndrome the person abusing them, especially if they are narcissistic/sociopaths/psychopaths
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Psycobabble and ridiculous strategies to put into practice. Narcissists do not change. This book is a burden for those trying to live with a narcissist.
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The ebook sample is useless. 19 pages of praise, preface,forward,acknowledgement and ~200 words of introduction. Impossible to tell if writing style connects. Only value was seeing table of contents.