Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

Overview

What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the ...
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Overview

What can you do with the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. But sometimes you genuinely care for one of them. And you might need to interact with others in social or professional settings. Sometimes it doesn't won't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the Narcissist offers several strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe.

You'll learn how to move past the narcissist's defenses with compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn to understand the worldview and coping styles of narcissists and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely to be a narcissist. By anticipating and avoiding certain hot-button issues, you'll discover ways to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Also covered are strategies for limit-setting and for knowing when to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides-such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing- are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation. (Mar.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
From the Publisher
"Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation." —Publishers Weekly
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781572245198
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
  • Publication date: 3/1/2008
  • Series: Unassigned Series
  • Pages: 176
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Wendy Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and couples therapy.
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Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 Framing the Situation: Toward an Understanding of Narcissism 9

Chapter 2 Understanding the Anatomy of Personality: Schemas and the Brain 31

Chapter 3 Getting Captured: Identifying Your Personal Traps 59

Chapter 4 Overcoming the Obstacles: Communication Pitfalls, Snags, and Glitches 75

Chapter 5 Paying Attention: Facing the Most Difficult Encounters with a Narcissist 93

Chapter 6 Empathic Confrontation: A Winning Strategy for Interpersonal Effectiveness 111

Chapter 7 Seven Gifts of Communication with a Narcissist 131

Resources 151

References 155

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Sort by: Showing all of 16 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 15, 2010

    I found this book extremely insightful.

    I have been doing research on narcissism, for personal reasons, and I have found this book to be one of the most relevant and comprehensive that I have read thus far. I would highly recommend it to anyone who finds themselves having to dealing with a narcissist in any area of their lives, in order that they may gain some understanding of the difficult and paradoxically inclined mentality that dictates the behavior of the narcissist. My compliments to the author for a job well done with the presentation of the subject matter.

    13 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted March 3, 2009

    Excellent description of this personality type

    Very much work has gone into this. Yet there are no easy answers. Don't look for a formula here. You will understand the narcissist better for reading this. If you would like a specific narcissist to change, then you may still need professional help. A great start on the problem.

    10 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 7, 2014

    Waste of money and time

    Psycobabble and ridiculous strategies to put into practice. Narcissists do not change. This book is a burden for those trying to live with a narcissist.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2013

    Metal

    Sighed deeply and walked away.

    0 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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