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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

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Overview

Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in magical thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a ...

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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

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Overview

Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in magical thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They're frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Disarming the Narcissist, Second Edition, will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll also find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist.

This book will help you learn to meet your own needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. This new edition also includes new chapters on dealing with narcissistic women, aggressive and abusive narcissists, strategies for safety, and the link between narcissism and sex addiction.

Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

“Wendy Behary has dedicated decades to understanding narcissism, both as a clinician and a scholar. In Disarming the Narcissist, she distills these hard-won insights into a very readable form. This book is a terrific resource for those looking to better understand narcissism.”
W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
Publishers Weekly

Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides-such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing- are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation. (Mar.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
From the Publisher
"Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation." —-Publishers Weekly
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781608827602
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
  • Publication date: 7/1/2013
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 58,018
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and couples therapy.

Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the founder and director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute in New York, NY.

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Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 Framing the Situation: Toward an Understanding of Narcissism 9

Chapter 2 Understanding the Anatomy of Personality: Schemas and the Brain 31

Chapter 3 Getting Captured: Identifying Your Personal Traps 59

Chapter 4 Overcoming the Obstacles: Communication Pitfalls, Snags, and Glitches 75

Chapter 5 Paying Attention: Facing the Most Difficult Encounters with a Narcissist 93

Chapter 6 Empathic Confrontation: A Winning Strategy for Interpersonal Effectiveness 111

Chapter 7 Seven Gifts of Communication with a Narcissist 131

Resources 151

References 155

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 19 )
Rating Distribution

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Sort by: Showing all of 19 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 30, 2014

    I Also Recommend:

     This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narc

     This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narcissism. It does not offer simplistic advice or a quick solution that, like chewing gum, seems great at the start but quickly fades. With warmth, a delightful sense of humor and compassion, this author takes you by the hand and introduces you to the key strategies we have found effective in dealing with, and overcoming, narcissism. This book is clear, practical, and enjoyable to read. It will take time, effort and repeated study to fully grasp all that is offered but I can assure that your effort will be well rewarded since this author has obviously "done her homework" and truly knows. Upon first read, some of the strategies may seem difficult to execute. This is because they are built upon a blending and layering of skills and knowledge involving the heart and the mind. This is what it takes to be effective with narcissism. There is not a quick and easy way. I can assure you that if you are not just going through the motions, they work. Similar to learning to play a musical instrument or a new sport like golf or tennis, what can seem daunting at the start will eventually be in your grasp if you break it into the steps you need and gradually put it all together. Some of us will be a quick study and some of us will benefit from additional "coaching". The author provides useful links for the latter. This book is asking a lot of it's readers; that they understand the concept of schemas and that they grow up emotionally and approach their life, and the narcissist's they may love or encounter, from a place of strength, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom. If you want another book that outlines how horrible narcissists are and how you are their unwilling victim, you will not appreciate this book. If you are willing or interested to learn about yourself and looking at your own part of the dance, such that through your own growth and modeling the relationship, even with a narcissists, has a chance to improve, then this book is for you. Bravo    

    8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2014

    Highlight and add note

    This book does not work for the highlighting feature or the add a note feature. All my other books do, so I know its not my device. I wanted to highlight and underline things, so I am very disappointed. I have ordered a hard copy of it from Amazon.

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 7, 2014

    Waste of money and time

    Psycobabble and ridiculous strategies to put into practice. Narcissists do not change. This book is a burden for those trying to live with a narcissist.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2013

    Metal

    Sighed deeply and walked away.

    0 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2013

    Naru

    Sighs."sorry boys. I cant stay and cht anylonger. After all, i still need to fufill my orders." Smiles and disapoofes

    0 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2013

    Shadow

    Hissed and disappeared as well.

    0 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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