Disgusted Driver's Handbook: Instructions for Surviving on Roads Infested with Idiots


An exhaustive work describing the disintegration of driving in America and offering invaluable insight in surviving this modern day pestilence.
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An exhaustive work describing the disintegration of driving in America and offering invaluable insight in surviving this modern day pestilence.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781885027092
  • Publisher: Apricot Press
  • Publication date: 1/28/1998
  • Pages: 104
  • Sales rank: 1,037,833
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 8.30 (h) x 0.30 (d)

Read an Excerpt

From Chapter 2

In order for our readers to be more confused about driving on the roads today, we felt that a little historical background might legitimize some of this high sounding dribble that we are trying to pawn off as useful information. Since we felt that it would be a lot of work to do actual research, we have made up the following:

A preamble to an explanation of how we got our highway system:

In the 1950's, thanks to the popularity and proliferation of automobiles, forward-looking planners began to conceive of a national freeway-highway system. At the turn of one of the centuries, probably the most recent one, I think it was one of the President Roosevelt's who made this system a reality by convincing Congress of the need to have a way to move trucks and television equipment quickly from coast to coast in 2 days or less, in case the Washington Bullets (formerly the Senators) ever made it to the NBA finals and wound up in a 7 game series with the Lakers. While this sounds ridiculous to modern travelers, in those days, in the minds of most congresspersons, it was not all that far fetched. So many signed on. Now, thanks to the wisdom and foresight of these men, if coast to coast travel had not become impossible because of road construction, we could still see these important sporting events in our own homes if we could ever just get the cable people to come out to solve our reception problems.

Since today we have come to take this transportation system for granted, many of you may not be aware that waiting half a day for the pilot car to return would not have been possible if our highway system hadn't had a long history. We would like to share that history with you now. (We would also like to be able to wiggle our ears and burp $20.00 gold pieces, but since we can't do either of those, we will settle for fabricating a history of our interstate highway system.) Here goes.

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - Fourword
Chapter 2 - A History of the Roads as we Know Them
Chapter 3 -- Modern Rules of the Road
Chapter 4-- An In-depth Study of Speed Limits
Chapter 5 - The Point System
Chapter 6 - Driving with an Attitude
Chapter 7-- Bumper Stickers
Chapter 8 - Coping with Construction
Chapter 9 -- Why Otherwise Pretty Dopey People Become Total Imbeciles When They Get Behind the Wheel
Chapter 10 - The Car You Drive Makes a Statement About You
Chapter 11 - Geezing Behind the Wheel
Chapter 12--How toTweak Other Drivers
Chapter 13- You Probably Shouldn't Eat Stuff You Find on the Floors of Public Restrooms
Chapter 14 - Drivers Pet Peeves
Chapter 15 -- Ask Officer Don
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