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Do unto Others: 1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads

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From the authors of Would You Rather, comes Do Unto Others, A Life's Little Instruction Book for those looking to add a little lunacy to their lives.With over 1,000 off-the-wall things to do in over 50 locations (churchs, shopping malls, public bathrooms, etc.), Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg have created a laugh-a-minute guide to disturbing and disgusting those around you.

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Do Unto Others: 1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads

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Overview

From the authors of Would You Rather, comes Do Unto Others, A Life's Little Instruction Book for those looking to add a little lunacy to their lives.With over 1,000 off-the-wall things to do in over 50 locations (churchs, shopping malls, public bathrooms, etc.), Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg have created a laugh-a-minute guide to disturbing and disgusting those around you.

Here are some sample suggestions:

Things to Do During a Job Interview

—Answer all questions in interpretive dance

—If they ask...

"So Where Are you From?"

You answer...

"I'm probably the creation of some insane wizard."

Fun Things to Do in a Mall

—At the bookstore, hang out in self-help section, hit on vulnerable women.

—Offer to pay for things in a) pennies b) acorns c) "tales of adventure"

From the outlandish to the absurd, Do Unto Others covers all the bases of how to make the most out of mundane situations.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780312252915
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 7/1/2000
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 144
  • Product dimensions: 5.53 (w) x 5.54 (h) x 0.37 (d)

Meet the Author

Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg are the esteemed authors of Would You Rather... and Would You Rather 2: Electric Boogaloo.

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Read an Excerpt

Do Unto Others

1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads
By Justin Heimberg

St. Martin's Griffin

Copyright © 2000 Justin Heimberg
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780312252915

Do Unto Others
27Decidedly Demented Things to Do in a Mall"Welcome to Circuit City, where service is state of the art."--Ralph Waldo EmersonA trip to the mall can be an unbearable experience. Long lines, over-friendly sales clerks, and hordes of whining children can take their toll. But malls don't have to be so grueling. There are plenty of ways to entertain yourself in these temples of consumption.1. Go to Supercuts, ask them to "take a little off the stomach."2. At Blockbuster, replace the movies in "staff recommendations" with low-budget drive-in movies and hardcore pornography like Hot Resort, Sizzle Beach USA, and Ebony Humpers 6.3. Start scuffle in Foot Locker, try to get salesman to give you a technical.4. At Barnes and Noble, hang out in self-help section, hit on vulnerable women.5. Try to grate cheese using an escalator.6. When department-store employees spray you with perfume/cologne sample, scream "I'm melting ... . I'm melting ... . So much pain ... Death is welcome ..."; crumple to ground.7. At Abercrombie & Fitch, badger other customers with lengthy explanations as to why Abercrombie is far superior to Fitch; distribute propaganda.8. Go to Kmart, buy absurd combinations of things that arouse cashier's imagination. Examples: a) a calculator, some glue, and a jar of olives b) a hamster, a fork, and some paprika c) pack of thumbtacks, a menorah, and a bottle of vodka.9. Offer to pay for things in a) pennies b) acorns c) "tales of adventure."10. Set up book-signing table, claim you are Art Buchwald. If you choose, write delusional and threatening notes in book copies, e.g. "The infidels shall be quashed," "Cower to my genius," and "I shall shower nougat upon your first born."11. Stroll through toy store with electronic "Simon" in pants, watch customers' confusion.12. Go to TGI Friday's, order a table for two. Insist that Steve Guttenberg will be joining you; feign heartbreak when he doesn't show up.13. Ask news shop if they have the latest edition of Inhaler Aficionado.14. Try on biker shorts that are too small for you. Stand in front of mirror scrutinizing fit, often eliciting sales clerk's opinion.15. Teach pet-store parrots to say, "I have a prehensile penis and retractable testicles."16. Set up soap box in arcade, preach and rant about "Pinfla-tion--the unnecessary increase in pinball scores"; blame Germans.17. Go into Victoria's Secret, hand clerk sexy lingerie, tell her, "You look about my girlfriend's size. Could you try this on?"18. Do the same thing, but say, "You look about my mom's size."19. Do the same thing, but say "You look about Jack Sikma's size."20. Go to piercing shop, ask them to pierce your pancreas.21. At Barnes and Noble, fake like you're speed-reading Dostoyevsky at an absurd rate. Nod and chuckle occasionally.22. Do the same, but pretend that you can comprehend the words simply by sniffing them.23. Walk up to someone and "recognize" them as Carrie Fisher. Insist on getting an autograph.24. Try to make mall cops laugh, as though they were members of England's Royal Guard.25. Try to make them cry.26. Open all jars of tennis balls, inhale fumes, tell people in a giggly slur that "Sport's Authority is so much better if you're stoned."27. Take large, cumbersome, awkwardly shaped objects to department stores to be gift-wrapped. (Examples: stack of firewood, an inflated blow-up doll, a live mallard.)DO UNTO OTHERS. Copyright © 2000 by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address

Continues...

Excerpted from Do Unto Others by Justin Heimberg Copyright © 2000 by Justin Heimberg. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction xi
27 Decidedly Demented Things to Do in a Mall 1
5 Things to Do at McDonald's 5
31 Unbelievably Unsettling Things to Do in a Job Interview 7
12 Things to Do When You're the Boss 13
32 Divinely Disturbing Things to Do to End a Relationship 15
5 Things to Do When Meeting the In-Laws for the First Time 19
24 Beautifully Blasphemous Things to Do in Church 21
4 Irresistibly Irreverent Things to Do in Synagogue 25
40 Endlessly Entertaining Things to Do in School 27
8 Things to Do If You're the Teacher 35
30 Splendidly Strange Things to Do in an Elevator 37
5 Things to Do at the Department of Motor Vehicles 41
46 Absolutely Asinine Things to Do in Places of Amusement 43
25 Wonderfully Warped Things to Do at a Gym/Health Club 51
10 Things to Do in a Public Bathroom 55
28 Decidedly Disconcerting Things to Do to Freak Out a New Roommate 57
42 Brilliantly Baffling Things to Do at the Office If You Just Don't Give a Crap Anymore 63
Index of Occupational Absurdity 69
31 Radically Rude Things to Do When Dealing With Annoying People 71
34 Positively Peculiar Things to Do on a First Date 75
18 Things to Do During Sex 81
33 Beautifully Bizarre Things to Do on Special Occasions 85
47 Lavishly Ludicrous Things to Do When Traveling 91
23 More Unbelievably Unsettling Things to Do in a Job Interview 99
24 Marvelously Miscellaneous Things to Do to Mess With People's Minds 103
Acknowledgments/About the Authors 107
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 12 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 12 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 9, 2002

    Buy this now!

    Funny beyond all words. I could pictue myself doing some of things in this book just to see the reactions from people. This is laugh-out-loud funny.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 22, 2009

    Save Your Hard Earned

    It's only my opinion, but I find the book to be silly and not at all funny.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 7, 2003

    A marvelous feat!

    I'm still so shocked from this marvelous tapestrie of heaven It's as if God himself came down from heaven and wrote this book. This author should be up for both the Pulitzer and the Nobel Prize!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 9, 2002

    Funny and interesting!

    I loved it!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 15, 2014

    Hilarious!

    A great read, even if you don't have the ballls to try these yourself. When you whip this s**t out of your pocket, case, handbag or hand even Chuck Norris will be running scared.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 21, 2013

    Head games that only give you a white jacket

    This book is funny filled with crazy pranks for all occasions. The jjokes and antics are funny demented and won't harm anyone but the pranker. EVEN if you don't a try these pranks yourself it is still a funny read.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2013

    I dont like that kind of pranking

    You should read the pranking hand book the second

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 16, 2012

    Dear read this plz

    My day was really yo

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 22, 2012

    Want to try some of these

    I work in retail, and deal with idiots all the time. Some of these I'd love to act out and surprise the heck out of some people. And any of the date scenarios. A must-read if you have a twisted sense of humor

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 20, 2012

    Noodles

    Mmmmmmm good noodles.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 5, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

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