Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad

by Dan Bucatinsky

Overview

From actor/writer/producer Dan Bucatinsky, executive producer of NBC’s Who Do You Think You Are?, a collection of snort-milk-through-your-nose funny stories of parenthood that will obliterate the boundaries of gender and sexual orientation, and sweep readers up on a journey into fatherhood—warts and all.

In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an LA delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl—launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother—a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew—delivered a son into the couple’s arms. In Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? Bucatinsky moves deftly from sidesplitting stories about where kids put their fingers to the realization that his athletic son might just grow up to be straight and finally to a reflection on losing his own father just as he’s becoming one. Bucatinsky’s soul-baring and honest stories tap into that all-encompassing, and very human, hunger to be a parent—and the life-changing and often ridiculous road to getting there.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781451660739
Publisher:	Atria Books
Publication date:	06/05/2012
Edition description:	Original
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Dan Bucatinsky wrote, produced, and starred in the indie romantic comedy All Over the Guy and cocreated and costarred in the acclaimed web-to-television Showtime series Web Therapy. He continues to act, write, and produce for film and television. He lives in California.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 Wake Up and Smell the Fingers 1

Chapter 2 This CAN'T Be Love 13

Chapter 3 What Happened in Vegas 25

Chapter 4 Who Knew? 43

Chapter 5 Aunt Cuckoo 57

Chapter 6 To Cut or Not to Cut 65

Chapter 7 Pee on the Hand, Poop on the Coat 71

Chapter 8 Bam Bam 75

Chapter 9 One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish … Three-Way 83

Chapter 10 I'm Not as Competitive as You Are 91

Chapter 11 More Than I Can Chew 103

Chapter 12 Room 207 113

Chapter 13 Sexy Look 125

Chapter 14 Faster, Pussycat, Swim, Swim 131

Chapter 15 A Giant Valentine for a Tiny Heart 139

Chapter 16 Keeping Them Off the Pipe and the Pole 145

Chapter 17 Out in the Park 153

Chapter 18 The F Word 161

Chapter 19 The Box 171

Chapter 20 Let's AU Do the Twist 185

Chapter 21 Keeping Up with the Bergmans 189

Chapter 22 You Are Who You Meet 197

Chapter 23 Roxanne 205

Chapter 24 Tangled 211

Chapter 25 Angry Bird 215

Chapter 26 Birth Mom Barbie 225

Chapter 27 Why Are We Still Talking About This? 233

Acknowledgments 241

Editorial Reviews

A regular Huffington Post contributor, actor Bucatinsky (who has appeared in Grey’s Anatomy and Curb Your Enthusiasm) writes a monthly Advocate.Com column about being a gay dad, and he expands on that in this darkly humorous look at the vicissitudes of parenthood and potty training. Recalling his early relationship with his partner, sharp-witted screenwriter Don Roos (Marley & Me), he opens with a twisted tale about terminal cancer patient Patti, who scammed caregivers Dan and Don over a year before they caught on to her fraudulent cancer claims. Deciding to adopt, they found inspiration in Dan Savage’s book, The Kid, and met with an adoption lawyer. Traveling to a seedy section of Vegas, they rejected their first birth mother candidate, deceptive drug user Samantha, but their luck changed with the affable, Slurpee-drinking Monica, “a beautiful, wide-eyed, tough-talking, pack-a-day teen.” In 2005, they adopted Eliza Rose. Initially, Dan was petrified by whether he’d be able to bond with an adopted baby “until the day of the birth. The second Eliza was lifted into the air, like Kunta Kinte in Roots, I fell in love.” Jonah, also from Monica, arrived a few years later. Throughout, Dan details happy and stressful days with Eliza and Jonah, as he reflects on gayness, the gay life, and being asked, “Where is their mother?” Writing with an inventive, fluid flair, he delivers dramatic surprises replete with clever verbal sparring, finding risible humor in life’s little banalities as well as its emotional peaks. (June 5)

Publishers Weekly

I was laughing out loud as I read Dan's book of parental (mis)adventures. He's a gifted writer with a hilarious voice and rapier wit. " —Neil Patrick Harris

"Oh my GOD, I LOVE this book. It’s a hilarious account of Dan’s journey through life, love, Hollywood, and fatherhood. It’s brilliant and SO funny.” –Gwyneth Paltrow, Oscar-winning actress and author of My Father's Daughter

"I read Dan's compelling and 'modern' book in almost one sitting and when my face wasn't in my hands laughing myself silly, I was touched and moved by Dan's ability to stay in his heart." —Jane Lynch

"Okay. I know Dan. We’ve worked together for almost ten years. I’ve never seen him naked. But after reading his book, I feel like I’ve seen him without a stitch, no cover, completely bare. I also saw myself in this as a parent and thought “Oh, I’m not alone with my thoughts.” It’s good not to be all alone with these feelings and as is usual for me, Dan is the perfect company to keep."—Lisa Kudrow

“This book will make you laugh, cry, cringe in sympathy, and delight along with Dan, his husband, and his two adorable kids.” –Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother

"This book is unbelievably heartwarming and hysterically funny. Dan Bucatinsky's stories are beautiful, capturing the ways children challenge and teach their parents about living." —Rosie O'Donnell

“In Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? Dan Bucatinsky captures the joys, terrors, and absurdities of being a gay parent. But this funny, touching book is for all parents—gay or straight” —Dan Savage, author of The Kid

“Few people make me laugh as much as Dan Bucatinsky, but I was not prepared this time to be crying between the guffaws. This is a book I will return to again and again for its humor, that's a no-brainer, but for its sly wisdom as well.” —Terrence McNally, Tony award-winning playwright.

“Loved how Dan bounced from crazy silly to gut wrenching and heartwarming. His humor was the sugar that made the crystal meth of his life go down. I will be a better parent because he went places and made some mistakes so I don't have to. Adoption is so difficult and just being in a relationship is hard enough, but as he made clear in the book, so frickin’ worth it.” —Tom Arnold

"Once I put my kid to bed, this book made me laugh out loud late into the night. The perils of parenting as told by Dan are hilarious and heartbreaking and utterly recognizable to anyone who has a child. Brilliant." –Shonda Rhimes, creator of Grey’s Anatomy

"I devoured this book. I love Dan's story, his kids and his writing." –Jennifer Garner

"This is a smart, funny, relatable and altogether human book. How are families made? With love, and courage, and laughter, and grace––all abundantly present in this terrific story. I wish Dan Bucatinsky lived next door to me so we could kvell and kvetch together about our beautiful kids and the complexities of modern parenthood." —Dani Shapiro, author of the bestselling memoir Slow Motion

"This book is hilarious, honest, heartfelt. Any parent—any person—gay or straight, will be able to relate to Dan Bucatinsky's captivating story. He's not just a great comedy writer, he's a great writer. With his own unique voice, he shines a light on the joys and challenges of family life. I'd put it in a time capsule... people in the future can read it and know what it was to be alive at the dawn of the 21st Century." —Bill Wrubel, Executive Producer, Modern Family

"If Erma Bombeck and Oscar Wilde wrote a book together, the result would be 'Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight.' Lucky for Dan Bucatinsky, they're both dead." —Josh Kilmer-Purcell, author of I’m Not Myself These Days


“Writing with an inventive, fluid flair, he [Dan Bucatinsky] delivers dramatic surprises replete with clever verbal sparring, finding risible humor in life’s little banalities as well as its emotional peaks.” —Publisher’s Weekly

From the Publisher

Actor, writer and producer Bucatinsky muses on being a gay parent of two adopted children. Bucatinsky, a co-creator of the Showtime TV series Web Therapy, and his husband, the director and screenwriter Don Roos, adopted a girl, Eliza, in 2005, and a boy, Jonah, in 2007--both from the same mother. The author chronicles the adoption process and the highs and lows of his experiences raising two young children. In the early sections, which focus on the adoptions, the author touches on similar territory as Dan Savage's 1999 book The Kid (which Bucatinsky mentions approvingly), but where Savage's book was moving and witty, Bucatinsky's is mostly shallow and trite. Among his banal observations: that both gay and straight parents argue about how best to raise kids; that married couples have sex less often after kids come along; and that What to Expect When You're Expecting doesn't anticipate every parenting question. Bucatinsky obviously thinks that bodily functions are a rich source of comedy, but readers will tire after the fourth or fifth story about urine and/or feces. He also devotes multiple pages to his opinions regarding female genitalia and details a failed attempt to shave his own testicles. Throughout, the author employs a style that suggests an overeager blogger desperate for approval. An amateurish memoir.

Kirkus Reviews