Don't Bet on the Prince!: How to Have the Man You Want by Betting on Yourself

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When we dream of princes, we wake up with toads. What's a woman to do when one Prince Charming after another turns out to be a frog? According to Dr. Gilda Carle, women should never bestow "princely" expectations on men because it leaves men in control of— and women in denial about— the fundamental nature of the relationship. Often in their desire to be swept away and protected, women fail to cultivate their own internal strength.

In order to succeed in love, women need to ...

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New York, NY 1998 Hard cover New in new dust jacket. Sewn binding. Paper over boards. 288 p. Audience: General/trade.

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Overview

When we dream of princes, we wake up with toads. What's a woman to do when one Prince Charming after another turns out to be a frog? According to Dr. Gilda Carle, women should never bestow "princely" expectations on men because it leaves men in control of— and women in denial about— the fundamental nature of the relationship. Often in their desire to be swept away and protected, women fail to cultivate their own internal strength.

In order to succeed in love, women need to establish their own personal power, project it, and attract partners who respect it and reflect it. A woman's primary love should be the love she gives herself— because, ultimately, how she treats herself sends a message about how she expects others to treat her. Dr. Gilda shows you how you can find a worthy mate by using her five key tenets:

* Ask for what you need and believe you deserve to get

* Project a Power Image

* Give from the overflow, not from the core

* Know how to receive

* Enjoy being alone

With a colorful assortment of case histories, insightful Self-Assessments, memorable Gilda-Grams, and plenty of humor to illustrate her practical and proven advice, Dr. Gilda reveals how to achieve a self-made version of happily-ever-after.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307440006
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 2/28/1998
  • Pages: 248
  • Product dimensions: 6.42 (w) x 9.60 (h) x 1.02 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Gilda Carle has worked as a management consultant, as a spokesperson for Hallmark's Shoebox Greetings, and as the "Love Doc" on MTV Online. She teaches the psychology of communication at New York's Mercy College and speaks regularly to audiences throughout the world. Best known as a television personality and talk show therapist, Dr. Gilda offers advice on love, sex, and relationships on Sally Jessy Raphael and other popular television and radio shows worldwide. She is the in-house therapist for Soap Opera Digest and has a monthly column in 'Teen magazine. She lives in New York.

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Read an Excerpt

Introduction

Gilda-Gram: Ask "I am who?" before saying "I do."

What did Princess Di have in common with the rest of us less-than-royal women in the world? At one time or another, most of us have bet on a prince, and at one time or another, most of us were duped! Like it or not, relationships are the mainstay for women, whether lover/beloved, mother/child, boss/employee, or girlfriend/girlfriend. Sadly, finding a "good man" seems to be the aim of young women as soon as they reach puberty. And after puberty, the process of single females searching for Mr. Right becomes a career of its own. Yet as soon as we find him and marry him, something amazing occurs: research shows that we, as married women, often become more depressed than single women! Why? Throughout time we have observed this direct correlation between a woman saying "I do" and her almost immediate transformation to "I am who?" A woman's capacity to love would not result in her loss of self if her self-esteem were well entrenched before she chose a mate. We need not feel that "single bookends" count as nothing. In fact, at certain times, being single is the best choice a woman can make.

Don't get me wrong. I love men. This book is not a male-bashing treatise that accuses men of ruining women's lives. There are plenty of other books on the market for that purpose. Don't Bet on the Prince! is a step-by-step manual for women to succeed in love by establishing their personal power, projecting it, and attracting partners who respect it and reflect it. Although the World Health Organization finds that women globally suffer higher depression rates than men, there is a group of married women who are not affected by marital blues. These are women who have a supportive partner and outside goals. Ultimately, the way they feel about themselves determines the message they send about whom they attract and how they expect to be treated. Simply, what women project, men will reflect. However, it all starts not with them, but with us.

The basic premise of projecting and reflecting is not new. But the context of this book is. With these principles, women will no longer attract the fearful, commitment-phobic, abusive, or negative partners they have magnetized and/or married. With this book, a woman can develop skills to reel in men who think the world of her because she thinks the world of herself. She will learn to exchange the bottom of the barrel for the top of the heap. The premise is simple: The love we give to a partner is secondhand; our first and primary love is the love we give ourselves. We are the ones we must share our best and most loving relationship with. Now that's a switch for women: to put ourselves first for a change, before our men, our children, our friends, our bosses. For those who fear being called "selfish" because of it, this book shows how to let others' assessments go unheeded, only to be replaced by strong and clear assessments of yourself. In short, you will never be used as a doormat again.

When we love ourselves, we walk taller, we laugh heartier, and we enjoy life's spontaneous adventures and passions. When we love ourselves we can be ourselves with abandon. We no longer have to worry about our impressions or regressions. Ultimately, we have fun with life -- and our optimism is contagious. Every man with an IQ above room temperature knows what attracts him most. Evolved guys enjoy being inspired by stimulating women.

Don't Bet on the Prince! shows a woman how to hook and hug and hold a mate not by tiresome and manipulative game playing, but through natural power, definite purpose, and eternal zest for play. We've done enough contriving, jockeying, and power plays. For women who want to succeed at love, this book can serve as the current-day Koran by which anyone can happily live her life.

Copyright c 1998 by Dr. Gilda Carle. Used by permission of Golden Books. All rights reserved.

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