Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times

by Richard Carlson

Overview

Featured in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: The Kristine Carlson Story starring Heather Locklear, premiering on Lifetime

In this candid guide to adolescence in his #1 bestselling series, Richard Carlson examines the contradictions and challenges unique to teenage life and offers high schoolers (and their parents) tools for learning not to stress about homework, peer pressure, dating, and more. Along the way, he addresses such issues as:

• Breaking up
• Getting out of the emergency lane
• Being OK with your bad hair day
• Dropping the drama

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781401304478
Publisher:	Hachette Books
Publication date:	03/06/2012
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	930,024
Lexile:	1020L (what's this?)
File size:	2 MB
Age Range:	13 - 18 Years

About the Author

During his life, Richard Carlson, Ph.D, was considered one of the foremost experts in happiness and stress reduction in the United States and around the world and was a frequent featured guest on many national television and radio programs. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff continued to be a publishing phenomenon with over twenty titles in the brand franchise, two of which were co-authored and authored with his beloved wife, Kris. He died of a pulmonary embolism in December 2006, at the age of forty-five.

Hometown:

Northern California

Place of Birth:

Northern California

Education:

San Jose State University, Pepperdine University; Ph.D., Sierra University

Read an Excerpt

An Excerpt from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens Introduction

I loved being a teen. Then again, sometimes I hated it. I was often enthused but at times apathetic. Occasionally I had vision and a purpose, but other times I was totally confused. Sometimes I was nice, but other times I could be quite selfish, even a real jerk. The first time I fell in love was when I was a teen. That was also the first time I flunked a test. I was a talented athlete but not a great student. At times I was confident, but then again I was embarrassed a lot too. In high school I was so frightened to speak in front of groups that I fainted -- twice. I was excited about my future but also a little scared. I was probably a pretty typical teen.

Yet despite the difficulties I faced, I was always, deep down, a happy person, a natural-born "peacemaker." I cared about the feelings of others and was saddened by cruelty. I loved and appreciated my life, my family, and my friends. For the most part, I stayed out of trouble. I remember wanting to do the right thing. My guess is that a lot of this applies to you too.

Before my teen years were over, I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to the study of happiness and to help others do the same. In college, I became a "big brother" for the Big Brothers of America program, which was one of the highlights of my young life. That, along with a few other things I was involved in, taught me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the best and surest way to become happy and content was by being thoughtful and helpful to others.

Over time, I learned that there were a few other major components to being happy and successful. Much of it is pretty simple. It involves perspective, wisdom, and most of all, the ability to not be irritated, bothered, and annoyed by the day-to-day things that happen to all of us. In short, the key is to stop sweating the small stuff!

At some point, it became obvious to me (as I'm sure it already is for you) that certain "big stuff" is going to happen to all of us -- and that there isn't anything we can really do about it, except, perhaps, to pray for strength and to do our best. Every single one of us experiences loss, difficulties, obstacles, and tragedies. The details will differ, but we all have problems.

And that's precisely why it's so important to learn to stop sweating the small stuff. Life is hard enough when we have to deal with really significant things. But if we can't deal with even the little stuff very well, then we're in for a rocky road. In fact, if we can't learn to stop sweating the small stuff, we're pretty much guaranteed to be stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy much of the time, because either we will be dealing with something really big or we'll be stressing over something fairly small. After all, everything is either one or the other -- big or small.

Most people agree that it's pretty tough being a teen. All things considered, however, it's clear to me that it's tougher now than ever. There are the obvious things -- drugs, violence, two-income families, dangerous sexual issues, divorce, peer pressure, aggression, and the influence of technology. But there are the less obvious things too -- not feeling needed or wanted, mixed messages from parents and society, a ton of negative role models everywhere we look, incredible pressure to perform, self-worth based on accomplishments, and an insecure future, to name just a few.

While learning to stop sweating the small stuff won't make these things go away and won't solve all your problems immediately, it will make dealing with them a little easier. The reason: As you learn to be more accepting of life and as little things don't get to you as much, you will get used to handling things in healthier, easier ways, and with far less struggle. You will become happier, more content and confident, and more at peace with yourself. Consequently, over time, even the big things won't seem quite as bad or as insurmountable.

When we get bent out of shape by little things, when we are irritated at ourselves and others, our (over)reactions not only make us stressed out and miserable, but they actually get in the way of our getting what we want. We lose our bearings, cloud our vision, stumble, and get down on ourselves. We also tend to annoy others who might be in a position to help us or guide us. In short, sweating the small stuff while trying to maneuver through your teens is a huge distraction. It's a little like playing basketball on a slippery ice rink! In other words, your own frustrations and reactions will get in the way of being able to see answers and solutions.

It's understandable why most of us sweat the small stuff. To begin with, we certainly see a lot of others doing it. When we're in the car, for example, and an adult driver is cursing at traffic and clenching his fists, the subtle message is "If life isn't exactly the way you want it to be, you should become upset." We get tens of thousands of these "Go ahead and sweat the small stuff" lessons when we're kids and while we're growing up. Think back. How many times did someone in that situation say to you, "Don't worry about it. Traffic is simply a part of life. We will get to where we need to go and we'll probably be on time too"? Probably not very often!

Another example: When someone is criticized, or feels someone doesn't like him or her, the typical response is to become defensive or hurt. Again, how many times when you were growing up did you hear someone, after being criticized, respond by saying "Criticism is just a way that certain people express themselves. It says less about me than it does about that person's need to criticize me. It's okay, there's no need to take it personally"? In other words, how many people didn't sweat the criticism?

How about when something doesn't go someone's way -- she has a minor setback, a traffic ticket, a difference of opinion, or loses her keys? As you know, the typical reaction is to complain, wish that life were different, and feel bad, angry, or ripped off. Have you ever watched adults waiting in line in a grocery store or post office? If so, you'll often see loads of frustration, glaring at watches, and under-the-breath comments. Very seldom do you see people exhibiting great patience in day-to-day living.

Yet can you imagine what your life would be like if you learned to sweat the small stuff even a little less often -- if these kinds of things, and so many others, simply didn't get to you very much? Can you imagine the edge you'd enjoy in life? No, your life wouldn't be perfect. Yet it would be substantially easier and more manageable. You would get along with others even better than you already do, and your communication skills would improve. You'd feel really good about yourself most of the time, and even when you screwed up, you'd get over it more quickly. Likewise, you'd be more confident because everything wouldn't seem like such a big deal and the stakes wouldn't seem so high. You'd be easier on others too, more patient and forgiving, for example. You'd have more fun too, because your sense of humor would get better, and you'd see the funny side of things. As we learn in Zen philosophy, when you let go of things rather than struggle against them, your life will begin to flow, and when it does, you'll be on your way to a great life.

There's no question that being around someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff very often (teens or nonteens) is pretty cool and reassuring. And that person can be you. Truthfully, it's not very difficult because all it involves is a little insight, trying a few new things, and looking at stuff a little differently. In fact, it's probably going to be even easier for you than for your parents and other adults because they have far more years of bad habits to overcome. My experience in working with and talking to teens is that you guys pick up on this stuff faster than anyone.

I'm not going to try to lecture you. I don't think you need me to do that. Unlike some people, I don't think the average teen of today is "messed up" any more than the average teen was back when I was a teen.

Nor am I going to try to be one of you. I'm not. I'm thirty-nine years old and haven't been a teen for almost twenty years. In fact, my daughters will be teens before too long. I'm not going to try to impress you in any way, such as trying to speak or write any different from the way I usually do. I'm just going to be myself. I've received so much mail over the years from teens that indicate that you're plenty able to read and appreciate my material.

My goal in writing this book is simply to share with you in the same way that I've shared before. My greatest strength is to teach people to be a little happier. I believe that the same types of things that help older people to become happier apply to teens as well.

I hope you'll give these strategies a fair try. I think you're going to like them, and I believe that they can make a difference. I've been blessed with thousands of beautiful letters from teens around the world, saying how much learning to stop sweating the small stuff has helped them deal with life more effectively. I hope you will feel the same way. My guess is that as you incorporate these ideas into your life, you will sense a world of difference. Good luck and have fun!

Copyright ©2000 Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Table of Contents

	Introduction	1
1.	Don't Throw Up on Your Friends!	7
2.	Convince Yourself that One Teen Does Make a Difference	10
3.	Don't Sweat the Breakups	12
4.	Practice Mental Aikido	14
5.	Avoid the Words "I Know" When Someone Is Talking	17
6.	Check Out These Odds! (the Likelihood that Everyone Will Like You)	19
7.	Get Out of the Emergency Lane	22
8.	Be OK with Your Bad Hair Day	25
9.	Drop the Drama	28
10.	Get High!	30
11.	Try Not to Become a Fault-Finder	32
12.	Let Him Have His Accident Somewhere Else	34
13.	Be Selective When Choosing Your Battles	36
14.	Make Peace with Your Mistakes	39
15.	Be Happy for Others	41
16.	Volunteer Your Time	43
17.	Check Out the Space Between Your Thoughts	45
18.	Ask a Trusted Friend or Family Member, "What Are My Weaknesses?"	47
19.	Root for the Underdog	50
20.	Make Peace with Boredom	53
21.	Don't Let Your Low Moods Trick You	56
22.	Don't Let the Low Moods of Others Trick You Either	60
23.	See Your Choices as Forks in the Road	63
24.	Get Involved in Sports	65
25.	Become a Teenage Warrior	67
26.	Put It on Paper	70
27.	Don't Expect Life to Be Easy or Trouble-Free	72
28.	Dare to Show Enthusiasm	74
29.	Find Peace Through Giving	76
30.	Become 25 Percent Less Critical	78
31.	Walk Away	80
32.	Allow a New Idea to Come to You	83
33.	Get Ready Early	86
34.	Avoid the 90-10 Trap	89
35.	Be the Role Model	92
36.	Don't Underestimate Yourself	94
37.	Get Over Completion Anxiety	97
38.	See the Possibilities	100
39.	Practice Not Sweating the Really Small Stuff	102
40.	Don't Keep Your Pain a Secret	105
41.	Make a Good First Impression	107
42.	Be Careful to Avoid the "I'll Show You" Trap	109
43.	Experience Perfect Imperfection	111
44.	Dare to Be Ethical	113
45.	Become "Button-Proof"	115
46.	Trust Your Inner Signals	117
47.	Take Time Out to Watch the Sunset	120
48.	Read a Minimum of Eight Pages a Day	122
49.	Make Space in Your Heart for Those Really Bad Days	124
50.	Don't Sweat the Future	126
51.	Experience Vibrant Health	129
52.	Visit the Elderly	131
53.	Be Aware of the Law of Diminishing Returns	133
54.	Develop Your Presence	135
55.	Remind Yourself that No One Is Out to Get You	138
56.	Go the Extra Mile	140
57.	Watch Your Language	142
58.	Be Creative in Your Rebellion	144
59.	Let People Talk	146
60.	Reflect on the Map	148
61.	Dish Out Praise	150
62.	Don't Burn Bridges	153
63.	Understand the Law of Focus	155
64.	Use Reminder Cards	157
65.	Be Glad to Be a Teen	159
66.	Experience Deep Listening	161
67.	Be Wary of Friends Who Encourage You to Dwell	164
68.	Create Your Own Special Place	166
69.	Remember to Be Grateful	168
70.	Read the Fine Print	171
71.	Look for the Innocence	173
72.	Don't Exaggerate Your Troubles	175
73.	Develop a Theme for the Day	177
74.	Apply the 1-10 Scale	179
75.	Remain Optimistic	181
76.	Empathize	183
77.	Look Who's Doing Yoga	185
78.	Be Careful that You're Not Practicing Being Unhappy	187
79.	Cut Your Losses	190
80.	Examine Your Headlines	193
81.	Notice Your Parents Doing Things Right	196
82.	Become a Little Less Stubborn	199
83.	Remember to Be Kind	201
84.	Take Criticism a Little Less Personally	203
85.	Understand the Four Pillars of Thought: Pillar #1--The What	206
86.	Pillar #2--The When	208
87.	Pillar #3--The How	210
88.	Pillar #4--The Fact Of	212
89.	Tame Your Anger	214
90.	Don't Be an Approval-Seeker	216
91.	Don't Be a Disapproval-Seeker Either	219
92.	Keep Your Sense of Humor	221
93.	Admit that You're Wrong--or that You've Made a Mistake	224
94.	Remember that Everyone Has the Right to Be Happy	227
95.	Go with the Flow	229
96.	Experience Delayed Reactions	232
97.	Keep in Mind that as One Door Closes, Another One Opens	234
98.	Embrace the Attitude, "This Too Shall Pass"	236
99.	Listen to Those Wake-Up Calls	239
100.	Continue Your Journey	241

Editorial Reviews

The author of the bestselling Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series has turned his attention to teens. In his new book, Richard Carlson offers tips and advice covering a variety of topics. In the introduction, he writes of his own experience when he was a teen. His life consisted of the everyday ups, downs, dramas, and catastrophes that every teen lives through. But at the core, Carlson was happy, and he was inspired to work with people and help them to realize their own sense of happiness. This desire spilled over to his adulthood and gave birth to his Don't Sweat The Small Stuff books.

Carlson's tone throughout the book will surprise and please teenagers. He promises not to talk any differently than he usually does or even try to impress them. Instead, Carlson offers advice and hopes that teens will listen.

Among the many topics covered are "Be Happy for Others," "Drop the Drama,"and "Make Peace with Boredom." The book consists of 100 topics, each about two pages long. Carlson recommends ways to deal with all sorts of stressful situations in a clear-cut manner. With a book as sound and complete as this, it easy to see why Carlson is a favorite with Oprah and why he is sure to be a new favorite with teens.

Order the eBook now and from September 6th through October 23rd, we'll donate 25% of the eBook proceeds to The Silver Lining Foundation. The Silver Lining Foundation offers children with cancer or other life threatening diseases the opportunity to enjoy fun-filled adventure activities in the serene settings of Aspen, CO.

barnesandnoble.com

Praise for Don't Sweat the Small Stuff:


"Over a decade of positive psychology research seems to validate what we learned twenty years ago from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. . . . These wonderful books help break down and simplify how to achieve that happiness."
—ShawnAchor, bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage

"After almost two decades since the original release of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson's insights on the meaning of life continue to be timeless. The book teaches us to focus on the 'now' and find balance by living through contentment."—Deepak Chopra

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff has the power to change our individual and collective lives. I am deeply grateful to Dr. Richard Carlson and his beloved wife Kristine for their wisdom and compassion in bringing transformational practices and perspectives to millions of readers."—ShaunaShapiro, author of The Art and Science of Mindfulness

"Richard Carlson caused a revolution in all our thinking with his Don't Sweat the Small Stuff books. He was like a Zen master in disguise, taking almost an aw-shucks attitude toward shifting the culture."—MarianneWilliamson, New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love

From the Publisher