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Gently, with warm, consoling, and practical guidance, Doug Manning addresses the painful, often disorientation aftermath of the death of a loved one, helping the bereaved cope with the emotions and confront the decisions that are an inevitable part of this time of radical life adjustment. Beginning with the premise that "grief is not an enemy; it is a friend. It is the natural process of walking through the hurt and growing through the walk," Manning helps readers face up to ...
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Gently, with warm, consoling, and practical guidance, Doug Manning addresses the painful, often disorientation aftermath of the death of a loved one, helping the bereaved cope with the emotions and confront the decisions that are an inevitable part of this time of radical life adjustment. Beginning with the premise that "grief is not an enemy; it is a friend. It is the natural process of walking through the hurt and growing through the walk," Manning helps readers face up to grief, move through it, and learn to live again.
With the first shock of loss, a survivor is faced with what seems like an overwhelming number of arrangements that must be made immediately. Don't Take My Grief Away is a complete, helpful handbook covering such important areas as the choice of a minister, family dynamics during such stressful times, and personalizing the funeral service.
Doug Manning assists us to understand what happens when someone dies, to accept it, and to face the feelings of loss, separation, and even guilt that we experience in realistic yet healing way.
The author provides thoughtful advice for rebuilding a grief-shattered life while taking to heart the valuable lessons death and mourning impart to everyone.
This is based on the premise that "grief is not an enemy; it is a friend."
One of the feelings usually felt by people in the first shock of grief is: "There must be a thousand things to do, but what are they?" This feeling hits you very soon after a death and seems to be overwhelming. You feel you should be doing something, but do not know what must be done, nor where to begin.
Relax — there is not all that much to do. There will be people available to help you with the things which must be done.
The Funeral Director: You can trust the funeral director to make most of the arrangements. You can trust him to remember the details. You can trust him to let you know any details for which you must be responsible.
The funeral director is a highly trained professional. His major contribution to you and your need is he has learned what needs to be done. He knows what is proper and respectable. He knows a great deal about your needs in this time. He may seem to be a little too efficient for the occasion, but remember - someone needs to be efficient at thistime.
Friends: Bless 'em — they are never more needed than right now. They seem to know what to do by instinct. They want to help. Some of them say the wrong things. Some may be overzealous in their efforts, but they are there because they love you.
There are many things friends can do for you right now.
They can help make the phone calls necessary to inform family and friends. Some of these calls you may want to make personally. If so, do not be afraid to say so. Sometimes a friend maydominate the situation just because you are afraid to speak up for fear of offending. Make it clear what you want to do and what you would like help in doing.
Friends can help in food preparation. One way they can let you know of their love and concern is by bringing food and helping in the kitchen. This releases you from a real burden.
Fortunately, there are some things you must do. This is fortunate because you need some things to do at this time. Your involvement in these things will give you a sense of sharing your love for the loved one who has passed away.
You will be involved in selecting the service, planning the funeral, choosing a place of burial — if this has not been previously arranged. — choosing flowers for the casket, choosing pall bearers, and other details.
The funeral director will guideyou in each of these decisions. He will remember them. He will tell you when each decision needs to be made. Hewill not make the decisions for you, but he will not let you leave outany of them.
The days ahead will be trying days. There really are not a thousand things to do. You will have ready help in everything that must be done. Don't panic at the thought of so much to do. Relax as best you can and trust the help you have to get it all done.
Posted January 4, 2000
I came upon this book in the hospital gift shop on the new year's eve my mother died. It's advice is short and easy to follow during the turmoil of grief. Two ideas from Doug Manning have stayed with me during the many years since I first read 'Don't Take My Grief Away' 1)Let people give flowers & as many as they wish. It's their personal way of saying 'I'll miss you' & goodbye.(for some reason we all feel obligated to be sensible and give donations, but sometimes you just need to say what your heart feels. and 2) There are no 'should's' in grief. Greive as long as you need to in your own way. No one else knows how your heart feels or what length of time you require to move through grief. I've reached for this book continually during my life in times of grief. From the death of my father to losing a dear pet. The message still comforts me like a dear friend. This is a book I give to everyone I know who is grieving or knows someone who is. It has become a gift from my heart to theirs. Thank you Doug Manning.
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Posted December 10, 2011