Dr. Sylvia Rimm's Smart Parenting: How to Raise a Happy, Achieving Child

Overview

Based on more than twenty years' experience working with families in her clinic, on radio conversations with hundreds of parents, and letters received from readers, Dr. Rimm offers compassionate yet no-nonsense advice. She explains the four basic principles of parenting - her cornerstones of achievement. And she gives practical and effective suggestions on dozens of topics, including how to deal with school problems, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorders, challenges of single parenting, selecting child care, ...
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Overview

Based on more than twenty years' experience working with families in her clinic, on radio conversations with hundreds of parents, and letters received from readers, Dr. Rimm offers compassionate yet no-nonsense advice. She explains the four basic principles of parenting - her cornerstones of achievement. And she gives practical and effective suggestions on dozens of topics, including how to deal with school problems, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorders, challenges of single parenting, selecting child care, and behavior problems. Each chapter includes an extensive Q&A section in which Dr. Rimm answers actual questions she has received from parents, and Parent Pointers are easily identifiable throughout the text to allow readers to find key ideas quickly.
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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Public radio host, regular on the Today show with her "Raising Kids in the '90s" series, and columnist for Family Life magazine, Rimm (psychiatry, Case Western Reserve Univ.) brings both public appeal and strong credentials to this sensible guide to raising children, addressing both common annoyances and deeper issues. Uniquely organized, the book consists of "cornerstones" rather than chapters, with groups of questions and answers concluding each section. Innovative techniques, called "parent pointers," are placed in the margins to facilitate skimming (though they can be distracting). Those seeking guidance on specific issues such as shyness, bedtime battles, and attention deficit disorders will find answers easily. Also included are less frequently discussed topics like immigrants as parents, grandparenting, and insights into how a couple's marital relationship may affect their children. The section on study habits is particularly strong. Though there may be some overlap with Rimm's earlier works (How To Parent So Children Will Learn, Apple, 1989, and Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades, Crown, 1995), this practical and wise book is a good selection for public libraries and, given Rimm's renown, is sure to be popular. [Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 4/1/96.]Antoinette Brinkman, Southwest Indiana Mental Health Ctr. Lib., Evansville
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780517700631
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 8/20/1996
  • Pages: 330
  • Product dimensions: 6.39 (w) x 9.52 (h) x 1.12 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Sylvia Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Center at Metrohealth Medical Center in Cleveland and is Clinical Professor of Psychology at Case Western Reserve University.  She writes a  regular column for Family Life magazine and a syndicated column that appears in 35 newspapers nationwide.  Rimm appears every month on NBC's "Today" show with her series "Raising Kids in the 90's," and has a call-in public radio show, "Family Talk with Sylvia Rimm."  Dr. Rimm lives in Cleveland, Ohio.
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Read an Excerpt

"Top Ten" List for Dr. Sylvia Rimm's Smart Parenting

The complexity of today's parenting makes it important to develop some basic principles to guide parents. In Dr. Sylvia Rimm's book Smart Parenting, four chapters emphasize the foundational concepts that can help parents raise happy, achieving children. She has now developed a top ten list to summarize essential principles to assist parents:


  1. Praise moderately to avoid pressure; postpone "super-praise". Praise conveys your values to your children and sets expectations for them. No praise conveys the message that you don't believe in them. Reasonable praise, like "good thinker," "hard worker," "smart," "creative," "strong," "kind," and "sensitive" sets high expectations that are within your children's reach. Words like "perfect," "the best," "most beautiful," and "brilliant" set impossible expectations. Children internalize those expectations, and the expectations become pressures when children find they can't achieve those high goals.

  2. Do not discuss children's problem behaviors within their hearing. Discussion about children also sets expectations for them. If they hear you talking to grandparents and friends about how jealous or mean they are or how shy or fearful they are, or if you refer to them as "little devils" or "ADHD kids," they assume you're telling the truth and believe they can't control these problem behaviors.

  3. Take charge; don't overpower your children. Your children require leadership and limits to feel secure. Envision the letter V. When children are small, they're at the base of the V with few choices, little freedom, and smallresponsibilities that go with that size. As they grow, give them more choices, more freedom, and more responsibilities. Their limits remain. Children will feel trusted. If you reverse that V and children are given too many early choices and freedoms, they feel empowered too early. They resent rules and responsibilities and feel as if you're taking away their freedom. They expect to be treated as adults before they're ready. They became angry, depressed, and rebellious.

  4. Build resiliency; don't rescue your child from reality. Although children need to develop sensitivity, overprotection encourages dependency and oversensitivity. You can be kind without being oversympathetic. Your children will need to learn to recover from losses and failures, and resiliency will permit them to triumph over obstacles.

  5. Stay united, be willing to compromise, and say good things about your child's other parent. Leaders in a family that lead in two opposite directions confuse children. Children will not respect parents who show no respect for each other. Turning your children's other parent into an "ogre" or "dummy" may make you feel like a good parent temporarily, but your sabotage will backfire and your children will no longer respect either of you. This is especially hard after divorce, but it is even more important in divided families.

  6. Hold teachers, education, and learning in high regard. Set your children's educations as first priority. This ideal will become more clear if they hear how much you value learning. Tell them about the best teachers you had and elevate their teachers as well. Set expectations for higher education early so they will assume education does not stop after high school.

  7. Be positive about your own work and that of your child's other parent. If you walk in the door and complain about your work daily, your children will become anti-work kids. They'll complain about their schoolwork and household chores. If you don't like your work, attempt to find better work and remind them that education provides more job choices.

  8. Be a role model of ethics, activity, and hard work. Locate other good role models for your children. Your children are watching you. When you "get away with" speeding, keep too much change, or are disrespectful to your mother (their grandmother), they'll notice. When you're interesting and energetic, they'll be equally impressed. You can be a good role model without being perfect, but your imperfections are showing. You don't have to do it all. Introduce your children to friends and mentors who also will be positive influences.

  9. Enjoy learning experiences with your child. Too many parents of twenty-year-olds have sobbed in my offices because they couldn't find time for their kids when they were growing up. Make time for learning with your kids, and they'll be learners forever. You'll not have regrets, only memories.

  10. Keep a separate fun time and adult status without giving adult status too soon. Enjoy adult life without your children. Weekly dates and a few adult vacations a year will keep you excited about life. Give your children something to look forward to. They can watch and wait and do child activities with the family. Kids who get adult privileges have responsibilities beyond their maturity.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments
Preface
Introduction
How to Get the Most out of This Book
Ch. 1 Empowering Your Children with the V of Love
Ch. 2 United Parenting
Ch. 3 Teaching Habits That Encourage Learning
Ch. 4 Setting Positive Expectations
App. A Position Statement on Students with Attention Deficits
App. B Resources
App. C Booklists
Notes
Index
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