Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation: The Definitive Guide to the Evolutionary Biology of Sex

by Olivia Judson

Overview

A sex guide for all living things and a hilarious natural history in the form of letters to and answers from the preeminent sexpert in all creation.

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation is a unique guidebook to sex. It reveals, for example, when necrophilia is acceptable and who should commit bestiality with whom. It discloses the best time to have a sex change, how to have a virgin birth, and when to eat your lover. It also advises on more mundane matters -- such as male pregnancy and the joys of a detachable penis.

Entertaining, funny, and marvelously illuminating, the book comprises letters from all creatures worried about their bizarre sex lives to the wise Dr. Tatiana (a.k.a. Olivia Judson), the only sex columnist in creation with a prodigious knowledge of evolutionary biology. Fusing natural history with advice to the lovelorn, blending wit and rigor, she is able to reassure her anxious correspondents that although the acts they describe might sound appalling and unnatural, they are all perfectly normal -- so long as you are not a human. In the process, she explains the science behind it all, from Darwin's theory of sexual selection to why sexual reproduction exists at all. Applying human standards to the natural world, in the end she reveals the wonders of both.

"Delightful . . . Easy to understand and hard to resist, it's sex education at its prime -- accurate, comprehensive, and hilarious." -- Newsweek

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781466817661
Publisher:	Holt, Henry & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	05/01/2003
Sold by:	Macmillan
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
Sales rank:	87,151
File size:	357 KB

About the Author

An alumna of Stanford with a doctorate from Oxford, Olivia Judson is an evolutionary biologist and award-winning journalist who has published in The Economist, Nature, Science, and The Times Higher Education Supplement. She is presently a research fellow at Imperial College in London.

An alumna of Stanford with a doctorate from Oxford, Olivia Judson is an evolutionary biologist and award-winning journalist who has published in The Economist, Nature, Science, and The Times Higher Education Supplement. She is the author of the book Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation. She is presently a research fellow at Imperial College in London.

Read an Excerpt

Dear Dr. Tatiana,

My name's Twiggy; I'm a stick insect. I've been copulating with my mate for 10 weeks now and I'm bored out of my skull, yet he shows no sign of giving up. He says he does it because he's madly in love with me, but I think he's just mad. Could he really mean it?

Sick of Sex, Bombay

Who'd have thought a stick insect would be one of the world's most tireless lovers? After 10 weeks, I can see why you've had enough. But think of it from this point of view: by turning himself into a living chastity belt he can guarantee that no one else has a chance to get near you. At least he's evolved to be merely half your length, so he's not too heavy to carry about.

But Twiggy, I'm afraid your suspicions were half right. Your paramour is not mad with love, he's mad with jealousy. His long copulations are the ultimate form of mate guarding. Scoundrels who love and leave may annoy the female so much that she throws their genes away. With the cricket, for example, as soon as her lover vanishes, she reaches round and removes the sperm he deposited. Instead of using it to fertilize her eggs, she has it for lunch. To have any chance at siring children, the male has to linger for at least half an hour to mumble sweet nothings and stroke her with his antennae.

Table of Contents

	Agony and Ecstasy: A Note from Dr. Tatiana	1
Part I	Let Slip the Whores of War!	7
1.	A Sketch of the Battlefield	9
2.	The Expense Is Damnable	21
3.	Fruits of Knowledge	40
4.	Swords or Pistols	60
5.	How to Win Even If You're a Loser	76
Part II	The Evolution of Depravity	93
6.	How to Make Love to a Cannibal	95
7.	Crimes of Passion	105
8.	Hell Hath No Fury	122
9.	Aphrodisiacs, Love Potions, and Other Recipes from Cupid's Kitchen	132
10.	Till Death Do Us Part	152
Part III	Are Men Necessary? Usually, But Not Always	167
11.	The Fornications of Kings	169
12.	Eve's Testicle	187
13.	Wholly Virgin	212
	Postscript	233
	Notes	235
	Bibliography	260
	Acknowledgments	298
	Index	301

What People are Saying About This

Steve Jones

More positions than the Kama Sutra-but don't try this at home!
— Steve Jones, author of The Language of Genes: Solving the Mysteries of Our Genetic Past, Present and Future

Matt Ridley

Erasmus Darwin titillated 18th century London with his poem 'The Loves of Plants.' He never new the half of it. Dr. Tatiana knows how the other half loves, and it's much kinkier than anybody imagined. Never has science seemed more like daytime television.
— Matt Ridley, author of The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

From the Publisher

"Human? Lucky you! You rate a delightful romp through the weird, wild world of animal sex, with a guide who really knows the, um, ins and outs. Eavesdrop as Dr. T consoles her clients, from frustrated fruit flies to lovelorn golden pottos. You think you have problems? You could be a green spoon worm who's just inhaled her husband, or a peacock ashamed of his fifth-rate feathers. Count your blessings, primate. Then read, learn, enjoy."

—Melvin J. Konner, author of The Tangled Wing: Biological Constraints on the Human Spirit

"Erasmus Darwin titillated 18th century London with his poem 'The Loves of Plants.' He never new the half of it. Dr. Tatiana knows how the other half loves, and it's much kinkier than anybody imagined. Never has science seemed more like daytime television."

—Matt Ridley, author of The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

"More positions than the Kama Sutra-but don't try this at home!"

—Steve Jones, author of The Language of Genes: Solving the Mysteries of Our Genetic Past, Present and Future

"Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation is a thoroughly engaging and exhaustively researched account of the numerous different kinds of sexual behavior that biologists have observed in the natural world. By human standards, much of this behavior is quite kinky (my favorite is the description of blow hole sex among Amazon River dolphins). However, as Olivia Judson explains, it is quite natural within its own context."

—Richard Morris, author of The Evolutionists: The Struggle for Darwin's Soul

Richard Morris

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation is a thoroughly engaging and exhaustively researched account of the numerous different kinds of sexual behavior that biologists have observed in the natural world. By human standards, much of this behavior is quite kinky (my favorite is the description of blow hole sex among Amazon River dolphins). However, as Olivia Judson explains, it is quite natural within its own context.
— Richard Morris, author of The Evolutionists: The Struggle for Darwin's Soul

Melvin J. Konner

Human? Lucky you! You rate a delightful romp through the weird, wild world of animal sex, with a guide who really knows the, um, ins and outs. Eavesdrop as Dr. T consoles her clients, from frustrated fruit flies to lovelorn golden pottos. You think you have problems? You could be a green spoon worm who's just inhaled her husband, or a peacock ashamed of his fifth-rate feathers. Count your blessings, primate. Then read, learn, enjoy.
— Melvin J. Konner, author of The Tangled Wing: Biological Constraints on the Human Spirit

Editorial Reviews

Pity the poor bdelloid rotifers: They have been living without sex for 85 million years. Or consider the sad fate of female stick insects who sometimes have to endure ten weeks of unremitting sex! Imagine if your sexual partner bit off your head after an especially rapturous round, or foisted poison as well as love potions on your little fruit fly dalliances. Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation offers a kind of interspecies "Dear Abby" or "Dr. Ruth" column on all matters sexual. Judson, a science writer for The Economist, dispenses her expertise with wit, taste, and an implicit recognition that human mating rituals are pretty strange, too.

bn.com

Who knew sex could he so much fun? But while you're laughing and gasping at the kinky courtships of the bugs and other beasts Judson 'advises,' you'll be painlessly absorbing a fascinating chunk of up-to-the-minute evolutionary biology.

Barbara Ehrenreich

A compilation of sex advice columns for lovelorn beetles, hyenas, and stickleback fish? You hold in your hands what is obviously a unique book. And also quirky, immensely entertaining, and wonderfully informative about the evolutionary biology of sex. A great read, even for someone as biologically mundane as a human.

Robert M. Sapolsky

Those looking for prurient prose may be better off browsing their local adult bookstore, but readers intrigued by the bizarre facts surrounding animal whoopee (and really, who isn't?) should pay a visit to Dr. Tatiana, the alter ego of evolutionary biologist and journalist Judson. While her wryly salacious tone makes animal mating habits and evolutionary biology pretty racy, the book still reads more like a textbook than the Kama Sutra. Judson uses a tongue-in-cheek advice column format through much of the book, forging letters from dung flies, iguanas, sagebrush crickets and rodents ("Like, what's the deal? I'm a sleek young California mouse and am so in heat.") to explore reproductive biology. The device can be grating, and purists appalled by anthropomorphism may find themselves cringing as Judson chastises a male splendid fairy wren for philandering, while pronouncing his paddle crab counterpart a "gentleman." Still, Judson gets high marks for her copiously researched data. Perhaps most compelling is her chapter entitled "Aphrodisiacs, Love Potions, and Other Recipes From Cupid's Kitchen," in which the roots of animal homosexuality are examined. The reader will undoubtedly come away with reams of fascinating factoids, such as the nauseating dining habits of tropical cockroaches during copulation, and the pregnancies of the male seahorse and his cousin, the pipefish. (Aug.) Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Publishers Weekly

Birds do it, bees do it, but the question is how. To answer, journalist and evolutionary biologist Judson crafts an alter ego named Dr. Tatiana, who passes out sex advice to all the creatures in the universe. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

In the guise of an advice-to-the-lovelorn column, evolutionary biologist Judson masterfully conveys astonishing facts and figures about the sex lives of many, many creatures great and small. "Dear Dr. Tatiana, I'm a queen bee, and I'm worried. All my lovers leave their genitals inside me and then drop dead. Is this normal? Perplexed in Cloverhill." From openers like this, Tatiana provides reassurance along with a biological/natural selection rationale. "For your lovers, this is the way the world ends-with a bang, not a whimper," she jokes, then explains that by plugging up the queen, the drone hopes to prevent her from coupling with another. And so it goes as Judson surveys the plant/animal/fungal kingdoms' repertoire of sexual practices. They defy easy summary, so her chapters cluster in three parts: "Let Slip the Whores of War!" (long sex acts, the problems of sperm-making, lots and lots of philandering); "The Evolution of Depravity" (rape, necrophilia, the cannibalism of lady manti and spiders); and "Are Men Necessary? Usually, But Not Always," which concludes with a chapter about Philodena roseola, a half-millimeter-long creature that has been reproducing asexually for 85 million years. This flouts the usual theories that eukaryotes (creatures with their genes enclosed in a cell nucleus) need gene recombination (meiosis) and the mixing up of genes that results when two parents have sex to avoid lethal mutations and fatal infections. Miss Philodena explains that her line has escaped extinction by periodically going dormant and blowing away, thus making a new life in a new environment. The tour-de-force backdrop for this chapter parodies the Jerry Springer TV show. You might think thatall this whimsy would pall or seem heavy-handed. It doesn't. Judson brings it off with great style and wit, laced with the authority of a research evolutionary biologist at Imperial College in London. Consider inviting Tatiana to your next dinner party-most assuredly there'll never be a dull moment. Author tour

Kirkus Reviews

Captivating . . . An evolutionary biologist with interesting and amusing things to tell us.” —The Wall Street Journal

“Funny and blissfully original . . . Dr. Tatiana's science is first-rate.” —The Economist

“Erasmus Darwin titillated 18th century London with his poem 'The Loves of Plants.' He never new the half of it. Dr. Tatiana knows how the other half loves, and it's much kinkier than anybody imagined. Never has science seemed more like daytime television.” —Matt Ridley, author of The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

“Human? Lucky you! You rate a delightful romp through the weird, wild world of animal sex, with a guide who really knows the, um, ins and outs. Eavesdrop as Dr. T consoles her clients, from frustrated fruit flies to lovelorn golden pottos. You think you have problems? You could be a green spoon worm who's just inhaled her husband, or a peacock ashamed of his fifth-rate feathers. Count your blessings, primate. Then read, learn, enjoy.” —Melvin J. Konner, author of The Tangled Wing: Biological Constraints on the Human Spirit

“Perhaps the most original advice manual ever written . . . Judson has pulled off the rarest coup: a science book that's actually fun to read.” —The New Republic

“Whimsical, irreverent and illuminating . . . A most amusing and educative book on animal sex.” —San Francisco Chronicle

“Judson's witty, well-researched vignettes are a guilty pleasure, natural history that goes down as sweet as a trashy tell-all.” —Outside

“Wonderfully entertaining and authoritative . . . A stimulating feast of extraordinary sexual practices.” —Nature

“More positions than the Kama Sutra-but don't try this at home!” —Steve Jones, author of The Language of Genes: Solving the Mysteries of Our Genetic Past, Present and Future

“Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation is a thoroughly engaging and exhaustively researched account of the numerous different kinds of sexual behavior that biologists have observed in the natural world. By human standards, much of this behavior is quite kinky (my favorite is the description of blow hole sex among Amazon River dolphins). However, as Olivia Judson explains, it is quite natural within its own context.” —Richard Morris, author of The Evolutionists: The Struggle for Darwin's Soul

From the Publisher