Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids

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Overview

There’s a new set of 3Rs for our kids—respect, responsibility, and resilience—to better prepare them for life in the real world. Once developed, these skills let kids take charge, and let parents step back, to the benefit of all. Casting hover mothers and helicopter parents aside, Vicki Hoefle encourages a different, counter-intuitive—yet much more effective—approach: for parents to sit on their hands, stay on the sidelines, even if duct tape is required, so that the kids step up. Duct Tape Parenting gives ...

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Duct Tape Parenting: A Less is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids

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Overview

There’s a new set of 3Rs for our kids—respect, responsibility, and resilience—to better prepare them for life in the real world. Once developed, these skills let kids take charge, and let parents step back, to the benefit of all. Casting hover mothers and helicopter parents aside, Vicki Hoefle encourages a different, counter-intuitive—yet much more effective—approach: for parents to sit on their hands, stay on the sidelines, even if duct tape is required, so that the kids step up. Duct Tape Parenting gives parents a new perspective on what it means to be effective, engaged parents and to enable kids to develop confidence through solving their own problems. This is not a book about the parenting strategy of the day—what the author calls “Post-It Note Parenting”—but rather a relationship-based guide to span all ages and stages of development. Witty, straight-shooting Hoefle addresses frustrated parents everywhere who are ready to raise confident, capable children to go out in the world.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Mother of five and professional parenting educator Hoefle shares the secrets to her success in dealing with typical behavioral problems in this hard-to-put-down, Adlerian Psychology-based parenting manual. She claims her method will improve relationships and create independent, thoughtful, resilient, and, of course, well-behaved children. But how to accomplish this feat? Stay calm, say nothing, have "radical faith" in your children. In other words, the titular duct tape is for the parents, not the kids. Calling attention to problematic behavior, Hoefle says, makes a harmless weed grow into something much worse: a long-term attention-getting scheme, or a deep-seated personality trait. As long as it's not a dangerous behavior or situation, Hoefle suggests that parents ignore it. When siblings fight, when a child is caught stealing, or when kids stall and slow down the morning, sit back and see what happens when you say nothing at all. Hoefle's strategy, which is an extreme form of natural consequences parenting, may seem irresponsible to some, but it clearly comes from the heart and is full of helpful tips even for those who find themselves in disagreement with the book's main assertion. And perhaps the proof is in the pudding—Hoefle did survive five kids, sanity intact. (Aug.)
From the Publisher
"[Hoefle’s] conjuncture that a misbehaving child is a discouraged child carries the weight of truth. By letting kids work out their own kinks, parents will have more time in the long run to enjoy their children and the parenting journey." – Library Journal, August 2013
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781937134181
  • Publisher: Bibliomotion Inc.
  • Publication date: 8/21/2012
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 190,186
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator and the creator of the Parenting On Track™ Program. Vicki Hoefle began teaching more than 20 years ago, while running a daycare center in Seattle, WA. Parents applauded her approach with their children, and wanted to bring her tools and understanding of children home with them. After years of study and everyday practice, Vicki developed the Parenting On Track™ Program, which combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an ICF certified coach with a suite of time-tested tools. Vicki can speak first-hand to the real world implementation of these strategies with her own family of five children. For more than two decades, Vicki has shared her parenting tips and techniques with families across the country. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator, and educator.

Alex Kajitani was named California Teacher of the Year and a Top-4 Finalist for 2009 National Teacher of the Year.

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Table of Contents

Foreword xiii

Acknowledgments xvii

Introduction xix

Section I Before We Get the Duct Tape, Let's See What Needs Fixing: Note, It's Not the Kids 1

Chapter 1 Feeding the Weed: Your Focus Is the Problem 3

Chapter 2 Band-Aids on Bullet Wounds: Your Strategy Is the Problem 25

Chapter 3 Being the Maid: Doing for Your Kids Is the Problem 39

Chapter 4 Holding onto Discipline: Your Fear Is the Problem 58

Chapter 5 The Cul-de-Sac Syndrome: Your Thinking Is the Problem 72

Section II Get out the Duct Tape and Take a Leap of Faith 83

Chapter 6 Duct Tape for the Relationship: Repairing Family Fractures Is a Solution 85

Chapter 7 Duct Tape for the Mouth: Keeping Your Mind Open and Your Mouth Closed Is a Solution 107

Chapter 8 Duct Tape for Your Body: Quitting Your Job as the Maid Is a Solution 128

Chapter 9 Duct Tape for the Eyes and Ears: Ignoring the Drama and Mischief Making Is a Solution 153

Chapter 10 Prepare for Departure: Launch with Enthusiasm 173

Chapter 11 Duct Tape Works: Stories from Real Kids of Duct Tape Parents 201

Chapter 12 Duct Tape Is Good for the Family: A Family That Works Together, Sticks Together 219

Chapter 13 Simulating the Real World: Raising the Next Generation of Leaders 229

Afterword: Ode to Mom and Dad: The Kids' Perspective 239

Resources 251

Index 253

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
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Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 26, 2012

    Very simplified

    Very over- simplified. Luckily, It was a quick read out of curiousity; not for a desperate need for answers.

    7 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 7, 2014

    Common sense approach. The ideas are easy to implement to create

    Common sense approach. The ideas are easy to implement to create change in the family dynamic. The best part is my relationship with my kids is growing stronger and they are becoming independent and self-reliant.
    I highly recommend you read this book.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2014

    This book is AMAZING! I couldn't put it down. I don't have a ma

    This book is AMAZING! I couldn't put it down. I don't have a major parenting issue or behavior problem but I am trying to raise 3 respectful, responsible and resilient children! I have read it cover to cover twice and refer to Vicki's website often. It so inspired me that I started my own blog to document my experiences applying the Duct Tape!!!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2014

    This book saved my family. I was headed down a dark road and I l

    This book saved my family. I was headed down a dark road and I learned effective strategies to invest in the relationship with my kids and support them on their road to independence.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 11, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews

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