Elder Rage or, Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents

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Elder Rage or, Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents (Second Edition) Pub. Date: 4/28/2001 Publisher: Impressive Press

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Elder Rage or, Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents Pub. Date: 10/1/2000 Publisher: Impressive Press

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Overview

Including an addendum by Dr. Rodman Shankle, founder of the UC Irvine Alzheimer's Center, A Physician's Guide To Treating Aggression In Dementia With the Proper Medications.

MY MISSIONS:
To: help improve our eldercare laws; educate healthcare professionals how to better help the families they work with; provide solutions and hope to families; encourage funding for Alzheimer’s and Breast Cancer research--and bring awareness to the importance of early diagnosis; expose elder abuse, neglect and exploitation; encourage long-term care insurance/planning; bring attention to funding needs for Adult Day Services--which saved my parents’ lives as well as my own. I’ve testified before the Assistant Secretary on Aging and am featured in an upcoming documentary on the subject.

What People Are Saying

Robert A. Stern Ph.D.

Robert A. Stern, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Neurology and Associate Director of the Alzheimer's Disease Clinical and Research Program, Boston University School of Medicine
Thank you so much for your superb presentation at our Alzheimer's Research Seminar. The audience included dementia specialists, senior neurologists and neuropsychologists, basic scientists, nurses, fellows, residents, medical students, clinical research staff, and others from New England who came specifically to hear you. And, what a fabulous presentation it was! Your ability to combine humor, personal insight, wisdom, and critical meaningful guidance to all of us involved in the web of care for those with dementia was sensational. Each gained useful tips and tools that will enrich our professional practices and personal experiences.

Dr. Dean Edell

Jacqueline tackles that part of life that most think will never happen, and shocks us out of our denial with what it can really be like dealing with the personality and diseases of our elders.

Hugh Downs

Jacqueline's story and style of writing will surely grab a large readership. Studded with flashes of humor, it demonstrates the enormous resourcefulness and resilience of the human spirit.

Regis Philbin

I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, What a story! If you're caring for an elder, you won't believe how much this books will help you.

Steve Allen

A remarkable book! You have charted a relatively untrod field associated with the aging process. You deserve a great credit—congratulations!

Editorial Reviews

In Elder Rage: How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents, Jacqueline Marcell shares the story of her shocking discovery of how the lives of her elderly parents had deteriorated with the onset of her father's dementia and inability to continue to care for her ailing mother. Elder Rage is more than a personal memoir and eventual success story, it is also a revelation into one of today's rapidly burgeoning problems of elder care and what resources are available for caregivers in dealing with problems of their parent's senility, character disorders, and age-based health issues. Of special value is the addendum "A Physician's Guide To Treating Aggression In Dementia With The Proper Medications" by former Medical Director of the UC Irvine Alzheimer's Clinic, Rodman Shankle, M.D. Elder Rage is very highly recommended reading for anyone concerned about dealing with an aging parent's needs when impacted by dementia or Alzheimers.

Bob DeBuhr

"Rarely does a book merit the interest of everyone age fifty-something and their children. I couldn't lay it down and neither will you. True to the adage that laughter does a body good, Marcell softens sorrow with humor that will keep you chuckling into the night. Woven into this heart-warming account are tips that alone are well-worth the price."

More Reviews (4) Fewer Reviews

Hugh Downs

"Jacqueline's story and style of writing will surely grab a large readership."

Larry Shapiro

"I wish I'd known about this book when I needed it, both for its wise advice and brave good humor."

Regis Philbin

"I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, what a story!"

Susan Crowley

"It's like fiction or a made-for-TV movie, filled with despair and deception, then resolution and redemption--leavened by doses of humor."

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780967970318
Publisher: Impressive Press
Publication date: 4/28/2001
Edition description: Second Edition
Edition number: 2
Pages: 346
Sales rank: 307,565
Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

JACQUELINE MARCELL was a cinematographer/photographer and also taught at UCLA, and then a television executive, but she barely survived the stress of being a caregiver to her challenging elderly father and sweet ailing mother, both with Alzheimer’s which went undiagnosed for over a year. But after fighting through an unsympathetic medical system and depleting her parents’ life savings and much of her own, with sheer determination she figured everything out medically and behaviorally. Passion to save others from a similar experience (especially from getting so frustrated they commit elder abuse) compelled Jacqueline to write Elder Rage, launch a radio show to help caregivers (Coping with Caregiving on wsRadio), and become and international speaker (CEU/CMEs). She has spoken at hundreds of events including the California Governor’s Conference and before the Florida House of Representatives. Jacqueline's mission is to educate families and healthcare professionals on issues that so unnecessarily cost a year of her life—and then nearly her life itself when she was diagnosed with invasive Breast Cancer.

1.	If it Isn't Ten Things--It's Twenty	1
	I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head
	Cries and Careless Whispers
	Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya
	Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home
	Le Miserable
2.	Hyde Strung in Plain Sight	17
	What's It All About, Jackie
	Losing My Religion
	As the Wounded Turn
	One Life to Live-or-Two Minds to Lose
3.	My Little Gang of Rascals	33
	Phantom Menace of the Old Folk's Farm
	Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage
	And Then Came Mom
	Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers
	Grouch-Ohhh!
	Demented Times Require Desperate Measures
4.	Honey, I Blew up the House	47
	Shock It to Me
	Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres
	The Man From U.N.Believable
	Look Who's Talking Now
	Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You
5.	Jacqueline, You Ignorant Slut	67
	Good Morning, Vietnam
	And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo
	I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia
	I Remember Mama Said There'd Be Months Like This
6.	In a Oh-My-Goddadivida, Honey	87
	I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas
	More Nonsense and Responsibilities
	If This Table Could Talk
7.	Nurture and Nature Messed Him Up	103
	The Way They Were
	Grumpy Old Men Was a Documentary
	It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life
	Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream
8.	Mending Shattered Fences	117
	Too Good to Be True Lies-or-Dared Consequences
	I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not
	That's Me in the Spotlight
9.	Fugitives From Injustice	137
	He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words
	Star Searching For Sanity-or-All My Caregivers
	The Price of the Prejudice
	The Old and the Restless
	Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo
10.	Enter Terri	159
	May the Driving Force Be With You
	Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares
	Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital
	Joined at the Hip
11.	Amazing Ariana	177
	Oh What a Mangled Web We Weave
	The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business
	Pros and Cons
12.	Once an Adult, Twice a Child	185
	Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies
	Still Crazy After All These Years
	Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
	Unsolved Maniac Mysteries
	Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief
	Even Ripley Won't Believe It
13.	Friends and Family Matters Most	201
	Desperately Seeking Sanity
	The Three Faces of Jacqueline
	The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief
	I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love
	I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah
14.	Gullible's Travels-or-Small Balls of Fire	217
	Bound and Gagged By Honor
	Two, Two, Two Minds in One
	Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde
	In the Heat of the Day For Night
	Relative Relativity-or-Tommy Can You Hear Me?
	The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO
15.	Achy Breaky Heart of Hearts	233
	Unwanted: Dead or Alive
	Bound on Broadway
	What a Long Strange Trip It's Been
	Hyde Risk Behavior
	Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy
16.	To Be Demented or Deceptive? That Was the Question	251
	How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home
	Ahhh, Hindsight--It's Always 20/20, Barbara
	Appendix
	Behavior Modification Guidelines	272
	When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior	273
	Verbal Praise
	Loving Physical Affection
	Edible Treats
	Special Activity
	Special Attention
	Gold Stars Chart
	When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior	275
	Verbal Commands
	Time-Outs
	Three Strikes
	Shame
	Remove Specific Privileges/Charts
	Call the Police
	How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who	278
1.	Wants all my time and attention?	278
2.	Makes constant unreasonable demands?	279
3.	Is inflexible, critical and negative?	279
4.	Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms?	280
5.	Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses inappropriate/foul language?	281
6.	Has become suspicious and paranoid?	282
7.	Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss?	282
8.	Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf?	282
9.	Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing--"waiting to die"?	283
10.	Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home?	284
11.	Gets furious if something doesn't happen at a specific time?	284
12.	Gets mad when told "no" they can't do something?	284
13.	Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing?	285
14.	Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes?	285
15.	Is a danger on the road but refuses to give up driving?	286
16.	Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home?	286
17.	Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances?	289
18.	Refuses to see any other doctor but is not getting adequate care?	290
19.	Needs to see a psychiatrist but absolutely refuses to go?	291
20.	Acts completely normal and charming in front of others?	292
21.	Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying?	292
22.	Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems?	292
23.	Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt?	294
24.	Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage?	295
25.	Is completely unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home?	296
	Long-Term Care Insurance	297
	Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease	298
	How is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed?	299
	Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease	300
	Startling Statistics	302
	Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's	304
	Epilog	305
	A Physician's Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia	306
	Types of Aggressive Behavior	308
	The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior	309
	The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior	311
	Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression	311
	Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression	313
	Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment	314
	Screening	316
	Prevention	318
	Neuroanatomy of Aggression	319
	Neurophysiology of Aggression	319
	Treatment of Aggression	320
	Behavioral Treatment of Aggression	320
	Medications to Treat Aggression	321
	Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action	324
	Conclusion	327
	Hope For the Future	329
	New Medication: Neotrophin	329
	Omentum Transposition Surgery: Dr. Harry Goldsmith	330
	The Search for a Cure: Dr. Rudolph Tanzi	331
	Valuable Resources	332
	Recommended Reading	342
	Contact the Author	346

Customer Reviews

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Anonymous

Posted November 14, 2000

Read this one

What a relief to have a laugh while trying to deal with this often depressing subject. The author uses funny stories to tell what she went through. While you are laughing you can relate to what she went through and get an important lesson at the same time. I have bought every guide know to mankind and I found this one to be the MOST HELPFUL and MOST HUMAN.

10 out of 10 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted April 26, 2009

Best Book on Dementia!

Seeing someone you love go through the trauma of dementia is a confusing and frightening experience. When my mother was first diagnosed with dementia, I soon realized that I knew next to nothing about this very serious illness. I began searching for books about dementia, in order to gain a better understanding of the disease, and found many excellent resources. However, even after having read many books and articles, I was still feeling lost and unable to fully comprehend the complexity of the personality and behavioral changes that I had been witnessing personally. When I first learned of the book "Elder Rage", it was the title that hit a familiar note for me, with its emphasis on one of the key issues of the disease - RAGE!
As I read page after page of "Elder Rage", I began to feel less alone and confused. Finally, I had found the most detailed and forthright account of the nightmarish effects of dementia that I had come across so far! The story is told in a way that is so honest, open, personal, and revealing, that you feel like you are right there with the author sharing the experience. She also includes guidance for caregivers, and detailed steps to be taken when you are coping with all of the complexities of helping someone with dementia. This book is the most complete and helpful resource that I have come across so far, and I am deeply grateful to the author for sharing her experience!

9 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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SueHavilandCSA

Posted January 29, 2009

If You Have Aging Parents- Read This Book NOW

There are so many books on caring for elderly now, but this is the first one I have ever LOVED reading! The first two-thirds is this amazing true story that reads like a novel and you just can¿t put it down, and then when you do you keep thinking about the characters and just have to get back to it. It¿s exciting and poignant and then there¿s this unexpected witty humor woven in that keeps you laughing and then crying on the same page and you can¿t wait to see what she¿s going to say next!

And then by being so fascinated by what¿s happening and getting so emotionally attached to Jacqueline and her parents and everyone, you suddenly realize you¿re absorbing all this important knowledge so fast and easily and that you¿ll never forget it, like we usually do when we read a boring text-type book.

Then, the last third is this Resource Section with answers to 25 of the most common eldercare and caregiving questions. And then this extensive Addendum on treating dementia by a Neurologist who is a Dementia Specialist, so I see how good it would be for doctors who aren¿t trained in dementia to read. Then she has all these other resources, on an on, just very extensive. No wonder she got so many celebrities and well-known healthcare professionals to endorse it. I couldn¿t believe that the first six pages are glowing quotes of praise from famous people, but now I see why, as they are very well deserved!

Sue Haviland, Author of ¿The Senior Solution: Secrets to Maintaining Independence and Choice for Life¿, National Speaker and Reverse Mortgage Consultant: www.askSueHaviland.com, www.helpseniorsnow.com

9 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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14ptstag

Posted January 15, 2009

Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Jaqueline Marcell is surely one of a kind. So many people who went through or who are going through only a part of what she went through with her father's Alzheimer's would have broken. Maybe if they had an extremely strong support system, they could have delt with her father's situation. She not only delt with it for over a year, but alone and in the process became an authority on caregiving to Alzheimer's patients.

Jaqueline's book Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents is surely a must read for anyone dealing in anyway with Alzheimer's. She covers all the hurdles that must be overcome through out the caregiving process. By reading her book and learning about these hurdles in advance, it truely makes the caregiving process endurable. I know from experience how important it is to be able to get the jump on problems that will surely arise from an Alzheimer's patient.

The humor Jaqueline injects into her book makes the learning process so much more enjoyable and tends to lighten the seriousness of it all. As serious as an Alzheimer's condition is anyway, the more often you can read or do something to keep yourself focused in a positive manner the better. Jaqueline's book definately does this.

I highly recommend Elder Rage by Jaqueline Marcell to anyone associated in any way with Alzheimer's, whether it be an Alzheimer's patient, caregiver, friend or family member.

Terry F. Townsend
Author, "Living Alone with Dementia-Alzheimer's" (How to Keep Your Loved One in Their Home as Long as Possible)

9 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted August 13, 2009

Exceptional Read

This book handles a rather difficult topic exceptionally well. She gives much needed insight to help others handle the many obstacles involved in the care of an aging loved one. I found it difficult to put down and extremely helpful in many ways. Give it a try, I think you'll love it too.

8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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cheflizzy

Posted July 18, 2009

A must read for caregiver and professional alike!

Jacqueline's book is helpful and humorous, dealing with the timeless topic of caring for ones aging parents. As a case manager, I found the resources in the book to be invaluable. As a child of aging parents, I found the story heartwarming, uplifting, and affirming. The book was a real page-turner with a LOL funny storyline. A must read!

8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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DanKoffman

Posted May 12, 2009

A Loving Advocate Makes All the Difference

"As I read Elder Rage I felt like I was right there going through every unbelievable twist and turn with Jacqueline. Her incredible indefatigable humor and pop culture references often brought laugh-out-loud relief to situations you'd never expect! She also includes extensive valuable suggestions and resources to help caregivers navigate their situation. As the son of an Alzheimer's sufferer, I know so well that having a loving advocate like Jacqueline in the family can make all the difference in the world. Thank you, Jacqueline, for educating and sharing a piece of your heart!"
--Dan Koffman, Author, "Simple Pleasures for Special Seniors Books" (for later stage dementia/Alzheimer's patients)

8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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tumbledry

Posted November 16, 2008

Valuable Resource

This book is a valuable resource to anyone who is caring for an elderly family member. While reading the often funny, always touching, occasionally horrifying memoir, I learned so much about caring for my aging mother. This is rich with advice, examples, and brilliance. Thank you, Jackie, for sharing your story with us. I will buy more copies and give them to my friends whose parents are approaching the age where they¿ll need some care. I am also now taking assessment of my own behaviors as I get older; I don¿t want any of my bad habits following me into my golden years! It is clear from your Jake Tales that these habits may become exaggerated as we get older and I don¿t want my kids to have to deal with me if I¿m going to be difficult

8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 24, 2008

Very helpful

Gave encouragement to me when starting out caring for my dad. Learned a lot from a book that wasn't written in a 'textbook' format, but in a way anyone could read and enjoy while learning about the ups & downs.

7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
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WRV6CX8

Posted October 27, 2009

WOMEN'S STRENGTH

The book is not for the squeamish, however I feel much stronger as a woman after having read Elder Rage. I am more ready to take some stands in making better decisions for myself--and am left wondering why it took me so long to see the light regarding my personal abilities. If this new feeling does not last, I may need another dose of Elder Rage to get me back on track. Although the book is her personal story, I found much everyday wisdom in it, so that even an individual who is not a caregiver can gain a completely new perspective on life.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted October 10, 2008

Best Alzheimer's Book I Have Ever Read

As a Caregiver Coordinator for the local Area Agency on Aging I read a lot of books concerning caregiving and Alzheiemer's disease. This is the best one I have ever read. The story is told with humor, but it is full of extremely helpful tips and education. A great book! I will recommend it to all of my caregivers!

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted September 18, 2008

Now your parents need you!

Your parents spend years taking care of you. Then one day you find out they can't do very much without you. This book is the authority on how to care for elder parents and leaves no stone unturned.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted July 22, 2008

ELDER RAGE Saved My Sanity!

Before I read Elder Rage I thought either I or my father had gone insane. This outstanding, unflinching account of the author's heartbreaking struggle with her out-of-control father showed me I wasn't crazy, nor was I alone in my struggle, and my father needed my help, compassion and most of all my prayers.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted August 9, 2008

I'm not giving birth

When you give birth it is obvious and everyone wants to help and you have tons of books to read but when dementia hits you don't know the date, where to start, what to do, no one jumps in to help and you feel like you are concurring the west again. When you retire your family should be given this book so they know what the signs are and not just brush off as they are getting old. I wish i had this book 2 yrs ago when i jumped in feet first to tackle my in-laws.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted May 13, 2008

Been there, done that, she has too...

This is one of the most outstanding books I can recommend about dealing with difficult elderly parents. Anyone can quote helpful suggestions, but reading this story is an eye-opening experience for a baby-boomer about to begin the wonderful world of 'taking care of my parents.' Sure, we can tell people there are gaps in the system, that they need to be prepared for...and this is how you might deal with.... but reading Jackie's experiences puts it in a human perspective. She makes you really care about her parents as human beings, and to root for her and her caregivers as they struggle to cope and find ways to deal with what seems to be an impossible situation. The informational sections at the end are sound, and quite helpful, but not as personal, engrossing and human. I can see this becoming a good movie, one you'd actually be able to tolerate watching, as good a love story as 'The Notebook,' but true. As someone who is caring for a elderly parent,I have bought copies of this book for everyone I know who is going through similar trials.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted March 19, 2010

I Also Recommend:

A must read for anyone who has an aging parent

I was given this book by a patient's daughter who is living with an aging parent. As a home care therapist, I thought Jacqueline's book was perfect in capturing the frustration associated with long term health care. I couldnt put it down once I started it and will recommend it to all my clients' families.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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JenniferKistler

Posted January 25, 2010

This is a Life Changing Story

I read this book on a whim, my mother had borrowed it from a friend of hers and when I saw it at Mom's house, I had to read it. However now that I've read it, I have to say it is a fantastic book. The author tells her very personal story of dealing with her elderly parents who both suffer from ill health and dementia. Her father particularly is combative at times which adds a twist tot he story that had me praying that Jackie would find a way to help all of them. I was able to relate to much of her story as it is told in a conversational tone and is easy to draw parallels between your situation and hers. I would recommend this book to absolutely everyone who is in a caregiver situation.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Chaco_Murray

Posted October 1, 2009

Elder Rage is a large step forward into understanding roadblocks and struggles associated with doctors and care for an elderly person

Elder Rage was my first exposure to some of the big differences between dealing with myself and dealing with my parents in the medical system. Most of us want to do our best and do whats right for our parents in the twilght of their lives. This book gave me some really good advice, so hopefully I will have an easier time with my parents (which I have).

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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AZMomJM

Posted September 28, 2009

The One Must-Have Book for Caregivers

Elder Rage is a must-have book for all caregivers of elderly parents. Jacqueline Marcell's ability to keep her sanity through heart-breaking episodes of parental dementia and extreme frustration with professionals, will be of great help to everyone dealing with the elderly, not only their children but also professionals who interact with them. Written with great compassion and humor. If I had to choose just one book of all that I have read on this topic, this would be the one.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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GratefulEM

Posted May 30, 2009

Just the ticket!

If nothing is to be feared, only understood, has this writer got the solution for you! With humor as the override, the writer takes you where few have dared to go. You'll find much that validates the worst of situations with difficult parents and even more that will keep you focused and winning the battles. A must-read for anyone questioning their sanity after dealing with hard-to-handle parents!

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Overview

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Editorial Reviews

Bob DeBuhr

Hugh Downs

Larry Shapiro

Regis Philbin

Susan Crowley

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Best Book on Dementia!

If You Have Aging Parents- Read This Book NOW

Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Exceptional Read

A must read for caregiver and professional alike!

A Loving Advocate Makes All the Difference

Valuable Resource

Very helpful

WOMEN'S STRENGTH

Best Alzheimer's Book I Have Ever Read

Now your parents need you!

ELDER RAGE Saved My Sanity!

I'm not giving birth

Been there, done that, she has too...

A must read for anyone who has an aging parent

This is a Life Changing Story

Elder Rage is a large step forward into understanding roadblocks and struggles associated with doctors and care for an elderly person

The One Must-Have Book for Caregivers

Just the ticket!