Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents

( 273 )

Overview

Elder Rage is a Book?of?the?Month Club selection (caregiving book first) receiving 200+ 5?Star B&N reviews, required reading at numerous universities, and considered for a film. Over 50 endorsements include Regis Philbin, Leeza Gibbons, Jacqueline Bisset, Duke University Center for Aging, Dr. John Gray, Mark Victor Hansen, Julie Harris, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Dr. Rudy Tanzi/Harvard Medical School, and the National Adult Day Services Association.

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Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents

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Overview

Elder Rage is a Book–of–the–Month Club selection (caregiving book first) receiving 200+ 5–Star B&N reviews, required reading at numerous universities, and considered for a film. Over 50 endorsements include Regis Philbin, Leeza Gibbons, Jacqueline Bisset, Duke University Center for Aging, Dr. John Gray, Mark Victor Hansen, Julie Harris, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Dr. Rudy Tanzi/Harvard Medical School, and the National Adult Day Services Association.

Elder Rage is a riveting, humorous, true story chronicling Jacqueline Marcell’s trials, tribulations, and eventual success at managing the care of her aging parents. Also an extensive self–help book, Elder Rage provides solutions for effective management medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, financially, and emotionally of challenging elders starting to get dementia and resisting care.

Elder Rage presents creative solutions for getting obstinate elders to: accept cleaning/caregiving help, give up driving, see new doctors, take medication, shower, eat, attend adult day care, move to a new residence, etc. Includes valuable resources, Q&A, recommended reading. Also includes an extensive addendum by renowned neurologist/dementia specialist, Rodman Shankle, MD, A Physician’s Guide To Treating Dementia, making it valuable for everyone from the family to the physician.

MARCELL’S MISSIONS:

Help improve eldercare laws; show healthcare professionals how they can better help families they work with; provide solutions and hope to caregivers; encourage funding for Alzheimer’s research and bring awareness to importance of early diagnosis; expose elder abuse, neglect and exploitation; encourage long–term care planning; bring attention to the need for Adult Day Care Services.

MY MISSIONS:

To: help improve our eldercare laws; educate healthcare professionals how to better help the families they work with; provide solutions and hope to families; encourage funding for Alzheimer's and Breast Cancer research—and bring awareness to the importance of early diagnosis; expose elder abuse, neglect and exploitation; encourage long-term care insurance/planning; bring attention to funding needs for Adult Day Services—which saved my parents' lives as well as my own. I've testified before the Assistant Secretary on Aging and am featured in an upcoming documentary on the subject.

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Here, Marcell shares incredibly useful information interspersed with many moments of humor. Her resource is down-to-earth and hopeful, with insight into the panoply of challenges involved with elder care: medical, social, financial, and emotional. In the "How Do I Handle My Elder Loved One Who…" section, the author dispenses wisdom on about two dozen potential situations one may encounter when caring for an elderly parent. Essential for those with aging parents.
From The Critics
In Elder Rage: How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents, Jacqueline Marcell shares the story of her shocking discovery of how the lives of her elderly parents had deteriorated with the onset of her father's dementia and inability to continue to care for her ailing mother. Elder Rage is more than a personal memoir and eventual success story, it is also a revelation into one of today's rapidly burgeoning problems of elder care and what resources are available for caregivers in dealing with problems of their parent's senility, character disorders, and age-based health issues. Of special value is the addendum "A Physician's Guide To Treating Aggression In Dementia With The Proper Medications" by former Medical Director of the UC Irvine Alzheimer's Clinic, Rodman Shankle, M.D. Elder Rage is very highly recommended reading for anyone concerned about dealing with an aging parent's needs when impacted by dementia or Alzheimers.
Regis Philbin
"I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, what a story!"
Hugh Downs
"Jacqueline's story and style of writing will surely grab a large readership."
Larry Shapiro
"I wish I'd known about this book when I needed it, both for its wise advice and brave good humor."
Susan Crowley
"It's like fiction or a made-for-TV movie, filled with despair and deception, then resolution and redemption--leavened by doses of humor."
Bob DeBuhr
"Rarely does a book merit the interest of everyone age fifty-something and their children. I couldn't lay it down and neither will you. True to the adage that laughter does a body good, Marcell softens sorrow with humor that will keep you chuckling into the night. Woven into this heart-warming account are tips that alone are well-worth the price."
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780967970318
  • Publisher: Impressive Press
  • Publication date: 4/28/2001
  • Edition description: Second Edition
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 346
  • Sales rank: 166,607
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Jacqueline Marcell barely survived as a caregiver to her ‘challenging’ father and sweet mother, both with Alzheimer’s undiagnosed for over a year. But after fighting through the medical system, endless tears, and depleting her parents’ life savings and much of her own, she figured everything out medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, financially, and emotionally. Passion to save others (especially from elder abuse) compelled her to write Elder Rage, launch the ‘Coping with Caregiving’ radio show, and become and international speaker (CEU/CME), in an effort to educate on issues which unnecessarily cost years of her life—and then nearly her life itself when she survived invasive breast cancer.

Hundreds of keynotes include for the California Governor’s Conference, National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, National Security Agency, and Florida House of Representatives. Media includes: TODAY, CNN, PBS Alzheimer’s Documentary, AARP Bulletin cover story, Woman’s Day, Prevention, and hundreds of articles and radio & television interviews. Honors include: Advocate of the Year from the National Association of Women Business Owners at their Remarkable Women Awards—and Media Award from the National Adult Day Services Association.

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Table of Contents

1. If it Isn't Ten Things--It's Twenty 1
I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head
Cries and Careless Whispers
Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya
Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home
Le Miserable
2. Hyde Strung in Plain Sight 17
What's It All About, Jackie
Losing My Religion
As the Wounded Turn
One Life to Live-or-Two Minds to Lose
3. My Little Gang of Rascals 33
Phantom Menace of the Old Folk's Farm
Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage
And Then Came Mom
Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers
Grouch-Ohhh!
Demented Times Require Desperate Measures
4. Honey, I Blew up the House 47
Shock It to Me
Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres
The Man From U.N.Believable
Look Who's Talking Now
Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You
5. Jacqueline, You Ignorant Slut 67
Good Morning, Vietnam
And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo
I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia
I Remember Mama Said There'd Be Months Like This
6. In a Oh-My-Goddadivida, Honey 87
I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas
More Nonsense and Responsibilities
If This Table Could Talk
7. Nurture and Nature Messed Him Up 103
The Way They Were
Grumpy Old Men Was a Documentary
It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life
Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream
8. Mending Shattered Fences 117
Too Good to Be True Lies-or-Dared Consequences
I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not
That's Me in the Spotlight
9. Fugitives From Injustice 137
He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words
Star Searching For Sanity-or-All My Caregivers
The Price of the Prejudice
The Old and the Restless
Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo
10. Enter Terri 159
May the Driving Force Be With You
Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares
Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital
Joined at the Hip
11. Amazing Ariana 177
Oh What a Mangled Web We Weave
The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business
Pros and Cons
12. Once an Adult, Twice a Child 185
Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies
Still Crazy After All These Years
Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
Unsolved Maniac Mysteries
Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief
Even Ripley Won't Believe It
13. Friends and Family Matters Most 201
Desperately Seeking Sanity
The Three Faces of Jacqueline
The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief
I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love
I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah
14. Gullible's Travels-or-Small Balls of Fire 217
Bound and Gagged By Honor
Two, Two, Two Minds in One
Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde
In the Heat of the Day For Night
Relative Relativity-or-Tommy Can You Hear Me?
The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO
15. Achy Breaky Heart of Hearts 233
Unwanted: Dead or Alive
Bound on Broadway
What a Long Strange Trip It's Been
Hyde Risk Behavior
Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy
16. To Be Demented or Deceptive? That Was the Question 251
How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home
Ahhh, Hindsight--It's Always 20/20, Barbara
Appendix
Behavior Modification Guidelines 272
When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior 273
Verbal Praise
Loving Physical Affection
Edible Treats
Special Activity
Special Attention
Gold Stars Chart
When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior 275
Verbal Commands
Time-Outs
Three Strikes
Shame
Remove Specific Privileges/Charts
Call the Police
How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who 278
1. Wants all my time and attention? 278
2. Makes constant unreasonable demands? 279
3. Is inflexible, critical and negative? 279
4. Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms? 280
5. Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses inappropriate/foul language? 281
6. Has become suspicious and paranoid? 282
7. Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss? 282
8. Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf? 282
9. Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing--"waiting to die"? 283
10. Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home? 284
11. Gets furious if something doesn't happen at a specific time? 284
12. Gets mad when told "no" they can't do something? 284
13. Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing? 285
14. Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes? 285
15. Is a danger on the road but refuses to give up driving? 286
16. Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home? 286
17. Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances? 289
18. Refuses to see any other doctor but is not getting adequate care? 290
19. Needs to see a psychiatrist but absolutely refuses to go? 291
20. Acts completely normal and charming in front of others? 292
21. Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying? 292
22. Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems? 292
23. Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt? 294
24. Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage? 295
25. Is completely unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home? 296
Long-Term Care Insurance 297
Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease 298
How is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed? 299
Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease 300
Startling Statistics 302
Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's 304
Epilog 305
A Physician's Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia 306
Types of Aggressive Behavior 308
The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior 309
The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior 311
Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression 311
Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression 313
Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment 314
Screening 316
Prevention 318
Neuroanatomy of Aggression 319
Neurophysiology of Aggression 319
Treatment of Aggression 320
Behavioral Treatment of Aggression 320
Medications to Treat Aggression 321
Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action 324
Conclusion 327
Hope For the Future 329
New Medication: Neotrophin 329
Omentum Transposition Surgery: Dr. Harry Goldsmith 330
The Search for a Cure: Dr. Rudolph Tanzi 331
Valuable Resources 332
Recommended Reading 342
Contact the Author 346
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 5
( 273 )
Rating Distribution

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(253)

4 Star

(17)

3 Star

(2)

2 Star

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1 Star

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 273 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2009

    Best Book on Dementia!

    Seeing someone you love go through the trauma of dementia is a confusing and frightening experience. When my mother was first diagnosed with dementia, I soon realized that I knew next to nothing about this very serious illness. I began searching for books about dementia, in order to gain a better understanding of the disease, and found many excellent resources. However, even after having read many books and articles, I was still feeling lost and unable to fully comprehend the complexity of the personality and behavioral changes that I had been witnessing personally. When I first learned of the book "Elder Rage", it was the title that hit a familiar note for me, with its emphasis on one of the key issues of the disease - RAGE!
    As I read page after page of "Elder Rage", I began to feel less alone and confused. Finally, I had found the most detailed and forthright account of the nightmarish effects of dementia that I had come across so far! The story is told in a way that is so honest, open, personal, and revealing, that you feel like you are right there with the author sharing the experience. She also includes guidance for caregivers, and detailed steps to be taken when you are coping with all of the complexities of helping someone with dementia. This book is the most complete and helpful resource that I have come across so far, and I am deeply grateful to the author for sharing her experience!

    27 out of 27 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 14, 2000

    Read this one

    What a relief to have a laugh while trying to deal with this often depressing subject. The author uses funny stories to tell what she went through. While you are laughing you can relate to what she went through and get an important lesson at the same time. I have bought every guide know to mankind and I found this one to be the MOST HELPFUL and MOST HUMAN.

    26 out of 26 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 29, 2009

    If You Have Aging Parents- Read This Book NOW

    There are so many books on caring for elderly now, but this is the first one I have ever LOVED reading! The first two-thirds is this amazing true story that reads like a novel and you just can¿t put it down, and then when you do you keep thinking about the characters and just have to get back to it. It¿s exciting and poignant and then there¿s this unexpected witty humor woven in that keeps you laughing and then crying on the same page and you can¿t wait to see what she¿s going to say next! <BR/><BR/> <BR/>And then by being so fascinated by what¿s happening and getting so emotionally attached to Jacqueline and her parents and everyone, you suddenly realize you¿re absorbing all this important knowledge so fast and easily and that you¿ll never forget it, like we usually do when we read a boring text-type book. <BR/><BR/> Then, the last third is this Resource Section with answers to 25 of the most common eldercare and caregiving questions. And then this extensive Addendum on treating dementia by a Neurologist who is a Dementia Specialist, so I see how good it would be for doctors who aren¿t trained in dementia to read. Then she has all these other resources, on an on, just very extensive. No wonder she got so many celebrities and well-known healthcare professionals to endorse it. I couldn¿t believe that the first six pages are glowing quotes of praise from famous people, but now I see why, as they are very well deserved!<BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/>Sue Haviland, Author of ¿The Senior Solution: Secrets to Maintaining Independence and Choice for Life¿, National Speaker and Reverse Mortgage Consultant: www.askSueHaviland.com, www.helpseniorsnow.com

    22 out of 22 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 15, 2009

    Making the Best of a Bad Situation

    Jaqueline Marcell is surely one of a kind. So many people who went through or who are going through only a part of what she went through with her father's Alzheimer's would have broken. Maybe if they had an extremely strong support system, they could have delt with her father's situation. She not only delt with it for over a year, but alone and in the process became an authority on caregiving to Alzheimer's patients. <BR/><BR/>Jaqueline's book Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents is surely a must read for anyone dealing in anyway with Alzheimer's. She covers all the hurdles that must be overcome through out the caregiving process. By reading her book and learning about these hurdles in advance, it truely makes the caregiving process endurable. I know from experience how important it is to be able to get the jump on problems that will surely arise from an Alzheimer's patient. <BR/><BR/>The humor Jaqueline injects into her book makes the learning process so much more enjoyable and tends to lighten the seriousness of it all. As serious as an Alzheimer's condition is anyway, the more often you can read or do something to keep yourself focused in a positive manner the better. Jaqueline's book definately does this. <BR/><BR/>I highly recommend Elder Rage by Jaqueline Marcell to anyone associated in any way with Alzheimer's, whether it be an Alzheimer's patient, caregiver, friend or family member. <BR/><BR/>Terry F. Townsend <BR/>Author, "Living Alone with Dementia-Alzheimer's" (How to Keep Your Loved One in Their Home as Long as Possible)

    21 out of 22 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2009

    Exceptional Read

    This book handles a rather difficult topic exceptionally well. She gives much needed insight to help others handle the many obstacles involved in the care of an aging loved one. I found it difficult to put down and extremely helpful in many ways. Give it a try, I think you'll love it too.

    19 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 18, 2009

    A must read for caregiver and professional alike!

    Jacqueline's book is helpful and humorous, dealing with the timeless topic of caring for ones aging parents. As a case manager, I found the resources in the book to be invaluable. As a child of aging parents, I found the story heartwarming, uplifting, and affirming. The book was a real page-turner with a LOL funny storyline. A must read!

    19 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 12, 2009

    A Loving Advocate Makes All the Difference

    "As I read Elder Rage I felt like I was right there going through every unbelievable twist and turn with Jacqueline. Her incredible indefatigable humor and pop culture references often brought laugh-out-loud relief to situations you'd never expect! She also includes extensive valuable suggestions and resources to help caregivers navigate their situation. As the son of an Alzheimer's sufferer, I know so well that having a loving advocate like Jacqueline in the family can make all the difference in the world. Thank you, Jacqueline, for educating and sharing a piece of your heart!"
    --Dan Koffman, Author, "Simple Pleasures for Special Seniors Books" (for later stage dementia/Alzheimer's patients)

    19 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 16, 2008

    Valuable Resource

    This book is a valuable resource to anyone who is caring for an elderly family member. While reading the often funny, always touching, occasionally horrifying memoir, I learned so much about caring for my aging mother. This is rich with advice, examples, and brilliance. Thank you, Jackie, for sharing your story with us. I will buy more copies and give them to my friends whose parents are approaching the age where they¿ll need some care. I am also now taking assessment of my own behaviors as I get older; I don¿t want any of my bad habits following me into my golden years! It is clear from your Jake Tales that these habits may become exaggerated as we get older and I don¿t want my kids to have to deal with me if I¿m going to be difficult

    18 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 10, 2008

    Best Alzheimer's Book I Have Ever Read

    As a Caregiver Coordinator for the local Area Agency on Aging I read a lot of books concerning caregiving and Alzheiemer's disease. This is the best one I have ever read. The story is told with humor, but it is full of extremely helpful tips and education. A great book! I will recommend it to all of my caregivers!

    17 out of 17 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 24, 2008

    Very helpful

    Gave encouragement to me when starting out caring for my dad. Learned a lot from a book that wasn't written in a 'textbook' format, but in a way anyone could read and enjoy while learning about the ups & downs.

    17 out of 17 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 27, 2009

    WOMEN'S STRENGTH

    The book is not for the squeamish, however I feel much stronger as a woman after having read Elder Rage. I am more ready to take some stands in making better decisions for myself--and am left wondering why it took me so long to see the light regarding my personal abilities. If this new feeling does not last, I may need another dose of Elder Rage to get me back on track. Although the book is her personal story, I found much everyday wisdom in it, so that even an individual who is not a caregiver can gain a completely new perspective on life.

    15 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 22, 2008

    ELDER RAGE Saved My Sanity!

    Before I read Elder Rage I thought either I or my father had gone insane. This outstanding, unflinching account of the author's heartbreaking struggle with her out-of-control father showed me I wasn't crazy, nor was I alone in my struggle, and my father needed my help, compassion and most of all my prayers.

    15 out of 16 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 9, 2008

    I'm not giving birth

    When you give birth it is obvious and everyone wants to help and you have tons of books to read but when dementia hits you don't know the date, where to start, what to do, no one jumps in to help and you feel like you are concurring the west again. When you retire your family should be given this book so they know what the signs are and not just brush off as they are getting old. I wish i had this book 2 yrs ago when i jumped in feet first to tackle my in-laws.

    14 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 30, 2009

    Just the ticket!

    If nothing is to be feared, only understood, has this writer got the solution for you! With humor as the override, the writer takes you where few have dared to go. You'll find much that validates the worst of situations with difficult parents and even more that will keep you focused and winning the battles. A must-read for anyone questioning their sanity after dealing with hard-to-handle parents!

    13 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2008

    Now your parents need you!

    Your parents spend years taking care of you. Then one day you find out they can't do very much without you. This book is the authority on how to care for elder parents and leaves no stone unturned.

    13 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 13, 2008

    Been there, done that, she has too...

    This is one of the most outstanding books I can recommend about dealing with difficult elderly parents. Anyone can quote helpful suggestions, but reading this story is an eye-opening experience for a baby-boomer about to begin the wonderful world of 'taking care of my parents.' Sure, we can tell people there are gaps in the system, that they need to be prepared for...and this is how you might deal with.... but reading Jackie's experiences puts it in a human perspective. She makes you really care about her parents as human beings, and to root for her and her caregivers as they struggle to cope and find ways to deal with what seems to be an impossible situation. The informational sections at the end are sound, and quite helpful, but not as personal, engrossing and human. I can see this becoming a good movie, one you'd actually be able to tolerate watching, as good a love story as 'The Notebook,' but true. As someone who is caring for a elderly parent,I have bought copies of this book for everyone I know who is going through similar trials.

    13 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 1, 2009

    Elder Rage is a large step forward into understanding roadblocks and struggles associated with doctors and care for an elderly person

    Elder Rage was my first exposure to some of the big differences between dealing with myself and dealing with my parents in the medical system. Most of us want to do our best and do whats right for our parents in the twilght of their lives. This book gave me some really good advice, so hopefully I will have an easier time with my parents (which I have).

    12 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 28, 2009

    The One Must-Have Book for Caregivers

    Elder Rage is a must-have book for all caregivers of elderly parents. Jacqueline Marcell's ability to keep her sanity through heart-breaking episodes of parental dementia and extreme frustration with professionals, will be of great help to everyone dealing with the elderly, not only their children but also professionals who interact with them. Written with great compassion and humor. If I had to choose just one book of all that I have read on this topic, this would be the one.

    12 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 19, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    A must read for anyone who has an aging parent

    I was given this book by a patient's daughter who is living with an aging parent. As a home care therapist, I thought Jacqueline's book was perfect in capturing the frustration associated with long term health care. I couldnt put it down once I started it and will recommend it to all my clients' families.

    11 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 25, 2010

    This is a Life Changing Story

    I read this book on a whim, my mother had borrowed it from a friend of hers and when I saw it at Mom's house, I had to read it. However now that I've read it, I have to say it is a fantastic book. The author tells her very personal story of dealing with her elderly parents who both suffer from ill health and dementia. Her father particularly is combative at times which adds a twist tot he story that had me praying that Jackie would find a way to help all of them. I was able to relate to much of her story as it is told in a conversational tone and is easy to draw parallels between your situation and hers. I would recommend this book to absolutely everyone who is in a caregiver situation.

    11 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

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