Overview

An expert in father-daughter relationships shows daughters how to forge a new path to communication with their fathers

Psychologist Linda Nielsen shows readers how every daughter can transform her relationship with her father--if she is willing to be the adult who does the emotional embracing rather than the angry, hurt little girl waiting for Daddy to embrace her. Based on her popular Fathers and Daughters course--the first in the country ...

See more details below
Embracing Your Father

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 7.0
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 10.1
  • NOOK HD Tablet
  • NOOK HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK eReaders
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$10.99
BN.com price
(Save 44%)$19.95 List Price

Overview

An expert in father-daughter relationships shows daughters how to forge a new path to communication with their fathers

Psychologist Linda Nielsen shows readers how every daughter can transform her relationship with her father--if she is willing to be the adult who does the emotional embracing rather than the angry, hurt little girl waiting for Daddy to embrace her. Based on her popular Fathers and Daughters course--the first in the country devoted to exploring father-daughter relationships--Nielsen shows every woman how to:

  • Go first and initiate a better relationship
  • Examine her expectations regarding her relationship with her father
  • Cultivate self-reliance
  • Get to know her father as a person
  • Explore her mother's role in the relationship
  • Stay connected, even through divorce
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780071457217
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
  • Publication date: 4/7/2004
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 288
  • File size: 3 MB

Meet the Author

Dr. Linda Nielsen (Lewisville, NC) is a professor of psychology at Wake Forest University and author of Adolescence: A Contemporary View and Motivating Adolescents: A Handbook for Parents and Teachers. She has taught her father-daughter course for 10 years and has received several awards for her research and writing.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

Embracing Your Father

How to Build the Relationship You've Always Wanted with Your Dad


By Linda Nielsen

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2004Linda Nielsen
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-07-145721-7


Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Expand Your Vision Don't Be Blinded by Negative Beliefs


Do you believe that fathers

• Have less natural intuition for raising kids than mothers do?

• Get as much or more pleasure from their jobs than from their kids?

• Have much less impact on their daughters than mothers?

• Sacrifice less than mothers for their children?

• Are more critical and judgmental than mothers?


If you answered yes to many of these, your beliefs are blinding you to certain realities about fathers—including your own. Certain beliefs about men as parents make it harder for fathers and daughters to have as close a relationship as they might have otherwise. Our beliefs can be like blindfolds that prevent us from seeing our fathers clearly or from accepting more of what they have to offer us as parents. Our beliefs also influence what we remember and how we interpret our memories of our fathers. So the challenge is to figure out which of our beliefs and perceptions may be limiting or damaging our relationship. Let's start by looking at your family's beliefs. Then we'll see how your beliefs have influenced your perceptions of your father.


Your Family's Beliefs

In the chapters that follow we're going to look at hundreds of beliefs that may have limited your relationship with your father. For now, let's just consider the 10 beliefs in this quiz to think back to what your family believed as you were growing up.

If every person in your family scored 20, you and your father probably have a communicative, comfortable, emotionally intimate relationship. Your family had the kinds of beliefs that generally create the best relationships between fathers and daughters. As you can see from the "Eye Openers" below, your family's beliefs also reflected the truth as best we know it from research and nationwide statistics. On the other hand, if your family's individual scores are lower than 10, you probably have a fairly uncomfortable, distant, or superficial relationship with your dad. You might get along fairly well, but you really don't know one another very well or spend much time together. This is mainly because your family put the greatest emphasis on your relationship with your mother and had some rather unflattering beliefs about men as parents.

So what? Why does it matter what your family believed about fathers as you were growing up? It matters because your family's beliefs have shaped how you and your family interacted with one another year after year. In turn, those interactions have shaped the kind of relationship you have with your dad. Think of yourselves like actors in a play. Your family's beliefs are the scripts. Your family's particular script tells each of you how you're supposed to act and what to expect from each other as you age. You each act out your roles in father-daughter, mother-daughter, and husband-wife pairings. I am not saying that there's no freedom in families to deviate from our scripts. I am saying, though, that long before you were born, your father's beliefs and your mother's beliefs about how fathers were supposed to act and what father-daughter relationships were supposed to be were creating the scripts that you and your father eventually would act out. Even as a very young child you were learning how you and your father were supposed to interact and what kind of relationship you and he were supposed to have.

Let me give you an example of one very common belief that limits most father-daughter relationships. The belief goes something like this: Because the mother and daughter are both female, they "should" share more with each other and talk more comfortably about what's going on in their lives—especially personal things having to do with feelings and relationships. Because dad is a male, he isn't going to be very interested in, insightful about, or sensitive to those aspects of his daughter's life having to do with emotional stuff. Having picked up this belief from her parents at an early age, the daughter goes to her mother whenever she wants to talk about feelings, problems with friends, or matters of the heart such as love and dating. By the time she's a teenager, the daughter is convinced that "dad isn't interested in talking to me about emotional stuff. He's not sensitive or smart about that kind of thing. Talking like that would make both of us uncomfortable. We talk about the easy stuff like cars, grades, and sports." I can't tell you how many daughters have said this to me. Yet, when I ask them, "How often have you tried to talk to your dad about anything personal or emotional?" almost none of them have given their dad the opportunity to share this side of himself. In other words, the family's initial belief caused everyone to interact in ways that limited the father-daughter relationship.

Of course, not all families have the same beliefs about what father-daughter relationships should be. For instance, some families believe that fathers and daughters should talk just as openly and comfortably as mothers and daughters about personal, emotional, or sensitive topics. Unfortunately, though, many of our beliefs limit the kind of relationship a father and daughter can create together. So use the quiz on page 5 to find the connections between your family's beliefs and the kind of relationship you and your father have developed over the years.

If you scored higher than 20 on this quiz, you have given your father as much chance as you have given your mother to create an emotionally intimate, open, and comfortable relationship with you. But if you scored lower than 10, the way you treat your father probably has limited him to a fairly superficial, distant, or uncomfortable relationship with you. Now compare your score on this quiz with your score on the "Family Beliefs" quiz. Odds are the scores are similar. That is, the more positive beliefs you and your parents had about fathers and daughters while you were growing up, the more likely you are to have treated your father in ways that allowed him to develop an emotionally open and comfortable relationship with you.


Your Memories: Beware!

The beliefs you've grown up with also have shaped the way you perceive your father and what you do or do not remember about him. Your perception includes the way you interpret what he says and does, what you assume his motives are, and what meaning you give to his behavior. Your perceptions also influence and are influenced by your memories. And like your perceptions, your memories are based on what information your brain chooses to store or to ignore—and what meaning it gives to that information when you try to recall it later on.

The Greek philosopher Seneca wrote: "Your eyes will not see when your heart wishes them to be blind." In other words, our beliefs have the potential to blind us to reality by altering our perceptions about other people. Whether we're talking about fathers or used car dealers, our initial beliefs about other groups of people have a tremendous impact on what we notice and remember about them, how we interpret what they do, and how we behave around them. If our initial beliefs and expectations about a particular group are positive (grandmothers, little babies, or puppies), then our relationship with anyone in that group is off to a good start even before we meet them. We expect and predict good things from our relationships with them. But if our beliefs about a particular group are negative (stepmothers, used car dealers, or snakes), then our relationships start out with a handicap. We expect and predict bad things. We interpret what "they" do with a wary, negative, or suspicious eye. ("Watch out for snakes!" or "Beware of stepmothers
(Continues...)


Excerpted from Embracing Your Father by Linda Nielsen. Copyright © 2004 by Linda Nielsen. Excerpted by permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Contents

Acknowledgments          

Introduction          

CHAPTER 1 Expand Your Vision: Don't Be Blinded by Negative Beliefs          

CHAPTER 2 Dad: More Than a Wallet: Learning to Bank on Yourself          

CHAPTER 3 Communication: Open Ears, Open Heart, Open Mind          

CHAPTER 4 Who Is This Man? Drawing Dad Out, Allowing Dad In          

CHAPTER 5 Your Mother's Power: Don't Build a Road to Dad Through Mom          

CHAPTER 6 Sex: Let's Stop Pretending          

CHAPTER 7 Divorce and Remarriage: Resolving, Renewing, Repairing          

Epilogue          

References          

Bibliography          

Index          


Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2006

    this book rocked really hard

    this book really helped me gain some awesome advice on how to deal with mi padre.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 16, 2004

    Embracing Your Father: How to Build the Relationship You Always with Your Dad

    I found this book to be a true eye opener. For years, I have had a view of my father that, in retrospect, impaired our relationship. I always saw my Mom as the nuturing parent and my Dad as simply the source of money and unwanted advice. After reading Dr. Nielsen's book, I now understand that my false assumptions about my Dad really were not only unfair, but were negatively affecting our relationship. This book helped me figure out how to approach my Dad and begin the process of re-establishing our relationship. So far it has been terrific. I strongly recommend this book to all daughters. Our Dads are worth it!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 9, 2004

    Embracing Your Father: How to Build the Relationship You Always with Your Dad

    As the father of a daughter, I was delighted to find this book. Dr. Nielsen does a wonderful job of defining the problems that separate fathers and daughters and providing practical solutions. At every step, she challenges 'conventional wisdom' and myths about fathers. This Father's Day, I plan on sharing this book with my daughter.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)