End of Manhood: A Book for Men of Conscience

Overview

Why do men so often act as if they were split in two - like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - and why do even "good" men display behavior that hurts others? John Stoltenberg provides inspiring new answers, exploring such issues as male anxiety about the judgments of other men and the secret social truces by which men validate each other's manhood. Filled with dramatic surprises, emotional intimacies, and playful wit, The End of Manhood offers a bold new model of sexual and personal identity for any male who truly wants ...
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Overview

Why do men so often act as if they were split in two - like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - and why do even "good" men display behavior that hurts others? John Stoltenberg provides inspiring new answers, exploring such issues as male anxiety about the judgments of other men and the secret social truces by which men validate each other's manhood. Filled with dramatic surprises, emotional intimacies, and playful wit, The End of Manhood offers a bold new model of sexual and personal identity for any male who truly wants to become his best self and live as a man of conscience. In a trenchant challenge to the gurus of "deep masculinity," Stoltenberg argues that embracing myths to get in touch with manhood is futile - because manhood is the biggest myth of all. Rebutting their cultist devotion to manhood with a realistic vision of gender justice, he shows exactly how men of conscience can put his powerful wisdom to work in every aspect of their lives - in love, in sex, in families, among friends. With unblinking candor, stirring conviction, and often biting humor, the author leads readers step-by-step toward personal recognitions that provide a meaningful way out of the manhood sham. In the astonishing last four chapters - written in a rogues' gallery of voices at once ribald and apocalyptic - Stoltenberg exposes the sexual subtexts of manhood run amuck: sexual objectification, male bonding, homophobia, and pornography. Only then, in the Epilog, can this book's profound vision of human self-actualization be at last fully revealed. No one who has been raised to be a man will think about his life the same way after reading this practical and prophetic book. It articulates men's clear-cut choice between believing in the myth of manhood or affirming everyone's sovereign selfhood, between marching in lockstep with other men's gender anxieties or following the beat of one's honestly human heart, between living the lie of manhood or living a life of loving justice. The End of Man
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Stoltenberg ( Refusing to Be a Man ) starts off his provocative book by drawing a sharp distinction between manhood and selfhood. The former he believes to be socially conditioned and based principally on fear, the latter, liberating and just. Presuming that all human beings seek to feel safe, sustained and connected, Stoltenberg concludes that these basic needs are often subverted by the requirements of such myths of masculinity as toughness, competitiveness, pride and single-mindedness. This personal behavioral identity, the author asserts, cannot exist with authentic and integrated selfhood, which demands above all a love of justice and a sense of conscience. Stoltenberg applies his theory to sexual relations, friendship, homosexuality, pornography and other areas. He ends with a call for selfhood, with its altruism and collectivism, and for a concomitant abandonment of what is conventionally called manhood. (Oct.)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780735100404
  • Publisher: Replica Books
  • Publication date: 2/1/1998
  • Format: Library Binding
  • Edition description: REPRINT
  • Pages: 311
  • Product dimensions: 6.20 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Table of Contents

Prolog
An Author's Note to Women Readers
1 How Can I Be Less Afraid of Other Men? 1
2 How Can I Be Closer to People - in Friendship and in Love? 11
3 Why Can't We Tell Our Truths as Men, Man to Man? 20
4 How Do We Know What Manhood Really Is? 27
5 How Can We Have Better Relationships With the Women in Our Lives? 37
6 What Must We Learn About Manhood from Dad? 46
7 What If My Father Didn't Love Me? 56
8 What If I Feel Like a Fatherless Son? 76
9 Isn't There Some Way That Manhood Can Be Redeemed? 86
10 Isn't Manhood Something Basic That We Really Need? 94
11 How Can I Be Anybody If I'm Not a Real Man? 102
12 What's Supposed to Turn a Real Man On? 114
13 Why Can't I Feel OK to Be Me? 128
14 How Can I Get Along Better With My Men Friends? 147
15 How Can I Get Women to Trust Me? 160
16 Why Do Communications in My Love Life Break Down? 171
17 Why Can I Feel Nothing When Someone I Love Feels Pain? 182
18 How Can I Tell the Difference Between What's Right and What's Wrong in My Most Intimate Relationships? 189
19 How Can I Have Better Sex? 207
20 Looking Really Turns Me On - So What's the Matter With That? 235
21 I Like Hanging Out with Just Guys a Lot - Is There Some Kind of a Problem With That Too? 256
22 How Can I Be Close to Men and Not Feel Like I'm Queer? 273
23 If They Take Away My Porno, Will They Take Away My Manhood Next? 280
Epilog: The End of Men 301
Acknowledgments 309
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