Everything I Know about Pirates

( 3 )

Overview

Pirates will often carry their knives in their mouths, although the practice is frowned upon by the American Dental Association.

A collection of made-up facts, educated guesses, and silly pictures about pirates.

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Overview

Pirates will often carry their knives in their mouths, although the practice is frowned upon by the American Dental Association.

A collection of made-up facts, educated guesses, and silly pictures about pirates.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Newcomer Lichtenheld's picture book spoof of a reference on all things piratical will shiver the timbers and tickle the funnybones of those salts, both young and old, with a penchant for silliness. Waltzing through a compendium of merry myths about the terrors of the high seas, Lichtenheld sends up everything from buccaneers' wardrobes (holey boots "ventilated to prevent toe crud"; the origins of "scaredy pants") to their surly looks ("the Pirate Sneer") and their loot ("gold coins, jewelry, and high-end Japanese electronics"), all to mirthful visual accompaniment. He traces the evolution of the pirate flag (the "1620 Hot Dog and Crossbones" was an abject failure, due to the fact that it was "not very scary"), and provides a handy do-it-yourself pirate name chart (because the pirates are "not going to let you in with a name like Nathan or Ashley"). The off-the-cuff commentary maintains a rapid-fire, gag-a-minute pace that dips into the kind of crudeness certain youngsters crave (polka dots on pirates' hankie headscarves "are actually old booger stains"), and the jaunty cartoon illustrations, rendered against a parchment-like backdrop in ink, colored pencil, gouache, pastels "and ear wax," as the copyright page notes, raise the threshold for zaniness. Boisterous fun from fore to aft. Ages 4-8. (May) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
Publishers Weekly
"This picture book spoof of a reference on all things piratical will shiver the timbers and tickle the funnybones of those salts, both young and old, with a penchant for silliness," according to PW. Ages 4-8. (May) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Children's Literature
This picture book is a cross between the yarns that made pirates famous and a terrible school report. Lichtenheld begins with some probable truths, but his tongue-in-cheek quipping is apparent when he labels his pirate illustration. An arrow points to the eye patch and the author explains that his eye poked out when a seagull made doo-doo in his eye and he forgot about his new hand-hook. Facts like these are perfect for an age group struggling with first school reports. Some sophistication might be needed to catch the more subtle references, like the skull and cross bones flag by Leonardo "Peg Leg" da Vinci. The book spans several ages because of these references, the blend of street and pirate lingo, the delivery of text with an attitude, and just a touch of the bathroom humor children love. 2000, Simon & Schuster, $16.00. Ages 7 to 10. Reviewer: Susie Wilde
Children's Literature - Children's Literature
Lichtenheld mixes his childhood fascination with pirates with an adult's cynical view of buccaneer legends to create this hilarious read, in the tradition of Jon Scieszka. It has clever writing and visual puns for adults, and plenty of gross-out humor and other silly stuff for kids. For instance, a handy chart helps kids make up official pirate names in time for the annual convention, since "they're not going to let you in with a name like Nathan or Ashley." When pirates get bored with fighting, they "get together over a root beer and tell lies about how mean they were in the battle." And we're told that the carrying of knives between teeth is standard, but "frowned upon by the American Dental Association." Parents won't mind reading this book over and over, because they'll likely see new humor each time in Lichtenheld's goofy illustrations which were, he assures us, rendered in "ink, colored pencil, gouache, pastels and ear wax." 2000, Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, Ages 4 to 8, $16.00. Reviewer: Donna Freedman—Children's Literature
School Library Journal
Gr 2-5-The subtitle succinctly describes this silly book. The tongue-in-cheek humor will appeal to those who like to be grossed out by boogers, earwax, chest hair, body odor, and seagull poop. Some jokes may need to be explained to younger children: "Sometimes a pirate would refuse to use a map at all and just wander aimlessly around the ocean, refusing to even stop to ask directions. These were usually Dad pirates." A two-page "Official Pirate Glossary" reflects the mixture of fact and fiction throughout: "Buccaneer 1. A fancy French word for `pirate.' 2. How much a pirate pays to get his ears pierced." This spoof is not to be confused with factual books about pirates, even though the CIP recommends a 910.4'5 Dewey classification. The cartoon-style illustrations, rendered in "ink, colored pencil, gouache, pastels, and ear wax," are large and plentiful with amusing captions. Don't walk the plank for this one.-Eunice Weech, M. L. King Elementary School, Urbana, IL Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
Kirkus Reviews
Accurately subtitled "A collection of made-up facts, educated guesses, and silly pictures about bad guys of the high seas," this study affirms many popular misconceptions about these archetypal villains. It clears up plenty of mysteries too, such as what pirates eat (weevils, maggots, and food stolen from fish schools) or why (besides terminal clumsiness) so many are one-eyed, one-handed, and peg-legged. Lichtenheld also describes pirate fashion in detail, from boots ("Ventilated to prevent toe crud") to hair styles, presents a gallery of historical skull and crossbones alternatives ("Hot dog and crossbones, 1620"), then caps the narrative with a chart of pirate-like monikers and a glossary ("Buccaneer. 2. How much a pirate pays to get his ears pierced"). Ingenious, sometimes gross, and illustrated with cartoony views of leering plug-uglies, this makes a fine companion to Colin McNaughton's Captain Abdul's Pirate School (1994) or, for readers who prefer somewhat straighter stuff, such alternatives as Richard Platt's Eyewitness title, Pirates (not reviewed). (Picture book. 7-10)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780689860096
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books For Young Readers
  • Publication date: 4/2/2003
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 40
  • Sales rank: 401,160
  • Age range: 4 - 8 Years
  • Lexile: NC930L (what's this?)
  • Product dimensions: 7.90 (w) x 10.90 (h) x 0.20 (d)

Meet the Author

Tom Lichtenheld has illustrated several New York Times bestselling picture books, including Shark vs. Train; Duck! Rabbit!; and Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site. He lives with his wife in Illinois. Visit him at TomLichtenheld.com.

Tom Lichtenheld has illustrated several New York Times bestselling picture books, including Shark vs. Train; Duck! Rabbit!; and Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site. He lives with his wife in Illinois. Visit him at TomLichtenheld.com.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1: Starting Up Dreamweaver

After double-clicking the Dreamweaver program icon, you will be faced with a myriad of windows, palettes, and inspectors. The possibilities are endless. But fear not, fellow traveler, you will become well acquainted with the Dreamweaver environment. Before we get started, however, there are a few things that need to be introduced. First and most important is an introduction to the Dreamweaver environment and the ways it can be molded to suit your preferences. Then, the chapter will close with a look at how to set up a local site on your own hard drive. In this chapter, you will learn about the following topics:
  • A tour of the Dreamweaver interface
  • Customizing the Dreamweaver environment
  • Setting up a local site

A Tour of the Dreamweaver Interface

One of the great joys of Dreamweaver is its interface. The program boasts an incredible set of tools, all of which need to be right at your fingertips at a moment's notice. The interface, which is designed to accommodate a wide range of expertise and working styles, allows you to maximize what's really important-creativity. The interface itself is broken up into a series of windows, palettes, and inspectors. In this section, you'll be introduced to the most common of these tools.

Note
Never a company to do any following, Macromedia has managed to stay well ahead of the pack with this newest release of Dreamweaver. The program itself has some very cool new features that fit into four general categories: code, design, collaborative tools, and user interface. For a more detailed look at Dreamweaver 4's new features, check out the bonus web-only content for this volume at www.sybex.com/2832.
The Document Window

All of your creations will take shape in the Document Window. Think of it as a canvas upon which you paint your web pages. Don't be fooled by its initial emptiness, however. The Document Window is far more than just a vacant space into which you mold your creations. There is an abundance of information and tools built right into the Status Bar, which lies at the bottom of the Document Window. The following subsection will explore the most important of these tools.

The Tag Selector

The Tag Selector is a nifty selection tool that displays the HTML tags that are associated with any given element you select. Simply click the particular tag of an element, and that element-be it an image, a table, or text-is automatically selected.

Window Size

The Window Size serves two primary functions. First, it provides an indicator as to the current size (in pixels) of the Document Window you're currently working in. Second, if you resize your window, the Window Size changes immediately to reflect the new value. By clicking the Window Size and opening the drop-down menu, you can easily choose from a preset list of window sizes.

Document Size/Download Time

The Document Size/Download Time indicator is one of the unsung heroes of the Dreamweaver environment. Basically, it tells you the current size of your page (in kilobytes) and the amount of time (in seconds) it will take to download it over a 28.8KBps modem connection.

As you add objects to your page, both numbers will increase. If you spend a lot of time thinking about bandwidth, this is definitely a tool to keep your eye on. Later in this chapter, you will learn how to change the reading to reflect the download time at different speedsover a 56KBps modem or a cable modem, for example.

The Mini-Launcher

With a click of the mouse, the Mini-Launcher allows you to launch (from left to right) the Site Window, the HTML Styles Palette, the Cascading Style Sheet Palette, the Behaviors Palette, the History Palette, the HTML Inspector, and the Assets Panel. A little later in the chapter you'll learn about the Mini-Launcher's big brother, the Launcher, and how you can add and remove tools from the Launcher...

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Table of Contents

Starting Up Dreamweaver
Setting Up a Dreamweaver Document
Adding and Manipulating Text
Working with Images
Working with Hyperlinks
Working with Tables
Before You Get Started with Fireworks
Setting Up a Fireworks Document
Creating and Manipulating Images
Working with Text
Optimizing and Exporting Images
Creating GIF Animations
Index
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 3 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 10, 2009

    Hilarious!

    I love this book! The humor is delightful; this is a wonderful and silly account of all things pirate.

    A few portions of the book can be difficult to handle in a read-aloud setting (certain side notes and illustration captions), so I suggest simply skipping these if you find that they are difficuly to work into the flow of the story. It should be noted these portions of the book are quite funny, so if you feel comfortable working them in do so.

    A great "just for fun" read.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 2, 2004

    Preschool Teachers LOVE this book!

    MAYBE the adult reader needs a sense of humor to appreciate the wonderful tongue-in-cheek comedy in this handy guide to all things Pirate! The preschoolers (ages 3-5) that I work with would have me read and explore this fun book daily. It is a must for anyone with a little pirate blood runnin' through 'em!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 28, 2002

    A hard book for parents to read

    I am a mother of two boys,ages 4 and 3, who adore pirates. They like this book because the pictures are fun...but, the book is so tedious to read as a parent. The jokes are not funny to either myself or my kids. I dread it when my kids pick this book to read that my husband will often times read it for me because he knows how much I hate it. There are better books out there.

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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews

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