Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypseby Lucas Klauss
A male perspective on sorting love from loss, faith from fear—brimming with humor and romance.
Phillip’s sophomore year is off to a rough start. One of his best friends ditches him. His track coach singles him out for personalized, torturous training sessions. And his dad decides to clean out all of the emergency supplies from the basement,/b>
A male perspective on sorting love from loss, faith from fear—brimming with humor and romance.
Phillip’s sophomore year is off to a rough start. One of his best friends ditches him. His track coach singles him out for personalized, torturous training sessions. And his dad decides to clean out all of the emergency supplies from the basement, even though the world could end in disaster at any moment...and even though those supplies are all Phillip has left of his dead mom. Not that he wants to talk about that.
But then Phillip meets Rebekah. Not only is she unconventionally hot and smart, but she might like him back. As Phillip gets closer to Rebekah, he tries harder and harder to turn himself into the kind of person he thinks she wants him to be. But the question is, can he become that person? And does he really want to?
“A moving tale of the things that bring us together and thethings that tear us apart. Klauss navigates the fragile landscape of faith, friendship, and love with wit and insight.” Carolee Dean, author of Take Me There
"Smart, honest, and thought-provoking, Everything YouNeed to Survive the Apocalypse is like nothing I've read before. What anamazing debut!" Lisa Schroeder,author of I Heart You, You Haunt Me and The Day Before
"Curious, funny, and heartfelt." Albert Borris, author of Crash Into Me
"A powerful, thoughtful story about the wonders offirst love and a young man's quest to find a truth he can believe and live for. Lucas Klauss has written with courage about love and faith." Francisco X. Stork, author of Marcelo in the Real World
"A funny, thought-provoking look at the friends you lose and the friends you keep, the girls you get and the girls who get away, and the big questions you ask, even when they don't have answers." Leila Sales, author of Mostly Good Girls and Past Perfect
“Razor-sharp, hilarious, and so smart. Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse is the book you were afraid to let yourself want.” Hannah Moskowitz, author of Invincible Summer and Break
“High School only feels like the end of the world. What do you need to survive? Good friends, faith it will all work out, belief in yourself, and a sense of humor. Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse delivers on all fronts. I would recommend this book in your survival kit instead of bottled water and extra batteries.” Eileen Cook, author of The Education of Hailey Kendrick and Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood
"Struggles with faith, family, friendship, and first love aren’t the end of the world, but sometimes they feel like it to 15-year-old Phillip Flowers. Author Lucas Klauss skillfully and honestly portrays the complexities of teenage life, as Phillip discovers that the only thing scarier than, say, a universe-imploding supercollider accident is having to pick up the pieces and find the answers—or at least the questions—when life goes on." Michael Northrop, author of Gentlemen and Trapped
"Soulful, but sinfully funny, Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse is for any reader who's ever had to deal with 'the end of the world.' (In other words, all of us!)" –Micol Ostow, author of 30 Guys in 30 Days and Family
"Maddeningly funny and heartbreaking. Klauss makes the end of the world feel like something to celebrate." –John M. Cusick, author of Girl Parts
"Apocalyptically wonderful. A smart and funny and sincere exploration of teenagers and faith." Kristen Tracy, author of Lost It and A Field Guide for Heartbreakers
"An unflinching exploration of faith, devotion, and doubt: What do we believe in? Why do we believe it? Klauss asks us, and his characters, the essential questions." –Lauren Strasnick, author of Nothing Like You and Her and Me and You
"Transports grown-up readers back to a time of feeling young, awkward and convinced that a broken heart is essentially the end of the world." Manhattan Magazine
"Tackles big issues [of] faith and love." Kirkus
“A tightly woven story….This book would be a positive addition to a balanced young adult collection.” VOYA
"Filled with smart observations and achingly funny insights. Debut author Lucas Klauss develops his characters with honesty and humor, asking thoughtful questions and avoiding easy answers. Not only is Phillip's journey of discovery an enjoyable page-turner, it's provocative enough to keep readers thinking long after they've finished the last page." Shelf Awareness
"Provocative....guaranteed to raise discussions." SLJ
“Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse is wise about the misunderstandings we hang onto and the ways we fail to understand one another in both friendship and love.” BookPage
"Insightful, humorous, and truthful....Already a skilled and polished writer, first-novelist Klauss offers adult and youth characters that are developed, realistic, and provocative....This book could well become the sort of came-from-nowhere, sustained hit that Stephen Chbosky's Perks of Being a Wallflower proved to be." Booklist, starred review
“Thoughtful…witty…well-drawn.” Publishers Weekly
Read an Excerpt
Everything You Need To Survive The Apocalypse
Pain cuts through my foot each time it hits the pavement. I hobble and curse, and then I stumble onto a nearby lawn. The muggy air feels like gauze against my face.
Asher and Mark stop running too. We all catch our breath.
“What happened?” Asher says, planting his hands on his hips and doing that thing where he shows his top row of teeth as he inhales. The front two are perfect and white like crunchy gum.
With my butt perched on the curb, I lean back on my hands. The grass feels soft but prickly and it smells as much like chemicals as gas.
“I bent my foot,” I say. “On the curb.”
“What?” Mark says, cocking his head sideways.
“He stepped on the curb,” Asher says. “And his foot bent.” He demonstrates with his own foot, twisting it sideways.
Mark starts to jog in place. He’s lanky and looks kind of like a giraffe when he runs. “Dude, get up,” he says. “If Ferret sees us just standing around, he’s gonna—”
“Yeah, I know.” Ferret, otherwise known as Randy Farragut, is the thirty-year-old assistant coach of boys’ cross-country. During practice he rides his bike along the course to make sure everyone is running as fast and as far as he thinks they should.
And he despises the three of us.
Partially because we sometimes don’t run as fast and as far as he thinks we should. Partially because we obviously don’t care. Partially because everybody started calling him Ferret this summer and he decided that we were responsible. And we kind of were, but …
Anyway, it’s mostly because he’s a dick.
And even if he does believe that I injured myself, which he won’t, he’ll still bust Asher and Mark for standing around.
Which means sprints. A lot of sprints.
And a lot of public mockery when girls’ cross-country catches up to us in a couple of minutes.
“Try to get up,” Asher says. “Maybe it’s okay now.” He wipes the sweat around his sports goggles with his ratty Atlanta Cup tournament T-shirt, from when we still played soccer.
I push up from the grass, take a step, and grimace from the pain. I sit back down.
“Just go,” I say.
“You sure?” Asher says.
Mark kicks the toe of his sneaker against the asphalt and glances behind us again.
I shake my head. “Save yourselves.”
They laugh at me, and I think: This is why we’re friends. Because if either of them were in my position, I’d leave them, too.
Mark points behind me. “Hide behind that mailbox.”
In a yard off the nearby cul-de-sac, I see it. As big around as a column and made of brick, it’s more like a mail fortress. It’s perfectly sized to conceal a crouching coward, but—
“Just rest for a minute and take the shortcut,” Mark says. “We’ll meet you.” He looks back again, his eyes a little panicked. The Slow Freshmen—the only group of boys slower than us—are about to catch up. “Come on, dude.”
“Okay, okay. Go.”
Asher and Mark take off, and I push myself up again. I press my weight onto my good leg and limp to the cul-de-sac, flexing my hands and cringing as I go. I plop down onto a patch of shady grass behind the mailbox and shift myself so I can’t be seen from the main road. I gasp.
And then I hang my head and say, “Dammit.”
Because now I’m trapped. My ankle already really hurt, and I just made it worse. There’s no way I can meet up with Asher and Mark before Ferret sees them. And when he sees them and doesn’t see me, he’ll come hunting for me, the lame gazelle at the watering hole. Or whatever ferrets hunt.
I’ll be embarrassingly easy to find. But, to Ferret, the fact that I’m even trying to hide will be proof that I’m faking, that I really am as lazy as he keeps saying. Even though he’s the one who rides around on his Schwinn while the rest of us suffer.
He’ll insult me. He’ll humiliate me. He might even suspend me from the team.
And I’ll try to defend myself, but not hard enough. I’ll just take what he dishes out and call him Ferret behind his back. Because that’s what I do.
I hear a group of girls run by, their sharp breathing and the clap of their shoes against the pavement. I imagine Ferret barking at them to come see Phillip the Gutless Wonder.
I can’t stay here. After the girls pass, I’ll stagger away, no matter how much it hurts. I’ll limp through people’s yards and sneak back to the locker room and never come back.
I mean, I might come back if—
I hear footsteps.
One set of footsteps. On this street. Coming closer.
I didn’t hear Ferret’s bike, but I wasn’t really paying attention.
No no no.
My body tenses up. A cold drop of sweat dangles from my eyebrow. I want to swat it, but only my heart moves, like a dragonfly hovering in my chest.
The footsteps move softly. Closer.
I look up.
Standing, towering over me, green eyes catching the light.
There’s this girl.
Meet the Author
Lucas Klauss received an MFA in writing for children from the New School, and his humor writing has been featured online at McSweeney’s and College Humor—but mostly at LucasKlauss.com. He lives in Brooklyn, New York. This is his first novel.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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Ok, so to start things off, this book is absolutely not about the actual apocalypse, so if you think this is going to be an end of the world, survival, zombie infestation type book...it's not, BUT this book was a pleasant change from zombies, vampires, werewolves and everything else supernatural. We follow the main character, Phillip Flowers, as he attempts to figure out who he is and what his beliefs are. Told in first person view (my personal fav, as you all know), Klauss has incorporated humour into a novel that deals with issues that have plagued many teens, whether it be religion, or relationships with family and friends. Klauss¿ writing style made me feel like the character was really talking to me, confiding in me¿even opening up to me. I really enjoyed his telling of this story in a teen¿s perspective. Klauss did a fantastic job of writing how Phillip, a male teen, expresses his feelings and thoughts. For example, it was interesting to see Phillips point of view when it came to asking out girls, and with dealing with his emotions. One of my favorite aspects of the novel was how some of the chapters Klauss writes were lengthy and detailed with events and conversations, where other chapters are very short and to the point, but was written with so much emotion. Klauss introduces us to a cast of unforgettable characters, and allows the reader to experience the emotional ups and downs of friendship and love. You can see that Klauss has put in so much personality into these characters, that there is no way that they cannot make an impact on the reader. We are lucky to experience Phillip¿s first kiss, his inner conflict with religion, how and where he draws his strength to continue on the path he chooses, and how he deals with the many revelations revealed to him along the way. You can feel the emotion and confusion and pain Phillip goes through when the ones he trusted the most, betray him. I felt that Klauss wrote with so much raw emotion, that I could not put this book down. There were points in the novel where I would put the book down, look back on my life¿back to when I was a teenager, and reflect on the decisions I had made, and what the consequences were. But on the flip side, as a parent, I also reflected on the decision I make now with my kids, and how that will influence them when they grow up. I found that it was the littlest details that kept me intrigued. You are told in the synopsis that Philip¿s mother is dead, but Klauss allows the reader the tiniest of teases throughout the book without revealing how it happened until the end. Not necessarily my type of book, but I do recommend this to anyone who enjoys contemporary YA novels, who enjoy a good coming of age story mixed in with a little humour, and a lot of heart.