Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting: Name what you want. Feel what you want. Allow it to happen.


Using the best-selling book Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting as her "bible," Marla Martenson teaches readers how to practice the Law of Attraction to find their true soul mates.

Martenson helps her clients--and now her readers--attract their soul mates using four fundamental steps:
1. Name what you DON'T ...

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Using the best-selling book Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting as her "bible," Marla Martenson teaches readers how to practice the Law of Attraction to find their true soul mates.

Martenson helps her clients--and now her readers--attract their soul mates using four fundamental steps:
1. Name what you DON'T want.
2. Name what you DO want.
3. Feel what you want.
4. Allow it to happen.

With each step, Martenson offers Soul Mate Assignments, practical dating advice and strategies that readers practice so they can magnetize and energize their feelings to "attract" the perfect partner.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

If you can tolerate reading about "getting into the feeling place," "getting that buzz" and sending "good vibrations," then perhaps professional matchmaker (and former model and actress) Martenson has some wisdom for you. She recommends gaining self-confidence with daily affirmations ("Love pours into my life from every corner of the universe"), accentuating the positive, "let go of the negative" and love will come. More usefully, she emphasizes knowing what you do and don't want in a soul mate and how to assess whether a relationship is headed in the right direction. (Feb.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781571745606
  • Publisher: Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.
  • Publication date: 2/1/2008
  • Edition description: Excuse Me Series
  • Pages: 200
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Marla Martenson is a former model and actress turned professional matchmaker. She has introduced many couples who subsequently married—and continues to inspire and help those still looking for their life's companion. She is married to her soul mate and lives in Los Angeles, California.
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Read an Excerpt

Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting

By Marla Martenson

Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.

Copyright © 2008 Marla Martenson
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57174-560-6


The Law of Attraction an overview

If you are already a fan of Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting or any of the other books in the Excuse Me series, you know about the Law of Attraction. You know that what we think, and especially what we "feel," can manifest what we want into our lives. Learning to consciously use the Law of Attraction is important. And as Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting first revealed, there are four fundamental steps to using the Law of Attraction well so you can co-create anything that you want into your life. The steps are:

1. Identify what you don't want.

2. Then identify what you do want.

3. Get into the "feeling place" of what you want.

4. Expect, listen, and allow it to happen.

That's all there is to it. I'll explain more about these steps later, but know now that as you get into the habit of applying these steps in your everyday life, you will notice things change for the better in every area, not just in your relationships. Your bank account won't be as empty, you will have more energy, and your doubts and fears will slowly (or even quickly) melt away You will feel more in control of your life. You will no longer have that "victim mentality," feeling buffeted around by circumstances that seem out of your control. Especially when it comes to relationships, too many people end up feeling "used" or "victimized" by the opposite sex.

Last year, I was at a girlfriends house. I hadn't seen her in about three years, though we kept in touch by e-mail through which she frequently told me "how bad things are." As we made some dinner, and then sat down and talked, she seemed extremely bitter. Now in her forties, she lamented over how much time she had wasted choosing to be with the "wrong men" for the past fifteen years. But instead of taking responsibility for her choices, she talked as if she was a "victim" of these men whom she felt had stolen her youth. She explained that in future relationships, she would "use" the men instead to get back at them for all they had done to her.

Can you imagine? Instead of using her creative energy and the Law of Attraction to find a really great guy, my friend was now setting up a reality of becoming a user in a world of users! I have since chosen to let my relationship with her go. I now make it a habit to have only positive, high-frequency friends in my life! That's how the Law of Attraction works. What we believe, think, and feel are what we tend to manifest or create1 People who use the Law of Attraction understand this—there is no such thing as a victim. Yes, events may happen, but we victimize ourselves when we don't learn anything from these events. On the other hand, we can decide to grow from our experiences and manifest our BBL—our bigger, better life! Your choice!

Victims no more!

As I said, it's easy to blame others for what happens in our lives—lousy circumstances, bad luck, inconsiderate people, a broken mirror, or a black cat walking under a ladder. We all use cop-out phrases like, "It's just my luck," "Good things never happen to me," "I'm not smart enough," or "I'll never be successful." And what happens when we say these things? They become reality! Our beliefs become real life (see exercise on the next page). So, if you want to have "good luck," to be smart and successful, it's time to break this rotten habit right here and now. Decide to no longer believe and live by the perception that outer circumstances control your life. Throw out notions that bad luck or karma from another lifetime has the power to stop you from manifesting what you want. Permanently move out of the neighborhoods of fear, negativity, and lack. Why live in those dumpy towns anymore? Choose instead to raise your energy and vibrations. Couple these with positive affirmations, and you will be far more likely to attract to yourself a terrific life.

You are not a victim! You were born into this life to experience joy and prosperity. You are here to thrive in light and love, and have wonderful and healthy relationships. You deserve it. You deserve to have all of your desires realized. And this book will show you how to create whatever you want, whether its a peaceful relationship or a new pair of shoes. As you will learn, it begins with having positive thoughts. But these won't make a bit of difference unless you combine them with lifting your vibration so it can magnetically pull those wants into your life. You have to feel yourself having what you want.

How do you get the right kind of magnetic vibration? Understand, first of all, that we are made of energy. I know that we look like we are a solid mass walking around on this Earth, but we are actually energy that is vibrating. When we have negative thoughts, we tend to hook them up with negative feelings. These cause us to vibrate at a low frequency. In contrast, when we have positive thoughts, we vibrate at a higher frequency. And when we couple positive thoughts with good feelings, we vibrate at a level that can pull some positive experiences into our lives!

That is why I want you to learn to distinguish good feelings from bad feelings. When you get this down, your life will get moving. You'll be able to create anything that you darn well please! Bad feelings are fear based. Fear-based thoughts vibrate at an extremely low frequency. They keep your good from you. And they attract yucky stuff into your life, making sure that you get more of the same. Bad feelings include anger, resentment, jealousy, worry, and doubt. Good feelings include enthusiasm, love, joy, excitement, appreciation, delight, and gratitude. These vibrate at a high frequency and pull the good stuff to you! That is why you want to learn how to stay within the vibration of good feelings as much as you can.

Gtting Started

And here's some more exciting news. You are not alone in your quest to attract and maintain good vibes. You have a creation partner. I like to call it God, but you can call it whatever you please: Higher Self, Inner Being, Spiritual Guide, Intuition, or even Gertrude! It doesn't matter what you call it, but it's right there with you co-creating. Isn't that fantastic? And God put you on this Earth so you can optimize it. He wants you to live up to your full potential and not dwell on all the things that you feel are missing from your life, including a wonderful relationship. So, let's get started on the four steps of the Law of Attraction and how you can use them to find your soul mate!


Identifying Your "Don't Wants" and "Do Wants"

Even though I've advised you not to dwell on the things that are missing from your life, go ahead for a moment and think of those things that you don't want when it comes to your next relationship. Yes, indulge in a little pity party because I'm going to show you how to turn your list of "don't wants" into a list of "do wants" that you can manifest in your life. Here's an example in terms of attracting a great relationship into your life.

"Don't Wants"

* don't want to waste my time with losers any longer.

* I don't want to be taken advantage of by others.

* I don't want to make bad choices anymore.

* I don't want to be single.

* I don't want to be lied to.

* I don't want to be alone anymore on Saturday nights.

Now turn each one of these "don't wants" into a positive affirmation of what you want to have in your life instead.

"Do Wants"

* I do want to spend my time with wonderful, interesting people.

* I do want to have a mutually respectful relationship.

* I do want to make smart choices when dating.

* I do want to be in a wonderful relationship with my soul mate.

* I do want to have experiences with only honest and forthright people.

* I do want to know that I am making a difference in someone's life and that I am loved.

* I do want to be in love and have it reciprocated.

Watch It!

Now, doesn't it feel great to turn your "don't wants" into positive affirmations instead? As I mentioned previously, you must be careful to avoid concentrating too much on what you don't want. Use an understanding of what you don't want to help you clarify what you do want, but be careful. Sometimes what you want and don't want can get confused. Just wanting something isn't going to bring it to you if you continue to obsess on not having it at the same time. This only feeds the experience of not having, and these negative emotions repel what you are trying to attract. So, instead of focusing on your feeling of "I don't want to be single any longer" or "I don't want to date unavailable men," change it to "I want to be in a loving relationship with someone who is available and happy to be with me." Why? If you only focus on what you don't want, your constant attention on it will make it bigger. Even more tricky is when it looks like you are saying you want something, but in reality you are emphasizing the negative aspects of what you don't want. For example:

"I want out of this depressing, unhappy, and unfulfilling relationship."

"I want to get out of debt."

"I want to get out of this poor-paying job that isn't satisfying me emotionally and creatively."

Where is the focus? In each of those examples, it's on what you don't want. If you are giving passionate attention and thought to something you truly do not want, even when it's phrased as a want, it will eventually backfire on you. Obviously, you can't scrutinize every thought you have to see if it's a "do want" or a "don't want." Your head would explode! But this is where your feelings come in. Pay attention to how getting what you want makes you feel. If what you are thinking about makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and happy as a clam, you are into a "do want." If you feel like a dark cloud is over your head, you're into a "don't want."

As soon as you recognize that you are focusing on a pesky "don't want," quickly focus on what you do want, or find something else to think about that will get you feeling even a little bit better. Switch your thoughts to your cute little dog, the massage you have scheduled, that bottle of wine you will be enjoying later with the girls, that cute guy who works down the hall. Anything at all! And make sure that you stay in that place until you begin to feel your mood change and your vibrations are up. The longer and more often you can stay in a higher frequency, the quicker your unwanted condition will begin to dissipate.

What Do Men and Women Really Want in a Soul Mate?

So, have you identified what you don't want and do want in a soul mate? If you're having trouble identifying your "do wants," it may be helpful to know some of the feedback I often get as a matchmaker in terms of what people want to have in a future partner. Here are the comments I hear most often.

"Don't Wants"

A partner who "jumps the gun" on a relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend proclaimed undying love for you on the first date, chances are this person is not right for you. This isn't flattering; it's creepy. If this person thinks he "knows" you after just a few hours, or even just a few dates, then he's not interested in the real you. He's just interested in having somebody. This person might turn out to be a stalker or worse. You're better off alone than with someone who wants to be intimate too soon.

A partner who's only looking for someone who looks like a model. I know that we all have our "dream man" or "perfect woman" pictured in our head. "He must be over six feet five and have a full head of hair." "She must weigh 110 pounds and have a 36D chest." But if "someone who looks like a model" is your criterion for a soul mate, I have news for you: you're not likely to find the love of your life! And, conversely, do you really want to be with someone who finds you sexy but could care less about the person inside? Looks are fleeting. Seek a soul mate who is beautiful under the skin. You never know what package your soul mate is going to arrive in. Be flexible, and you just might be pleasantly surprised.

A partner I'd be ashamed to take home to my family. If someone is truly your soul mate, that person is going to be around for a long time. Presumably, you want to be with someone who would fit in well with your family and friends ... someone you'd be proud to take home to Mom and Dad. Don't date a man who wants you to dress like a porn star. He's not seeing you as "wife material" or the mother of his future children. And guys, if you're truly looking for your soul mate, don't date someone you'd be ashamed to bring home to your parents.

A partner who's inconsiderate of others. A person who treats other people poorly, such as waiters and service people, has a poor character. Chances are you will be treated just as badly down the road. Judge a potential partner by how that person treats others. Never settle for someone who's rude or inconsiderate of others' feelings.

A partner who sees me as a sperm bank or a uterus. If you are desperate to have a baby—and, yes, this applies to some men, too—you can't let this affect your search for a partner. Don't settle for someone who's less than a soul mate just because your biological clock is ticking. And if your potential mate brings up the subject of having children with you before you've even had your second date, be wary of being used as a sperm bank or baby carrier.

A partner with bad manners or hygiene. A true soul mate will have your feelings in mind and won't offend you with bad manners or poor hygiene. If he spends every meal on his cell phone, avoiding conversation with you, get rid of him. (If he's a doctor or a single parent and gets an emergency call, give him some slack, of course!) If your potential soul mate always meets you in a T-shirt and flip-flops, and doesn't bother to brush her teeth, then she doesn't care about your feelings. If he burps and farts at the dinner table, and picks his teeth with a matchbook, he's not for you. True soul mates show their "best side," even beyond the first few dates.

A partner who sees me as a piggybank. Does your partner value you only for what you are willing or able to provide monetarily? Does your girlfriend sound like Vanessa, a beautiful woman who uses my agency to get dates? Every single man who gave us feedback about how his date went with Vanessa said the same thing: "She sure is high-maintenance!" Evidently, Vanessa barely has her back side in the chair before she explains to her date that she only flies first-class, loves diamonds, would love to stop working and just lie on the beach with a piña colada all day, and wouldn't consider getting engaged unless she had a ten-carat yellow diamond with baguettes on either side from Harry Winston! She may be the most beautiful woman on the planet, but if you're looking for a true partner, find someone who wants you for yourself, not for what you have in the bank.

A partner who's "full of self." Self-confidence is attractive; boastfulness is not. Men who brag about how much money they make, their six-pack abs, or their brand-new Ferrari aren't soul mate material. This "macho talk" means he's more interested in himself than in you. And it works both ways. Men are turned off by women who are always talking about their looks, their taste for expensive jewelry, or their manicures. Look for a partner who's modest about appearance and accomplishments.

A partner who's "high-maintenance" or needy. Never settle for a partner who relies solely on you for entertainment. Attractive soul mates are independent, not joined to partners at the hip, with their own interests. When I ask my male clients if they care what kind of job a woman has, 95 percent of the time they will answer, "I don't care what she does as long as she has a job and it is something that she enjoys or is passionate about." He doesn't want the pressure of knowing that she is just waiting for him to finish work or whatever he is doing so he can get home to entertain her. A certain degree of independence makes for a balanced and healthy relationship.

A partner who talks about the ex all the time. It is a real turnoff to both men and women to hear stories or complaints about the ex. You want to become involved with someone who is over the past and ready for a new relationship. I get feedback so often from both men and women about their dates going on and on about their ex. And often it is extremely negative. Put the past in the past, and focus on the person in front of you. And find someone who does the same.

"Do Wants"

Now that you know what you should not be looking for in a soul mate, it's time to switch gears and consider what you do want in a future partner. A person with these qualities is definitely soul mate material!

A partner who really listens to me. Listening shows someone is truly interested in you. It's really that simple. Listening indicates respect and appreciation for the other person. Many women tell me that the biggest turn-on is a guy who knows how to listen. And, in fact, women say that the number one reason they start seeing someone else, or if they are married, have an extramarital affair, is because the other man was a willing listener (and her guy wasn't!). And, by the way, listening is an active pursuit. Seek out a partner who really hears what you are saying, who asks a question now and again that shows understanding and the desire to hear more.


Excerpted from Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting by Marla Martenson. Copyright © 2008 Marla Martenson. Excerpted by permission of Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents


Foreword, by Victoria Moran,



CHAPTER 1: The Law of Attraction: An Overview,

CHAPTER 2: Identifying Your "Don't Wants" and "Do Wants",

CHAPTER 3: Getting into Your "Feeling Place",

CHAPTER 4: Keeping the Buzz Going,

CHAPTER 5: Stop Searching and Start Attracting,

CHAPTER 6: Fuel It with Passion,

CHAPTER 7: Let the Love Begin,

CHAPTER 8: Relating for the Right Reasons,

CHAPTER 9: Improving Your Capacity to Love,

CHAPTER 10: How Attractive a Soul Mate Are You?,

CHAPTER 11: Order Up!,

CHAPTER 12: Nearly "The One",

CHAPTER 13: Soul Mates,

CHAPTER 14: Enjoy the Ride!,

CHAPTER 15: Ask Marla: Dating Q&A's,

Appendix A: Affirmations,

Appendix B: How a Matchmaking Service Can Help You Find Your Soul Mate,

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Sort by: Showing all of 15 Customer Reviews
  • Posted December 21, 2013

    Ready for a dating book with a little different viewpoint? Marla

    Ready for a dating book with a little different viewpoint? Marla Martenson has written a book that is readable, timely, and can certainly change your point of view. She also writes with a good deal of humor and understanding. She has been on both sides of the issue, and she definitely knows what she is writing about.

    I love the fact that she takes a positive outlook when it comes to finding your soul mate. She says to think about what you want rather than what you don't want. Don't give up and settle. In fact, your mindset should be that your soul mate is already there. Know what you want, and go for it!

    As a divorcee myself, I know what it is like to have a relationship go sour. I was certain that I did everything right. The only thing I did wrong was to not know who I really was when I got married. Had I taken the time to discover the real me and given myself the needed time and space, I don't think I would have married when and whom I did. I settled, but I did not realize it. I also know what it means to jump into a relationship quickly when one ends. My "engagement" was something that should never have happened, but thankfully, I did what I needed to. I think Marla would have approved. 

    Probably the only criticism I can give is that Marla's positive outlook sometimes paints this topic a little too roseate. There are circumstances that can keep one from finding his/her soul mate that cannot be controlled. And there are even circumstances that will cause your soul mate to walk away from you. The future can be uncertain, and you can only hope and pray that when you find your soul mate, it will be for a lifetime.

    In conclusion, I think that much of the advice in this book applies to dating and even life in general. While I am convinced that I am not ready (and may never be again) to enter the dating scene again, if you are, I recommend this book highly. 

    I was sent a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are 100 percent mine, and I was not financially compensated.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 25, 2008

    A must read for those looking for true love...

    Funny, yet very informative. You will enjoy reading this book! Marla will guide you through finding your true love. I recommend this book to anybody that is single and looking for "The One." Love ya Marla! :)

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 2, 2008

    The Best Dating Book Out There

    This book was so much fun to read. It is so light and full of great stories. It also has practical and informative advice to follow. Actually, I read it twice and am buying it for all of my single girlfriends.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 24, 2008

    entertaining and fun

    entertaining and fun , and covers the basics and essentials.it is that kind of book that you will be discussing it with your friends and hopefully put it in good use

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 12, 2008

    Practical and achievable advice for singles looking for their soulmate

    This book shows you both how to create an attitude and demeanor that will help you come across as a magnet to attract people, as well as allows you to not settle for anyone less than your life soulmate. The 'dating Q&A's' at the end of the book are a must read for anyone single who is dating.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 24, 2008

    Best advice for finding the one!

    I feel that Marla really hits the nail on the head on how to find that special someone. A lot of times we wait for the 'one' but we are not proactive about learning what we want and how to get it. This books help you figure out what you want in a relationship and how to find your soulmate! Great Job!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 21, 2008

    A reviewer

    So good to see some honesty in these matters! The book reads quickly and is entertaining. Wish others had this honesty.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 30, 2008

    How To Lose Your Entitlement Complex In One Easy Step!

    Kidding aside, Marla has a great understanding of what it's like to be in search of a life partner, and when she sheds her light on more positive ways to approach being single, you come away with a good sense of inspiration and courage toward realizing your goal of finding The One. I'm recommending this to my friends.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 15, 2008

    A Good Read for All!

    Finally a book on dating that men can use as well as women. The author tells you everything you need to know in finding that special partner. It is an easy read, and everyone can gain some solid tips on how to better relate to the opposite sex. Most importantly it will give you a sense of confidence as you search for the right person for you. Teaches you to believe in and to be yourself. I am telling all my single freinds about it!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 7, 2008

    Scott Kauffman, Author of In Deepest Consequences

    Ms. Martenson offers solid, practical advice. No matter how much you think you know about men or women, I promise you that you'll lean more.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 11, 2008

    Truth in Action

    Very insightful, humorous and inspires positive thinking

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2008

    If you're looking for a life partner, you need to read this book

    'Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting' is not only laugh out loud funny, but gives serious dating advice to those who are truly looking for their soulmate. Marla Martenson combines The Law of Attraction with her years of matchmaking experience for a truly unique and charming book. Highly recommended.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 11, 2008

    Bravo! Love this book!!!!

    This has to be one of my favorite books. I highly recommend it! If you are serious about finding a lifetime partner, this is the book. It is fun and light and makes practical sense. The author Marla Martenson makes you feel that she is right there with you coaching you in a positive uplifting way!!!!! She reminds us to live life, enjoy life and to clearly define what it is we really want. The book takes you through an insightful path to Self-discovery. The author's sense of humor and personal stories are an added bonus. I just have too many good things to say about this book. I want all my single friends to have it, too!!!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 27, 2007

    A Smart Book by a Savvy Pro

    In this excellent book, while lighthearted, the author takes a head-on, no-nonsense approach in 'telling it like it is.' Using real-life examples from her many years in the match-making business--experiences that are often so funny you have to literally put the book down to laugh out loud--Marla lays out important points that can spell the difference between finding the 'right' love for you...to not screwing up once you do. Some points are subtle--and yet speak loudly, such as knowing when you're wasting someone's else's time...and as importantly, wasting your own. This smart book helps readers 'get' how getting it right in love...helps you get it right in life. Highly recommended.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 20, 2007

    If you are serious about finding a soul mate, read this book!

    This book should be required reading for men and women interested in finding their soul mates. Author Marla Martenson does a wonderful job of examining the dynamics of dating and offers straightforward and, at times, strident advice on how to attract (or possibly repel) your potential soul mate. Her accessible approach and writing style makes the book easy to read and her candor regarding her own dating experiences and mistakes makes her both adorable and credible as an author. She uses her unique perspective as a matchmaker who gets to hear ¿both sides of emerging relationships and dating disasters as a guide to how men and woman may view dating situations differently, yet aspire for the same things. I particularly found the chapter on ¿Nearly The One¿ to be very educational as it could have saved me a lot of wasted emotional energy had I understood the subtext of some of the interactions that I¿ve had with women during my dating experiences. It also made me realize that there have been several times when I¿ve sent confusing and mixed messages to woman who I liked but didn¿t feel were my soul mate. Perhaps the most important advice that she gives is to put yourself in a positive place while searching for your soul mate. Positive energy attracts the same as does negative energy.

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