Fabbity Fab! A Big Box of Georgia

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Overview

Laugh your knickers off with the hilarious #1 national bestselling confessions of Georgia Nicolson!

Includes paperback copies of:
Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging
On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God
Knocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas

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Overview

Laugh your knickers off with the hilarious #1 national bestselling confessions of Georgia Nicolson!

Includes paperback copies of:
Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging
On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God
Knocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060797249
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Children's Books
  • Publication date: 9/27/2005
  • Series: Confessions of Georgia Nicolson Series
  • Age range: 12 - 17 Years
  • Product dimensions: 5.10 (w) x 7.32 (h) x 2.38 (d)

Read an Excerpt

Fabbity-Fab! A Big Box of Georgia


By Louise Rennison

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2005 Louise Rennison
All right reserved.

ISBN: 006079724X

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging

sunday august 23 rd

my bedroom
raining
10.00 am

Dad had Uncle Eddie round so naturally they had to come and nose around and see what I was up to. If Uncle Eddie (who is bald as a coot -- two coots, in fact) says to me one more time, "Should bald heads be buttered?" I may kill myself. He doesn't seem to realize that I no longer wear romper-suits. I feel like yelling at him, "I am fourteen years old, Uncle Eddie! I am bursting with womanhood, I wear a bra! OK, it's a bit on the loose side and does ride up round my neck I if run for the bus "but the womanly potential is there, you bald coot!"

Talking of breasts, I'm worried that I may end up like the rest of the women in my family, with just the one bust, like a sort of shelf affair. Mum can balance things on hers when her hands are full--at parties, and so on, she can have a sandwich and drink and save a snack for later by putting it on her shelf. It's very unattractive. I would like a proper amount of breastiness but not go too far with it, like Melanie Andrews, for instance. I got the most awful shock in the showers after hockey last term. Her bra looks like two shopping bags. I suspect she is a bit unbalanced hormonally. She certainly is when she tries to run for the ball. I thought she'd run right through the fence with the momentum of her bosoomers' as Jas so amusingly calls them.

still in my room still raining still Sunday

11.30 am I don't see why I can't have a lock on my bedroom door. I have no privacy; it's like Noel's House Party' in my room. Every time I suggest anything around this place people start shaking their heads and tutting. It's like living in a house full of chickens dressed in frocks and trousers. Or a house full of those nodding dogs, anyway I can't have a lock on my door is the short and short of it.

"Why not?" I asked Mum reasonably (catching her in one of the rare minutes when she's not at Italian evening class or at another party).

"Because you might have an accident and we couldn't get in," she said.

"An accident like what?" I persisted.

"Well you might faint," she said.

Then Dad joined in, "You might set fire to your bed and be overcome with fumes."

What is the matter with people? I know why they don't want me to have a lock on my door, it's because it would be a first sign of my path to adulthood and they can't bear the idea of that because it would mean they might have to get on with their own lives and leave me alone.

still Sunday

11.35 amThere are six things very wrong with my life:

1. I have one of those under-the-skin spots that will never come to a head but lurk in a red way for the next two years. 2. It is on my nose. 3. I have a three-year-old sister who may have peed somewhere in my room. 4. In fourteen days the summer hols will be over and then it will be back to Stalag 14 and Oberfuhrer Frau Simpson and her bunch of sadistic teachers. 5. I am very ugly and need to go into an ugly home. 6. I went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive.

11.40 amOK, that's it. I'm turning over a new leaf. I found an article in Mum's Cosmo about how to be happy if you are very unhappy (which I am). The article is called 'Emotional confidence'. What you have to do is Recall 'Experience' and HEAL. So you think of a painful incident and you remember all the ghastly detail of it ... this is the Recall bit, then you experience the emotions and acknowledge them and then you JUST LET GO.

2.00 pmUncle Eddie has gone, thank the Lord. He actually asked me if I'd like to ride in the sidecar on his motorbike. Are all adults from Planet Xenon? What should I have said? "Yes, certainly, Uncle Eddie, I would like to go in your per-war sidecar and with a bit of luck all my friends will see me with some mad, bald bloke and that will be the end of my life. Thank you."


On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God

july
the sex god has landed...

sunday july 16th
my room

6:00 P.M.

Staring out of my bedroom window at other people having a nice life.

Who would have thought things could be so unbelievably pooey? I'm only fourteen and my life is over because of the selfishosity of-so-calledgrown-ups. I said to Mum, "You are ruining my life. Just because yours is practically over there is no reason to take it out on me."

But as usual when I say something sensible and meaningful she just tutted and adjusted her bra like a Russian roulette player. (Or do I mean disco thrower? I don't know and, what's more, I don't care.)

If I counted up the number of times I've been tutted at, I could open a tutting shop. It's just not fair.... How can my parents take me away from my mates and make me go to New Zealand? Who goes to New Zealand?

In the end, when I pointed out how utterly useless as a mum she was, she lost her rag and SHOUTED at me.

"Go to your room right now!"

I said, "All right, I'll go to my ROOM!! I WILL go to my room!! And do you know what I'll be doing in my room? No you don't, so I'll tell you! I'll be just BEING in my room. That's all. Because there is nothing else to do!!!!!"

Then I just left her there. To think about what she has done.

Unfortunately it means that I am in my bed and it is only six o'clock.

7:00 p.m.

On the bright side I am now the girlfriend of a Sex God.

7:15 p.m.

On the dark side, the Sex God doesn't know his new girlfriend is going to be forced to go to the other (useless) side of the universe in a week's time.

Oh Robbie, where are you now? Well, I know where you are now actually, but is this any time to go away unexpectedly on a footie trip?

7:18 p.m.

I can't believe that after all the time it has taken to trap the SG, all the makeup I have had to buy, the trailing about, popping up unexpectedly when he was out anywhere . . . all that planning gone to waste. I finally get him to snog me (number six) and he says, "Let's see each other but keep it quiet for a bit." And at that moment, with classic poo timing, Mutti says, "We're off to New Zealand next week."

My eyes are all swollen up like mice eyes from crying. Even my nose is swollen. It's not small at the best of times, but now it looks like I've got three cheeks. Marvelous. Thank you, God.

9:00 p.m.

I'll never get over this.

9:10 p.m.

Time goes very slowly when you are suicidal.

9:15 p.m.

I put sunglasses on to hide my tiny mincers. They are new ones that Mum bought me in a pathetic attempt to interest me in going to Kiwi-a-gogo land. They looked quite cool, actually. I looked a bit like one of those French actresses who smoke Gauloise and cry a lot in-between snogging Gerard Depardieu. I tried a husky French accent in the mirror.


Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas

october
return of the loonleader

thursday october 21st
my room

1:00 p.m.

Looking out of my bedroom window, counting my unblessings. Raining. A lot. It's like living fully dressed in a pond.

And I am the prisoner of whatsit.

I have to stay in my room pretending to have tummy lurgy so that Dad will not know I am an ostracized leper banned from Stalag 14 (i.e., suspended from school). I'm not alone in my room, though, because my cat, Angus, is also under house arrest for his love romps with Naomi the Burmese sex kitten.

2:00 p.m.

They'll be doing P.E. now.

I never thought the day would come when I would long to hear Miss Stamp (Sports Oberfuhrer and part-time lesbian) say, "Right, girls, into your P.E. knickers!"

But it has.

3:30 p.m.

All the ace gang will be thinking about the walk home from school. Applying a touch of lippy. A hint of nail polish. Maybe even mascara because it is R.E. and Miss Wilson can't even control her tragic seventies hairdo let alone a class. Rosie said she was going to test Miss Wilson's sanity by giving herself a face mask in class and seeing if Miss Wilson had a nervy spaz.

Jas will be practicing her pouting in case she bumps into Tom.

3:50 p.m.

How come Jas got off with cloakroom duty and I got banned? I am a whatsit . . . a scapethingy.

4:10 p.m.

Robbie the Sex God (MY NEW BOYFRIEND!!! Yesss and three times yesss!!!!!) will be going home now. Walking along in a Sex Goddy sort of way. A walking snogging machine.

4:30 p.m.

Mutti came in. "Right, you can start making your startling recovery now, Georgia."

Oh cheers. Thanks a lot. Good night.

Just because Elvis Attwood, school caretaker from the Planet of the Loons, tripped over his own wheelbarrow (when I told him Jas was on fire), I am banned from school.

Mutti rambled on, although she makes very little sense since Vati got home. "It's your own fault. You antagonize him and now you are paying the price."

Yeah, yeah, rave on.

Continues...


Excerpted from Fabbity-Fab! A Big Box of Georgia by Louise Rennison Copyright © 2005 by Louise Rennison.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 14, 2008

    Incredibly Funny!

    I'm in college and started reading this book as a way to see people's reactions as they went by me. But I have to see this series is hysterical. Soon I had every one of my friends reading it and swapping books. Nothing like a fight over who last had 'And Then it Fell Off In My Hand.'

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 9, 2006

    Awesome books!

    I can't believe these books! They are outstanding books about teen life. They could really relate to me and to my friends and other people too.

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    Posted April 9, 2009

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