0 years ago, drama critic and Yale professor Gilmanthen a young Jew from Brooklynconverted, in a ``leap from total atheism,'' to Catholicism. From the start he was unable to resolve the tension he experienced between his own worldliness and unruly sexuality and the Church's orientation toward will, transcendence, and spirit. After a few years he gave up the struggle and let go of a faith that had come to seem increasingly irrelevant. This work is Gilman's account of his conversion and subsequent loss of faith, first as experienced by a young Gilman, and then reflected upon by the author at 60. An honest, literate, and engaging ``confession,'' appropriate for general collections. Myriel Crowley Eykamp, formerly with M.I.T. Libs.