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From the PublisherMyracle has an obvious grasp of the age group
Tuesday, September 5, 3:25 P.M.
Why does everything in my life have to go so wrong?! Why?!! Out of all the people in the world, why do I have to be the freak who went to school on the very first day of the year with a pair of PANTIES stuck by static cling to the leg of my pants?!!!
La, la, la, isn’t life great—WHOOPS! Oh dear, would you look at that? It’s Mom’s underwear, popping out to say a big hello!!!
And now I can’t stop crying, which only makes me feel more pathetic. But really, it’s so incredibly unfair. I mean, this was going to be my breakout year. The year I finally stopped being invisible.
I stopped being invisible, all right.
I had planned on wearing jeans. Nice, normal jeans with a sprinkling of tiny rhinestones, like raindrops, along the outlines of the front pockets. But could I? Noooo, because they were still in the wash—thanks, Mom—which meant I had to root through the dryer for my gray drawstring pants instead. And then I had to dash back upstairs and change shirts, because while my “Pebbles” T-shirt looked good with jeans, it looked really stupid with the gray drawstrings.
By the time I got to homeroom, everyone was already seated. I hurried to Ms. Larson’s desk to collect our back-to-school handouts, and that’s when I heard someone snicker, then someone else, and someone else. Before long, everyone in the class was rolling with laughter.
I got a stomach-dropping feeling. “What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Your panties, man!” Jeremy Webster howled. “You’re losing your panties!”
I looked down, but saw nothing. I craned my neck to look behind me.
“There!” said Samantha Greene, pointing at my pant leg.
It was like that dream where you go to school naked, only worse, because it was real. I spotted the band of elastic sticking out from the bottom of my pant leg. I yanked it free, and Mom’s panties billowed forth in a blossom of shiny nylon. As if they were mine. As if they’d slipped off my body and down my leg, which was utterly impossible, but did anybody care?
“Strip show, baby!” called Jeremy Webster. “Take it all off!” Another guy whistled, and others hooted and clapped.
At me and my mother’s underwear, exposed to the world in all our freaking glory.
Same day, 3:52 P.M.
Just got off the phone with Kathy, who somehow managed to make me feel worse than I already did. And if I don’t write it down, the whole conversation will just keep bouncing around in my head. Writing stuff down doesn’t always help, but at least I can read back over it and say, “Oh. Yes. You’re completely right to be so depressed.”
So here it is, the instant replay of my shame, according to Kathy: Kathy: “Omigod, Alli. What happened to you today? Jeremy Webster’s been telling everyone that you did a striptease during homeroom, that you whipped off your underwear in front of the whole class and—”
Kathy: “He’s calling you the stripper of the seventh grade, Alli. Now tell me what happened!!!”
Me: “A pair of underwear happened to be stuck inside my pant leg. It was static cling. And I did not do a striptease. I just pulled them out of my pants and shoved them in my backpack, okay?”
Me: “And they weren’t mine. They were my mom’s.”
Kathy: “Omigod. Alli, that is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever heard.”
Me: “Yeah, well, thanks.”
Kathy: “I’m so serious. I mean, geez, you had your mom’s big old nasty underwear dangling from your—”
Me: “Yes, Kathy. I was there, remember? Anyway, I’ve got to go.”
Kathy: “Fine, whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow. But Alli?”
Kathy: “I’m only saying this for your own good, but be sure to check your clothes before you leave. I mean, next time it could be a bra, or one of your dad’s jockstraps, and—”
Me: (hanging up the phone) Click.
Kathy’s my best friend, but she doesn’t know very much about cheering me up. Lately I’ve been thinking that she doesn’t know much about me, period. But then I feel bad, because even if Kathy’s not as perfect as I want her to be, she’s gone out of her way to be there for me. Ever since last year, when being popular suddenly became important. When Rachel Delaney became queen, and I disappeared.
Kathy stuck by me then, and I know she’ll stick by me now.
Wednesday, September 6, 7:37 A.M.
I set my alarm for six-thirty to make sure I’d have plenty of time to get ready this morning. Then I threw half my clothes on the floor, including a horrible burgundy jumper and my too-small cargo pants, before settling on a white T-shirt and a tan miniskirt. Nothing clinging to either. I checked.
“Good morning, Allison,” Mom said when I came down for breakfast. “Are you doing better today?”
I clamped my lips together. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I couldn’t help feeling that if she had folded the laundry like a good mother, none of this would have happened.
“Could I have a napkin, please?” I asked. I used it to wrap up my Pop-Tart, which I brought back up here to eat. To my room, where no one can ask me pointless questions like, “Are you doing better today?”
Because today is not about doing “better.” “Better” isn’t good enough. Today is about putting my old life completely behind me and starting fresh, which was my goal for this school year all along. Only inside, I don’t feel like a brand-new me at all. I feel like the same old dorky me who missed two months of school last year—through no fault of my own—and turned into a social nobody. The same dorky me who memorized the opening sequence of The Young and the Restless and who chubbed out from lying in Mom’s bed day after day. Kathy claimed I got a spare tire. She also claimed I was faking, that I was never really sick at all.
But why would I have done that? At the beginning of sixth grade, I was friends with everybody, not just Kathy. Everybody was friends with everybody. But by second semester of that same year, when I came back after being absent for so long, the girls carried Tampax in their purses and giggled if someone didn’t wear deodorant. All the rules had changed, and I no longer knew how to play the game.
I was no longer in the game.
Posted July 25, 2005
First of all, I bought this book for my 9 year old daugher (going into 4th grade). We picked it out at the store and it looked really funny. I was unfamiliar with this author and, by chance was thumbing through the book at home and started reading. The story was pretty good but the thing that shocked me was a scene where the main character was at a sleep over with the popular girls. The girl hosting the sleepover took her friends to her parents room to go in her Mother's dresser drawers and pull out a copy of Playgirl, and also discovering a pack of condoms. While most 7th graders might not think anything of the scene, my 4th grader wouldn't have a clue what Playgirl was or condoms. Had I not read the book myself first, I would have been put in the position of having to answer questions about these things. I don't believe in sheltering children, but my daughter is not ready for a discussion regarding these things and I don't want to explain these things to her at such a young age. While I don't believe in censorship, I have told my daughter she can't read the book. I'm taking it back to the Barnes & Noble stoer. I will never buy another book by this author. The funny thing is that the whole scene was really unnecessary. This experience has really opened my eyes. I will not let my daughter read a book I am unfamiliar with unless I read it first.
9 out of 14 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 5, 2009
This book was said to be for girls as young as 10. To my dismay after choosing it for our mother/daughter book club, we realized there were references to sex, condoms & anatomy. This may not be appropriate for children that young.
8 out of 9 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted October 10, 2005
This book is VERY innapropiate. There are many references to strippers and a girl gets her belly button pierced without parent permission lies about her age there is talk about condoms and many references to breasts. don't let your child read this.
4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted October 6, 2012
Um, i liked this besides the uhhh.....sexuel parts,Anyway,i think that like almost evreyone in this is sort of a jerk expesialy the popular girl.(the part where there chanting honey roasted(you know what) kind off annoyed me
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted January 4, 2006
My fifth-grade sister had this book in the car and I just picked it up and started reading it. It was very clever and witty, but there was inappropriate sexual content and 2 cuss words. I was embarassed thinking about her reading about strippers, among other things. I think it is fine for 7th grade and up, but definitely not before. Cool story, bad content.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 6, 2012
This was a great book, despite the few inappropriate and unnescesary things. Loved it! Every 7th and 8th grade girl should read it, since thats what its mostly about. It was so good it took me 2 days! Read it!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 30, 2012
Posted July 10, 2012
Posted May 14, 2014
The book was SUPER GOOD!!! I liked every part except for the end. This would have been 5 stars (my rating was 4.5 stars) but the end was really realy really confusing and just bad!! Overall the book was fantabulous, but i really hope there is a second book to clear things up. Is there one? Is one coming out? •Please respond to katie• thx!!
I HAVE 1 MORE QUESTION: WHY IS THE "FASHION DISASTER" MENTIONED IN THE TITLE? I KNOW IT WAS KIND OF AT THE END WHEN RACHEL KISSED JEREMY TO 'GET BACK AT HIM' AND HUMILIATE HIM, BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT? LIKE YOUR MOM'S UNDERWEAR IS STUCK ON YOUR PANTS? SORRY, THAT DOES NOT SOUND GOOD. *****THE END*****
please respond if u think u know any answers to these questions!
Posted March 14, 2014
Posted March 11, 2014
If u wanna get this book BUY IT DONT GET THE SAMPLE because the sample is 6 pages and thepart with the words is only one and a half. So if u wanna get it buy the book. Trust meWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 31, 2013
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Posted April 12, 2012
This is a good book. Sort of have bad terms. But good over all. But anyway doesnt Jeremy Webster remind you of someone? He reminds me of this one guy that i go to the same classes with. His name is Ty. He's super weird ( in a funny way) and annoying, just like Jeremy. LOL!
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 26, 2012