Fashionably Dead

Fashionably Dead

4.5 310
by Robyn Peterman
     
 

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.

At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’

Overview

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.

At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.

To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.

Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.

*****

“Uproariously witty, deliciously provocative, and just plain fun! No one delivers side-splitting humor and mouth-watering sensuality like Robyn Peterman. This is entertainment at its absolute finest!” ~Darynda Jones, NY Times Bestselling Author of the Charley Davidson Series

Product Details

ISBN-13:
2940045263504
Publisher:
Robyn Peterman
Publication date:
09/03/2013
Series:
Hot Damned Series
Sold by:
Smashwords
Format:
NOOK Book
Sales rank:
2,485
File size:
675 KB
Age Range:
18 Years

Related Subjects

Meet the Author

Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include laughing really hard with friends, shoes (the expensive kind), Target, Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, bejeweled reading glasses, her kids, her super-hot hubby and collecting stray animals. A former professional actress, with Broadway, film and T.V. credits, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count. Writing gives her peace and makes her whole, plus having a job where you can work in your underpants works really well for her. She loves to hear from her fans. You can follow her at http://www.robynpeterman.com.

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Fashionably Dead 4.5 out of 5 based on 10 ratings. 310 reviews.
LGodfrey More than 1 year ago
Oh my god....I laughed so much my stomach hurt and I almost peed my pants.   Robyn Peterman is an amazing author, her books are a must read.  Can'regret it wait for the next book in the hot damned series...and if you have not read her other series you really need to......you will not regret it!
payton_sage More than 1 year ago
Astrid is a fairly lovable character who wants what most people want, someone to love them.  The main person in her life that has provided this love, her Nanna, has just passed away.  Her mother is a cold hearted individual, who could care less about her.  The only person Astrid has to turn to is her best friend Gemma.  Gemma helps Astrid to take the steps toward stopping smoking, the one thing Nanna wanted her to do.   When that doesn't work, Astrid comes up with a new plan.  She’s going to get hypnotized.   At this point her world gets turned upside down.  Astrid is thrown into a world filled with Vampyres, Angels, Fairies, Demons, Sprites, and combinations of those species to boot.  When one problem seems to become resolved another one starts to rear its ugly head. Overall, I enjoyed this book.  Like the rest of Robyn Peterman’s books it’s not meant to be taking as an incredibly series pieces of work.  It is a light chick lit read.  This is also the third Robyn Peterman book I've read.  The first was ‘Captain Dave’, then ‘How Hard Can it Be?’.  I can’t wait to read her next book. Each of her pieces has its own style but with the same underline wit and sarcasm.  If you are someone who wants to dissect the technicalities of the way vampyres function, then this is not for you.  If you are someone who doesn't like swearing, then this is not for you.  If you are someone who can’t stand sex scenes in stories, then this is not for you.  If you are someone who isn't able to conceptualize that people function with multiple intelligences or at least a combination of them and may or may not act the way you think they should, then this is not for you.  (Example, book smart does not mean street smart.)  If you are looking for a super serious read, then this author’s books are not for you.  If you live with the belief that a random sarcastic comment made by the main character equals that said character and author is racist, then this is not for you (and quite frankly a need to grow thicker skin is in order.) Who is this book for?  It is for people who like to read paranormal stories that have a sense of humor.  It is for open minded people who understand that there are no real rules when writing about different paranormal species.  It is for people who realize that books that cost under five dollars are generally written by people who have a story to tell and are willing to tell it despite any short comings their readers may nitpick about.  
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Robyn Peterman knocks another book right out of the park. She is Funny, stylish, and best of all a great writer!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Paranormal, romance,mystery and laugh out loud funny. Cant wait for the next in series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a super book full of sex, laughs and Prada ... Along with Vampyres, Demons and Fairies. Robyn Peterman does a wonderful job of entertaining!! I highly recommend this book ... And cannot wait for the sequel!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Will keep you laughing a must read
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lots of fun! Personally, Peterman is my go-to-author for a side-splitting laugh. Wow, Robyn has an exceptional imagination. This book is fast paced with fowl mouthed Angels, Prada wearing Vampyres, fashion challenged Fairies, and cannibalistic baby Demons. I highly recommend this book for anyone who enjoys a good laugh with some paranormal thrown in the mix. I believe those who enjoy Gerry Bartlett's Real Vampire Series will get a kick out of Peterman's books.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was a direct rip off of Mary Janice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire Queen series. A few tweaks here and there but the exact same plot, base characters etc.... This is what the Vampire Diaries did when Twilight came out! In the words of Queen Betsy, "Dont be an Asshat! Come up with your own plot line or I'll drain you like a fruit smoothie!"
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was sadly disappointed in this book. Too much foul language and too much description of everything.
GinsBookNotes More than 1 year ago
Adult Paranormal Romance that is Snarky, Sexy, & Full of Fun I loved this book…not just a little but a lot!!! Fashionably Dead is an adult paranormal romance that is snarky, sexy, and full of fun. A lot of books that have the same ingredients end up being cute and enjoyable but easily forgettable. Not Fashionably Dead! Robyn Peterman has written a book with such a fantastic and funny story line that it will stick with you forever. It will make you laugh, cringe, and fall in love with her and her loveable wacky characters. It is sometimes hard to review a book you really love. You want to talk about everything and gush about all of the details. I honestly didn’t think I would like this book as much as I did but I think I am border line obsessed now. The characters are often crude, the sex scenes are hotter than hot, and sometimes the language would make Pirate Dave blush.  For all those reasons this would normally not be my type of book but I will say it again “I loved it”. All of the stuff that I would normally find offensive fit the characters so well that it didn’t read as a “shock value” type thing…it was just who these characters were. I am not going to try to summarize the story or the characters because as we have already determined, I am clearly obsessed and beyond the point of being objective.  I will say that if you enjoy funny, snarky, laugh out loud, sexy adult paranormal romances with a fantastic story line then you will want to read and fall in love with this book and author. Note to Author…If you need me to send you an extra supply of Coke or take care of your animals so you can write book 2 faster just let me know. I am super fan girl excited to read the next story in The Hot Damned Series.  Now stop reading this review and go write! Buy it, gift it, read it, and review it!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is awesome love the characters. It's a good love, romance, funny, book.I can't wait for the next book. If you need a good laugh read this book I was laughing all the way threw the book it had me on the edge of my bed. I couldn't put it down here up I'm ready for the next book!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
ONLY Robyn Peterman could pull off writing a romantically fun suspensefully witty book such as Fashionably Dead where you find you can't put the book down! You are brought into a magical world where vampyres, faeries, angels and demons exist and YOU find yourself wanting to be part of a super cool dominion. Heck who wouldn't want a HOT HOT HOT looking Prince Vamp in their life who runs this dominion, where you are gorgeous and wear Prada! How can that be? Because Robyn is able to make it believable in her way of words that draw you in! Robyn provides you with some zany and whacky zingers that crack you up, plus words I've never heard before AND IT WORKS! She's outrageously witty and brilliant in being able to write a book you think is going to be off the wall but makes you fall in love and wanting more, you don't want the book to end!!! I SO want to be in the main character, Astrid's place to exprtience ALL the things she not only endures but to be with the other vamps, demons, faeries and angels! WOW!! Yet another brilliant book Robyn! Bring it on girl because I want to read more!!! I should mention that this book is for adults and contains sex, violence and profane language. I don't mind reading books with this content as long as it fits the story. In this book it absolutely fits. Very highly recommend this book. It's a must read!!! BRAVO Robyn!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
When I first read the overview I thought this author is copying mary janice davidson, I was wrong! Very original, laugh out loud funny, I will happily purchase anything written by this author and highly recomend to all who enjoy their paranormal with a little bit of romance and lots of laughter.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS BOOK! Had to buy the second in the series, I needed more.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was a great book... enjoyed the characters.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved this story about over becoming a messed up situation in an odd but hilarious world.
Vicki101370 More than 1 year ago
This book had me literally laughing out loud! The characters in Astrids life just touched my heart. Crazy crazy behavior, and so much love from her friends! In addition to the crazy antics was a wonderful love story and a cliff hanger that makes me think maybe, just maybe, I will have to torture the wonderful Robyn Peterman for information on book 2!
Jettamomma More than 1 year ago
Robyn Peterman's imagination is a wild ride to be on! This book is about a newly form Vampyre and her training with some very familiar faux celebrity coaches! I laughed and enjoyed this book very much. Astrid is a great heroine with amazingly funny powers as a Vampyre! Sit back and enjoy!
YBrassfield More than 1 year ago
I am so happy that one of my favorite new authors wrote this book. It is just a hoot, and I look forward to the next book in the series. Astrid becomes an accidental vampire, then her world goes crazy from there. It was such a fun read. Thanks Robyn.
gaele 22 days ago
AudioBook Review: Stars: Overall 3 Narration 2 Story 3 I’m always up for something new that is a bit different from my norm, and Fashionably Dead intrigued me with the blurb, which did remind me of a long-time favorite series from Mary Janice Davidson. I’m sure that the similarities are coincidental, and there is a decided slimness of character and development in Astrid – there were times when she tried too hard to be edgy, and others when the language (it’s pretty foul) and the scenes (they get graphic) are just taking over in lieu of getting to know her. It can’t be easy to discover one is a vampire, and the danger posed as well as the new friends acquired along the way all keep the plot light and moving forward, but the world-building, the character engagement and the actual reason for reading the next were lost to me… I wanted to like this far more than I did, as I kept finding myself comparing moments and approach to the story, and finding it lacking. Narration for this story was provided by Jessica Almasy, my first title from this narrator. It is, unfortunately, a mixed reaction: limited distinction between character voices, even subtle pitch and delivery changes were sporadic if appearing at all. Her voice, while pleasant, is young – in fact each chapter notation (chapter one, chapter two, etc.) was presented with this breathy, near caricature-level voice that instantly put me in the mind of kids trying to sound intriguing or sexy. Highly off-putting. She does, fortunately, lose this affectation in the actual presentation of the story, but I was frustrated by the lack of emotional overlay, variation and involvement with the words being presented. In short – I’d suggest a read of this title rather than a listen, and for me, I’m sticking with Mary Janice Davidson’s Undead (Queen Betsy) series – I enjoyed it more. I received an AudioBook copy of the title from Audible Customer Relations for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is nothing like the title. It's awsome,funny,kickass,and at times sad. I love the caricatures. Thay are so much fun.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Who needs sleep when you buy this book? No one. I couldn't put it down until really late at night or early morning as it was and that was only because i finished it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was definitely different. Crazy amount of swearing, but I'm thinking that was the point. I'm not a prude by any means but I didn't feel the urge to laugh out loud. There were funny parts and it did have a nice plot. I doubt I'll read the next in the series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I finished it, it was mildly entertaining, but the swearing and the angst wore a little thin.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is funny for sure, at least to start with. As the book goes along it becomes a mixture of several books that anyone who has read paranormal books before this will recognize. It also has probably the most cuss words and if not the most uses of the God (inappropriately) in it and it just got to where it was irritating. It would be a 5 star book if it weren't for these things. You have witty characters, funny one liners, funny magic and a good story line. I have not read any of this author before this book and I was very excited as she referenced two of my favorite authors in the opening pages but I was really distracted by the foul language and aggitated by the almost copy cat work throughout the book. If you can get past this, as I did, and read the entire thing, it isn't a horrible book. It certainly isn't the worst book I've read but will not be first on my list to read in the future either. Sorta sad really. I was told once you only used those words that frequently when your vocabulary was limited. I would love to see her tone that down and pickup the funnier lines and I wouldn't hesitate to give this book a higher mark. Just so you know I am NOT opposed to the bad words just do not want to read them 40% of every page.