Fat, Broke & Lonely No More

Fat, Broke & Lonely No More

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by Victoria Moran

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Do you ever obsess about whether to order dessert, buy those pricey sandals, or be totally honest on a third date?

If so, then you are already acquainted with the fear of being fat, broke & lonely. If only we could eat less, get paid better, and be more outgoing.

Only it's not that simple. Our endless quest to be fit, flush, and partnered (no matter


Do you ever obsess about whether to order dessert, buy those pricey sandals, or be totally honest on a third date?

If so, then you are already acquainted with the fear of being fat, broke & lonely. If only we could eat less, get paid better, and be more outgoing.

Only it's not that simple. Our endless quest to be fit, flush, and partnered (no matter where we fall on the scale) inevitably makes us feel fat, broke & lonely. The symptoms are anxiety, shame, and fear, and the diagnosis is feeling miserable about ourselves. We have two choices: give up, convinced that this is just a lifelong, losing battle, or go toe-to-toe with our negative self-image and take back our lives.

Real-life anecdotes, practical strategies, and a touch of sass make this revolutionary five-step plan a must-read. First, Moran helps us discover the root of the symptoms. Then we learn how to break up with fat, broke & lonely for good. And finally, we learn how to hook up with the life of our dreams—and who doesn't want that?

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Fat, Broke & Lonely No More
Your Personal Solution to Overeating, Overspending, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Chapter One

The Anatomy of Fat, Broke & Lonely

Fat, broke & lonely. These words haven't routinely been grouped together like backup singers, and yet this trio represents the overarching personal fear of our era. Of course we're concerned about terrorist attacks and melting polar ice caps, but we can feel so powerless over those that there's no use obsessing about them. Fat, broke & lonely, however, can take front and center. We either give in to it by overeating, overspending, and looking for love in all the wrong places, or confront it with steely resolve: "No matter what else happens, by golly, I can look great, have the right stuff, and know the right people."

Not that there's anything wrong with wanting these. In evolutionary terms, they're inextricably linked to our primal instincts to survive and procreate. When wanting turns to craving, however, that desperation posts an open invitation to fat, broke & lonely.

In my observations, women seem to be the most apprehensive about being either fat or lonely. In many women's minds, these are two sides of the same coin. Being fat (or unattractive—a pimple or bad blow-dry can feel like three pounds around the midsection) carries with it the threat of not being loved romantically or even liked platonically. And if loneliness comes first, fat may well follow. When there's a breakup on a sitcom, for example, the gal is going to be eating ice cream out of the carton before the next commercial.

For men, broke is often a bogeyman more heinous than fat and lonelycombined. Although men are increasingly being pressured to succumb to the same impossible body-beautiful messages that bombard women, fat need not be fatal to the masculine self-image as long as the man is successful, powerful, and well-to-do. The pain of loneliness is not gender-specific, but men have been socialized for self-reliance, and most cultures have long allowed single men the comfort of casual encounters while frowning upon them for women. A man lacking means, however, feels impotent to attract females, impress males, and fulfill his evolutionary mandate to support a family (even when his wife's income could support the family, and perhaps then he feels it even more).

Individual interpretations and gender divides notwithstanding, each of these words is loaded. Whatever truth they're supposed to convey is overshadowed by the half-truths, inferences, and bold-faced lies they also communicate. Certainly there's the "fat" that's a health risk, and then there's "Do I look fat in these jeans?" asked to elicit the response, "Are you kidding? You're so skinny, you look gorgeous in everything."

Broke, too, doesn't usually mean "penniless." I was shocked to hear my husband lament early in our marriage (second time for both—we weren't kids), "We're so broke I don't eat lunch!" We were earning six figures, and in cooperation with the bank, we owned an imposing stone house from the Arts and Crafts era. The extensive (and expensive) work required to rehab it, though, caused William to regard a sandwich as a luxury and broke as an applicable adjective.

Similarly, lonely usually doesn't mean "all alone." We define it as "without a life partner" (or with the wrong one), or as lacking in the number or type of friends or social contacts we think we should have or believe we once did. "I had so many friends in college [or when I lived in Minneapolis, or before I was on the road so much], but I just can't connect with people now."

Taken in tandem, though, fat, broke & lonely isn't shorthand for having some weight to lose, being low on cash this month, and requesting a table for one the second night in a row. At its root, fat, broke & lonely, whether as fact or fear, arises from emptiness inside a human being, a cavity in the soul. Eating too much food (or worrying too much about eating food), spending too much money (or expecting too much from money), and depending too much on others (or pushing them away) all stem from a void at the core. This book could have been called Drunk, Bummed & Worried No More, or Frustrated, Exhausted & Dissed No More, or Starving Myself, Scared to Death & Sleeping Around No More. Any of these (without the "no more") can rob us of the best stuff: the present moment, our next brilliant idea, the people who think we're fabulous.

The key to breaking up with fat, broke & lonely is the realization that you really are enough, that you can feel full on the inside because nothing is lacking. This is what it takes to feel nourished (and beautiful), prosperous (and safe), loved (and loving), and, in the rock-solid here and now, to eat well and get fitter, earn more and invest wisely, and attract people into your life who'll be there for you no matter what.

To dump fat, broke & lonely, you're going to have to meet your inner emptiness head-on and deal with it. But before you add another agony to the list ("Oh, my God, I'm fat, broke, lonely, and empty too!"), be advised: it's not just you. That is to say, you're not troubled about how you look, how much you have, and who you're with because you have some condition. (I'm astounded that virtually every human challenge is now a condition that can be treated with a really remarkable drug—if you don't mind side effects like intermittent spleen pain, rampant growth of back hair, and herpes of the eye.) This whole fat-broke-and-lonely thing isn't just you, it's also your culture, one that has a vested interest in keeping you troubled about your shortcomings, real and imagined.

You're needed to support both the doughnut and diet-food industries. You're expected to say yes to the credit cards, with their irresistible introductory rates, and to fill a seat at the make-a-mint-in-real-estate seminar. The status quo depends on your purchasing the latest styles and newest cosmetics, which will cause men to lust after you and women to admire you and seek out your company.

Fat, Broke & Lonely No More
Your Personal Solution to Overeating, Overspending, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
. Copyright © by Victoria Moran. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Meet the Author

Victoria Moran is an inspirational speaker, a certified life coach, and the author of ten books including Lit from Within; Fat, Broke & Lonely No More; and the international bestseller Creating a Charmed Life. She lives a charmed life in New York City.

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Fat, Broke & Lonely No More: Your Personal Solution to Overeating, Overspending, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 6 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has really inspired me to let go of my fears and take steps to improve my life. I love how each chapter ends with a simple 'Action' you can take to apply the principals of the book to your life.
YvonnePerry More than 1 year ago
Get ready to make a positive change in your life when you read this practical book. I was moved by Victoria's witty observations of life and her findings about what makes us fat, broke and lonely. No, it's not the food we eat, although that is important for good health. It's not willpower, although you can use what little you have of that commodity to make small changes each day. It's not having tons of money, although money can be used to appreciate who you are right now. It's the attitude we have about our life and our body that either makes or breaks us. Comparing ourselves to others and trying to measure up usually serves to make us aware that we are inferior or short of our ideal; and that only makes us feel worse. There is a way to break the cycle with the trio of fat, broke & lonely and embrace a new outlook on life that brings you joy and fulfillment in every area. Moran tells us exactly how to do it and she is the expert. She's been there, done that, and got the tee shirt (or book in this case) to prove it. This book is not your run-of-the-mill self-help book. This book is your friend helping you discover that YOU are your OWN best friend. This book can make a difference in the way you look and feel about yourself! In it, you will discover why it's important to treat every moment of your life as if it were art. You will also learn how to see the whole canvas.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great read. Very helpful, but you definitely have to take heed to get the full experience
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love this book.  I struggled with body image and insecurities as a teenager.  My brother-in-law bought me this book, and it changed my life.  Now I am a personal trainer and would recommend this book to anyone human.  It rings with truth and could help with any addiction. 
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago