Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs [NOOK Book]

Overview

Cheryl Peck has many stories to tell-of her naughty cat, her quirky family, and her experiences as a large gay woman in the American heartland. Now in a potpourri of real tales by turns poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, Cheryl talks about family and growing up, love and loss. With self-deprecating humor and compassionate insight, she remembers the time she hit her baby sister in the head with a rock, how her father taught her to swim by throwing her into deep water, and the day when-while weighing in at 300 ...
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Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs

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Overview

Cheryl Peck has many stories to tell-of her naughty cat, her quirky family, and her experiences as a large gay woman in the American heartland. Now in a potpourri of real tales by turns poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, Cheryl talks about family and growing up, love and loss. With self-deprecating humor and compassionate insight, she remembers the time she hit her baby sister in the head with a rock, how her father taught her to swim by throwing her into deep water, and the day when-while weighing in at 300 pounds-she became an inspirational goddess at her local gym. Filled with universal stories about a daughter's love for her parents and the eternal quest for finding meaning in it all, this book reveals many seemingly unremarkable moments that make a life-the weighty events that, like fat girls sitting on lawn chairs, just won't let go.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
As is evident from this book's cover-featuring a cat in lime-green glasses and purple wig, posing with its tongue sticking out-Peck's debut collection of humorous personal essays and poems is nothing if not irreverent. Originally self-published for the benefit of her friends, family and cat, these warmhearted reminiscences cover everything from Peck's childhood (when she was driven to be the "first, fastest, loudest and best" and therefore hated by her peers and feared by her four younger siblings) to her experiences as a gay woman of size. In the title story, the 50-something Peck explains how she came to conclude that "no self-respecting fat girl ever really trusts a lawn chair," and in "Wounded in Action," the most hilarious and dramatic entry, she describes her misadventures on the softball field: "I gathered every fiber of my being-and there are many, many fibers in my being-and I pointed them all toward first base, and I leaned in that direction, hoping to add speed at a later date...." A few of her essays fall flat-such as "Does a bear...?" a tale of her inability to pee outside-but her many witticisms ("Women were never asked to fight in the war in Vietnam or any other war. But if they had been, girls would have won. Girls would have felt guilty for not winning it sooner, and girls would have restored all of the roads...") compensate for these low points. Cat lovers will appreciate the goofy narratives ostensibly told by Peck's cat, Babycakes, but the author's self-deprecating wit and ability to see the drama in everyday situations make this collection so inviting. (Jan.) Forecast: A major ad/promo campaign, which includes print ads and a radio satellite tour, will get the word out on this spunky collection. Warner is positioning Peck as "a gay Erma Bombeck," and-to our minds, anyway-she doesn't have much competition for that distinction. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780759509856
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 1/1/2004
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 520,727
  • File size: 445 KB

Meet the Author

Cheryl Peck lives with her cat, Babycakes, in Three Rivers, Michigan, where she does not grow tomatoes and rarely sits in lawn chairs. This is her first book. Cheryl originally self-published the book for her family and friends through a friend's vermicomposting and publishing company. This way if the book didn't sell, she could always use it for worm bedding.

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Read an Excerpt


Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs



By Cheryl Peck


Warner Books



Copyright © 2004

Cheryl Peck
All right reserved.



ISBN: 0-446-69229-8





Chapter One


queen of the gym


It happened again this morning. I was sitting there half-naked on a bench when a
fellow exerciser leaned over and said, "I just wanted to tell you-I admire you
for coming here every day. You give me inspiration to keep coming myself."

"Here" is the gym. I have become an inspirational goddess. In a gym.

I grinned at the very image of it, myself: here is this woman who probably
imagines herself to be overweight-or perhaps she is overweight, she is just not
in my weight division-sitting on the edge of her bed in the morning, thinking to
herself, "There is that woman at the gym who is twenty years older than I am and
has three extra people tucked under her skin, and she manages to drag herself to
the gym every day ..."

It is not my goal here to be unkind to myself or to others. Perhaps I am an
inspiration to her because I am easily three times her size and I take my
clothes off in front of other women. Being fat and naked in front of other women
is an act of courage. Perhaps my admirer did not realize that it was exactly
when she spoke to me that I was artfully arranging my hairbrush and underwear
and bodily potions to cut the buck-naked, ass-exposingmini-towel-hugging
moments of my gym experience to the absolute minimum. She wears a pretty little
lace-edged towel-thing to the shower and back. I don't, but I understand the
desire.

It was not that long ago that she bent over to pick up something as Miss Tri
Athlete walked into the locker room and whistled, "Boy did I get a moon!" Junior
high gym, revisited: I can't swear that particular exchange was the reason, but
I did not see my admirer again for the next month. To Miss Tri Athlete she
answered, "Just when I had forgotten for half a second that I was totally naked ..."
I doubt that she forgets that often. Almost none of us do.

Nor do I: which is why, the first time someone in the locker room said to me, "I
have to give you credit just for coming here," I smiled politely and thought
ugly thoughts for some time afterwards.

Up yours thrummed through my mind. Nobody asked you for credit zinged along on
its tail, followed closely by Who died and left you queen of the gym?

"Like it takes any more for me to go the gym than it does any other woman
there," I seethed to my Beloved.

"Well it does," my Beloved returned sedately, "and you know it. How many other
women our size have you seen at our gym?"

The answer is-none.

There are women of all shapes and sizes-up to a point- from Miss Tri Athlete,
who runs in the 20-25-year-old pack, wears Victoria's Secret underthings and is
self-effacing about her own physical prowess to women who are probably in their
sixties, perhaps even seventies. There are chubby women and post-partum moms and
stocky women and lumpy women ... but there are very few truly fat women.

Exercise, you might advise me solemnly, is hard for fat women. Exercise is hard
for everyone. Exercise is as hard as you make it.

Miss Tri Athlete shared a conversation with me the other morning. She said, "It
feels really good to get this out of the way first thing in the morning, doesn't
it? I think when you plan to exercise in the evening it just hangs over you like
a bad cloud all day."

She can't be more than twenty-five, she can't be carrying more than six ounces
of unnecessary body fat and I've never seen her move like anything hurts. Her
joints don't creak. Her back doesn't ache. She sweats and turns pink just like
everybody else. She trains like an iron woman, but she's relieved when it's
over.

I don't believe it's exercise that keeps fat women out of the gym. I think it's
the distance from the bench in front of the locker to the shower and back. I
think it's years and years of standing in grocery lines and idly staring at the
anorexic women on the cover of Cosmo, I think it's four-year-olds in restaurants
who stage-whisper, "Mommy-look at that FAT lady," I think it's years of watching
American films where famous actresses never have pimples on their butts or
stretch marks where they had kids.

It's Baywatch. Barbie. It's never really understanding, in our gut, that if we
could ask her even Barbie could tell us exactly what is wrong with her body. And
we all know, intellectually, of course, that Barbie's legs are too long, her
waist is too short, her boobs are too big and her feet are ridiculous, but she's
a doll. What we do not know, as women, is that my sports physiologist, who is in
her late twenties and runs marathons, also has tendonitis in her shoulder, a bad
back, and passes out if she trains too hard. My former coach for the Nautilus
machines had MS. None of us have perfect bodies. If we did have perfect bodies,
we would still believe we are too short or too fat or too skinny or not tan
enough.

None of us have ever been taught to admire the bodies we have.

And nothing reminds us of our personal imperfections like taking off our
clothes. Imagining that-for whatever reason- other people are looking at us.

My sports physiologist is more afraid of wounding me than I am of being wounded.
The program she has set up for me to regain my youthful vim and vigor is
appropriately hard. Not too hard, not too easy. It's just exercise. The most
difficult part of my routine, designed by my physiologist, is walking through
the heavy-duty weight room to get the equipment I need for my sit-ups.

The weight room is full mostly of men. Lifting weights. Not one of them has ever
been rude to me, not one of them has even given me an unkind glance: still, the
irony that I make the greatest emotional sacrifice to do the exercise I like the
least is born again each time I walk into the room.

Someone might laugh at me. Someone might say, "What are you doing here?" I have
a perfectly acceptable answer.

I joined the gym because my girlfriend said, "I want to walk the Appalachian
Trail." I have no desire to backpack across the wilderness: but I could barely
keep up with her when she made this pronouncement, and I could see myself
falling farther and farther behind if I stayed home while she trained. I joined
the gym because I used to work out and I used to feel better. Moved better.
Could tie my shoes. I joined the gym because I dropped a piece of paper on the
floor of my friend's car and I could not reach down and pick it up. I joined the
gym because I have a sedentary job and a number of aches and pains and chronic
miseries that are the result of being over fifty and having a sedentary job. I
joined the gym because my sister, who is younger than I am and more fit,
seriously hurt her back picking up a case of pop. It could have been me. It
probably should have been me.

I keep going back to the gym because I love endorphins. I love feeling stronger.
More agile. I can tie my shoes without holding my breath. I can pick papers up
off the car floor without having to wait until I get out of the car. I don't
breathe quite as loudly. I have lost that doddering, uncertain old lady's walk
that made strange teenaged boys try to hold doors or carry things for me.

I keep going back because I hate feeling helpless. Years ago, a friend of mine
convinced me to join Vic Tanney, a chain of gyms popular at the time. There was
a brand-new gym just around the corner from where we lived-just a matter of a
few blocks. She had belonged to Vic Tanney before, so she guided me through the
guided tour, offering me bits of advice and expertise along the way ... I
plopped down money, she plopped down money, and a few days later it was time for
us to go to the gym.

She couldn't go.

She was fat.

Losing weight had been her expressed goal when she joined: now she couldn't go
until she was "thinner."

Everyone else at the gym, she said, was buff and golden. "I'll be there," I
pointed out (for I have never been a small woman).

She couldn't go. She was too fat. She was a size twelve.

I have determined that I don't particularly mind being the queen of my gym.
There may indeed be women who wake up in the morning and sit on the edges of
their beds and think to themselves, "There is that fat woman at my gym who goes
almost every day, and if she can do it ..." I am proud to be an inspirational
goddess. It has taken me most of my life to understand that what we see, when we
look at another person, may reflect absolutely nothing about how they see
themselves. Always having been a woman of size, I have always believed that it
must be just a wonderful experience to be thin. What I am learning is that the
reverse of the old truism is equally true: inside every thin woman there is a
fat woman just waiting to jump out.

We give that woman entirely too much power over our lives. We all do.

(Continues...)







Excerpted from Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs
by Cheryl Peck
Copyright © 2004 by Cheryl Peck.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction xiii
Queen of the Gym 1
Tales from the Duck Side 6
Eleanor 10
Chocolate Malt 15
Obedience 20
The Carpenter and the Fisherman 25
Zen and the Art of Tomato Maintenance 30
D.B. Weeest 34
Changing 38
Threads 40
Of Mites and Men 44
The Southwest Michigan Jaguars 48
Eminent Domain 53
What She Lost 58
Wounded in Action 60
The Designated Fetcher 65
Staring at the Light 70
Black Holes 73
Whitebread 76
Second Standard 81
Our House 82
How Many Lesbians Does It Take? 87
My Mother's Eyes 92
Frogs 94
Mother/Spirit 99
Batting a Thousand 100
The Chicken Coupe 105
Maiden Voyage 108
Clean Sheets 113
A Cover Story 114
Thinking of You 119
Truer Confessions 120
Mother Learns to Swim 125
My Ten Most Beautiful Things 130
Moomeries 136
The Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company 143
Litter String 150
Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs 154
Wreck the Balls on Boughs So Jolly 158
The Go-Get Girl 163
Coming Out to My Father 170
Useless Information Acquired from Men 174
A Short Treatise on Brothers 177
A Meat-Lover's Biased Look at Vegetarians 180
Of Cats and Men 184
The Sad and Tragic Death of Joey Beagle 189
The Young Person's Guide for Dealing with the Impossibly Old 196
The Hand That Cradles the Rock 200
Does a Bear ...? 204
Watching Cranes 207
Tinker 216
Making Jam 219
Star Bright 226
Mother's Day 233
About the Author 237
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 5 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Posted January 25, 2013

    This book makes me laugh

    There are a lot of things in this book I really enjoyed. I will admit I liked the short stories more than the poetry but the short stories make me laugh and the poetry is more serious. The mental vision of her cat Babycakes attacking invisimites. The chore of having little brothers (and being the oldest). Living your life in your head. Family memories.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 1, 2004

    WOW!!

    After losing their mother to cancer (see the last poem in the book) to now having a sick father, the book takes on a whole new meanig to family, friends and love. If you have a family big or small, you MUST read this book. Can't wait for the next 'Cheryl Peck' book to be published! (Hurry up cheryl)

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 16, 2004

    Just O.K.

    I thought it would be funny because of the title and a few reviews I read. I did find it somewhat funny but the authors voice annoyed me at times. It is a light, quick read. It is quirky funny, but not laugh out loud.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 16, 2004

    Laugh..Cry..Laugh again

    This is the warmest and wittiest collection of tales that I have enjoyed in a long time.My copy has been read by my cynical brother and my 90 year old mother with raves all around..

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 29, 2004

    Hurray for the Fat Girls!!!!!!!!!

    Love it love it love it!!! This book had me at the title! Cheryl Peck is funny, irreverant, and an incredible talent! Please keep writing Cheryl and we will keep reading!

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