Fatherhood for Gay Men

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Get the inside story on a single gay man's struggle to adopt! Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is the story of one man's journey down the road less traveled-a single gay man adopting and raising his two sons. Author Kevin McGarry recounts his passage into parenthood after years of having his natural fathering instincts stifled by the limits-real and perceived-of being gay. This unique book details the emotional, financial, practical, and social realities of the adoption process for gay men. From the author: "We take risks by coming out of the closet as gay men and at the end of the day, we are emotionally happier because we took those risks. By coming out, we are being true to who we are. The same goes for anyone, gay or straight, who has gut instincts for parenthood. I knew over the years that I had parenting instincts because I had this incredible envy of other dads. I would watch them with their kids and wish that somehow, I could have that role. It was painful at times because being gay, I didn't think parenting was in my life plan. Had more role models been available to me, the process would have been a little less difficult." Much more than a "how-to" guide to adoption, Fatherhood for Gay Men is the personal account of a single gay man's struggle to become a father despite the real and imagined limitations of being a gay man.

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Editorial Reviews

Bob Page
By taking a progressive approach, McGarry OFFERS VERY REALISTIC INSIGHT INTO THE THINKING AND THE PROCESSES INVOLVED IN BECOMING A GAY DAD IN TODAY'S SOCIETY. In walking the reader through the various stages of his adoptions in a foreign country, McGarry provides an emotional and practical picture of what one can expect as well as the eventual triumphs that occur as one begins and passes through the journey of forming a family. This book would have been a tremendous help in dealing with the various starts and stops awaiting us in our adoption process.
Founder and CEO, Replacements, Ltd., and Dale Frederiksen, Vice-President of Product Information, Replacements, Ltd.
Louis Bayard
I only regret that Kevin McGarry's honest, searching, and comprehensive guide wasn't around when my partner and I were adopting. For readers embarking on their own parenting adventure, this book is A MOTHER LODE OF INSIDE KNOWLEDGE and, equally important, A WELLSPRING OF HOPE. It's a book written from and to the heart.
Author of Fool's Errand and Endangered Species
American Boyz
A slim but information-packed book whose time has definitely come: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO ADOPTING CHILDREN IF YOU'RE A GAY MAN OR A GAY COUPLE. . . . Includes an appendix of useful Web sites and listservs as well as a state-by-state guide to the legalities of single gay adoption and gay second-parent adoption across the country.
Out Magazine
Inspired to be a parent? Turn to this book.
Library Journal
After adopting two Vietnamese infants, McGarry, a gay single man, felt the need to let other gay men know that parenting is possible for them, too. Chapter 1, "Closet Daddy," is an insightful reflection on parental instincts that gays often deny because of their community lifestyle or societal prejudices. The book goes on to cover the various elements of international adoptions: home study, countries that allow single men to adopt, cost, the current law in each state regarding gay parenting, how to prepare for the baby's arrival, and so on. When chronicling his trips to Vietnam to adopt his sons, McGarry uses diary extracts that are riveting and emotional. Unfortunately, the book suffers from many repetitions and, in some cases, contradictions. In "What Countries Allow Single Men," the author lists Cambodia, whereas the preceding chapter does not mention Cambodia in its discussion of the same list. As the book is only 107 pages, such oversights are unforgivable. Jean Nelson-Erichsen and Heino Erichsen's How To Adopt Internationally, revised earlier this year, covers the adoption process in greater detail, whereas Jesse Green's The Velveteen Father addresses fatherhood for gay men with more substance. An optional purchase for larger public libraries or where gay literature is in high demand.-Maryse Breton, Davis Branch Lib., CA Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781560233879
  • Publisher: Taylor & Francis
  • Publication date: 1/28/2003
  • Series: Race and Politics Series
  • Pages: 120
  • Product dimensions: 6.10 (w) x 8.60 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Table of Contents

  • Foreword
  • Preface
  • Chapter 1. Closet Daddy
  • Chapter 2. Sacrifices and Trade-Offs—Kids versus Corvettes
  • Chapter 3. My Journey to Vietnam
  • Chapter 4. Being a Gay Dad
  • Study by Gillian Dunne
  • Testimonials
  • Chapter 5. The Adoption Process
  • Homestudy
  • Dossier
  • Medical Reports
  • BCIS (Formerly the INS)
  • Chapter 6. How I Chose Vietnam—Destiny’s Children
  • What Countries Allow Single Men to Adopt?
  • Chapter 7. The Bottom Line—How Much Does it Cost?
  • Chapter 8. What Are the Current Laws on Gay Parenting in Each State?
  • Chapter 9. Other Ways of Becoming a Gay Dad
  • Surragacy
  • Coparenting
  • Chapter 10. Big Decisions
  • Boy or Girl?
  • Baby, Toddler, or Older Child?
  • Transracial Adoption?
  • Domestic or International?
  • How Old Is Too Old?
  • Chapter 11. Preparing for Life With a Baby or Child
  • Baby Shower
  • Names
  • Preparing Your Home
  • Your Trip
  • Day Care
  • Your Social Life
  • Chapter 12. How to Avoid Problems and What to Do if They Arise
  • Chapter 13. My Decision to Adopt Again
  • Chapter 14. Life with Kids
  • Afterword
  • Helpful Websites and Listservs
  • Web Sites
  • Listservs
  • Index
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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2014

    This book was not helpful to me. As a matter of fact, it summar

    This book was not helpful to me. As a matter of fact, it summarizes everything that is wrong with our society today... Sadly.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 24, 2003

    All You Need is Love

    I¿m not a big reader ¿ can barely keep up with the newspaper and my work stuff. One reason I liked this book is that people like me can make time for it. It¿s short, to the point, and got me crying at least twice during the first three chapters. Like the author I¿m a single gay guy still figuring out gay men, hoping for that monogamous never-ending relationship. This book showed that although being a father would probably be easier if part of a couple, the biggest qualification is a strong desire to be a father. Clearly not all men (gay or straight) are cut out for it, but Kevin proves that one¿s sexual orientation does not bear on his ability to be a dad. If I adopt I will pick up this book, probably cry again as I extract just the how-to parts, unable to avoid parts that choked me up. It¿s a great primer - one that doesn¿t overwhelm you with too much detail yet has all the necessities. Think of the barriers Kevin had ¿ (1) gay, (2) single, (3) male, (4) adopting in a faraway developing country (5) doing it a second time. This man clearly has guts and, you¿ll see from all his preparation, was made to be a father - a role model. Through his story and guide, he makes easy what till now I would not have thought possible. Although the book¿s target is gay men, it's an inspiration for anyone contemplating parenthood.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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