Fathers Who Fail: Shame and Psychopathology in the Family System

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Despite the burgeoning literature on the role of the father in child development and on fathering as a developmental stage, surprisingly little has been written about the psychiatrically impaired father. In Fathers Who Fail: Shame and Psychopathology in the Family System, Melvin Lansky, a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and family therapist, remedies this glaring lacuna in the literature. Drawing on contemporary psychoanalysis, family systems theory, and the sociology of conflict, he delineates the spectrum of psychopathological predicaments that undermine the ability of the father to be a father. Out of his sensitive integration of the intrapsychic and intrafamilial contexts of paternal failure emerges a richly textured portrait of psychiatrically impaired fathers, of fathers who fail. This portrait revolves around the dynamics of narcissistic vulnerability, shame, and humiliation in family systems. For Lansky, shame is "the veiled and silent companion of the narcissistic injury of men who see themselves as having failed in the paternal role," and such shame must be understood not only intrapsychically, but in terms of the regulatory mechanisms and defensive processes through which the family, as a system, maintains its narcissistic equilibrium. In explicating the role of shame as the master regulatory emotion of the sense of self in relation to others, Lansky masterfully synthesizes an array of heretofore discrete perspectives: Heinz Kohut's emphasis on shame as regulatory emotion ensuring continuity of self experience, Helen Block Lewis's understanding of the relationship between unacknowledged shame and rage, Melanie Klein's insights into the role of projective defenses within the family, and recent sociological contributions to the role of shame in conflict escalation. Lansky welds these and other viewpoints into an overarching perspective that situates the psychopathology of impaired fathers within the relational dynamics of the entire family system, includi
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Fathers Who Fail is an elegant exposition of one of the cardinal issues facing American families today: the role of the father in the origins and dynamics of family violence, including self-destructive behavior of family members. Lansky writes in a clinically unique way. His deep understanding of family dynamics is enriched by an even deeper appreciation of the complexities of achieving self-regulation and of transmitting values from one generation to the next. By showing how the child's vision of his or her father ultimately depends on the child's own ability to discern the family myths that distort perceptions among family members, Lansky demonstrates how the child's early character formation is a product of the total family constellation, not just the nature of the mother-child dyad. He thus redresses the tendency to blame mothers, a blind spot in the field for decades. This book is mandatory reading not only for analysts, individual and family therapists, and developmentalists, but also for sociologists, critics, and lay readers intent on understanding the richly varied ways in which our images of fathers and fathering inspire and inform our social ideals and cultural institutions."

- Stanley Cath, M.D., Boston Psychoanalytic Society and Institute

"In a series of essays both gripping and wise, Lansky identifies the powerful affect of shame as an organizing force in human affaris. He clearly documents the lengths to which people will go to avoid feelings of humiliation and shame. Defenses against these disorganizing emotions create serious problems internally and in family systems. When viewed from this perspective, many puzzling intrapsychic and intimate relationship symptoms - alcohol abuse, suicidal despair, marital conflict, violence, and child abuse - can be decoded and made understandable. The underrecognized problem of failed fathering in our culture is a theme that runs through this book. Lansky describes how fathers who got little from their own fathers are unable to give to their own children; he most poignantly describes how these impaired fathers will do almost anything to avoid the shame and mortification of facing their inability to father their own children."

- James L. Framo, Ph.D., United States International University

"Lansy's work is a supremely successful attempt at theoretical and clinical synthesis: he integrates in a series of original essays, which have been gathered into a coherent whole, his clinical experiences as a psychoanalyst and as a family therapist, as a theoretician at home in a number of traditions, and as a practitioner thoroughly familiar with several modalities of treatment. Insightfully drawing on recent findings about the development and nature of affects, he places particular emphasis on integrating modern ideas about the role of shaming and blaming, both intrapsychically and interpersonally. Fathers Who Fail is very highly recommended."

- Leon Wurmser, M.D., New York Freudian Society

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780881631050
  • Publisher: Taylor & Francis
  • Publication date: 10/28/1992
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Pages: 270
  • Product dimensions: 6.10 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Melvin R. Lansky, M.D., is Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA Medical School. He is founder and director of the Family Treatment Program at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center and Training and Supervising Analyst at the Los Angeles Psychoanalytic Institute. Among his numerous articles on topics in psychoanalysis, applied analysis, and family psychiatry, are prize-winning essays on the regulation of narcissistic equilibrium in families.

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Table of Contents

Ch. 1 Symptom, System, and Personality in Fathers Who Fail 3
Ch. 2 The Paternal Imago 17
Ch. 3 Shame in the Family Relations of the Borderline Patient 37
Ch. 4 Blame in the Marital Dyad 51
Ch. 5 Preoccupation as a Mode of Pathologic Distance Regulation 77
Ch. 6 The Explanation of Impulsive Action 93
Ch. 7 The Borderline Father: Reconstructions of Young Adulthood 113
Ch. 8 The Psychiatrically Hospitalized Father 131
Ch. 9 Violence, Shame, and the Family 144
Ch. 10 Shame and Domestic Violence 158
Ch. 11 Murder of a Spouse: A Family Systems Viewpoint 180
Ch. 12 Shame and the Problem of Suicide: A Family Systems Perspective 195
Ch. 13 Escalation of Trauma in the Family of the Patient with Organic Brain Disease 210
Ch. 14 Posttraumatic Nightmares and the Family 223
Ch. 15 Conflict and Resistance in the Treatment of Psychiatrically Hospitalized Fathers 237
References 247
Index 253
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