Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot

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female ejaculation & THE G-SPOT

Hunter House Inc., Publishers

Chapter One

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For many years, I taught How to Strip for Your Lover classes to women from all walks of life. I enjoyed passing on to the ladies in my classes what I had learned over the years during my time on stage as an erotic dancer. These suburban housewives, career women, young urban artists, and newly single women in their fifties all shared a common bond-they had never removed an article of clothing erotically to music in their life. "Less talk and lots of practice" was my method for getting these gals moving down the road to freely and skillfully "taking it off" for their honeys.

In my classes, we spend a full three hours taking our clothes off and putting them on, taking them off and putting them on, bumping and grinding our way along the learning curve. I lead the group from a small, mirrored stage, shouting instructions over the boom of the music, encouraging the ladies to keep following along as I demonstrate the moves. I keep the enthusiasm level turned up high. This helps to disarm the feelings of nervousness, silliness, embarrassment, confusion, discouragement, or thoughts of "I like this; I must be a slut" that inevitably pop up when a woman first allows her sexual self-expression to emerge. At the end of the session, our bodies are drenched and weary, and the room is a virtual battlefield, with clothing and props strewn everywhere.

I teach that it is important to project an aura of sexual confidence and a positive attitude. I tell them a bit about striptease history and the basics of preparation: selecting music, costumes, and props. As we stumble through the moves, the women develop a sense of timing and learn how the entire piece unfolds. By the end of the session, they have an idea of their own unique style. When they walk out the door, they walk with actual experience under their garter belts, energized and happy, christened in performing the "art of the tease."

My classes on how to female ejaculate have similar characteristics. Learning to ejaculate is about basic preparation, basic moves, and, certainly, a basic sense of timing, rhythm, and length, all laced with an attitude of enthusiasm and confidence. A little knowledge of history and anatomy sets the stage. After that, it's down to the business of ejaculating.

We throw off our clothes, flop down on our towels, and make sure any "props" we want are close at hand. Students follow along with me as I call out instructions and keep things moving along with high energy, a dash of discipline, and lots of encouragement to push through any blocks and keep everyone focused. The women develop a sense of their unique timing, preferred techniques, and style. And when they leave, they've been christened with the true waters of womanhood, and there's a smile on each face and a bounce of newfound, uninhibited freedom in every step.

In this chapter, I'll take you inside a female ejaculation workshop in order to give you an overall idea of what is involved in learning how to ejaculate and how the process unfolds. In Part II of this book, all the instructions and terms used in the following description of a workshop session are explained in detail. You also can refer to the Glossary at the end of this book for a quick reference. For now, I hope that seeing how one of these workshops unfolds will show you just how accessible female ejaculation is, given the right attitude and some basic knowledge. So, get out your wet suits, girls! Let's get comfortable and have some fun!

Bumping and Grinding Down the Erotic Road to Female Ejaculation

We are greeted at the door by an attractive, gracious workshop hostess, who escorts us into her spacious living room. Large pillows are thrown against the chairs and sofas that line the walls. The center of the room has been cleared. The lighting is warm, dim, and pleasant, and goodies are set out on the dining room table. The artwork on the walls depicts lovers entwined in various postures of erotic bliss. On a side table, a tiny sculptured waterfall offers soothing background sounds. Lush velvet drapes are pulled snugly over the windows, creating a feeling of security and privacy.

Ten women are assembling here, finding a comfortable area on the floor to sit, placing their bags of workshop items nearby. I've asked them to bring two thick towels, a small tarp or rubber-backed flannel sheet, lube, a mirror, a small flashlight, a favorite sex toy, a banana, and an object that symbolizes erotic self-love. The nervous laughter and friendly chatter die down as our hostess introduces me and welcomes everyone to the workshop.

I thank everyone for their courage and for the adventurous spirit that guided them to attend. I tell them a bit about my background and experience in teaching these workshops. Then it's time to discover who is here, whether they ejaculate and where they are in the process of developing that ability, or if they do not ejaculate, why they want to learn how.

The group is fairly representative of women who take these workshops. There are two single, wholesome-looking women in their late twenties and one rotund mother in her forties who already ejaculate. Two married friends in their mid-thirties and a bisexual college student are curious, moderately informed, and eager to learn. One recently divorced woman in her early fifties, slim and attractive, is blossoming into her sexuality after a long marriage that was not sexually satisfying. She is not sure where her G-spot is or if she even wants to ejaculate, but she is curious about anything that has to do with sex. A woman in her early thirties is here because her boyfriend wants her to ejaculate. Rounding out the group are a professional consultant in her forties and a successful writer in her sixties. They don't know much about ejaculating and are somewhat skeptical, but have come to see what it is all about.

After sharing some facts about female ejaculation, I give reasons why we may want to do it: It's our feminine birthright. It's something we naturally do. Sexual energy is creative-think what it means if our flow is stopped! It means we've blocked parts of our creativity. And it means there is a part of our sexuality that we haven't explored, that we don't even know exists.

I continue by outlining the evening's agenda. "Not only will we find our G-spot, but we will see it using the mirror and flashlight. We will test the strength of our pubococcygeus (PC) muscles with our fingers and with the banana and do some PC-muscles exercises with the sex toy. We will feel our G-spot and make it swell by using G-spot stimulation techniques that build ejaculate fluid. Then we will arouse ourselves to the point where we can attempt to ejaculate. No orgasm is necessary, as you can ejaculate without one! If you can't keep yourself from climaxing, however, no one will care or begrudge you that pleasure!"

"Now, everyone find a comfortable place on the floor. Lay down your tarp or rubber-backed flannel sheet and put your towels upon that." At this point, performance anxiety shifts into high gear, so the hostess steps up to the front of the group. While she removes her panties and sits demurely on her towel, I lube up a clear plastic speculum and tell the group what's next. "We are going to look at her G-spot! And after she is done, each woman will get to see hers and share what it looks like with the group, so that we can all get a sense of the G-spot's distinctiveness, placement, and variation in size." The hostess lifts her skirt. I hand her the speculum and hold the flashlight and mirror. I can feel the group holding its breath.

She inserts the speculum just as they do at the gynecologist's office or health clinic. The room is so silent you could hear a pin drop, were the waterfall not gurgling away in the background. Tension, doubt, fear, and contained curiosity hang in the air. She turns the speculum sideways. "Voila! There's the G-spot!" I exclaim. "Come and have a look-see."

The two wholesome-looking ladies crawl over immediately to get a front-row seat. Others crowd around and peer in. "Oohs" and "aahs" follow. The hostess points out her urethral opening and runs a finger around the spongy tissues that surround it. "The urethra is part of our sex organ. Its canal is surrounded with erectile tissue called the urethral sponge," I explain, and I proceed to give a general rundown on basic clitoral-sponge anatomy, including all the parts that make up this approximately four-inch-long erectile tissue network. "Located inside the portion of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethral canal is a woman's prostate gland-the G-spot! You can find its location by feeling its ridges." The hostess inserts her finger to show the location of the ridges. We watch as she pushes out with her PC muscles and the body of the G-spot moves forward, toward the outside opening of the vagina. More "oohs" and "aahs."

At this point, nerves have dramatically calmed and the women are dying to see their own G-spots. One by one, they get up on the pillow at center stage and everyone else crowds around to get a look. We see large ones and small ones. Some are flat; some protrude quite extensively into the vagina. On some you can see the ridges, and on others they're not as visible.

I pass out sandwich-sized plastic bags and tell them to peel their bananas and put them in the bags. "We are now going to assess the strength of your PC muscles. The first test will be to assess the state of tension in the vaginal entrance. To do this, moisten a finger, using the lubricant if you need to, and insert it into the vagina. Is it easy or difficult to enter?" Two women report that their vaginal openings are very relaxed. "Can you squeeze your finger snugly?" I ask them. One cannot achieve a snug fit. Three others report that their vaginal entrances are tight. "Push down on the perineal sponge (the anal portion of the erectile tissue network) and pry your vagina loose," I instruct. Women start to giggle, then collapse into long belly laughs. The three women push down on their perineal sponges. They understand that this action is applying deep pressure, as in massage, which forces a tense muscle to relax. I demonstrate a visualization and breath-relaxation exercise to relax tense PC muscles. (This exercise is explained in detail in Chapter 4.)

We use the sex toys to test further for tense or weak muscles at the opening of the vagina. The woman who can't achieve a snug fit also cannot tightly squeeze her dildo-sized sex toy. I tell her that her muscles are too lax, which may make it hard for her to ejaculate, and I demonstrate some Kegel exercises with the toys to show how to remedy this situation. (Instructions for Kegel exercises are included in Chapter 4.) For fun, I explain that healthy PC muscles can chop a banana in half, and the hostess demonstrates. The women are startled, and reluctant to try this one, but their curiosity wins out. Banana after banana receives its fate. One is perfectly chopped, and is held high in its little baggie and admired.

We then explore the inside of the vagina to locate the PC muscles and to measure their size and strength (you'll learn how to measure your own PC muscles in Chapter 4). Only one woman has what are generally regarded to be toned and fit PC muscles; two have tense, medium-size muscles; and, not surprisingly, the woman with weak PC muscles has a hard time even finding hers. "Keep your finger on the muscle, squeeze, and feel how it bulges up as the muscle contracts," I instruct. Then they try out their ability to isolate their pelvic muscles, and I go around the room and check that the women are not squeezing their abdomens and buttocks while they squeeze their PC muscles.

By this time, the ice is completely broken. Everyone has a feel for the state of her PC muscles, and knows where her G-spot is and what it looks like. I decide it's time to ask a few questions about orgasms:

"How many of you have orgasms primarily through penetration/ intercourse?" (two)

"How many have orgasms mostly through clitoral stimulation only?" (three)

"How many climax most often with simultaneous penetration and clit stimulation?" (five)

"How many ejaculate or feel that you could?" (three)

"How many can tell when your G-spot is being stimulated?" (two, tentatively)

The group's experiences with ejaculation, and with recognizing that G-spot and clitoral orgasms are distinct from each other, appear to be nominal. So, I explain that because the G-spot is tied to the powerful pelvic nerve, its orgasms have emotional, cathartic characteristics. Expressing emotions opens the heart, thereby increasing intimacy with others as well as our creative flow. Being essentially receptive, a G-spot orgasm requires relaxation, which heightens our senses, and it requires a free flow of movement in both body and voice. The orgasm has the potential to spread throughout the body. "See how ejaculation fits into this description of a G-spot orgasm: 'free-flowing, motion, sound, outburst of energy, cascading everywhere.'" Women nod, appearing to grasp the gist of what I'm saying, if not the details.

"The clitoral orgasm is fueled primarily by the pudendal nerve. It is characterized by being genitally localized: It is not emotional, and it is more easily multi-orgasmic. Something interesting is going on here in the difference between the two orgasms. Prior to 1970s feminism, many women were not having orgasms; two generations now have been raised on achieving orgasm with vibrators and clit stimulation. But Father Freud's theory has something to it. He said clitoral stimulation is for adolescents and that a mature woman learns to transfer her erotic sensations to the vagina." There is gasping and frowning and shaking of heads from the group.

"Learning to move from clit to vagina to have an orgasm is difficult if you have relied solely upon clitoral stimulation to climax. I haven't had any guides at all. Orgasming with my clitoris provided me with my first reliable orgasms. When I think about it now, my clitoral orgasms fit in with my feminist assertiveness. I could characterize them as about me. My orgasm, my ability. But listen to those characteristics. They do sound adolescent. My orgasm, my ability, my way. Me. Hanging on to my technique and demanding my orgasms. The orgasms were not deep and left me wanting more."

"Stimulating my clitoris, together with deep penetration, which stimulates the G-spot, slowly caused a blend orgasm began to develop. The erotic feeling was still centered in my clitoris, but longer, more emotional and satisfying orgasms began to occur. I languished in creative bliss afterward, and I felt satisfied. Why question that luscious level of satisfaction? But one day, emotional, sexual connection with a partner came knocking on my door. I wanted loving, embracing arousal and orgasm. Stimulating my clit was getting in my way."

There are more frowns, but now they are mixed with curiosity.

"Ejaculation requires stimulation by penetration or by manipulation of the G-spot. I ejaculate because I get great G-spot stimulation, because I am totally comfortable with sex, with being wild if I want, and because I'm comfortable emoting. My awareness of my G-spot has grown and, with that, its sensitivity has grown. I feel far more sensation in my vagina than I ever used to. I have learned to lose myself in the sensations rather than depend on a lot of stimulation to have an orgasm. It's great to feel this deepening of sensation. I am here to tell you: I believe there is something to Father Freud's theory. I believe that we have barely scratched the surface of the sensations and pleasure the G-spot can provide to us."

I could now see a few expressions that suggested they were willing to at least give it a try.

"So, we are not here just to focus on ejaculating, but to awaken the sensitivity of the G-spot. To be able to enjoy penetration far more than many of us do now. So let's start with stimulating the G-spot. Get comfortable, and have your sex toy handy." There is a brief commotion while the women lie down on their towels and rummage around for their sex toy.

"Moisten a finger, using the lube if you'd like, and let's explore the G-spot," I say as I lead the demonstration. "Do you all feel your G-spot? Feel the gutters on each side, feel the back side, feel the ridges. The ridges are very subtle, like a washboard, and you may not notice them at first, but if you stroke and rub your G-spot for a while, you will begin to feel them. Everyone feel their G-spot? Who didn't? Why? Breathe and relax. Keep looking." I pause to give the women some time to warm up to their first intimate encounter with their G-spots.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from female ejaculation & THE G-SPOT by deborah sundahl Copyright © 2003 by Deborah Sundahl. Excerpted by permission.
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