Read an Excerpt
From the Foreword:
The knowledge that some women ejaculate at the moment of orgasm was, like many other important aspects of sexuality, buried by Puritanism and patriarchy. In 1978, when I first read the article “Concerning Female Ejaculation and the Female Prostate,” by J. Lowndes Sevely and J.W. Bennett, in the Journal of Sex Research, I dismissed it as arcane and peripheral. But merely two years later, when I learned about research on the same topics by John Perry and Beverly Whipple, it became clear to me that I had, once again, been the victim of the antisexual bias of the culture in which I was raised. Female ejaculation, far from being arcane and peripheral, is an important part of some women’s sexuality. Women who ejaculate should know that, and so should their partners.
Not all women ejaculate, nor do they need to do so in order to enjoy a life filled with sexual pleasure. Some women are natural ejaculators. Others have taught themselves to ejaculate. To make it a standard or a goal for all women would be foolish and destructive. What is vitally important is that women who experience ejaculation know that it is normal, that ejaculate is not urine, and that there is no need to hide their ejaculation experiences or to take measuresas some have done with the help of surgeonsto eliminate ejaculation. Because women feel, just before ejaculation, a little like they do when they need to pee, many women have been afraid to allow themselves to let go into orgasm, much less ejaculation.
We don’t yet know why some women ejaculate and others do not. Nor do we know exactly the bodily source of female ejaculation, why ejaculation exists, or what evolutionary function, if any, it performs. We do know that it exists and that it gives much pleasure both to women who ejaculate and their partners, providing that the women and their partners know that ejaculation is normal and that ejaculate is not urine.
Deborah Sundahl has done us an enormous service by putting together in one book all that is known about the subject. This is not her first pioneering effort on behalf of women’s sexuality, and I suspect and hope it won’t be her last.
From the Preface:
Two very large and thorny problems lay at the heart of this book’s claim when I first wrote it in 2003: 1) the black out on the fact that all women have a female prostate, and 2) women’s diminished sexual capability caused by this omission. A classic case for feminism, if ever there was one.
I am happy to report that ten years have reduced the black out to a green screen, upon which many women are re-creating their sexual lives. The centuries old suppression of this crucial female anatomical fact has received a major dent. I am referring to, of course, the fact that virtually no one save a handful of scientists knew that women have a prostate, much less that it is an organ.
This classic case of “missing female body parts” falls under the famous feminist tenant of “lies, secrets and silences,” Lies, secrets and silences is a phrase coined in the essay of the same name by beloved feminist poet Aurdrey Lorde, and these were especially vilified because ‘omissions’ diminish women’s lives. Diminishment is a big feminist no-no, and in this particular case was occurring in the physical health and sexual pleasure of women.
In my numerous lectures and workshops here and abroad since I wrote the book in 2003, I witnessed the ashen or crestfallen effects of shock on the faces of female participants upon hearing this anatomical information. Many expressed their incredulity right then with anger and sometimes tears. The sentiment is perfectly illustrated by a mother of two from Taos, New Mexico, who attended my one-day workshop:
“I was blown away by the information presented. How the hell have I, as a woman, lived 37 years with such incomplete knowledge of my own sexual anatomy? I was pissed off when I found this out I felt slighted and deceived! Anger quickly gave way to immense gratitude for the work that Deborah is doing.“
To complicate the matter, this missing body part female prostate came with a rather shocking function: female ejaculation. Women’s sexual pleasure and health were diminished because without knowing that women ejaculate, the urge to ejaculate and act of ejaculation has been mistaken for pee. I assure you, the last thing any woman is going to do when she is making love is pee, so suppressing this physical sensation has occurred in just about all women and in methods as varied as there are individuals, causing a myriad of sexual (and nonsexual) problems directly related to this omission and the vast majority of them, unfortunately, are common occurrences. Us feminists were not overstating the problem when we labeled it “dimished.”
The most widespread of which, although there are many more serious that have to do with surgeries, are the stories of women who got divorced because, quite frankly, the partners could not handle the fact that she ‘peed’ every time they made love. Not all women who ejaculated were as fortunate as Baja was. Baja appeared in my first video How to Female Ejaculate in 1992 in San Francisco:
As she states
“We just put more towels on the bed, and then more towels on the bed, and didn’t really know what it was. We just kind of plunked along with that for a long time, and now lately it seems to be the big thing. But I knew folks who broke-up over this liquid thing because they thought it was urine and he couldn’t live with that. One woman just stopped having sex altogether, and I don’t know what happened to her.”
Baja cruised into town on her Harley motorcycle that day for the video shoot, and she cruised out that night, never to be heard from again. I cannot remember if she answered an ad, or how she came to be on the set and surrounded by actresses and crew that were feminists in the unheard of and undefined (at that time) field of women’s erotica, specifically sex education on video (How to Female Ejaculate was the very first of both). Her appearance that day was like a hallowed notice from women of the past, letting us know that they were happy to be redeemed (or more likely, redeeming us) from the confusion, doubt, shame and aversion that had shadowed female ejaculation pre-1990.
Therefore, knowing about female ejaculation and the female prostate (the G-spot) is passionately important to save marriages and loving and/or committed partnerships, and the self-esteem of all sexually active women of all ages, single or committed.
The case of the missing female prostate and its suppressed female ejaculate point to a serious gap in our social structure that fears and bars easy access to sexual knowledge and education. It illustrates how dearly encouragement needs to replace ignorance, how plain and simple explanations replace fumbling, embarrassment and failure, how sanctioning rather than banning replace life-altering risk with accurate and safe methods and responsible assessment. Sexual education fosters self-confidence, creating optimum outcomes for what is at its very nature a loving act toward self and others.
Nowhere is this more apparent than in the new developments in the area of chronic pelvic muscle tension CPMT. Second only to the female prostate in public awareness importance, I consider it the most important development in sexuality this decade 20102020. As I will discuss more in Chapter 4, chronically tense pelvic floor muscles in women (and men) affect 30% of the population. If women are either consciously or unconsciously afraid to pee during sex, they are most certainly clamping down on their pelvic floor muscles. Chronic tension leads to serious health problems that affect many areas of life, not just sexuality.
So underground was this field, that in 2002 I had to write a history for it because it simply had not been done nor was coherently recognized as a field (dearly needed). The practitioners at that time and up to today certainly know this and they labored under draconian laws that said, “Touch genitals, take money, go to jail.” Now, they are protected under the triad umbrella of doctor, therapist and physical therapist (or masseuse). The real crime, of course, is that millions of men and women live in daily pain or on their way to it due in large part because the sexual phobia is so severe it has literally no sense of human sexuality as connected to our physical health, mental well-being and a door to the sacred. All they can see is the devil, which psychologists know today is a shadow projection born of deep seated anxiety and fear of sexuality.
From Chapter 2: What Is Female Ejaculation?
Pauline had not known about female ejaculation until she met a new lover who found her G-spot. She didn’t care for the sensation at first; sometimes she felt like she had to pee when he touched it, and she asked him to stop. This stressed their lovemaking sessions until one night she found the sensation deeply pleasing and had a great orgasm. She noticed more than the usual wetness, but thought it was just his incredible skill in making her feel sensations she didn’t know she could feel. She gradually became accustomed to his techniques, and one day he declared that she had produced a jet of liquid that almost hit him in the face!
She thought he was a bit crazy, and after that she noticed that she held back her sexual enthusiasm. But again, in time, she allowed herself to let go into the delicious pleasure. Then one day it happened she ejaculated! She actually felt the cool jet stream that her boyfriend had told her had poured out of her before. Though at first she felt repulsion, she also noticed a sensation of deep relaxation. After that, it became harder to not let go, and her ejaculations became more frequent as he assured her it was normal and not urine and that he liked it.
Female ejaculation is a powerful, beautiful, healthful, and rather mysterious sexual response that comes naturally to female bodies. Once understood, its joys are many and varied, and can go deep into the heart of what it means to be female. To own the mysteries of female ejaculation requires a little faith, and for some women, a fair amount of work, but the amount of self-empowerment gained from learning its secrets makes it worthwhile. In this chapter, we trace the modern, scientific studies on the female prostate and its unique orgasm. We learn its anatomy, and examine the role of other important pieces.
The Scientific Discovery of the Female Prostate and Female Ejaculation
The puzzle of female ejaculation and the G-spot began to be pieced together in the early 1980s by diverse groups of American investigators. Three groundbreaking studies brought female ejaculation into public awareness. The first, by Josephine Lowndes Sevely, was an extensive academic inquiry into its scientific past. The Harvard-funded study revealed that female ejaculation had been known and discussed since the seventeenth century, and that its source, the female prostate, had been examined and documented. In a second study, the Federation for Feminist Women’s Health Care Centers zeroed in on the clitoris and made a startling discovery that a large portion of it is hidden inside the body. Finally, in a third study, sexologists and scientists Ladas, Whipple, and Perry identified a sensitive area in the vagina that seemed to trigger female ejaculation, and they named the area “the G-spot” (after the German-American researcher and gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg). They also identified its muscle and nerve support, and discovered it can produce its own unique type of orgasm.