Read an Excerpt
Butch Boot Camp or, If You Can't Find One, Train One
Maybe you have a fabulous butch who stands out in terms of knowing how to treat you, so you think this chapter doesn't apply to you. Au contraire! Read on. Some of my methods can be applied to eliminate bad habits that otherwise great butches have picked up from past girlfriends who maybe didn't appreciate them or bring out their best. For example, my ultra-suave wife had this annoying habit of handing me my ticket at the theater. Finally, I just let her drop it into thin air. She had to scramble around for the fallen ticket, and we backed up the line, thus embarrassing her, but she definitely got it that it was not for me to hold the tickets. I smile politely at the ticket ripper as she hands them over. That's my job. If this chapter doesn't help you directly, then you can pass along the info to a sister in need (there are more than enough of them). Onward.
Oh, bother! You've looked up and down and sideways and you can't find a good butch, or not even a butch, to save your life, much less ego and libido. What's a girl to do? Well, fret no more. It's simple! If you can't find a good butch woman, then you'll have to train one. Yes, it's more work than you'd ordinarily take on, it can be quite an investment of time and energy, but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. If your needs aren't being met, then it's high time you tackle the world in front of you and change it. Many of today's hot butches once seemed anything but butch, so take heart. The potential is out there, it's just up to you to nurture it.
Diamonds in the Rough: Finding Potential
First you have to find a creature with potential. Potential butches come in all types of packaging. We've already discussed flirting with the whole solar system as a matter of habit, so as you do this, note any woman with whom you've had interesting encounters. Don't worry about how she's dressed or what kind of boots she's wearing (or not wearing). Just ask yourself the following questions:
1. Does she appreciate the femme in me ?
Example: Has she complimented my outer femmeness (hair, nails, dress)? Or my inner femmeness (comments, thoughts, perspective)?
Note: she might not respond to the actual word "femme," but just to your Princess/Diva/Goddess/Kitten/Bitch self.
2. Do you catch her staring at your ass? I have found the most andro, yuppy, "I'm just a woman," types staring at my ass like they were seeing Mary in the sky, mouths open, eyes glazed, transfixed at first then overwhelmed with thoughts running through their andro minds such as, "I'm seeing something that looks like hope, but I'm not sure, and how does it even apply to me....and who is it for? But who cares really because, look at it! It gives me this feeling in my body like, ooh." Then they sigh and become transfixed again.
3. Does she get kind of flustered when she sees you in full drag?
Examples: Feelings of nausea, tripping a lot, stuttering. Note: If she stutters saying "I, I, I..." smile and say "Oh, I'm sure you would." That'll boost her ego and make her think like the Little Engine Who Could.
4. Subtly ask what kind of toys she played with as a child. If she didn't play with dolls but liked playing with GI Joe, guns, trains, or anything involving a lot of dirt, that's good. Many girls played with these toys, but femmes also played with dolls.
5. Where's her center of gravity? Many women wear makeup and throw around their long hair, yet stomp around with their pelvis tilted forward (like there's a weight going from the end of their spines to the floor). Soon enough, they wipe off that makeup and end up being butch. Note: Keep in mind, there are many femme gals who are tomboy femmes and walk better in boots than heels and also many femmes are sex workers and prefer to stomp around flat footed when they're not working.
6. Does she smell butch? Do you find yourself relating to her like she's butch (leaning on her, asking her to fetch your drink, etc.), then you catch a long glance at her again and realize that on the outside or from her talk you have no reason to think she's butch? Maybe your subconscious sniffer is catching something that your conscious self passes by.
Hopefully you find someone who meets at least a couple of the above criteria. With some luck, she'll be younger than you. This helps establish authority in your training. But don't worry if she's older than you. Just tell her you're an old soul and that she's a young one.
Some women realize immediately that they long to be trained. Maybe they're simply longing to be in your grip. Don't trip on it, just take advantage of it. With these women you can do a hard course of training. With others you might have to take a softer approach. You'll notice they'll start to adapt in a way that's complementary to you.
Overt or Hard Training
You may be into S/M role playing and decide to re-create Exit to Eden for your training. That's certainly overt. It's also overt to just be conscious that you're giving your time and energy to help this woman try on a social persona, to mold herself, to embody a masculine persona. If you've chosen the right woman for schoolin', this will feel natural to her, like going home, like the way some of us felt when we realized we did have a sexuality. Homosexuality and that moment of realization didn't actually feel wrong, but rather, right--no more trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. Well, many women feel that way as they ease into allowing themselves to be butch. They most often don't become butch, rather they allow themselves to be butch. You can play a vital role in helping them to create a space--mentally, emotionally, or sexually--that lets them relax into their true nature.
By "overt," I also mean she knows she's trying on this persona. Maybe it goes unsaid, but you both know this is the dressing room and you're the one handing over the tailored slacks.
During training, don't walk the middle of the road. You're the older, wiser woman and she's your beast. You'll both be happier this way. Think "pack-animal" mentality. Teach her the ropes gently, but sometimes firmly. Patience, persistence, and praise. Praise helps a lot.
You don't have to be a dominatrix top. You can be the biggest pillow queen in town. How do we call puppies? Sometimes we coax and sweet talk them and sometimes we stomp our feet and yell.
Soft Training or Covert Facilitation of Her Awareness
Perhaps she doesn't want to be your puppy, and maybe she doesn't even buy that she's a young soul. You need to believe what she says and act accordingly. Be aware that whether you're training covertly or overtly, you'll encounter kinks and road blocks. One way is not necessarily more effective than the other. But this method provides that delicate "nudge" that might not make your teachings so obvious to butches-in-training (thus saving them possible embarrassment and/or preserving their dignity).
Covert-Training Tips (adjust according to how obvious you'd like to be)
Have her read the "On the Date" chapter of this book.
Be simple and suggestive.
Go shopping with her and ask her to try on the tailored suit in the men's section. Or the opposite. Encourage her to not dress up. Say, "Honey, I like you in Levis." When she complains about putting on makeup say, "You're gorgeous without it. Why bother?" Say it even if she doesn't complain.
If you both financially contribute to dates or outings, say, "I can spend $20 dollars tonight. I don't care how or where we spend it, but I don't feel like holding it. Do you mind putting it in your wallet?"
Once she has your money, she has to pick up the check, purchase the movie tickets, etc. Do not let her hand you your movie ticket! Simply say, "That's ridiculous. You hold both of them."
Wait for her to open the door. If you must be sneakier than that, accidentally drop something so that you're bent over when you reach the door, then fiddle with the something so your hands are tied up. Any reasonable human being will go ahead and open the door for you under those circumstances. Next time say, "Do you mind getting that? My nails are wet." Yet another suggestion: Say, "Do you mind? I pulled my shoulder at the gym." Have an excuse for each door and she'll soon get the hang of it. If you do this often, she'll respond like Pavlov's dog. Whether she likes it or not, she gets trained to open doors when you're by her side.
Tell her what you want either as a demand ("Fuck me now, goddamnit!") or as a compliment ("I love when you grab me like that.")
When she admires especially femme things about you, prod her to say them aloud. This is an old sales technique in which the consumer validates the product. You can simply ask, "Do you like me in teddies?" If she's noncommittal, give her a choice, "Do you like me better in my silk gown or a teddy?" Now, here's the key, let's say she chooses the teddy. Get her to say it. You might have to fish a while, so ask something such as "If you could pick out any kind of teddy for me, what would it be?" Or, "What do you think I should get at Frederick's?"
Beg her to wear a men's undershirt while you jack off staring at her. Tell her how irresistible you think she is in boxers. (You might not want to do these two exercises back-to-back if you're trying to be subtle.)
She knows you're strong in many ways, but find a way that you aren't strong or a time that you don't need to be strong and let her protect you. Then reward her, and yourself, with sex.
If she gets her hair cut "too short, damned hairdresser," run your fingers through it and tell her she looks great. If it's really short, you can rub her head between your breasts. Knead it.
If she has long hair, one day when she's wearing a ponytail suggest she wear her baseball cap backwards.
Get her to carry things such as boxes or the trash, then reward her by rubbing her muscles.
If she's butchable, these things will become second nature to her without much effort on your part. She will revel in your feminine side and find herself standing more sturdy so you can curve around her.