Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life
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Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life

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by Valerie Bertinelli

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In 2008, Valerie Bertinelli’s #1 bestseller, Losing It, connected with fans of multiple generations and spent a remarkable 8 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list. Now in paperback Finding It shares Valerie's conflicted, humorous, and highly personal tale of her continuing search for answers to life's big


In 2008, Valerie Bertinelli’s #1 bestseller, Losing It, connected with fans of multiple generations and spent a remarkable 8 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list. Now in paperback Finding It shares Valerie's conflicted, humorous, and highly personal tale of her continuing search for answers to life's big questions.

Welcome back to chez Bertinelli, where life is as crazy and comical as ever. In revealing talks with her longtime boyfriend, Tom, Valerie gets even more personal about her inner worries: her maternal anxieties about her son, Wolfie (he’s fallen in love and, as she writes, “getting your sex talk from Eddie Van Halen wasn’t recommended in any of the parenting books I read”); the challenges of dealing with a blended family; her mother’s own new diet adventure; and a craving for a deeper relationship with a Higher Power (“I have experienced days of inner peace and connectedness with a larger spirit—twice,” she writes. “Why not more often?”). And as if these everyday challenges weren’t enough, Valerie is working to maintain her own very public weight loss and approaching her fiftieth birthday. This is the story of what happens after you change your life. And it’s not all peaches and cream, or even low-fat yogurt.

This inspiring memoir, from the beloved actress and author of the bestseller Losing It, is an optimistic story for trying times. Warm and friendly, honest and self-aware—with the same winning wit and candor that touched a generation of fans in Losing ItFinding It is about working on all the reasons we gain weight in the first place so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s about becoming better, not just thinner. And it’s about believing in love and happiness, having faith that both are possible, and finding out that God does want you to enjoy life’s desserts—even when you’re on a diet.

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Atria Books
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Finding It

And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life
By Valerie Bertinelli

Free Press

Copyright © 2010 Valerie Bertinelli
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9781439141649


I shouldn't have been offended when my boyfriend Tom walked in on me and commented on my underwear. But I was. Most women would agree—and may even have had the same conversation. I was cleaning out my dresser drawers as I packed for a weekend trip to Laguna Beach for my forty-ninth birthday. Tom came in and began sifting through a pile of t-shirts, bras, and underwear that I put on the bed in a “discard” pile. Without asking what I was doing, he jumped into the middle of the process and came up holding a pair of skin-colored panties as if they were fresh roadkill.

“I hope you aren't going to bring these to the beach,” he said.

“As a matter of fact, no, I wasn't,” I said. “They're being thrown out, along with everything else in that pile.” Still, I was curious what he had against them, a perfectly nice pair of underwear.

“What's wrong with them?” I asked.

“They're granny panties,” he said.

Granny panties? I gave him a look that said, “Oh, really, buster. You think so?” I had just spent nearly two years having lost 40 pounds; actually a little more at this time. I hadn't gone through that effort to cover my rear end in drapes. My underwear drawer included bikini-style panties, sheer panties, white panties, black panties, a couple of pastel-colored panties, panties whose lines weren't visible through pants, panties I wore to business meetings, panties I wore when I worked out, panties I wore on special occasions, and panties that said I was in the mood. I had panties for nearly every occasion. The one thing I didn't have were granny panties.

I grabbed the pair in question from Tom. I studied them for a second or two and decided he had no idea what he was talking about.

“These are bikini-style, but with a wider waistband,” I explained. “If I had them on, you could still see my belly button.”

“V, I'm going to tell you something,” he said. “I hope you don't take offense at hearing it. But you've had some nasty underwear, and these are at the top of the list.”

“Oh. My. God,” I said, tossing the undies back in the throw-out pile. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Quite the contrary,” he said. “I'm a guy. I know about women's underwear.”

A dozen different responses came to mind, none of them nice. I chose a response that is rarely part of my repertoire: I bit my tongue and said nothing. I knew Tom's theory about women's underwear was typical of most men. It consisted of grand expectations (my undies were supposed to be chosen for his pleasure, not my convenience or comfort), disappointment (they could never be small enough), and something I'll call “lack-of-string theory”— basically, they increased in size with age until they got so large that women needed the local fire department's hook and ladder brigade to pull them up (not true of mine in any way, shape, or size, thank you very much!).

I have a different take. I think that the slingshot-sized thongs that Tom and most men think of as ideal are thoroughly uncomfortable. After a few men walk around with what is essentially a string of dental floss up their butt all day, I would gladly talk to them about women's underwear. That said, panties are a fairly accurate indicator of the way a woman feels about herself.

As Tom would find out once we got to Laguna, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

In many ways, I was better than ever. Just a month earlier, I had let the world see me in a bikini. I'd shot a commercial and a magazine cover, wearing for the first time what I had not dared put on in almost thirty years. I was a little uncomfortable showing that much skin, but, hey, I'd worked my butt off getting in shape, so why not show off a little?

But getting in a bikini was only part of the story. There was so much more that people couldn't see because the transformation had taken place on the inside, deep down in the gooey center. When I saw myself on the cover of People magazine, I noticed glimpses of it in my eyes. Granted, most people weren't looking there. But I saw a light and an alive-ness and a renewed hunger for life that hadn't been there since I was a kid, back before I'd eaten my way through life's challenges, insecurities, fears, and disappointments.

I was serious when I said, “I can't believe I did it.” But I was talking about more than just fitting into a bikini.

Losing forty pounds was an accomplishment, and getting into a bikini was the exclamation point to all that effort. But anyone who has lost weight—and kept it off—knows that shedding pounds is only the first step in the much bigger and longer project of transformation. But I hadn't known this. Why? I had never kept the weight off.

Over the years, I had gone on more diets than I could count or even remember. Every one of them had worked. I had lost weight. But up till now, I had always failed to keep it off. I'm not alone here. Millions of people know what I'm talking about. Everyone who has gone on a diet knows how to lose weight. All of us are very good at it. The problem is, few of us know how to keep it off. According to the research I found, between 92 and 95 percent of those who lose weight on a diet end up regaining every one of those pounds, and sometimes a few more, within five years. That's insane. It's a problem. And it begs the question, what are we doing wrong?

I thought about this after I reached my weight-loss goal and announced to those following my progress that I was transitioning to maintenance. Then, I woke up that next day and the day after and on days after those and asked myself, What does that mean, maintenance?

One day, I said to myself, “Holy crap! I've been here before and messed up. What had I done wrong? What do I have to do differently this time to keep the weight off?”

Well, as far as I'm concerned, this is the part of weight loss that no one ever talks about: the reality of keeping it off. I think the reason why so many of us have always gained back our weight after months of hard work, self-discipline, and sweat is that we don't know what to do once we hit our goal. We aren't given this crucial information.

I want to change that. Having lost 40 pounds and kept it off for a year, I have figured some things out and acquired some wisdom and insight that I wish I had known as I set out on my weight-loss journey, starting with one fact: Above and beyond all else, losing weight and maintenance are two completely different endeavors.

I had assumed that switching gears from losing weight to maintenance simply meant watching what I ate and exercising daily, but in a more relaxed mode. I was wrong. Maintaining this new, slimmer, healthier version of myself required even more work. Harder work, too.

Talk about a shock!

Talk about a revelation!

When I looked at this new, thinner version of myself, the one who had reached her goal by losing 40 pounds, the one who was supposedly ready to change gears into maintenance, I realized that I wasn't finished. Inside, I didn't feel finished. As it turned out, I wasn't.

Who knew?

I didn't. As I said, on previous diets, I had always lost weight and then regained it plus some extra. I had never been able to keep it off. I would hit my goal, give myself a few days of leniency for good behavior, maybe reward myself with a treat or two and, before I knew it, the weight was piling back on.

This time I vowed not to let that happen to me. However, after losing weight in front of the world, I didn't want to go through the humiliation of regaining it in front of world. I shuddered at the thought of going into the supermarket and seeing the headlines, “Valerie Bertinelli Fat Again.” I didn't want to disappoint myself, either.

That was the real issue. I looked good, I felt great, and most important I was learning to like myself more and more. I didn't want to lose any of that. In fact, as I discovered, I wanted to keep going! I couldn't believe it. Losing weight was an eye-opener—a game-changer, as they say on the sports channels.

Losing weight was merely the beginning of a process, and I needed to get in sync with that reality and act accordingly. In other words, by dieting, I had only fixed one problem, my weight. To maintain it, I had to work on everything else—all the things that had made me get fat in the first place.

For me, maintenance became not an effort to keep my weight the same but a daily effort to continue to evolve and grow and work at becoming my best self. Since I began, I have found it exciting, frustrating, challenging, confusing, and ultimately the most rewarding project I have tackled. It should be. It's my life!

In this book, I talk about some of the busiest, hardest, and best days of my life. My teenage son, Wolfie, fell in love; Tom's four wonderful children became more involved in our life together; my mom battled a serious illness; and on top of everything, I worked my butt off (literally) to get into bikini shape for a new Jenny Craig marketing campaign—as if, at age forty-eight, I needed that additional test.

Without knowing any better until I dived in, I needed it more than I realized. It took me to the next level, and along the way I was able to look at the big issues in my life, including family, career, health, friendship, and faith. Though I wasn't always clear about what I believed, my definition of maintenance came to include a deeper sense of faith, a closer relationship with God, and an attempt to find a sense of peace and comfort.

In many ways, the problems I have had to confront sound like a season's worth of plots on a family sitcom. But I'll take that over the alternatives. As far as I'm concerned, it's better—and healthier—to laugh than overeat. (Laughing also burns calories. How convenient!) These are tough times for all of us. If you don't believe me, turn on the TV, read a newspaper, or just listen to me argue politics with my father.

But there's hope that life will work out. I found hope, and continue to find it, in unlikely places. And I've seen other people find it, too. We have a new president who, agree with him or not, recognizes that hope above all else is what offers light on the darkest of days.

I came to realize (and I hope you will, too) that success isn't measured solely by stepping on the scale. That's part of it. But the way you and I want to feel goes beyond what we weigh every morning. You have to pay attention to the voice you hear in your head (the good one) and the feeling in your heart.

As you read further, you will see that I have tried to tell the kinds of stories that I would have wanted to hear or needed to hear as I switched gears from dieting to maintenance. In a way, it's as if I'm opening up my underwear drawer for the world to look at. You're going to find all styles and colors—except for granny panties—and learn about the stuff that wasn't necessarily visible, the stuff that happened to me on the inside as I continued on this crazy, fun, frustrating, emotional, and joyous journey of trying to create my best and healthiest self.

Two years ago I set out to lose weight. I succeeded, but ended up embarking on a whole other journey to find whatever that elusive thing was that had been missing in my life; the thing that once I found it, would give me peace and make me feel good, as if everything was okay and as it should be; the thing that would satisfy my physical as well as inner hunger.

This is my story of that search.

One more thing: please know that I don't always know what I'm doing, but I know that trying is much better than the alternative. If life has one constant, it's change. Like it or not, all of us experience change. We change diapers, change outfits, change relationships, jobs, dress sizes, ages, opinions? or change the way we look at ourselves and, ultimately, our lives.

I needed to make a change in my life, a big one, and I did. In order to maintain that success, I realized I needed, and in fact wanted, to continue to transform and evolve. And along the way I realized that the constant remolding of our gooey center is the key to enjoying life's desserts—even if we are watching our weight.

© 2009 Tuxedo Ltd.


Excerpted from Finding It by Valerie Bertinelli Copyright © 2010 by Valerie Bertinelli. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Valerie Bertinelli has been acting since the age of twelve, appearing in more than two dozen made-for-TVmovies. Most recognizably, she appeared on the long-running sitcom One Day at a Time and, more recently, on Touched by an Angel. Now a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, Bertinelli was raised in Claymont, Delaware, and in the San Fernando Valley, California, and was married for twenty years to Eddie Van Halen (they split up in 2001). Currently, she lives with her son, Wolfgang, in Los Angeles.

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Finding It 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 46 reviews.
wearingjewels More than 1 year ago
I read Losing it and loved it. I couldn't wait to read Finding it. It was also great. I believe it was deeper and more inspiring than the first. I hope you are working on a third book. Maybe you can call it " Keeping It". You are so right about so many things in regard to the inner changes that need to made to really get there. I loved meeting Val and Tom at her book signing in Ridgewood, NJ about 2 years back at Book Ends. Thanks. Deb
LarryHazelwood More than 1 year ago
I feel like I grew up with Valerie. I think Jenny Craig was just the start of her inspiration. After reading this book you will never doubt what Valerie can do or perhaps what you can do once inspired. Whatever your fear of achievement is after reading this book you just might be inspired to achieve it. A truely feel good reading.
Alla_S More than 1 year ago
In her new book "Finding It: And Satisfying My Hunger for Life without Opening the Fridge," a follow-up to her bestselling memoir "Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time," Valerie Bertinelli intimately details her life after the release of her first book. Throughout the chapters, her writing is light and humorous which provides for one entertaining read. We learn about her teenage son Wolfie who tours with his rock star father Eddie Van Halen, gets his first serious girlfriend, and has trouble passing the driver's license test. Then there's Tom, Valerie's boyfriend who has four children of his own and whose witty commentary Bertinelli quotes throughout the book. However, obviously the most interesting character is Valerie herself. Despite her Hollywood stardom, Bertinelli comes across as very down-to-earth. She struggles with maintaining her weight, worrying about her teenage son, and becoming exhausted from all the errands. While writing candidly about her life-so much that I often felt like I was reading her diary, Valerie also discusses her belief-system and the quest to stay optimistic. Before each chapter, Bertinelli even includes a "Notes to Myself" section which lists her thoughts, and often includes inspirational quotations. In addition to being a memoir of Valerie's current life, this book has the bonus of functioning like a self-help book for others out there who are also struggling with a positive self-image and regrets from the past (Valerie's include spending too much time in her miserable marriage, failing to get an education, and allowing herself to gain weight in the first place), while dealing with the present. Overall, I found this book to be a solid read and something I would recommend to not only Valerie's fans, but women in general as well as men who are having trouble understanding their wives.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have now finished reading both books regarding Miz V'z weight loss. The books made me feel like she was having a friendly chat with ME.....a sencere one to boot! I have medical issues (RA/Diabetes/Stenosis....etc)....over weight and esteme issues too....but....she has given me the push I've needed. I may not be able to do it her way (running) or as fast, but I am determined to find a way and deal with my issues and not give up. I know I will not be bikini body, but I do know my health will benefit from it. Enjoyed every minute of reading....she is a real down to earth sounding gal....not too upity to discuss body noises/functions, but classy too...just a regular gal talking about topics that most of us "born without these genes" can relate to.....Thanks Miz V....on to your next book now!
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Twinzn24me More than 1 year ago
Loved this book...bought it on CD and listened to it on the way to work each morning! She is so REAL and NORMAL...I understood, well have lived, most of what she talks about. The bottom line is...she makes you feel that if she can do can you! Great book, inspiring, funny and she lays it all out there. LOVED this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I enjoyed this book as a follow-up to her book Losing It. It helps to understand that even these amazing weight loss stories require a lifetime committment, no matter who you are!! It was also good to hear what she has been up to. If you like Valerie, it is a good read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago