Finding the Silver Lining in Divorce: What to Do When I Do Turns Into I Don't


When my husband and I were divorcing, the only thing we agreed on was that “he did not like me and I did not like myself.” Twenty-four years after saying “I Do,” I said “I Don’t.” That decision propelled my on a spiritual, healing, mystical journey that continues to enrich my life. Healing during and after divorce or any trauma can be very challenging, even when you know it is in the best interest of everyone concerned. I wanted to figure out why I chose this particular person to marry, and how to make a more ...

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Finding the Silver Lining in Divorce: What to Do When

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When my husband and I were divorcing, the only thing we agreed on was that “he did not like me and I did not like myself.” Twenty-four years after saying “I Do,” I said “I Don’t.” That decision propelled my on a spiritual, healing, mystical journey that continues to enrich my life. Healing during and after divorce or any trauma can be very challenging, even when you know it is in the best interest of everyone concerned. I wanted to figure out why I chose this particular person to marry, and how to make a more educated choice in the future. Those thought systems led me on a healing, self-discovery journey. After my ex-husband spoke through a medium and said, “Sign up on the internet for your book,” I decided to follow his advice! My wish is that this workbook will be a road map on your journey to empowerment.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781452571867
  • Publisher: Balboa Press
  • Publication date: 4/23/2013
  • Pages: 204
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 0.47 (d)

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Finding The Silver Lining In Divorce

What To Do When "I Do" Turns into "I Don't"

By Kendra Crowell-Hurd

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2013 Kendra Crowell-Hurd, MA
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-7186-7



Physical Tools:

1. Illness—Find out what your body is trying to say to you. What is your body saying that your mouth is not saying? For example, sinus issues can be complicated by "irritation with someone close—even being irritated with yourself." Before I had ever heard of Mind/Body Medicine, and when I had just become a therapist at the age of forty-eight, I was on a massage table with a sciatic issue. The massage therapist asked me, "Do you know what sciatic issues say in the mind/ body connection?" I replied, "What is that?" She replied, "You don't know?" She left the room, returned with Heal Your Body by Louise Hay, and gave it to me. According to the book, sciatic means, "being hypocritical," not being straight with yourself. (A sciatic issue also relates to "fear of money and the future," according to Louise Hay.) I said, "I think I will hit you when I get off this table." She answered, "My, I must have hit a nerve!" She was correct. I had just returned from a vacation with an old boyfriend that (because of my own therapy process) I knew was not healthy for me. I came home limping and in pain with a sciatic issue! You Can Heal Your Life and Heal Your body by Louise Hay have never been wrong for me personally, or for any of my clients in my twenty-two years of counseling practice. All is Well—Heal Your Body with Medicine, Affirmations, and Intuition by Louise Hay and Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz is your guide to wholeness and well-being. My wish is that more medical doctors, health care professionals, and medical schools will discover and utilize the research and wisdom shared in this book.

2. Exercise—This helps you release stress and stay in shape. Do what your body loves, and you are more likely to continue your exercise or movement program. Exercise. Move your body. If you're inclined, get a personal trainer or a friend to encourage you. (As the title of Dr. Jane Pentz's book asks, If you don't take care of your body, where else are you going to live?) It is better to use self-restraint than to deal with feelings of regret.

3. Eat healthy—Eat fruits and vegetables and more fruits and vegetables. Take a look at Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo. Or try Weight Watchers.

4. Massage—This helps reduce stress and keeps you out of bed with the wrong people. If you are a touchy/feely person, massage will help you with "skin hunger."


Spiritual Tools:

5. Intuition—Listen to your gut; pay attention to synchronicity and coincidences; that's God talking to you. I recommend the following books: Trust Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette, Your Sixth Sense by Belleruth Naparstek, The Secret Language of Signs by Denise Linn, When God Winks by Squire Rushnell, Divine Intuition by Lynn A. Robinson, and Second Sight by Judith Orloff. Coincidence is an accidental sequence of events that appear to have a casual relationship. Sometimes God speaks to us through coincidences. For example, when I was getting a divorce and trying to sell our family home, I looked at a condo on the west side of town. My real estate agent girlfriend said that it was a good deal, on a good street, and that my furniture would fit. (Previously, I had held a Realtor's license and managed commercial property.) I did not really like the condo, but I really liked the woods behind it. Our family home did not sell, and someone else bought the condo. A year went by, and the country home finally sold—and the condo came for sale again at the exact same time. I did not want to live on that side of town, however. I thought I wanted to live on the south side of town where there was a walking path for my big, old Labrador. The Realtor told me that she would not sell me a condo in the south side complex because those condos were not well-built. So I found another real estate agent girlfriend, found a condo I liked on the south side, took a contractor to look at the second condo, and found that the outside bedroom wall had sunk. This was the reason that the master bedroom bed looked like it was going downhill! Needless to say, I went back to the first real estate agent, looked at the original condo, and decided that God must want me to buy it. Thankfully, I paid attention to the coincidence that the condo had come up for sale again at the exact same time that the family home had sold. Having lived in—and loved—my condo for twenty-two years, I am thankful that I listened to the synchronicity and coincidence. This location is very conducive to my in-home counseling business. God was trying to support me in my future home business that I did not know I was going to have! Coincidentally, I have an astrological report that says I could have a successful home business. My counseling business has been in my home full-time since 2001. Thank you, God.

6. God of your understanding/church—Put God in the center of your life, and all aspects of your life will work better. (I recommend reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.) You can go "church shopping" and notice which church feels good to you. During my divorce process, I visited eight different churches before I found the church I now love. The church that we had been attending as a family did not feel right for me anymore.

7. Volunteering/giving back—Create a channel to share your gifts. Before our divorce was final in 1991, I was fortunate enough to be involved in helping create a Ronald McDonald House in my hometown. I volunteered eight- to ten-hour days for three years. My therapist said, "You helped build a Ronald McDonald House instead of getting a divorce before your daughter became eighteen." (My husband had moved out one month shy of my daughter's high school graduation and one month shy of her eighteenth birthday.) The therapist said, "Building a Ronald McDonald House to help hundreds of people was a lot healthier than having an affair!" Wow—this was an interesting way to look at my avoidance behavior around what was going on in my own home!

8. Send blessings—Say, "I am sending blessings," to the one who hurt you. You can ask God to help you mean it. Keep saying it until you mean it. To bless means to expand. Sending blessings to someone is like taking a zipper to heaven; the "good stuff" falls out of heaven on you and the other person. (Thank you to my spiritual director for this tool.)

9. Spend time in nature—Mother Nature is calming and healing. Get your hands in the dirt (unless you are allergic to dirt or flowers) and plant and nurture a garden. Nature is God's tranquilizer. Help God bring beauty into your life.

10. Join or start a Mastermind Group—"Where two or three are gathered together and in my name, there am I in the Midst of Them." (Matthew 18:20. Authorized King James Version, The National Bible Press, Philadelphia ). Meet weekly or monthly, and pray the same prayer for each person in the group. Then every day, each person prays for the other members of the group. ( The resource for establishing a Master Mind Group is from Mastermind Publishing, Warren, Michigan.)

11. Ask for God's guidance—Ask God to tell you what his will is for you, and then follow and obey. When we are doing God's will for our lives, doors open in front of us. When we don't do God's will, doors close and life is a struggle. Don't get a stick of dynamite and try to open doors that God has closed. Let go and let God. Listen for answers in a dream, gut feelings, intuition, synchronicity, coincidences, number patterns repeating, and/or a repeating pattern of seeing the same animal. I recommend the following books: Animal-Speak by Ted Andrews, Angel Numbers by Doreen Virtue, If Christ Were Your Counselor by Chris Thurman. Here is an example of gut feelings (a knowingness or intuition of God talking to you): for about four months prior to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, I had the feeling that I should go to my stockbroker and have him turn some of my investments into cash. The feeling would not go away, and I could not sleep well. Finally, weeks before 9/11, I went to the stockbroker. He suggested that I might not want to do that. Even though he was the head of the investment firm, I had him do it anyway. After 9/11 he told me that my feelings were very smart and that one other person had done the same thing—a psychologist. Attuned to their intuition, spiritual people are invested in listening to their gut feelings because we know it is God talking to us.

12. Praying on your knees—Be humble before God. I recommend reading Praying God's Will for My Life by Lee Roberts. When the ducks in my pond were getting out of a row and going to different ponds in different states (since everything I was doing wasn't working), I got down on my knees. That is when my life started turning around for the better. My ducks were getting out of a row, so my ducks could get back in a healthier row.

13. Find what archetype you are living, and if you don't like it, change it—victim, child, warrior, princess, and so on. Read Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss and King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette.

14. Invite your guardian angel to help you—Give your guardian angel a name and ask for help. Angels are just waiting for you to invite them to help you. I recommend the following books and cards to learn more about guardian angels: Healing with the Angels, Angel Numbers, Messages from your Angels Oracle Cards, and Ascended Masters Oracle Cards—all by Doreen Virtue. I also recommend Spirit Guides & Angel Guardians by Richard Webster.

15. Spirit animal—Ask for a dream to tell you what your spirit animal is. You do not have to go on a vision quest to get your answer. What are the characteristics of that animal? If you are a bear or an eagle, you have few predators; however, if you are a deer, you have numerous predators. Alter your thoughts and behavior so that you are strong and others do not prey upon you. Read Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. My spirit animal is a tiger, according to a dream. The keynote for a tiger is "Passion, Power, Devotion, and Sensuality." Andrews writes, "When Tiger shows up there will begin to manifest new adventures and renewed devotion and passion for life." That is what has been and continues to manifest in my life. Thank you, tiger, for walking this journey with me!

16. Pay attention to the animals in your backyard, and to animals that cross your path-- What does that particular animal mean metaphysically? How does that animal apply to you in your everyday life? (Animal Speak by Ted Andrews). For example, Native Americans believe that God uses animals to give us messages. In Animal Speak, the author lists what different animals mean to the Native Americans. The great blue heron relates to "aggressive self-determination and self-reliance." If the book's explanation of the animal does not make sense to you in the context of your encounter, ask yourself, What is the animal doing? What is the animal's behavior saying? In my case, while on vacation in Florida, the blue heron was scanning the ocean, and paying attention to the horizon. The bird was not fishing. It was watching and scanning the ocean's horizon on Anna Maria Island, Florida, where my good friend and I were on vacation. The house we were renting had a deck overlooking the Seven Mile Bridge from Tampa. The first day we were out on the deck, a blue heron was on the gutter of the house next door. He stayed on the gutter for a long time. We took a picture of the bird scanning the horizon—not fishing, just scanning the horizon and the weather. The next day, the bird was back and stayed on the gutter while we were on the deck. The day after that, the blue heron sat on the deck while we looked through a picture window at the bird. It was cool and windy outside, so we did not go out on the deck that day. The day before we were to leave Anna Maria Island, the bird was standing on the deck looking at us through the window—staring us in the eyes. He was not afraid of us and just stared at us through the glass. I knew the bird was trying to tell us something. A few minutes later, we were watching the weather forecast and there was a warning for a heavy storm for that night and the next day. I decided to follow my gut, and my friend agreed—due to my demonstrated conviction that we should leave the island a day early and travel back to Orlando before flying home. As we were leaving the island, we stopped at a beach restaurant to buy T-shirts. We heard a waiter tell the staff that they needed to move the beach party planned for that evening inside, because there was a bad storm coming. After we returned to Illinois, my friend received the security deposit with a note that stated, "You did the right thing by leaving a day early. We had really bad weather after you left—it got very ugly here." The great blue heron was God's messenger about the approaching bad weather because the bird was scanning the horizon for the storm that was coming. There was glass all across the back of our condo, and the ocean was literally two feet off our deck. I can't swim in this lifetime, which added to my anxiety.

17. Find out what your aura colors are—What do they mean? If you don't like what they represent, change your thinking and your behavior to heal that particular issue. This is a fun exercise, if you like colors. I recommend reading What Color Is Your Aura? by Barbara Bowers.

18. Embrace change—Change is abundant with possibilities. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, "The only thing constant is change itself." I recommend reading Embracing Uncertainty by Susan Jeffers, PhD.

19. Use astrology to find out what kind of energy you brought to earth-- (Check out by Dana Gerhardt.) One astrology report I read stated that if I were divorced from my husband in this lifetime, it would be the first lifetime with him that I got it right. In other lifetimes, I had stayed. Fortunately, I read that after my divorce, so I felt validated. I recommend reading The Day You Were Born: A Journey to Wholeness through Astrology and Numerology by Linda Joyce.

20. Use numerology to find out what your parents "intuitively knew" when they named you-- (Check out www.spiralpath. com by Carol Adrienne.) I was once at a spirituality lecture at our local medical school, and there was an Egyptian man in the audience. He read my name tag and asked if I knew what Kendra means in Egyptian. "No," I answered, inquisitively. He informed me that Kendra means "center" in Egyptian. I was amazed because "centering" is what I have taught myself to do, and it is part of what I teach the counseling clients God sends me.

21. Have past life regression therapy to heal any energy leaks from a past life-- Some great books on this subject are Many Lives, Many Masters, Messages from the Masters, and Miracles Happen—all by Brian Weiss. I have experienced three past life hypnosis sessions, and have seen six different past lives. I was pleasantly surprised after the first session. I saw a National Geographic color movie in my mind that I couldn't make up in my wildest dreams! One past life explains why I make a conscious effort to listen to my intuition. In about 1870, I stopped in a town against my gut instinct. I got shot and killed because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time—walking by a bank in a western town when bank robbers were coming out of the bank. In this lifetime, I get anxious when I ignore my gut feelings. Now I know why. Not listening to your gut can sometimes place you in harm's way. Listen to your gut. It is God talking to you. During another past life regression session, I saw myself on a wagon train going from the east to the west with my husband (a man I was in a relationship with in this lifetime for about eight years) and our three children. (One of our children is my cousin in this lifetime, and the other two are friends of mine who were in a relationship together in this life.) When my current life cousin met my significant other (in this life), she put her arms out to hug him—and she is not a touchy-feely person. When my other daughter and husband in that western life met in this lifetime, she said to me, "You need to date him." These two women in this lifetime were saying, "You need to date our father from another life." We indeed go around in soul groups and subconsciously recognize souls from other lifetimes!

Excerpted from Finding The Silver Lining In Divorce by Kendra Crowell-Hurd. Copyright © 2013 by Kendra Crowell-Hurd, MA. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents


Foreword....................     xv     

Preface....................     xix     

Introduction....................     xxi     

Chapter 1 Physical Tools:....................     1     

Chapter 2 Spiritual Tools:....................     11     

Chapter 3 Mental and Emotional Tools:....................     57     

Chapter 4 Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Tools:....................     79     

Chapter 5 Mental, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Tools:................     123     

Acknowledgments....................     163     

Bibliography and Suggested Reading....................     169     

Other References/Suggested Sources....................     177     

About the Author....................     179     

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