Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider

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More About This Book

Overview

To thine own self be true. But can you do that while still being a valued part of the wider community? Or must you always sacrifice your own inclinations and desires to fit in? For anyone who has ever felt like an outsider at work, in groups, in school, or even in your own extended family, help is on the way. Bestselling author Leonard Felder, PhD, has written the first book with advice on how to be successful personally and professionally when you think differently, live differently, create differently, or solve problems differently than those around you.
This wise and perceptive guide is neither about withdrawing into isolation and passivity, nor about spending every waking hour battling with others. Rather, it’s about choosing wisely when to speak your truth and saying it in a way that gets positive results. Dr. Felder shows exactly how creative, thoughtful, unique individuals can survive and thrive in situations that used to make them shut down or retreat into a shell. He provides actual examples from his own practice and precise techniques that will assure your good ideas, outsider perspective, and innovative solutions are respected and taken seriously, even by rigid people.
Both inspiring and practical, it offers soothing balm and useful answers for everyone who heard too often during adolescence or young adulthood that “you just don’t fit in”—and for the ones who love and counsel them, too. Even more important, it reveals how the very qualities that made you different can become your greatest strengths and most important gifts to the world.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Felder, an author (When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People) and psychologist, culls his years of practice with "outsiders"-including artists, environmentalists, celebrities-to offer a survival guide for the creative individual "cut out of the loop" in any number of situations, especially at work and with family. Felder examines trailblazers like Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, singer Macy Gray, Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who faced ridicule, loneliness and exclusion ultimately to have thrived. In chapters like "The Biggest Mistakes Most Outsiders Make," Felder focuses on overcoming self-destructive tendencies (chip on the shoulder, overcompensation), understanding your strengths as an individual, and curbing the desire to please others. Because people tend to remember "vividly... the exact details of slights and criticisms," a single painful "outsider" experience can cause unwarranted emotional stress in a similar situation. To "get beyond the pain," Felder offers practical but insightful coping strategies and exercises, questionnaires and meditations to build self-awareness and empowerment, and to accept the reality of toxic coworkers or relatives. Compassionate and practical throughout, Felder also includes chapters on effectively mentoring other outsiders and forming a support network.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781402748844
  • Publisher: Sterling
  • Publication date: 10/7/2008
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 835,997
  • Product dimensions: 6.30 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Table of Contents


Chapter 1 When Do You Feel Like an Outsider? 1 Chapter 2 Why It's So Uncomfortable to Stand Apart 11 Chapter 3 The Benefits of Being Positively Different 25 Chapter 4 The Biggest Mistakes Most Outsiders Make 51 Chapter 5 Breaking Through at Work 77 Chapter 6 Coping with Cliques and Closed-Minded Groups 97 Chapter 7 Finding Peace with Your Family 113 Chapter 8 When People Aren't Ready Yet for Your Ideas 135 Chapter 9 How to Be an Effective Mentor, Ally, or Source of Strength for Other Outsiders 157 Chapter 10 Making Your Circle the One People Want to Be In 183 Sources, Notes, and Recommended Readings 203 Index 211

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  • Posted November 15, 2009

    Outstanding!

    Outstanding insightful and inspiring book. Provides practical tools, great stories, and examples.

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