For Men Only [NOOK Book]

Overview

REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION

“Shaunti and Jeff have unearthed a treasure chest of insights—eye-opening and life-changing.”
—Andy Stanley, senior pastor, North Point Community Church

Finally, you can ...

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For Men Only

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Overview

REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION

“Shaunti and Jeff have unearthed a treasure chest of insights—eye-opening and life-changing.”
—Andy Stanley, senior pastor, North Point Community Church

Finally, you can understand her!

If you’re like most men, you’ve burned up lots of energy trying to figure out what a woman wants, what makes her tick, how to make her happy. 

The good news: success is simpler than you ever thought.  In their groundbreaking classic, For Men Only, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn reveal the eye-opening truths and simple acts that will radically improve your relationship with the woman you love. For example:
·   Why she can’t “just not think about” something that’s bothering her 
·   How to get her real answers without games
·   How your provider instinct can actually cause her heartache – and what to do about it
·   Why “not tonight, honey” may not mean what you think
·   Why listening to her feelings is so hard for a guy, and a fix-it plan that works
·   Why her “I do” at the altar will always mean, “do you?” and the answer that rocks her world
 
Now updated with the latest scientific research to explain the fabulous female brain plus an all-new chapter that shows how to decode her most baffling behavior, For Men Only is your roadmap to making her happy.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Pretending that women originate on another planet might please some people, but Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn know better. In For Men Only, these high-profile Harvard graduates draw on surveys, interviews, and the lessons of faith to construct simple maps of what women really want. A pleasing prescription for mutual enrichment.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781601422095
  • Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 8/19/2008
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 208
  • Sales rank: 55,346
  • File size: 5 MB

Meet the Author

Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn are popular speakers and best-selling authors whose research findings are regularly featured in national media as diverse as Focus on the Family, Family Life, the New York Times, and the Today Show. The Feldhahns have two children and live in Atlanta, Georgia.

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Read an Excerpt

Rethinking Random

Why you need a new map of the female universe

Like some guys I know, you might be tempted to skip this introduction and jump right to the sex chapter. And if you’re chuckling right now, it probably means you already did it. Or were about to. It’s not a bad choice, actually. Just a little selfdefeating. If you’ve been in a committed relationship with a woman for more than, say, a day, you know that going just for what you want isn’t actually going to get you what you want for very long.

A week, maybe?

But let’s be honest—one of the main reasons you’re looking at this book is because you are trying to get something you want. Not sex (well, not just sex), but a more fulfilling, harmonious relationship with your wife, one that isn’t quite so hard or confusing. And the back cover gave you the wild idea that understanding her might actually be possible.

Either that or for some reason the woman in question just handed you this book.

Hmm.

Well, either way, take a look at the revelations we’ve uncovered. We think you’ll be convinced. Each chapter explains things about the woman you love that may have often left you feeling helpless, confused, or just plain angry. Each chapter points out simple, doable solutions. The only genius required is that you make a decision up-front that you’re willing to think differently. This is a short book, but if you read it cover to cover, you’ll walk away with your eyes opened to things you may have never before understood about your wife or girlfriend.

Each chapter points out simple, doable solutions.

That’s what happened with me—Jeff. And I’m just your average, semi-confused guy. (Actually, sometimes totally confused is more accurate.) And since we average, semi-confused guys have to stick together, that’s why, even though Shaunti and I are both authoring this book, I’ll be the one doing the talking.

First, Some Background

In 2004 Shaunti published For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, which quickly became a bestseller. Based on nationally representative surveys, focus groups, personal interviews, and other research with thousands of men, it opened women’s eyes to things that most of us guys had always wished our wife or girlfriend knew. Things like most of us need to feel respected even more than loved. Or that men, besides just getting enough sex, also have a huge need to feel sexually desired by their wives.

I’m not sure exactly why, but women everywhere were shocked. And by the flood of letters from around the country—
from both women and their grateful husbands—Shaunti and I have seen how much good can come when the opposite sex finally has their eyes opened to things they simply didn’t understand about us guys before.

In this book, the shock is on the other foot. Now it’s their turn to exclaim to us, “I can’t believe you didn’t already know that!”

When Shaunti’s publisher first approached us about doing a companion book to For Women Only to help men understand women, I had two major concerns. First, I didn’t think guys would read a “relationship” book. For most of us, the last relationship book we read was in premarital counseling—and only because we were forced to. But more to the point, I doubted that women could ever be understood. Compared to other complex matters—like the tides, say, or how to figure a baseball pitcher’s ERA—women seemed unknowable. Random even.

I’m not sure exactly why, but women everywhere were shocked by how men thought.

I explained my skepticism to one early focus group of women:

Jeff: Guys tend to think that women are random. We think, I pulled this lever last week and got a certain reaction. But when I pulled that same lever this week, I got a totally different reaction. That’s random!

Woman in group: But we aren’t random! If you pull the lever and get a different reaction, either you’re pulling a different lever or you’re pulling it in a different way.

Shaunti: What men need is a sort of map to their wives or girlfriends. Because we can be mapped. We can be known and understood—firm ground.

Jeff: Uh, no. See, guys think of a woman as a swamp. You can’t see where you’re stepping, and sooner or later you just know you’re going to get stuck in quicksand. And the more you struggle to get free, the deeper you get sucked in. So every guy on the planet knows that the best thing to do is just shut down and not struggle and hope somebody comes along to rescue you.

When I came to, Shaunti and the other women in the focus group assured me—and I have since seen for myself—that guys don’t have to live in a swamp. That realization led us to the eventual subtitle of this book: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women.

We have been astounded and humbled at the reaction to these simple, eyeopening truths. In fact, the book you are holding is actually the second edition of this book—which is needed because there was clearly a desire for this ongoing research.

Both For Women Only and For Men Only sparked a huge wave of encouragement and hope among ordinary men and women just like me and Shaunti, selling more than 1.5 million copies in twenty-two languages. We were flooded with e-mails and comments from men and women at our marriage conferences, saying things like “This saved my marriage” and “After ten years together, I finally know how to make my wife happy” and even “Jeff, I owe you one, buddy.”

But since we’ve continued to learn new things, we also wanted to keep the book current. For this new edition, we have included some fascinating new findings, including the brain science behind why women sometimes think as they do. Plus we’ve added a new chapter—“She’s Not Making Sense”—that decodes those unpredictable reactions that she thinks of as, uh, normal. After seeing the impact of this research, I realize that we really did uncover life-changing insights. Surprising truths that average guys like me need to hear from an average guy and be encouraged that if someone like me can learn it and do it, they can too.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 33 )
Rating Distribution

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 33 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 28, 2013

    I am a 68 year old woman and have been married for 46 years and

    I am a 68 year old woman and have been married for 46 years and wish I could have my husband read this book. But he is not interested in "stuff like that".  I read "For Women Only" through 2 times in 2 weeks and was amazed and enlightened at what I read.  Many things now make sense that I was puzzled about for years.  So I wondered what was said about me in this book.  I feel I was described quite accurately.  But the chapter, With Sex, Her "No" Doesn't Mean You, had me crying most of the way through.  How much more enjoyable our sex life would have been all these years if he had read something like this chapter or listened when I told him what would make sex better for me. 

    So I encourage you to read this book, pay attention, write things down on note cards and review them if need be.  I think you will get much return on that investment if you put these things into practice.

    Remember, though, really good sex starts at the breakfast table, progresses with a kiss on the back of her neck and a whisper in her ear as she stirs the mashed potatoes at dinner and ends with an enthusiastic wife when the bedroom door closes.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 8, 2012

    I was in a study using the companion book, For Women Only. I wou

    I was in a study using the companion book, For Women Only. I would suggest that both partners read both books. "For Women Only" is a shallow excuse for men to act like boys.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 16, 2012

    Useful insight

    This book offers useful insight into relationships with women. Relationships between the genders always seem complicated. For men brave enough to pursue such relationships it is a useful map to a woman's point of view.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 10, 2012

    For Men Only?

    There is a certain curiosity that seems to be inherent in each person. Even though we are all human, we want to know why the opposite sex does what they do, especially since what they do seems so, well, opposite, to us. Shaunti Feldhahn released a book for women called For Women Only that tackled one side of this question. I read it as a very young woman and found that there wasn't a lot for me to connect to. I wasn't married or in a relationship and I didn't have a need to understand men on the level she was writing about them. When she and her husband came out with For Men Only a little later, I picked it up for a different reason. I wanted to know what they were saying about me. I figured that at some point I might meet someone who had read this book and I wanted to make sure that it was based in a certain amount of fact.

    When this book came up as a choice for review, I jumped at it. Reading it all those years ago changed a lot of the ways that I understood myself. Something simple like knowing that guys can think about one thing at a time, and knowing that will never be possible for me were so insightful. That said, this book is filled, necessarily with generalizations. My second time through it caused me to think more about the things that weren't quite accurate for me. This was a sharp contrast from my first time reading the book. I wanted to give it out to men like candy. Having read it twice, I now think that both of these responses are valid. This book did help me understand myself better and be able to more clearly describe some of the ways that I tick, this is a valuable tool in communication with anyone. It also reminded me that each gender has many permutations. It would be simple to say: this is how a guy thinks...or vice versa. I don't think that this is what the Feldhahns are trying to accomplish here. As a woman, I see this as a great conversation starter and I look forward to going back to it again as life continues to change.

    I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

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  • Posted November 27, 2011

    for men only

    Here Is a Quick Summary of some of the chapters

    1) Rethinking Random - Good insight on how women feel/think

    2) The Deal is Never Closed - A good talk about how women feel about a man's love

    3) Windows...Open! - Women as multitaskers and Grudge Issues

    4) Your Real Job Is Closer to Home - Husbands home more even if it means less income

    5) Listening Is the Solution - The hardest part for a man (which I am), listen don't try to fix everything.

    6) With Sex, Her "No" Doesn't mean You - Another tough one for a man to get. Ego is always a problem

    This is a good practical book that is not deep but should provide men with good insight into their woman. The key loving our spouses correctly is understanding them so that we can serve them and meet their needs. This book does a good job dealing with some very practical issues.

    **I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review**

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  • Posted September 23, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Great resource!!

    Men - If you want to buy one book that will give you some very good and very helpful information on the way your girlfriend, fiance or wife thinks, buy Shaunti and Jeff Feldhaun's For Men Only. I first heard the Feldhaun's on the radio years ago and as they talked about the studies they had done, surveys they had conducted and the findings they were reporting, I knew I had to buy this book. The counterpart, "For Women Only" is just as excellent and my wife has enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed "For Men.". The Feldhaun's are Christians but they write in a way that appeals to a very broad audience. Perhaps they've taken some criticism for this, but I think they are taking the right approach. The blessing of marriage is a blessing enjoyed by all people, not just Christians. Even though it may be true that only Christians will truly enjoy all there is to receive from God in marriage, unbelievers are blessed by God through the gift of marriage as well and this book serves both groups well with providing solid answers to those troubling marital questions all of us deal with.

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  • Posted May 12, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Every guy should read this!

    This book came to me as a gift years ago, and has sat on my shelf until I finally ran out of stuff to read and picked it up. I am SO sorry I didn't pick it up sooner!

    It took only two days to read, and I have already gained so much from it! The Feldhahns break down the female gender into eight easy to read chapters with very easy to understand lessons. Not only do I feel like I better understand my wife, but I also better understand my sister and my female co-workers too!

    I especially enjoyed the chapters about "the windows in a woman's mind," and the "ignore the problem and focus on her feelings about the problem." Boy, did I have that second one way backward!

    The book is written very well, in an easy flowing style that speaks directly to the reader. It is written mostly from the Jeff's point of view, but occassionally his wife Shaunti jumps in with a particularly helpful bit of info.

    Single or married, this book is an easy read that will pay off in your dealings with women for the rest of your life!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 14, 2008

    Clear and to the Point

    Love this book. It doesn't tell you how to 'play the game'. Just how to better understand your gal. My friends marriage counselor suggested it and she told me about it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 17, 2006

    I wish I had learned these things years ago!

    The book has data, allows for differences in women, and is organized to allow a quick start. You are encourage to ask your woman which part of the data set she fits. Good analogies.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 30, 2006

    Want to understand the woman in your life? Buy this book, and read it!

    The subtitle of this book says that it is 'a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women,' and that it definitely is. This husband and wife team does a beautiful job of clarifying for us men what the inner lives of women looks and feels like, which is something that men have puzzled over for hundreds, if not thousands of years. We are wired differently, and this leads to a host of misunderstandings. Well written and easy to understand. And when I checked out their findings with my wife, she replied, 'Oh, yeah,' and looked at me with an expression on her face that said 'You mean you didn't already know that?' Well, I suspected it, but the Feldhahn's made things a whole lot clearer. The second thing I like about this book is that the authors make clear and simple suggestions for how us guys can connect with our women and correct our relationship blunders. I read a lot of relationship books, because working with relationships is what I do for a living. This is one of five or six that I recommend to clients without reservation.

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    Posted October 18, 2011

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