For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men / Edition 1

For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men / Edition 1

3.9 141
by Shaunti Feldhahn
     
 

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ISBN-10: 1590523172

ISBN-13: 2901590523178

Pub. Date: 07/28/2004

Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research

Overview

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life—boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Truth About His Inner Life He Desperately Wants You to Know

What's going on in there? Ever been totally confused by something your man has said or done? Want to understand his secret desires and fears, his daily battles that you know nothing about?

In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t ‘get’ about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, For Women Only is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really is—not who you think he is.

Story Behind the Book

I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, “That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!

To lay the groundwork for this nonfiction book, I wrote out the half-dozen things from these interviews that had most surprised me—things that appeared to be universal to most men—that women desperately needed to know. I conducted a professional national survey of men to test my findings. Yep—the survey substantiated every single one. These findings are fascinating—and they have already changed my life and marriage. I can’t wait to share them!

Product Details

ISBN-13:
2901590523178
Publisher:
The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Publication date:
07/28/2004
Edition description:
New Edition
Pages:
208

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For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 141 reviews.
mom2girlsnboy More than 1 year ago
Okay. I've already read the Mars & Venus Books and other books that are supposed to give women insight into men. I also have a husband who has been more frankly honest with me about men's struggles then most men are. But this book still opened my eyes in ways that are just oh-so-special. But I want to warn you... don't read this book unless you truly love your husband and want to be the wife that he needs. See... this isn't a "how to get what you want" book, or even a "this is what you're doing wrong" book. Instead, it is a "your husband DOES love you, he is simply different from you" book! It's not full of to-do's but rather full of explanations... it explains WHY some of the things we say make our husbands smile and grin like they've been given the world, and WHY other things result in an angry back rapidly moving away. This book goes over the familiar territory of explaining how men need respect... but it goes one step farther and showed me why my husband thinks I don't respect him... something that's confused me for years! It talks about what we all know about how men usually want more sex, but it goes so much farther and shows why in a way that touches your heart and makes you feel so loved and special. It shows how men really ARE romantics... and if you don't think so, I dare you to read the chapter and not change your mind! Their romance is just different then ours, that's all! And when your eyes are opened to how often your husband wants to do romantic (to him) things with you, you'll be so touched... and grieved at how often you've unknowingly shoved him away at those times. But you'll also begin to see what you can do to encourage him to work on the romance that YOU like! And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Keep in mind that this book is not a guide-book... it is an EXPLANATION book. It doesn't really get too much into right and wrong behaviors or what is sin and what isn't, etc... most of us already know that, and don't need to be told again. What it DOES do is explain where men are coming from. For example... we know and they know that lust is a sin... but fighting it as a man is COMPLETELY different then fighting it as a woman! When you undersand how it is for a man, you understand how even his desire to fight it shows strong character AND love for you! One reviewer said that the author was excusing pride, and things like that. But that's now how I saw this book. Okay women... we know that to be like Jesus is to be a servant... but does that mean that it doesn't hurt when we feel like we're nothing more than everyone's slave around the house? Of course it doesn't! We are still "wired" in such a way that it is easy for us to feel this way. This book explains these sorts of things about men... how THEY are "wired". And once you understand this and begin to recognize these explanations in your own husband, then you can help and support him sooooo much better! Because then you see how little innocent comments hurt him... comments that are so easily refrained from, or re-worded. You see how little things you did when you were dating (and have since forgotten about) meant so much to him. You'll learn how to get that "you make me feel like a million bucks" grin on his face! READ THIS BOOK!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is an easy read and is very informative and helpful, I only wish I had been able to read this before my husband died. I'm giving this and its companion book, "For Men Only" as wedding gifts. I'm requesting the couple read both books!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22. He told me that he HAS A CHOICE on whether or not he is going to allow his eyes to look at a woman in the way this book says ALL MEN JUST CAN'T HELP and he also has a choice in what thoughts he is thinking about others. My boyfriend views looking at other women as being unfaithful to me and I agree with him. Men have a choice. This book just gives men an EXCUSE for not choosing to CONTROL something that is difficult to control, but not impossible. It is NOT normal for a man to lust at EVERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN HE SEES! That is what is 'normal' to this WORLD but should not be 'normal' for a Christian man trying to be faithful to one woman.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book after my husband and I nearly divorced because of his use of Pornography. When he gave me this book to read to help 'understand' him better I was thrilled until I read the chapter about Visual Rolodex. The author seems to be enabling these men by 'normalizing' sexualizing every attractive woman they see. It made me sad that the author thinks all men are this weak and that God made them this way. I wouldn't blame deviant behavior on God. Very sad very disappointing book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I will not recommend this book to anyone!!!This books describes what men are like today...not what they are called to be. This books says, 'This is how men are wired' without taking into consideration the huge short-circuit..the fall in the garden of Eden. Let's look to what men (and women) are called to be...not where they have ended up!!! God has more for us. Let's not accept societies ills as 'normal'!!! The only part I found helpful was the reminder of being affirming.
helenahndbskt More than 1 year ago
This book gives horrible, blaming the victim type advice to women. If something is amiss in the relationship, the author instructs the reader (presumably female) to just "be more accepting" of his nature. With regard to sex, she expains that it deepens men's emotions so women should give it to their men as often as possible. The only problem with her advice is that she claims that sex doesn't deepen the emotional connection between the man and the woman -- it only serves to make men feel more confident in themselves. And, with regard to men being visual creatures, the author claims that men have a "visual rolodex" and unwanted pornographic images just pop into their heads at any time without warning. Yes, Ladies, your man is mentally undressing the woman next to him in the check out line at the grocery store. Her advice is that women should just accept this about men and love it about them. Frankly, this sickens me as a man would be crushed to know if his wife were also doing this. The author writes with a very boys will boys attitude; everything that men do that offends women and ruins their self-confidence is okay because men "can't help it". The tone of this book makes women feel very badly about themselves because the author asserts that a "good women" would want to change for their mates so women should change themselves to be more "ideal" for their men. Simply put, this book perpetuates the male as king of the house, woman as subservient possession stereotype and the double standard of acceptable behaviors for men. The author only makes the reader feel like an unjustified, frigid, spoiled brat if she doesn't give her man the things prescribed in this book. I walked away from this book feeling disgusted with my man for having these innate tendencies and feeling betrayed by the author. She, as a woman, should have realized that her words would be more hurtful than helpful to those of us in troubled relationships. If you're looking for some intelligent, enlighting advice to help you through a tough time in your relationshion -- then this book is NOT for you. This book lacks respect for women and the equality that they deserve in their marriages.
wild More than 1 year ago
i am a 32 yearold twice divorced man and had i read this book ten or tweleve years ago that may not be the case. after my second divorce my first wife gave me this book and told me i needed to read this. i'm not much of a reader but i did it anyway, and was i shocked. to read something that was this close to exactly what i think and how i feel blew me away. i have told every one i know about this book men and women. i havent read for men only,but i will soon. if u are in a relationship or u think u might be in one someday this book will help u to understand why we(men and women) react the way we do. this book has helped me to become a better man, i thank you Mrs.Feldhahn.
Tracy09 More than 1 year ago
For Women Only was suggested to me by a friend who knew that my husband and I have struggled in our marriage for years. The author starts by saying that what she shares is so simple that we will hit ourselves at some time while reading the book. I did hit myself after reading a section that described a habit I have put my husband through for years! Women's minds will be opened to a whole new perspective of their husbands, and this book also comes in other versions for men (For Men Only), single women, and single men. What is sad is that after reading this book I now hear women making the same mistakes that I have made that are mentioned in the book. I want to give this book to everyone that I know. This book has helped change my marriage.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I can't possibly understand how knowing that my husband is attracted to every nice body he encounters would benefit our marriage?!? I will never look at my father, my brothers or my pastor the same again either. The chapter about the importance of physical appearance was sad too as this is something so fleeting. Now I can look forward to my old age when my husband is unhappy with my appearance and my body (or boobs as she refers to them)- yahoo. Thanks Shaunti for your edification. I am disappointed in the Christian leaders who are promoting this book of clearly twisted values.
marti-k More than 1 year ago
This book gives amazing insight into why men behave as they do without conciously realizing it. It makes you want to change yourself instead of always trying to change them. The best part is that this info is taken from survey questions that men answered anonymously. The answers were the same whether or not the men were church attenders.
macprof More than 1 year ago
This book is useful for any man in a relationship with a woman. It helps to explain why women do what they do, and what we can do to help make them happier.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
What is important to men is not always the same as women. The author backs this up with surveys and statistics, not just opinion. After reading this book, I saw how extremely true and relevant this difference is. The author does a tremendous job explaining how most men and women tend to think, providing a firmer foundation for the furtherance of productive communication between the sexes. This book helped me change the way I see and communicate with all the men in my life, and has truly helped me to feel more effective in both communicating my needs to them, and understanding theirs. We are all equally people, but this book helps to show how society and genetics can influence our values and goals by sex.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Practical,funny,eye-openning.It has the power to revolutionize women-men relationship especially in marriages! My husband read the book first to see if he would approve of it. His words were, ' I'm impressed; it's right on the money!' The book also brought up many great discussions. I not only understand and appreciate my husband better, but now I know how to show it in a way that is meaningful and constructive to him in our everyday lives.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I'm coming from a different situation, but I agree with the last reviewer.....God didn't create men as hopelessly weak sex-addicts, who can't be happy with their wives unless they're working on their bodies 24/7/365. Didn't think much of this one. The beginning chapters were fairly good on respect and the burden of providing. An infinitely better book for married men and women to read is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. A much better perspective. (Doesn't sound as flashy but it's a much better book)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is great for any woman who wants a better understanding of how men think and how they work! The author gives you such a good insight on how to make the man in your life feel more loved and respected! This along with the partner book "For Men Only" are good choices for any couple whether or not they are having difficulties in their relationship! Relationships aren't about what you get out of it but what you give and she really gives good advice and recommendations for doing just that! I would highly recommend this book to anyone!!!
SavannahSammySutton More than 1 year ago
This is a great get-to-the-point book. The author does a wonderful job of informing women on what men really think. It's great that it's a Christian book but her book would be appealing and useful for any woman who is about to be married or has been married for years. I read this book and my husband asked, "what's wrong with you? You're doing so many great things!" So the book clearly helped me get a better understanding in our marriage! It's a must read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have read numerous books on relationships. This is the first that showed the research behind the points made plus comments from men that help explain their thought processes (which are very different from women). Being the eternal skeptic, I read the version of the book for men (revealing insights about women) and I felt it was extremely accurate. I also asked my male friends about the book's findings and they confirmed the information in the book. I have recommended this book to women who are struggeling in currently realtionships, have ended relationships and wonder what went wrong, and to women who are engaged or newly married. The book does relate the information to the Bible, however it is still very informative if you are not Christian.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It may tell you what you already know, but the way this material is presented is straightforward and true. It opened my eyes to areas I need to work on. It helps you to realize that all men share much in common that us women need to be aware of. We can't change them, but we can change the way we interact with them - with positive results!
Guest More than 1 year ago
The obvious problem with the attraction section is that, according to Shaunti, one huge problem in marriages is that men are disappointed by their wives' looks. Whatever happened to in sickness and in health, to death do we part. But anyway, if it's all about looks, why is there so much infidelity in Hollywood, among professional athletes, etc. who have married some of the most beautiful women in the world? Hmm. Seems there must be something more.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book with my husband, and he confirms how accurate it is. I would recommend this book to every woman out there. The bad reviews are only because some women can't handle the truth. It has impacted every area of my life with the men around me in a positive way. I have bought it for several of my friends and family. BUY IT...Best thing you'll ever do is read it and apply it's truths to life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was stunned when I read this. It is truth revealed. You will have wide-open eyes after you read what the author has found out from the guys. This book is exactly what was needed to go with 'How to Date Your Wife' by Stan Cronin. In 'For Women Only' the author interviewed 1,000 men to get their responses. In 'How to Date Your Wife' the author interviewed 1,000 women for their thoughts on husbands. These two books should be sold as a set. Both are excellent and reveal what the opposite sex is thinking with the advantage being that it comes straight for the horses mouth instead of from some doctor that is telling you what he thinks it all means. Get both of these books and read them with your spouse. You will not regret it. You can't buy one without the other.
reniegenie More than 1 year ago
This book made me want to cry, throw it across the room in frustration, and praise the Lord for revelation. Shaunti Feldhahn does an excellent job conveying men's most inner thoughts and sheds light on issues that have alluded their unintentionally clueless women. I was one of those clueless woman. As a married woman of 5 years, I found the content enlightening and the practical applications hope-giving and simple. I encourage all married women to read this book, pray about it, digest the information, pray about it some more, and reread it again. It could help make the difference between your husband being a mediocre man and the man of God he was designed to be.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
the. worst. book. ever.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I'm rather shocked at a previous review (flaming negative). I found the book thoughtful and right on target and perfectly in accordance with scripture. Excellent wisdom from a Godly woman to other Godly women. It touched my heart in many areas and I believe the Lord led me to finding it - it has already begun to change my marriage for the better. I will say it is not a book for deeply troubled marriages or for those heavily harmed by pornography because those would need much deeper council. But it is perfect for those unhappy marriages, those who know things are sliding downhill but can't figure out why, and I daresay for those Christian ladies newly married to help avoid some well-studied pitfalls and misunderstandings. This book is not about fixing your husband, it's about fixing yourself and understanding your husband better. I thought it was great. ~ Sheila