From The Wall Street Journal to National Public Radio, mild-mannered librarian Don Borchert had America laughing with the hardcover edition of his tell-all memoir that revealed the often startling truth about modern-day libraries.
Not long ago, the public library was a place for the bookish, the eggheaded, and the studious—often seeking refuge from a loud, irrational, crude, outside world. Today, libraries have become free-for-all entertainment complexes filled with rowdy teens, deviants, drugs, and even sex toys. Lockdowns and chaperones are often necessary.
What happened?
Don Borchert was a short-order cook, door-to-door salesman, telemarketer, and Christmas-tree-chopper before landing a job in a California library. He never could have predicted his encounters with the colorful kooks, touching adolescents, threatening bullies, and tricksters who fill the pages of this hilarious memoir.
In Free for All, Borchert offers readers a ringside seat for the unlikely spectacle of mayhem and absurdity that is business as usual at the public library. You’ll see cops bust drug dealers who’ve set up shop in the men’s restroom, witness a burka-wearing employee suffer a curse-ridden nervous breakdown, and meet a lonely, neglected kid who grew up in the library and still sends postcards to his surrogate parents—the librarians. In fact, from the first page of this comic debut to the last, you’ll learn everything about the world of the modern-day library that you never expected.
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction xiii
Chapter 1 A Civil Servant Is Born 1
Chapter 2 A First Taste of the Library 9
Chapter 3 My First Year 15
Chapter 4 How It Used to Be 23
Chapter 5 The Reference Desk 29
Chapter 6 Illegal Activity 39
Chapter 7 The Civil Servant's Cycle of Life 47
Chapter 8 A Library Page 53
Chapter 9 The Parent Conference 63
Chapter 10 The Graduates 71
Chapter 11 Overdue Fines and Fees 77
Chapter 12 Wild Animals in the Library 85
Chapter 13 The Friends of the Library 95
Chapter 14 Volunteers 103
Chapter 15 The Renaissance Patron 111
Chapter 16 Card Registrations 117
Chapter 17 Cinco de Mayo 131
Chapter 18 MMM 141
Chapter 19 The Hair on the Back of Your Neck 149
Chapter 20 The Last Day of School 155
Chapter 21 The Summer Crew 159
Chapter 22 Love Stories 169
Chapter 23 Vacation Time 177
Chapter 24 Flying Saucers and Lemon Squares 185
Chapter 25 Senior Librarians 191
Chapter 26 Special Events 199
Afterword 207
Bibliography 211
Selected Reading 221
Overview
From The Wall Street Journal to National Public Radio, mild-mannered librarian Don Borchert had America laughing with the hardcover edition of his tell-all memoir that revealed the often startling truth about modern-day libraries.
Not long ago, the public library was a place for the bookish, the eggheaded, and the studious—often seeking refuge from a loud, irrational, crude, outside world. Today, libraries have become free-for-all entertainment complexes filled with rowdy teens,...