Free Guide: A Companion Guide to Brian Tome's Free Book

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Free Guide

Thomas Nelson

Chapter One

Do you ever worry what others will think?

Are you bored a lot?

Being free means more than choosing your career, living in America, or voting for the politician of your choice. It involves more than simply making your own decisions, staying out of jail, or even being "saved."

TOTAL FREEDOM MEANS LIVING COMPLETELY FEARLESSLY, PASSIONATELY AND JOYFULLY-REGARDLESS OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, NOT BECAUSE OF THEM.

Are you free?

The Bible says,

"Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

Not fear. Not guilt. Not morality or religion.

Freedom.

Maybe you've never thought of it this way, but at its heart, the Bible is a freedom story. It begins with God giving Adam and Eve free will in the Garden of Eden, and it follows the plight of the nation of Israel-from their struggle to escape the bondage of slavery in Egypt through their deliverance into the freedom of God's Promised Land.

But this grand freedom story is so much bigger than one nation's escape from slavery. Just as God delivered the Israelites from bondage thousands of years ago, he's still in the business of setting people free.

Throughout this guide, you'll see real-life examples of how other people experience God's freedom-from where they started to where they are now. Because sometimes we need to hear that other people share similar backgrounds and hang-ups. And we need to hear what's on the other side.

You, too, are part of a freedom story that's unfolding. God is the author, and you have a vital role to play.

Some of the areas of our lives where we think we're the most free can actually be the places where we're unknowingly held hostage.

THE NEXT SEVERAL PAGES INCLUDE A SELF-ASSESSMENT TO HELP IDENTIFY SOME PLACES WHERE WE MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING SOMETHING LESS THAN TRUE FREEDOM.

Be as honest as you can. This process is for you.

WHAT'S A DREAM YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT PURSUING?

It could be related to your job, your relationships, your passion, your spirituality. Write about it, make a list, or sketch it out.

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -MITCH HEDBERG

WHY AREN'T YOU PURSUING THAT DREAM?

List the reasons-good or bad, practical, or otherwise-that hold you back.

Here are a bunch of phrases.

CIRCLE ANY THAT HIT CLOSE TO HOME.

Your gut will be the best guide, so this shouldn't take long. Of course, they're not all pretty, and your inner critic might shout, "No! Don't circle that one!" But if you're honest, "that one" definitely gets the pen lasso. So go ahead. Circle whatever feels like part of your life.

* I have a hard time being corrected.

* My family comes first, no matter what.

* I don't want to draw attention to myself.

* I feel better about myself when other people reveal their problems.

* I compare my spiritual life to what others do or don't do.

* I hate being seen as emotional.

* God is disappointed with me.

* Sometimes I lie to keep the peace.

* My prayer time feels like a burden.

* I bleed my team's (or country's) colors.

* I don't take criticism well.

* It's hard when people don't notice the good things I do.

* If I had more money, I'd be more generous.

* I want people to know that I go to church.

* I often feel left out, or worry that I will be.

* I'm worried I might lose my salvation.

* I'm proud of my strong morals.

* I judge others more often than I like to admit.

* I can do it best.

* I want others to know about the pain in my past.

* I have too much baggage.

* No one understands me.

* I blame the church.

* I want people to notice my pain or what I'm up against.

* I don't want to appear weak.

* I don't speak up.

* I want people to notice the way I stand out.

* I'm a perfectionist.

* No one will take care of me.

* Nobody tells me what to do.

* I don't really believe God will (or can) provide.

* I need to outperform the people I work with.

* I've thought about suicide.

* I can't forgive myself.

* I'm worried I'll say something stupid.

* I can't imagine living without alcohol.

* Difficult conversations and confrontations are hard for me.

* I have a hard time trusting authority.

* There is at least one person I can't forgive.

* I like people to know I'm busy-always in meetings, always on the go.

* I take offense to things easily.

* God has allowed some things to happen to me that aren't fair.

* I'm angry more often than I'd like to be.

* Economic downturns keep me up at night.

* I can unleash a verbal beat-down with the best of them.

* I think some people should just burn in hell.

* I'm worried I might run out of money.

* I crave attention.

* I feel abandoned.

* I'm depressed.

* I have secrets I can't tell.

* I like to escape.

* I like being considered "mysterious."

* I need to feel like the smartest person in the room.

* I feel nervous a lot.

* I'm afraid I don't measure up.

* I feel like I don't belong.

* I'm upset about my past a lot.

FIRST

Check any of the following phrases that you recall being said to you or about you (whether you think it was a fair judgement or not).

SECOND

Next to anything that you checked, write what you think that comment might indicate about a way you behave or something you might believe.

(For instance, if you checked "I have to walk on eggshells around you," you might write, "I can be overly-sensitive" or "I like to be in control.")

HAS BEEN SAID OF YOU

You really should ask for help.

You're all talk.

I'd hate to be on your bad side.

You always have to be right.

I just don't feel like I can trust you.

I have to walk on eggshells around you.

You take things too seriously.

Sometimes you don't let people in.

I just can't figure you out.

You shouldn't worry so much.

People aren't out to get you.

You have good ideas, they just don't seem to get done.

You just don't seem happy.

You should slow down.

Can you be serious?

Maybe it's time you tried it on your own.

It seems like you always need to be in a relationship.

Didn't you already forgive her/him?

It's hard to have a real conversation with you.

You're such a perfectionist.

You just need to let it go.

God loves and accepts you. He offers you forgiveness and wants to be in relationship with you.

(Sometimes accepting and really believing this is hard.)

Our perceptions of God and how he views us get skewed by all kinds of experiences: imperfect parents, church baggage, bad relationships, you name it. As a result, most of us walk around with wrong ideas about who God is and how he desires to relate to us.

Identifying those false beliefs is the first step to breaking free from them.

CIRCLE ANYTHING THAT SEEMS LIKE A WAY YOU SOMETIMES VIEW GOD, OR THINK HE VIEWS YOU.

(Be as honest as you can-God's not threatened by any of this.)

I feel guilty asking God for some things.

God loves other people more than me.

God is disappointed in me.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really "saved."

There are some things God won't forgive.

I'm scared of God.

God really can't (or won't) forgive me.

God is just waiting for me to screw up.

God isn't listening.

I should work harder to serve God.

My relationship with God is up to me to control.

God has a lot on his plate-I'm not that important.

I think God owes me certain things.

I need to clean up my act before God will love me.

I need to provide for myself-God won't do that.

Getting closer to God kind of freaks me out.

CHOOSE THREE

Flip through your responses over the last few pages, and write down the three statements that stand out to you the most-whether something you wrote, circled or checked.

Write them here:

1

2

3

NOW, CHOOSE JUST ONE

Select the statement that resonates with you the most. It might be something you've always known was a hang-up or maybe it's something you hadn't considered but realize has a strong foothold in your life. Now might be a great opportunity to take a moment to invite God to point you in the direction he wants you to go.

Once you've picked one, write it in the space provided and proceed.

1

(Questions about prayer? Turn to page 99.)

There's a reason you picked that statement. It's probably related to something you believe about yourself, or about God.

If that belief isn't immediately apparent to you, simply evaluate the statement you wrote down at face value and ask yourself, "why?" You'll probably need to ask and answer "why" a few times until the underlying belief becomes clear.

KRISSY'S EXAMPLE

STATEMENT: I can do it best.

WHY? I have great attention to detail.

WHY? I'm really a perfectionist.

WHY? I'd hate to mess up or drop the ball.

WHY? I can't lose the recognition of being someone who doesn't fail.

THIS MAKE ME REALIZE I MIGHT BELIEVE

My identity and worth is tied to what I accomplish.

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

THIS MAKES ME REALIZE I MIGHT BELIEVE:

GALATIANS 5:1 IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET US FREE. STAND FIRM, THEN, AND DO NOT LET YOURSELVES BE BURDENED AGAIN BY A YOKE OF SLAVERY.

If we want more freedom in our live-seven in ways that seem small-we need to take an honest look at the day-to-day things we do and the things we've come to believe about ourselves, about other people, and about God.

Usually, it's not obvious how we're getting trapped. On the surface, the beliefs and behaviors that hold us back might even seem like good things, or like ways we protect ourselves ("I can take care of myself"). But those beliefs often have an ugly flipside rooted in fear ("I never let anyone help me because I know they'll let me down").

But here's some incredible news: Jesus came to set us free.

Whether we realize it or not, it's God at the center of our stories-not pain, not bad situations, not problems or bad habits. So just in case you're tempted right now to crawl off to a corner and start dwelling on your hang-ups, resist that temptation. Stand firm.

God's offering freedom, and that's where we're headed.

PRAY

Spend a few minutes asking God to help you identify the unhealthy beliefs and behaviors in your life that stand in the way of your freedom. Ask Him if there's anything specific he wants you to see. Then ask Him to show you what freedom means.

4:18-19 LUKE

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." -Jesus

Chapter Two

Just as the smallest amount of yeast works though an entire batch of dough, believing even the smallest lie about ourselves or God has all kinds of effects, often in many areas of our lives. And wherever we're sidetracked by a lie, we're in bondage to it. We're not free.

So, let's explore that belief you identified in the last section a little further. Let's discover some of the ways it's infiltrated your life, and its effects. Then we'll hold it up to what God has to say about you in the Bible. Because the God who created you knows the truth about you.

And the truth will set you free.

JOHN 8:32 THEN YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. -JESUS

WRITE DOWN THE BELIEF YOU IDENTIFIED. THEN EXPLORE.

Statement from page 19

Can you tie this back to anything?

When does this feel like freedom?

How has this belief seemed to benefit you?

What does this say about a way you've grown up?

Who does this belief affect the most, other than you?

When do you most notice the ways this belief plays out?

How has this affected the way you act at home, work, or school?

Look back to your last exploration. WHAT CONNECTIONS OR PATTERNS DO YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE WAY THIS BELIEF HAS PLAYED OUT IN YOUR LIFE?

Having considered this belief from a few different angles, HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL? (Feelings can be good indicators of something going on beneath the surface.)

Untrue beliefs we've accepted as truth-consciously or unconsciously-can become "strongholds" in our lives that keep us in bondage. And until we recognize and choose to deal with them, they stand.

The good news? God has the power to bust-up any stronghold that's been established in your life, no matter how deeply it's entrenched or how long it's been fortified. And if you've chosen to follow Jesus, he's given you the authority to do the same.

While there are many types of strongholds, for the most part, the lies that hold us hostage fall into one of four main categories.

Turn back to the first section of this guide, and tally the total number of statements you circles or marked in each color.

WHICH COLOR HAS THE HIGHEST TOTAL?

If your totals are fairly even or there's not one clear "winner," that's OK. In that case, choose the color of the single, main statement you identified on page 18.

Either way, don't agonize over this. There's good stuff in all directions. You can always go through this process again, and you can explore as many paths as you want.

Red statements are mostly associated with the stronghold of Bitterness.

BITTER. ANGRY.

When you've made the decision-whether consciously or unconsciously-to hold onto hurts or perceived violations of your rights by refusing to forgive, you're choosing bitterness. When you insist on holding onto that grudge, you're doing so at the cost of your own freedom.

You might be bitter or angry about almost anything: individuals, the government, groups of people with different beliefs, or even that sports team you love to hate. Regardless of its focus, bitterness always leads you into a legalistic view of the world and away from the message of grace, because it concentrates your attention on the ways you feel you've been wronged.

And the result? Bitterness cuts you off from others.

While grace leads to unity and reconciliation (and freedom), bitterness and anger lead to isolation. Because when you're bitter, you separate yourself from whoever has wronged you. And so you're left alone to wallow in your judgment of others, or worse.

Bitterness-a failure to forgive-can even cause you to want some type of revenge, leading to anger, hatred, violence, and even murder. (While that sounds extreme, "murder" with our minds or mouths happens more often that we'd like to admit.)

Everyone has opportunities for bitterness because we've all been wronged. We've all been rejected or hurt at some point. But the way you choose to react when that happens leads to either freedom or bondage.

BITTERNESS AND ANGER DO NOT BRING FREEDOM.

FORGIVEN. GRACEFUL.

To be free of bitterness, you must receive and give forgiveness.

Jesus said that the person who's been forgiven the most, loves the most. That means that when you recognize judgment or unforgiveness in your own heart, you've got to go to God and receive more forgiveness for yourself. Because when you realize how much you've been forgiven, love and grace for others spring forth.

When you've walked away from bitterness, you feel free. You don't get your feelings hurt easily, and you're slow to condemn or even criticize others. You give people the benefit of the doubt, and you shy away from absolutes like, "she NEVER responds well to correction" or "he ALWAYS misunderstands." You're graceful.

And when you're free from bitterness, people want to be around you. Your friendships include people who've wronged you and have been reconciled to you again and again. You don't expect to find perfect friends-you take people as they are, bearing with whatever weaknesses they may have. People realize they don't have to be perfect to enjoy your acceptance.

When you are free from bitterness, you're happy to show mercy and offer forgiveness. You're experiencing how giving away grace cements your own freedom.

THIS BRINGS FREEDOM.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Free Guide by Brian Tome Copyright © 2010 by Brian Tome. Excerpted by permission.
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