From the Heart

by M.A. Benjamin

Overview

Sometimes our heart speaks to us regarding different things that are happening in our lives at any given time. We contemplate our past; think about our present, and our wishes and or desires for the future. I spent some time refl ecting on my life. The ups and downs, and lets not forget the beautiful in-betweens that helped me get to those points in life. Contemplating the things I wish I could have changed and thanking Father GOD and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the changes that they have made in me. I know it wasnt easy for them (or should I say for me), because I am quite stubborn at times. As with most of us, I felt I knew best; but regardless to my interference, they Did accomplish some things. I hope that as you read this book you too can refl ect on your life, and take a moment to refl ect back and see some of the changes that have been made in your life as well. Always remember: No one in this world is perfect. We are ALL works in progress. Constantly being improved on by Father GOD. I pray you enjoy this book.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781463416546
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	07/22/2011
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	124
File size:	170 KB

About the Author

M.A. Benjamin is a native New Yorker. She is a graduate of Fordham University. She enjoys a good mystery book, cooking and enjoying as much time with her beautiful grandchildren as possible.

Read an Excerpt

FROM THE HEART

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By M.A. Benjamin

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 M.A. Benjamin
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4634-0519-9

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Chapter One

            You Love Me

    You love me, YOU LOVE ME!
      Why and how?
      How can you love me,
        when at times I don't even love me?
      Don't want to look and see me,
        see my reflection looking back from the mirror.
      Knowing ALL the things I've done,
        the things I've said.
      Knowing the people I've hurt along my way.
      Yet, you love me.

    Do you really want to know ALL I've done?
    Those I've hurt?
    Maybe we'll talk about it one day,
      maybe not.
      After all you did say you love me.
    Why would I want to talk about all that?
    Dwell on things that happened SO long ago.
      Ok, maybe some things were long time ago;
      but, I don't even want to talk about last week or
      even yesterday.
    You love me, right?
      Does it really matter what I've done?
      Who I've hurt?
    You do still love me, right?
      You said you love me.

    Remember you love me
    Were you really there watching all that time?
    Wondering when I'd learn my lesson,
      Start acting my age?
    Were you really there?
      Waiting all that time?
        Wondering "How long will it take this child?"
    Please never forget that you love me.
      Remember, love means forgiveness!

    You said you loved me,
      long before I ever knew you.
      Before my mother ever knew me.
        And when she did—Ooh boy
        there were times I KNOW she didn't love me.
    But you claim you always did.
      You never stopped
      you were just waiting on me to SEE you.
    How can that be?
    Why would you?
    At times I don't think I'm not that special
    But still you love me ...
          YOU love me!

    Before I was ever thought of
      you loved me
        you cared for me.
    Already knowing the many,
      and I do mean many
        errors of my ways.
    The sharpness of my tongue.
      There were times my tongue was sharper than any
        two-edged sword out there.
      At times I still have to reel it back in
        I have to remind myself—
          life is in the tongue.
      The words we speak
        they can bring life or death—
          it's all in the tongue;
            But, still you love me.

    You care for me, and not just me,
      for the wellbeing of my heart and soul
        You love me.

    I asked how could that be?
      Why?
      Why would you?
    I know the answer—
      but at times, I still have to ask.
    To try to comprehend the complete fullness of your love.
      The williness of your heart to open up,
        just for me — me.
      To let me in and keep me safe.
      To forget everything you've seen me do, or say.
      To allow me to start anew—
        with a completely clean slate.
      To make me feel precious.
        That unpolished diamond,
          you are ever so carefully polishing.
        Helping me to shine
          to become a NEW being in the kingdom.
      Helping me, assisting me.
      You remove my enemies with a wave of your hand.
        Thank you.
    You love me—you really love me

    You love me—
      you really love me Unconditionally.
    Unconditionally,
      You know this has NO limits—
      You love me!

    But then again
      You died for me.
      You died so that I may have life.
      A full life, an abundant life
        healthy, happy life filled with love.

    Yes, there may be some problems along the way
      But, there is nothing that I can't handle.
        Do you know why?
    Do you really want me to tell you?
      It's because I know you are there with me!
      Holding my hand,
        guiding me
          smiling that big smile at me.
      Reminding me
        YOU LOVE ME!
          and you always will.

    By the way
      Have I said "Thank you today for loving me"?
      If not "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you;
        For with you I have truly learned what love is.
      Thank you for loving me
        and
        teaching me how to love.
      Thank you.


           The Lord is with Me

    Hey you out there,
      Have you ever been scared about something?
        I mean so scared you can't figure out
          What to do,
            where to go?

    I mean you've prayed, and prayed,
      Yet, the problem is still there.
        Looking at you, saying—
          "What are You going to do".

    And you cry out again for the umpteenth time
      "Father GOD
        WHY, oh WHY,
          HAVEN'T YOU ANSWERED ME
          YET!"

    And that still small voice inside of you says
      "WHY, oh WHY,
        ARE YOU STILL CRYING ABOUT THAT!
        Don't you know you are my child?
        I have already put everything into motion,
          the angels have gone ahead to give you favor.
            Where is your faith!!"

    And then you realize:
      The LORD is with me, and, he'll never leave me
        no never leave me,
      The LORD is with me and he'll never leave me
        Glory, Glory Hallelujah.

    When others feel you aren't worth anything.
      they speak to you any kind of way,
        even though you know they are not upset at you.
      It still hurts to be dumped on for ANY reason.

    GOD didn't put you here for this.
      To be someone's garbage can.
      Someone's person to belittle
        so they can feel better.
    NO HE DID NOT!!

    You were made in GOD's image,
      in his likeness.
      You were made to offer him Praise and Worship
        With EVERY breath you take.

    And to continue to thank him because
    The LORD is with me, and, he'll never leave me
      no never leave me,
    The LORD is with me and he'll never leave me
      Glory, Glory Hallelujah.


          Dad

    DAD,
    You loved me from before my birth,
      you watched my mother's belly swell as I grew.
    You couldn't wait for me to come.
    To see the things you have set before me.
      The things you want me to learn
        to do,
          to accomplish.
    You tried to guide me to do the right things,
      to make the right decisions.

    Dad,
      I know there were times that I have disappointed you.
      I know I've made you really mad at times.
      Yet, still you were there when I called on you.
    You helped me up when I fell
      wiped my tears when I cried.
    Gave me words of encouragement,
      and that gentile push back outside
    Hoping I had learned a lesson.
      Saying to yourself—
        "That's one hurdle down,
          On to the next."

    Yes, there were many times that lesson was hard learned.
      Many times I repeated that same lesson,
        until it finally sunk in.

    Yet, Dad you were still there,
      Shaking your head.
      At times even laughing at me saying—
        "Yes, I know, that is MY CHILD.
        The child that I love, watched grow.
    At times I wondered if I had made a mistake—
    But then — I AM — GOD.
      I don't make mistakes.
        I created you,
        I watched over you.
    Even when life may have tried to beat you down,
    I was there to ensure that you lived.
    You learned so that you would never repeat
      that hard-learned lesson.
    You may feel that the person got away;
      But don't worry —
      I AM — GOD
      I will deal with them in my time.

    I know it's hard but vengeance is mine—
      don't you worry.
    I created you,
      watched over you.
    I will exalt you from the ashes of your life,
      And create in you a new person.
    Remember your childhood,
      Your laughter,
        Your smiles,
          Your giggles,
            Your playtime,
            Your family.

    Now I AM your family, and as long as,
      you keep me in your heart
    You will see just how much a DAD I really can be.

    I created the world
      All that is in it —
        I own.

    As a child goes to their parents for something
    So you can come to me
      I may not answer as fast as you want,
        but as long as you remember me
      I will answer you and
        it will be better than you asked

    You are my child and I AM YOUR DAD
    I AM YOUR ONLY FATHER IN HEAVEN


          My Father

    You may not have donated in my birth
    You may not have been there
      from the very beginning.
    You may not have loved me right away
      But you know—
        you were there when it counted.

    You loved me and cared for me.
    You treated me as your own.
    You clothe me as you did your own
      in linen, silk, wool
        Suede, leather,
          even rabbit and fox.

    Whenever, or wherever we went
      I was always equal
    We all had nicknames
      I was your big girl, and you were my Father.

    As a child I felt different,
      I will admit it now.
      I took everything but gave back little.
      I saw you as my provider.
      You took care of me because you HAD to.
      You gave advice I didn't want at times.
      I wanted MY Father.

    But you know what—
      You must have sensed it.
      You were always in the background
        providing, caring.
      You never pushed me to treat you as the others did
      You accepted me for who I was.
        Your oldest daughter you had high hopes for
      You were my Father.

    I know now,
      as most kids do when they grow up;
      become parents of our own.
    It's not as easy caring for another soul
      whether they are yours biologically or not.
    But you made it seem effortless.
    As an adult I look back and realize—
      Many of the sacrifices that were made
      Many of the choices that had to be changed
      It wasn't you—
        It was life throwing a curve ball
          into best-laid plans.

    As an adult I can say, "Thank you",
      For you truly were, MY FATHER.
    YOU did more than just provide for me
      You allowed me to grow.
      I know I've disappointed you along the way.
      And as you did in your own special way
        You pointed out my errors
          And let me know it was alright.
            "Now get back out there and,
            don't make that mistake
           again.

    You all have to stick together and,
        help each other;
        look out for each other."
    Even at the end your words were still the same
      "Stick together you are all family,
      there are enough of you to get anything done."

    I thank GOD to this day for my mother's choice.
    As kids I know the eight of us were a handful
    As adults we're still there together.
    We know you are watching over us.
    At times I know I can still hear your voice,
      when I make certain decisions.
    MY FATHER up there in heaven
      Trying to keep GOD from tossing a lighting bolt at us
      YOUR KIDS
    For you truly are and were MY FATHER
    Thank you.


          Annie

    You were my big sister,
      my cousin, my friend.
    We did everything together.
      Joined at the hip they would say.
    A family squabble came between us
      but we found our way.
    Who would have known we would wind up
      in the same school;
      but still not even see each other.
      You had your friends and I had mine.

    I think we ran into each other on the train,
      Talked, laughed;
        Years melted away.
    We were back together again
      Annie and Cookie.

    We went through so much together
    You taught me a lot,
      Helped me to see things differently
        At times I still think you were wrong (smile)
        But no one said we had to agree on everything
        You had your own way of knowing.

    Sometimes you were like a parent,
      I'd tell you
        "Marian doesn't live here".
      You'd tell me leave your cousin alone
      We'd laugh (oh, how I miss that),
        have a drink and just watch TV.

    You were always there,
      whether in your home or mine.
      We could be in our own homes,
        holding up the telephone line.
      Watching TV,
        discussing what we see
          Your view and mine.

    You had surgery,
        Went to sleep, woke up fine.
        You were supposed to be coming home.
          All of a sudden there were problems,
          complications.
          And all of a sudden
            You were gone.

    No more phone calls,
      no more watching TV over the phone.
      No more shopping for sales together or
        just walking through the stores.
      No more Chinese food nights.
      No more calls laughing at me
        because my dog Ginger came by
          without me.
        There was just nothing
        My world just crashed in on me—
          I was numb for so long.

    I tried to do what you wanted
      but your kids had other plans.
      I just gave up and gave in.
      I guess it all worked out for them.
      That's not here,
        nor there anymore.
      I still think about them
        and keep them in my prayers.
    I know you are watching over them as you do me.

    I still hold onto some of the things you told me
      And I have to tell you so far you were right.
        It's funny when things happen—
          I can hear your voice saying:
            "Didn't I tell you."
        All I can do is smile and say:
          "Yes girl, you were right again".
      There is still much more I'm waiting to see happen.
    You have no idea how much I miss you.

    There'll never be another you.

    When you left,
      you wouldn't believe how you have affected so many.
    Now there are Annie's, Andria's and Anna's
      all through the family.
      You won't be forgotten anytime soon.
      As they grow they'll ask
        "Who am I named after?"
        And we'll tell them all about you.
    We still get together and talk about you,
      The things you did,
        The food you cooked!
          Your forever smile.
            That infectious laugh of yours.
            How much you are missed!

    But you were mine,
      My cousin,
      my big sister,
      my friend
        My Annie.

    I love you girl
    I know you are happy where you are,
      With your Mom, my second mother
      With your child you lost at birth
      With your brother
    But you are so missed and
      You are still so loved.

    My Annie.


            My Son

    No matter what happened between your parents,
      I want you to know you were born of love.

    As you grew within my belly
      The morning sickness was short lived
        It was gone before I even knew you were there.
      Oh—the foods you wanted
      Pizza with Pistachio or Peach ice cream
        Sometime both.
      Seafood with collard greens on the side.
      Corn with every meal—
        no matter what it was.
      I remember mommy laughing ...
        "Don't bring me a chicken for a grandchild"
      You were her first grand
        She was going to make sure you were healthy!
      I thank you that labor wasn't long or hard
        You had mercy on me even then.
    I will admit I wanted a girl,
      but GOD knew better
        He gave me a son.

    Your dad was excited—
      he had his son.
      I remember he changed the words to a song—
        "Ain't no son like the one I got"
      he would sing to anyone who would listen.
    He tried I'll admit
      But it wasn't to be.
    I guess you can blame me.
      I just don't have the patience for some things.
      I didn't then and
        I still don't.
      (you know, you are like me
        it takes us a while to forgive).
    Like I used to tell you
      Life is too short for some things
      Better to know when to stay
        and when to go.
    As you know—
      I chose to go.
      I still let you know—
        You were loved by us both.

    It was you and me
      against the world Baby,
    You always promised me—
      you'd always be there.
        And I always laughed as any mom would
        and said—
        "Sure, right up until you meet that special girl
        Then it'll be—I'll see if I can get to that for you"

    I made our house the meeting spot for your friends
      I was so afraid of anything happening to you.
        You were all I had.
      I guess I was a little too overprotective—
        What do you want—
          I was raised by Ma. (smile)
            or
      Maybe, because I was making some wrong choices.
    I thank GOD for the person you have become
      I would take credit
        but I know it was GOD.

    You have given me three beautiful granddaughters
      And I take some credit for all for them, (smile)
      As you would say:
        One acts like you
        One looks like you
        And as I told you—
          The last one is a spitfire—
          She's gonna keep you very busy
            (lots of trips to school in your future).
    Now don't sleep on that middle one —
      I see way TOO much of me in her.
        Her eyes give her away.
      I keep telling her I can read her eyes,
        She thinks I'm kidding with her.
    One day we'll sit down over drinks to discuss it.
    By the way—
      Where is that grandson of mine—
        no pressure (smile).

    My Son,
      I love you more than I can express.
    You have helped me through a very ruff patch in my life
      One I never expect to have to repeat again.
    You didn't have to but you did—
      So many others weren't helped by their own.
    You have blessed me and
      on numerous occasions
        I have bombarded heaven on your behalf.
      More so,
        during this time than before.
      So rest assured you can ask GOD for anything
        For it will be done in Jesus name.

    I tell you thank you and
      you just nod your head.
      You say it's nothing
      But oh it really is something—
        for me anyway.

    I know I have taken away from some things for the girls
      And I take my hat off to you
        for the juggling act you have done
          because of me.

    So again I say,
      Thank you just doesn't fit,
      But for now that's all I can say.

    I love you MY SON
      For who you are
      For the man you have become
      For the Dad you have become.
      And now
        For the Son who took care of his mom
          while she found herself again
      and didn't complain once while you waited.
    I can never thank you enough,
    I love you,
      MY SON.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from FROM THE HEART by M.A. Benjamin Copyright © 2011 by M.A. Benjamin. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Acknowledgments....................5
Introduction....................7
Proverbs 3:5-6....................8
You Love Me....................9
The Lord is with Me....................13
Dad....................15
My Father....................18
Annie....................21
My Son....................25
Mom....................29
Bob's Angels....................35
You are Love....................39
What Happened?....................43
Faith of a Child....................45
Wandering Soul....................48
Home....................51
Deuteronomy 28:8....................52
What is Home....................53
Smells....................56
Your Room....................59
My Mansion....................61
Noises....................64
Judgment....................66
Kitchen....................70
Moving On....................73
My Home....................75
Garden....................78
Good Neighbor....................82
Father....................87
Matthew 7:7-8....................88
Protection....................89
Overflow....................92
My Teacher....................95
Let Go, Let God....................99
Faults....................103
Greatest Sin....................107
Note From The Author....................112
Hebrews 11:1....................115
REFERENCES....................116