Read an Excerpt
From the Mouths of Babes Volume III
By Mickie Shea
iUniverse LLCCopyright © 2013 Mickie Shea and Lisa MacCrory
All rights reserved.
My daughter Cyndy's friends, Conni and Joe, along with their children, Joey (age 8) and Maddie (age 5), were waiting their turn to get served, in a crowded video store. The children were allowed to choose the movie that they were all going to watch that evening. "Here's one, Daddy," said Joey, with great excitement. "No, not that one, Joey," said his Dad, "it's got a lot of bad words in it." "Oh, that's okay, Daddy," Maddie innocently said, "we've heard them all before ... from Mommy!"
He Tooted His Own Horn
My grandson Robbie (age 9), begged his parents to allow him to play the trombone. He was entering fourth grade and wanted to be part of the school band. His parents reluctantly agreed. The school year was quickly coming to an end and the spring recital was upon them. Robbie hadn't practiced nearly enough during the school year. "You had better begin practicing Robbie," said my daughter, Lisa, "or you won't be able to be in the recital!" With that, Robbie picked up his horn, and made the most ear shattering sound, but one unfortunately, was all too familiar to the family. Suddenly, they all began to laugh, when Robbie's little brother, Kevin (age 7), innocently shouted from upstairs, "Hey everybody ... Daddy's Home!"
He's Got His Number
One evening my girlfriend, Mary Jane, was assuring her little boy, Joseph, how much God loves him. "You know honey," she said, "God knows all about you. You can talk to Him anytime, and you know what else, He wants to talk to you too!" "Oh good," the little guy excitedly said, and then haltingly added ... "but ... does He have my phone number?"
Tell me if the phone is for me,
for Heaven's sake,
Cause that's one call,
I really want to take!
In 1945, during dance class, my girlfriend Mary Jane and I, were giggling during our instructor, Miss Fisher's dance lesson. "Miss Mickie," she pompously bellowed, "if you feel that you are in no need of further instruction and would like to come up here and show us all ... please, my dear, be my guest!" "Sure," I innocently said, as I happily pranced to the front of the class, and immediately tapped my way through the entire number. Though, I was puzzled when I noticed, Miss Fisher standing by my side, quietly, seething, with her arms folded tightly across her chest. When finished, I promptly skipped back and proudly resumed my place. I never even knew that there was a problem, until later, when my mother came to walk me home. Miss Fisher quickly cornered her, and angrily related the events of the day. "So," she demanded, "what do you have to say for your daughter?" She stepped back and patiently awaited her response. "Well," my Mom slowly said, "I would suggest ... that next time ... just don't ask!"
It Could Have Been Worse
My friend Alice, works at a Parochial Elementary School. One day, a teacher, laughingly shared an amazing event, that had just happened that morning, in her first grade class. "Children," Sister said, "today we are going to think of a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet." Everything was going smoothly, and the children seemed to be having no problem, until that is, they got to the letter, 'V.' Suddenly, little Emily raised her hand and proudly shouted out, "I know, I know, Sister ... VODKA!"
That Stopped Him
My sister Ronni, often warned her husband, Jack, that his habit of playfully teasing his grandchildren, just may not always be appreciated. One Christmas, while their son, Rob and daughter-in-law, Betsy, were visiting, Jack, (who is really a loving grandfather) was having a good time playing with his grandson, Ryan (age 4). Of course, he had to throw in a little teasing. After a few moments, Ryan, with his little hands, placed firmly on his hips, indignantly said, "You know, that's not funny ... old woman!"
It was just a little teasing,
that was the plan ...
but, now I'm not sure,
do I still look like a man?
I, along with my daughter, Andrea and sister Lisa, went to visit our friend, Ramonita. She was recovering from a serious back surgery. Knowing how much she enjoyed reading our first book, about funny things children do and say, we decided to gift her with our second book. At one point, my sister, Lisa asked, "Ramonita, how did you learn to speak English when you first came here as a child?" "TV," she quickly answered, "and as a matter of fact, when we first turned it on, I didn't understand one word that they were saying!" She then continued ... "So," I cried to my mother, "hurry, hurry, let's go back to Puerto Rico, right now, to get our old TV set, that one speaks Spanish!"
The Truth Doesn't Always Set You Free
While minding her granddaughter Holly (age 3 ½), my sister Ronni, seeing something that Holly was doing, said, "Holly, that is not nice, so stop it now!" "No, Mom Mom," shouted Holly, "I don't want to!" Later that day, Ronni told her daughter Jen, Holly's Mother, what the little girl said! Because of the good Mother that Jen is, she told her daughter to apologize to her grandmother. The next day, little Holly approached Ronni and humbly said, "Sorry Mom Mom, for not being nice yesterday." "Oh," answered my sister, "thank you honey, but I am sure that you will never do that again!" Pausing for a moment, Holly then casually answered, "Oh, I probably will!"
They Had Their Heads In The Clouds
My daughter Lisa, was driving home from the store, with her son, David (age 16) and her nephew Jesse (age 15), one summer afternoon. Upon seeing all of the beautiful clouds in the sky, she thought that it may be an opportune time to dust off the boys' brains and help them to get ready for the quickly approaching school year. She began quizzing them on what type of clouds were in the sky that day. "What do you think they are boys, Cumulus, Strata, or Cirrus?" Neither boy seemed to be paying much attention, until suddenly, out of nowhere, Jesse excitedly shouted, "I know, Aunt Lisa, they are Big clouds!" Jesse then sat back, folded his arms, and proudly looked to David for praise. To make matters worse, she then heard her son David, say, "Yeah, yeah, that's right Jesse, really Big!"
P.S. The pathetic part about it was that they were both really serious.
It's the Roll of the Dice
My daughter-in-law, Leigh's brother, Brian, along with his wife, were looking forward to having Leigh, my son Bob, and their four children, Alex, Jesse, Aaron and Mia, for their house guests one weekend. They had just completed redecorating their big beautiful home and were anxious to show it off. Aaron (age 10) was enraptured by the spacious den, but was most especially interested in their large gaming table. "Teach me how to play craps Uncle Brian," Aaron would plead. "Well, OK," his uncle finally said, but then sternly added, "we will play for nickels and I'm not giving you any breaks, understand?" "Yeah, sure I do," answered Aaron excitedly, "let's get started!" You guessed it, after four hours of playing; Aaron sat proudly behind his endless stacks of money, while poor Uncle Brian, with his head in his hands, was virtually broke! It's just too bad that Brian didn't remember Aaron's phenomenal memory for numbers and unbelievable talent for magic tricks!
Not feeling well for a few days, my grandson Kevin (age 8), confidently said, "I know that I was sick, Mommy, but I am sure that I did not have the Swine Flu!" "How can you be so sure, Kevin?" asked his Mom. "Cause," Kevin innocently answered, "if I did, I would have gotten a pig nose, just like Mr. Herman!"
P.S. The name was changed to protect Kevin.
She Should Have Just Said, "Happy Birthday"
Our friend, Pat, one of our favorite checkers, at our local Shop-Rite, said, that one day, a little boy came through her aisle with his Mom, and excitedly said, "Hey lady, guess what today is, my birthday!" "Great," said Pat, "how old are you?" "I am eight years old," the little guy proudly answered. "Well," joked Pat, as she candidly winked at his Mom, "today is my birthday also, and I'm eighteen." Pausing for a moment, while staring intently at Pat, the little boy then hesitantly said, "Well ... lady ... I am ... pretty sure ... that you got your numbers ... backwards!"
What ... Was She Thinking?
My niece, Kelly and my sister-in-law, Ruth Anne, along with Ruth Anne's three granddaughters, Shaelynn, Katarina and Delaney, were anxiously preparing for Kelly and Kenny's daughter, Brigette's wedding. "What shall I wear?" said one little girl to the other. It was slowly beginning to become a real dilemma. Thinking that she had a great idea, Kelly suddenly said, "Delaney (age 7), why don't you wear that beautiful blue dress that you wore last week?" "What," Delaney indignantly said, "I do not do 'wear overs' Aunt Kelly," and then emphatically added ... "OK!"
He's No Two Timer
My daughter, Lisa had a beautiful custom of taking each one of her four children out on a date. It was a sure fire way of making that particular child feel very special. One afternoon, she said to her youngest son Kevin (age 8), "Hey Kev, how about if this Saturday you and I go out on a date?" She was surprised, since, for the first time, he didn't answer. "Did you hear me, honey?" she asked. "Yes Mom," he responded. "Well what do you think, do you want to go out on a date?" "Well," ... Kevin, with his little head bowed, hesitantly answered, "I ... already have ... another girlfriend!"
My son-in-law, Rob and my grandson Eric (age 8), were watching a Dallas Cowboy's football game, when Rob said, "Look at the gigantic TV screen, Eric. Did you ever see one that large?" (It happened to be one of the biggest ever made) "Wow, Dad," Eric innocently said, "I wonder how big the clicker is!"
That Crazy Coach
This happened a few years ago, at my grandson Kevin's first football practice. Little Michael, with his big brown eyes, and toothless smile, could not have been cuter, even if he tried. There he was, all of 3 feet tall, and most of that was his shoulder pads and helmet! We weren't even sure if we could see his legs with the way his bright red football jersey fit! "Mommy, Mommy," Michael (age 5) shouted, as he ran off the field "what's my name?" "Michael, of course," said his mother. A second time, and then a third time, Michael ran off the field and asked the same question. "Why," asked his puzzled mother, "are you asking me what your name is? You know that it is Michael." "Cause," the little boy indignantly answered, "that Crazy Coach keeps on calling me Whealan." Little Michael ran quickly back onto the field, before his mother could stop laughing long enough, to explain that the Coach is calling him "Whealan, because, that is his last name, and it is boldly written on the back of his jersey!"
A Day to Remember
Finally, being able to talk our friend Elsie, into getting her driver's license, my brave sister-in-law, Ruth Anne, set out on the daunting task of teaching her how to drive. Things were going very well as Elsie, Ruth Anne, and some of the children, ventured out each day for Elsie's driving lesson. One day, upon arriving home, Elsie was feeling especially good, since all was going so well. She proudly drove down the street in Ruth Anne's beautiful white, '67 Chevy Impala convertible, with the top down. I may add that they pulled into the center of her two-car driveway. She slowly came to a stop and suddenly, without warning, they were all sitting in the middle of Elsie's garage. Unfortunately, the garage doors had not been opened, but Elsie sure took care of that. Little Debbie (age 4), who was sitting in the back seat, excitedly said, "Cool, Aunt Elsie, that was fun ... do it again!"
P.S. That was over 40 years ago and Elsie has never lived it down.
Those garage doors were old
And in such need of repair ...
I did my spouse a favor
Now come on, let's be fair.
Only Seven Dwarfs?
My daughter, Lisa's co-worker, Elaine, accompanied her sister's family on their vacation to Disney World. While having a great time walking through the park and enjoying the rides, it suddenly began to pour rain. It wasn't long before people were laughing and pointing at little Brandon (age 7). The harder it poured, the more bubbles appeared on the little guy's head. "Uh Uh," he innocently said, "I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair, when I took my shower this morning." "That's okay, buddy," consoled his Dad, "now we can all proudly say that we have had the distinct honor of meeting Disney's eighth dwarf ... Soapy!"
Yes, son, it's normal
To have sudsy, soapy hair ...
Don't worry about that crowd
That points and laughs and stares
They all must be looking
At something else instead
Because we can hardly notice
Bubbles coming from your head.
Being a Grandmom Is Like Being on a Rollercoaster
"Mimi is very short now, right Mommy?" asked my granddaughter Jill (age 5). "Why would you say that, honey?" asked my daughter, Andrea. "Cause, remember," the little girl nonchalantly said, "Aunt Lisa said that when Mimi was on the rollercoaster, she threw her neck out." And then innocently continued, "and without a neck ... she is probably a whole lot shorter ... right?"
A Rose by Any Other Name
My sister, Ronni, was minding two of her little granddaughters, Caroline and Holly. "You're goofy, Mom Mom," said Holly (age 3). "Goofy," Ronni slowly responded. Reading the expression on her grandmother's face, little Caroline (age 5), innocently asked, "Is goofy a bad word Mom Mom?" "Well ... nooo," responded Ronni. After pausing for a moment, little Caroline then hesitantly added ... "Well, then I guess that's what you are ... goofy!"
When you have grandkids
Things are never quite the same ...
But I refuse to make 'Goofy'
My new name!
You Can't Win Em All
Our friend, Emily, was enjoying a weekend with two of her granddaughters, Trish (age 4), and Kathy (age 8). "Wash your hands girls," said Emily. "Okay Grandma," said Trish as she reached for the faucet. While at the same time, Kathy shrugged her little shoulders and huffed away. "What's wrong with her?" asked Emily. "Well, Grandma," said little Trish innocently, "she just doesn't like you!" "Oh," said Emily, "sure she does, she's just at that age where she doesn't like authority." "No, no," answered Trish, "you don't understand, Grandma," she emphatically said, "it's true, she really does not like you." Then, casually, continued washing her little hands.
Some Kids Have All The Luck!
As we all sat in church on Christmas morning, my friend, Lois' little grandson Allen (age 5), innocently said, "You know Mom Mom, Jesus was really, really lucky!" "Why?" asked my friend. "Cause," the little boy nonchalantly answered, "His birthday is on Christmas, and so He gets His birthday presents and His Christmas presents, all on the same day, that's why!"
What's in a Name
One evening my grandson, Robbie (age 9), came home all excited from his cousin Jason's, basketball game. "Guess what, Mom?" he shouted, as he ran in the front door. "I got Jon Runningham's autograph!" "Who?" asked his puzzled mother. "Jon Runningham," Robbie said, "but," he added, "I think that he doesn't know how to spell his own name." My daughter looked and laughed, as she read the autograph, "Best Wishes, Jon Runyon #96." The Philadelphia Eagles great offensive tackle, had certainly made her little boy's day, by being gracious enough to take the time to give him his autograph.
One for the Books
My son, Bob, always looks forward to spending some one on one time, with each of his four children. On one rare occasion, my daughter-in-law, Leigh, along with her two sons, Jesse and Aaron, had gone to see a friend in the hospital. My granddaughter, Alex, did not go with them because she was away at college. "Hey Mia," my son, Bob excitedly said, (sure that what he was going to ask was going to make his little girl's day) "how about if you and Daddy ... go to the zoo for the whole day! Won't that be fun?" Pausing for a few moments, little Mia (age 8), then casually said, "Hmmm ... nah ... maybe some other day Daddy, cause I think for now I'll just go to my room and read my books, okay?"
Excerpted from From the Mouths of Babes Volume III by Mickie Shea. Copyright © 2013 Mickie Shea and Lisa MacCrory. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse LLC.
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