Get Anyone to Do Anything: And Never Feel Powerless Again

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The legendary leader in the field of human behavior delivers the national bestselling, must-read phenomenon that changed the rules. Utilizing the latest advancements in human behavior, Dr. Lieberman's critically acclaimed techniques show you step-by-step how to gain the ...

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Overview

The legendary leader in the field of human behavior delivers the national bestselling, must-read phenomenon that changed the rules. Utilizing the latest advancements in human behavior, Dr. Lieberman's critically acclaimed techniques show you step-by-step how to gain the clear advantage in every situation.

Get anyone to find you attractive
Get the instant advantage in any relationship
Get anyone to take your advice
Get a stubborn person to change his mind about anything
Get anyone to do a favor for you
Get anyone to return your phone call
Stop verbal abuse instantly
Get anyone to confide in your and confess anything

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"The United States owes Dr. Lieberman our deepest gratitude. His techniques are simple to use, extremely effective, and have made our job of helping children significantly easier. --Simone Spence, founder of The Spence Foundation, awarded Senate Citation for Child Support Enforcement and named Pioneer Woman of the nineties

"It cuts to the chase, presenting simple, concise techniques,...[and] useful strategies rooted in basic human psychology and supported by numerous studies." --Publishers Weekly

"Ever wish you could win people over to your point of view, no matter how crazy your idea? You can, with these [tools] to successful persuasion." --Self magazine

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Confident and persuasive, Bryce's voice is perfect for this audiobook about influencing others to do as you wish (by the author of the bestselling Never Be Lied to Again). Bryce frequently varies the inflections in his voice, resulting in an expressive reading that's pleasing to the ear. There's no padding on this lean audio: after the briefest of introductions, it cuts to the chase, presenting simple, concise techniques. Although the title is an overstatement, Lieberman does offer useful strategies rooted in basic human psychology and supported by numerous studies. For example, a person tends to like you more after he or she does you a favor, not the other way around. (Subconsciously, he assumes that he must like you, since he helped you.) Another tip: to get someone to find you attractive, set the first date in an environment of heightened physical arousal, like an amusement park. The person will interpret his or her adrenaline rush and rapid heartbeat as sexual desire for whomever he or she is with. Simultaneous release with the St. Martin's hardcover. (May) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
Library Journal
After reading this book, from the author of Never Be Lied to Again, you'll better be able to read other people. Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780312209049
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 5/10/2000
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 224
  • Product dimensions: 5.79 (w) x 8.58 (h) x 0.81 (d)

Meet the Author

David J. Lieberman, Ph.D, whose books have been translated into eleven languages, is an internationally renowned leader in the field of human behavior. He has appeared on m ore than two hundred programs and is a frequent guest expert on national television and radio shows such as The Today Show, National Public Radio, The View, PBS, The Montel William Show Show, and A&E. He is sought-after speaker, lecturer, and consultant. Techniques based on his work have led to grounbreaking advancements in numerous fields and are in use by governments, corporations, and professionals in more than twenty-five countries. He lives in Boca Raton, Florida.

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Read an Excerpt




Chapter One

Get Anyone to Like You ... Every Time


What are those elusive traits and qualities that arouse feelings of friendship and likability in a person? In just a minute you'll discover that they're not elusive at all. In fact they can be reduced to a simple formula that will help you to develop a natural chemistry with anyone.

    The fact is we like or dislike a person based upon a strict set of mostly unconscious processes. It does not happen by chance. But the reality that we're unaware of the process makes it seem as if it occurs without much rhyme or reason. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The following is a complete list and discussion of the nine psychological laws and phenomena that affect, influence, and even alter what we think of someone so you can get anyone to like you.

    Keep in mind, too, that research shows that our liking a person can influence how physically attractive we think he or she is, and that we also tend to like more someone whom we find attractive. So this chapter and the one that follows it go hand-in-hand and can be used as part of an overall strategy.


1. Law of Association


The law of association is discussed in more detail throughout this book, but it has a very specific application here. Briefly, by pairing yourself with pleasurable stimuli another person will begin to associate you with this feeling. Studies conclude that if, for instance, you were planning your vacation you would associate those favorable feelings with whoever Was around you at the time, andyou would subsequently like the person more. Conversely, research in this area shows us that when you have a stomachache, for instance, those around you become unconscious victims of circumstance, and you tend to like them less. Of course there's more to liking than just this pairing of pleasant stimuli with a person, but it can generate powerful feelings, either good or bad, toward you.

    So if you want to be liked by a person, try talking to him when he is in a good mood or excited about something. These feelings are anchored and associated with you, and this person will then come to have positive feelings toward you.


2. Repeat Exposure


The old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" is commonly accepted but interestingly enough, it's not true. In reality, it's the opposite. Numerous studies conclude that the more you interact with someone, the more he or she will like you.

    According to Moreland and Zajonc (1982), repeated exposure to any stimulus—in this case a person—leads to a greater appreciation and liking (as long as the initial reaction is not negative). This is true of anything—a person, a place, or even a product: the greater the exposure, the more positive the response. This is why companies sometimes advertise just a picture of a product, or its name, without any specific features or benefits of using the product. They don't need to tell us how wonderful it is, only remind us of it. Exposure, being an obvious component of repetition, can alone increase sales or votes, which is why advertisers and politicians exploit this phenomenon. This factor of human behavior is so powerful that studies show that even a letter in the alphabet that also appears in our name is perceived as more attractive than a letter that is not in our name.

    By simply being around more, you will actually "grow" on this person. Sometimes we make the mistake of trying to appear mysterious, aloof, or unavailable to someone, but in doing so we diminish our number of interactions. Studies conclude that we become friends with, and tend to like more, those who are physically nearest to us because of this increased level of interaction. (By the way, you don't have to worry about enacting the law of scarcity, unless you want this person to be attracted to you! That is because the basis of liking follows a different paradigm than for attraction. We will learn more about that law in this section.)


3. Reciprocal Affection


Countless studies (and common sense) have established that we tend to like more those who like us. When we find out that someone thinks well of us, we in turn are unconsciously driven to find him or her more likable as well. Therefore, you want to let your "target person" know that you like and respect him, if indeed you do.


4. Similarities


It is not true that opposites attract. We actually like more those people who are similar to us and who have similar interests. We may find someone interesting because of how different he is from us, but it's the similarities and commonalities that generate mutual liking. Like attracts like. When you speak to this person, talk about what you both enjoy and what you have in common.

    Similar to this law is the principle of "comrades in arms." Essentially, people who go through life-changing situations together tend to create a significant bond. For instance, soldiers in battle or those in fraternity pledge classes who get hazed together usually develop strong friendships. This is also a powerful bonding method even if the experience was not shared, but similarly experienced. It's for this reason that two people who have never met but who have shared a similar previous experience—whether it's an illness or winning the lottery—can become instant friends. It is the "she understands me" perspective that generates these warm feelings for another who has had a similar experience. It all comes down to the fact that we all want to be understood, and this powerful event has likely helped to shape the person into who she is today; hence this other person "knows and understands" what she is all about.


5. How You Make Her Feel


How someone feels about you is greatly determined by how you make her feel about herself. You can spend all day trying to get her to like you and to think well of you, but it's how you make her feel when she is around you that makes the difference. Have you ever noticed how nice it is to be around someone who is complimentary and sincerely kind and warm? Conversely, have you ever thought about how annoying it is to spend five minutes with the person who's always finding fault with everything and everyone? These people seem to drain the life right out of you. Being the person who makes people feel good will go a long way toward their finding you quite likable.


6. Rapport


Rapport creates trust, allowing you to build a psychological bridge to someone. The conversation is likely to be more positive and comfortable when two people are "in sync" with each other. Just as we tend to like someone who shares our interests, we are also unconsciously driven to like a person when she "appears as we do." This means that when someone makes gestures the way we do, or uses words or phrases as we do, we tend to find him likable. More on rapport-building skills is discussed throughout various chapters in the book. For now, two powerful tips for establishing and building rapport are:


• Matching posture and movements: For instance, if someone has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he makes a gesture with his hand, after a moment and without being obvious, you casually make the same gesture.
• Matching speech: Try to match his rate of speech. If he's speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If he's speaking quickly, then you begin to speak more rapidly.


7. Helping Her Out


Studies in human nature show us that people dislike others more after doing them harm. Please note that I did not say that we do harm to those whom we dislike, although this may be true. The point here is that when we do harm to another, either on purpose or by accident, we are unconsciously driven to dislike the person. This is an attempt to reduce dissonance. (Cognitive dissonance theory as it applies here states that we feel uneasy when we do something that is inconsistent with how we see ourselves. Therefore to reduce this inner conflict we rationalize our actions to remain consistent with our self-concept.) The internal conflict created is, "Why did I do this to this person?" The rationalization then becomes, "It must be because I really don't like him and he deserves it. Otherwise I would be a bad or careless person, and that cannot be so." This works in reverse as well. We like someone more after doing something nice for him or her. If we do someone a favor we are likely to have positive feelings toward that person.

    If you can get him to do you a small favor, this will generate kind and warm feelings toward you. Often, in our attempt to get someone to like us, we make the mistake of doing nice things for him. And while he may appreciate your kindness and think you're a nice person, it doesn't make him like you more, even though you may be viewed as more likable. What you want is for him to have kind feelings toward you, not to just believe that you are a kind person. This is accomplished by him doing for you, not by you doing for him.


8. He's Only Human


Seeing someone you admire do something stupid or clumsy will make you like him more (Aronson, Willerman, and Floyd, 1966). Contrary to popular belief, being a perfect, confident figure will not produce the desired outcome—meaning that it rarely leads to your being liked more and thought of in a positive way. When you want to be seen as more likable, do something embarrassing and smile at yourself. Don't try to ignore it or pretend it didn't happen. Self-deprecating humor is a terrific way to ingratiate yourself with anyone.

    When you show others that you don't take yourself so seriously, it makes them feel closer to you and want to be around you. "Nobody likes a show-off" or a person who is so consumed with himself and his image that he needs to pretend that he is perfect. We tend to like and gravitate toward those who are not self-absorbed and egotistical. Showing that you can laugh at yourself makes you infinitely more approachable and likable. This is often at odds with what we think we should do. In our attempt to appear as "cool" and "important," others perceive us as taking ourselves too seriously, and this air of "false confidence" can be quite unbecoming.

    This aspect of human nature confuses many people because the fact is that we do like confident people; we're drawn to and like those who are self-assured. But we know that a person who is confident doesn't feel the need to let the world know how great he is; he lets the world find out for itself. So the bragging, arrogant person is really a person who feels small inside and we are often instinctively uninterested and unattracted to this person. The one who is confident and secure is the one who is apt to laugh at his own mistakes and is not afraid to let people know that he is human. So you see, they are not at conflict with one another. Not taking ourselves so seriously and acknowledging our faults and mistakes shows the world that we are confident.


9. Positive Attitude


As we talked about before, we like people who are similar to us. But there is one exception to this rule. Nobody wants to be around a moody, often pissed-off pessimistic person. We all seek, like, and admire those who have a positive, happy outlook and perspective on life. Why? Because that is what we all want. And seeing this desirable spirit in others makes us like them more. You may know a person—or may even be someone—who finds annoying those who wake up smiling and in a good mood. The fact is though, at some level we are drawn to that attitude and to that person. Think of the people in your life whom you really can't stand to be around. Chances are they are always complaining about something; always annoyed with somebody; always finding fault with everything. Like confidence, a positive attitude toward life will help to turn you into a superhuman magnet for attracting people and getting anyone to like you.

    But wait a minute! Doesn't misery love company? Actually it does. Miserable people like to be around others who are just as annoyed with life as they are. But this quality does not make them like these people more. Someone who feels miserable enjoys commiserating and complaining with another miserable individual, but the minute he's in a good mood he will abandon the toxic, annoying person. He seeks solace with somebody who feels as he does, but when he no longer feels that way he will instantly leave this relationship. This is because he never liked the person (at least not for this similarity); he enjoyed only the shared attitude.


Strategy Review


* Be around the person as much as you can because familiarity breeds fondness, not contempt!
* When you speak with him try to do it when he's in a good mood to enact the law of association. Talk about common interests or experiences that you share and try to do more of the listening and less of the talking.
* To enact the law of reciprocal affection, if you respect or admire him for something make sure that he knows this.
* Let him do a simple favor for you, but make sure that it's not out of a sense of obligation. This creates an unconscious motivation to like you more.
* Build a psychological bridge and establish rapport by matching
the person's gestures, rate of speech, and vocal patterns.
* We are drawn to confident people. Show your confidence by being able to laugh at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously.
* Make her feel good about herself. Be someone who is complimentary and sincerely kind and warm.
* Have a positive mental attitude. We are drawn to people who are excited, passionate, and happy about life and being alive.
* See Chapter 2, Get Anyone to Find You Irresistibly Attractive, because we tend to like more those whom we find attractive—same sex or not.
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Table of Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ix
INTRODUCTION xi
THE SECRETS INSIDE AND HOW TO USE THEM xiii
SECTION I: GET ANYONE TO LIKE YOU, LOVE YOU, OR JUST PLAIN
THINK YOU'RE GREAT! 1
1. Get Anyone to Like You ... Every Time 3
2. Get Anyone to Find You Irresistibly Attractive 11
3. How to Make a Fantastic First Impression 17
4. Get the Instant Advantage in Every Relationship 21
5. Get Anyone to See You as Pure Gold 28
6 How to Appear Calm, Confident, and in Control in Any
Situation 31
SECTION II: NEVER BE FOOLED, TRICKED, MANIPULATED, USED, LIED
TO, OR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AGAIN 35
7. The Six-Star Test to See if Someone Is a True Friend 37
8. Does His Story Check Out? 40
9. How to Tell if Someone Is Trying to Manipulate You 42
10. How to Tell if a Person's Bluffing in AnySituation 44
11. How to See Through People 47
12. Get Anyone to Say What He's Really Thinking 50
SECTION III: TAKE CONTROL OF ANY SITUATION AND GET ANYONE TO
DO ANYTHING 53
13. Get Anyone to Take Immediate Action in Any Situation 55
14. Get Anyone toTake Your Advice 62
15. Get Anyone to Follow Through on a Commitment to You 66
16 How to Get a Stubborn Person to Change His Mind About
Anything 72
17. Get Anyone to Do a Favor for You 81
18. The Greatest Psychological Secrets of Leadership 89
19. Get Anyone to Understand Anything 94
20. Minority Rule 96
21. How to Get Any Group of People to Get Along 100
SECTION IV: HOW TO WIN AT ANY COMPETITION: BEAT OUT ANYONE
FOR THE JOB, THE DATE, OR THE GAME 103
22. Secrets to Winning in Any Competition 105
23. The #1 Mistake Most People Make in Life 109
FRUSTRATING, AND DIFFICULT SITUATIONS AND GET THE UPPER HAND
EVERY TIME! 113
24. Get Anyone to Return Your Phone Call Immediately 115
25. Get Anyone to Forgive You for Anything 118
26. The Best Way to Break Bad News 126
27 Get Back Anything You've Loaned Fast, and Without an
Argument 132
28. Say No Without Hurt Feelings or Guilt 134
29 How to Turn a Rude and Obnoxious Person into Your
Best Friend 137
30 How to Stop a Rumor Before Your Reputation Pays a
Price 141
31. Stop Verbal Abuse Instantly 144
32. Get Anyone to Open Up to You 146
33. Deal with Any Complaint Fast and Easy 149
34. Stop Jealous Behavior in an Instant 152
35. How to Get the Best Advice from Anyone 155
36. Give the Harshest Criticism Without Ever Offending 158
37. Get Anyone to Confide in You and Confess Anything 161
38. How to Handle Any Tough (or Stupid) Questions 165
39. Just for Parents 171
40. Get Out of Almost Any Physical or Sexual Assault 173
CONCLUSION 179
BIBLIOGRAPHY 181
ABOUT THE AUTHOR 185
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Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 16, 2005

    Assert yourself!

    I enjoyed this book very much. By coupling it with people skills techniques I've learned from other sources, I've had alot of success getting my point across and also getting the cooperation from co-workers and others, such as my mechanic! The book will give you some great ideas on how to identify and work with people who are either stubborn or narrow-minded. I loved the section that discusses how to get a person's brain to 'lock up', giving you a few moments to regroup and gain control of a conversation. Anyone in business or who interacts with people on a regular basis should definitely check this book out!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 20, 2000

    Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Feel Powerless Again: Psychological Secrets to Predict, Control and Influence Every Situation

    This is a very, very cool book. The techniques work amazingly well. Good for everyone

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 25, 2000

    Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Feel Powerless Again: Psychological Secrets to Predict, Control and Influence Every Situation

    One of the Best things about the book is that it breaks down the psychology of everything, so you don¿t have to guess how to make it work in your life. Lieberman takes 40 different real-life situations and shows step-by-step how to apply them. You don¿t have to be particularly bright to use this stuff which makes me wonder about all of the people who will now be able to assert their own ideas onto others. But overall a powerful, concise and fascinating exploration of the human condition. A great read.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 20, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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