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Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

4.5 37
by Susan J. Elliott, Laural Merlington (Read by)

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It’s over—and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Forget it! Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and


It’s over—and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Forget it! Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and out.

Getting Past Your Breakup is a proven road map for overcoming the painful end of any romantic relationship, even divorce. Through her workshops and popular blog, Susan Elliott has helped thousands of clients and readers transform their love lives. Now she’ll help you put your energy back where it belongs—on you. Her plan includes:

• The rules of disengagement: how and why to go “no contact” with your ex
• How to work through grief, move past fear, and take back your life
• The secret to breaking the pattern of failed relationships
• What to do when you can’t stop thinking about your ex, texting, calling, checking social networking sites, or driving by the house

Complete with inspiring stories from real people and strategies to jump-start the moving-on process, Getting Past Your Breakup is the most effective plan for getting permanently past a breakup, getting your confidence back, and opening yourself to true love.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
An estimated 43 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in separation or divorce, a grim reminder that most all of us experiences at least one painful breakup in our lifetimes; speaker and certified grief therapist Elliot has come to understand that many aren't successful in overcoming that pain, which can stall anyone's personal and professional life indefinitely. Using her personal experience and stories from her practice, Elliott provides sound advice for those still driving by the ex's house or obsessed with self-blame. She advises a cold-turkey, "No Contact" blanket rule, but doesn't ignore the reality of situations involving mutual friends or a shared workplace, and provides seven rules for making things easier on the kids. As the end of a relationship can be much like the death of a loved one, Elliott also reviews the grief process and its importance in processing loss. While working through grief and putting time into serious self-examination won't necessarily "transform your life into everything you've always wanted it to be," the payoff should be steady progress toward a mended heart, a clear conscience and a stronger sense of self.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From the Publisher

ForeWord This Week, 4/22/09
“Each of the book's steps has been thoughtfully developed from the author's personal experience and her training and experience as a grief counselor.”

Bookviews, 6/09
“This book identifies the frequent mistakes people make during the early days of a breakup and explains how to avoid them. [Elliott] shows how to use the pain to grow, reassess your goals, and create a healthier life.”

Publisher's Weekly, 6/8/09
“Provides sound advice for those still driving by the ex's house or obsessed with self-blame.”

“Tell[s] people who have suffered relationship devastation how to get through the stages of grief associated with romantic implosion-and how to pick themselves up afterwards and come out of their distress better than they ever were before…Elliott's comments on the stages of grief, although scarcely new, can be helpful to just about anyone who feels devastated by the end of an intimate relationship.”

Midwest Book Review, June 2009
“An effective book any general lending library will find popular.”

Midwest Book Review, June 2009
“A recommended read for those looking for more reasons to embrace better health.”

About.com, “Top Breakup Books,” 1/1/10
“An excellent breakup book that assists not only in dealing with the shock of a relationship ending, but also how to move past the breakup to become a stronger, better person in spite/because of it. Topics such as dealing with breakup myths (“I need closure!”) and boundaries (how do I not get into this situation ever again) are refreshing and well-suited to the tone and style. Highly recommended.”

About.com, 1/1/10
“A well thought out and surprisingly thorough book about dealing with a breakup…With chapters on learning new boundaries and how to tell the kids, Elliot has covered topics that most books of this genre ignore outright. Chapter 2, The Rules of Disengagement, are a must-read for anyone who has ever suffered a bad breakup, particularly the list of items that keep folks stuck in their grief—most notably the concept of needing closure after a failed relationship…Well written and thorough. Practical how-to's in every chapter. Warm and friendly tone that never comes across as condescending or judgmental.”

YourTango.com, “Top 5 Breakup Books of 2009,” 1/1/10
“This practical book offers useful tips about how to get through the depressing post-breakup stages of loneliness and desolation. If you can't afford a therapist, this useful tome will help you take charge of your life instead of giving way to grief.”

Midwest Book Review, August 2010“What sets this book apart from other self help titles is the fact that the author has suffered the same type of heartache…If you are getting over a failed marriage, or a breakup of a relationship, then this is the must have book that will get you past your pain and suffering…[It] offers hope to those who are suffering. It will show you how to change a life altering experience into something that will change your life for the better.” Kansas City Star, 9/29/10“If you're in recovery from a relationship that ended… read this book.”

“Bookworm Sez”
“From the devastation that comes at the end of a relationship, through the reeling, dealing and healing, Elliott worms her way around all aspects of a broken heart…Getting Past Your Breakup will help you see a crystal-bright future.”

Curled Up with a Good Book
“Elliott delivers the goods with a book that can help anyone get past a broken heart, and be stronger for it…The book provides solid, usable information told with compassionate understanding that really jumpstarts a heart that is on standby…The tools are priceless, and the inspiration to come out on top is what really makes this book stand out in the ocean of other self-help titles out there.”

Product Details

Brilliance Audio
Publication date:
Edition description:
Product dimensions:
7.12(w) x 6.50(h) x 1.00(d)

Meet the Author

Susan J. Elliott JD, MEd is the creator of the Getting Past Your Past blog and seminar series. A motivational speaker, certified grief counselor, and attorney, and she lives with her husband and family in New York.


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Getting Past Your Breakup 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 38 reviews.
JCarmu More than 1 year ago
There are a lot of self-help breakup books but finally there is one that really helps. The advice is to work through your grief while building a new life. Working out the bad while working in the good the book says. The book is meant to be read and re-read and used as a guidebook through the process of moving on. There are great stories from real people, exercises and very pithy helpful advice. The author's "voice" is very personal and you feel as if she's speaking right to you. The book was very easy to read. I found myself more than half way through it in one sitting. There is so much to be learned from this book. Highly recommend.
TangoLola More than 1 year ago
I found Susan Elliot's website (gettingpastyourpast.com) a couple of years ago and read everything on it. I found wisdom and ideas I had NEVER heard anywhere else. I posted my own questions and got a lot of great advice, including from Susan herself. I did what she suggested, and I healed. The pain has gone. Things are new, a bit scary, exciting, and I'm not always sure where I'm going, but I created my own WHOLE NEW LIFE. And it rocks. And I spot the kind of guy who used to destroy my world - a mile off. And I know just what to do. My life works and my relationships work. The book is like a distilled version of the website - use both and see your life turn around. It's like having your own online cheer squad. Susan is funny, honest and wise - and her ideas WORK. Read this book.
Beatrice_fromtheblog More than 1 year ago
Susan Elliott has written a gem. As a long time reader and major fan of her blog (Getting Past Your Past - GPYP), I was so thrilled to find all the key pieces of her programme in this book. Susan tells it like it is - no nonsense, to the point and completely honest, yet with a huge dose of caring and love. I credit Susan and her programme with still being here and being sane! After being left multiple times by the 'love of my life' (or so I thought), and being utterly broken-hearted, following Susan's advice has allowed me to recover, get through the pain and out the other side, and develop a much better life. This book tells you exactly how to go about getting past your break-up (though it can be used for lots of other losses too) - follow her advice and you WILL get there and, indeed, will find that you are much better off than you were before. Not only is her writing informed by years of study and practice as a therapist and grief counsellor, she has also been through - and come through - so much in her own personal life in the past. I think I have read just about every break-up and personal development book on the planet. But there is only one I keep by my bed. And this is it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had a devastating breakup with a person that I had a devastating relationship with. And Susan Elliot's blog and this book truly made the difference in my healing. I appreciated that Elliot shares her own personal experience of the demise of her first marriage. She never minimizes how truly hurtful and devastating a breakup can be. But she does advocate personal responsibility and taking care of oneself. She also suggests practical activities a suffering person can do to alleviate pain and eventually become a stronger person who picks better people to be in relationships with--romantic or otherwise. I love this book. And even now, after reading it twice, I will reread certain sections for comfort and direction.
xenali More than 1 year ago
After reading the blog for several years I was hesitant about buying the book figuring, well, haven't I read this already. But, the layout of the book as well as having everything in your hands, at your fingertips, proved to be more than useful for me. I have been going through a break up for what seems like years and having what is going on inside my head and my heart explained in a rational, this is what you need to do way, has been a godsend. I am so thankful there is someone out there who gets how painful and crazy breakups can be and how you can put a stop to the crazy making by sorting through your own stuff. This book really guides you to putting your life back on track.
GRoses More than 1 year ago
This book complements Susan Elliotts blog in a superb way (http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/). It is a practical, down to earth approach, and very easy to read. Other than common breakup literature, this one gives you concrete material to work with (like the inventories, which are elaborated procedures that are recommended to use when dealing with a breakup situation). This is not just a theoretical book, it is designed to be read and applied. What I also find remarkable is that she highlights the subjects from various perspectives and suggests multiple methods (like writing inventories, using affirmations etc). To me, the book is about so much more than just dealing with a breakup: it is about life itself! Since I also know her blog (and am delighted to know it), I highly recommend both the blog as well as this book. It is a safe place to go when one faces a difficult loss (particularly a breakup), and it's a fun community also!
JBMahoney More than 1 year ago
Susan J. Elliott's "Getting Past Your Breakup" is a perfect book for the newly brokenhearted. When you think your world has been turned upside down, Elliott's personal story and actively engaging support has just the answers you need - yes, there are real answers included in the book! An expert in grief recovery, she has heard every unfair story there is. This is an easy to read book that makes you feel like you are having a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. I would recommend the book to anyone who has been handed a relationship pink slip or even active in the dating world. The silver lining with this book is that it will not only help you move forward today, but it will set the foundation for you to have healthier relationships for the rest of your life. It's a book you will flag pages and return to often. Bonus: Elliott also doesn't say good luck and bye-bye on the last page either. Getting Past Your Past, a daily blog, is the ideal follow-up to keep you on track toward your new life. http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I recently went through a devastating break up and even after reading lots of online advice, have not been able to start healing properly. I bought this book one day ago, read most of it last night, and have already started on my road map to healing. I feel good for the first time in two months and it is directly related to the exercises that I started. I highly recommend this to anyone who is grieving a relationship and wants to learn how to avoid bad choices in the future.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is hard to read at times, not because the writing is difficult but because when you read it you know what she's saying makes sense. Some parts of the book, the parts that aren't applicable, i.e. kids, were skipped but overall I think this book is extremely helpful -even if you don't take the time to complete the exercises. Really puts things into perspective at a time when you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have given it to three friends going through breakups.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Of all the break-up books on the market, this is by far the most helpful!
KFIowa More than 1 year ago
This is a very practical, comforting and empowering book. Elliot's writing style is really enjoyable and accessible. She puts her heart and soul into this book and into helping others heal. She is so smart and no-nonsense--you will be comforted and also challenged by her. She lets you know that she's been where you are and then she shows you the way out of the pain. If you want help healing from your loss, this is definitely the book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is an encouraging, endorsing, positive book that reminds you that the first happy person you need in your life is You! Too often we imagine that without the love of another, we are nothing. In fact, without self-love, all other loves with be as nothing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After a (somewhat) painful break-up I decided that I should go about healing in the best possible way. This book helped me forgive and move on.
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seenitall More than 1 year ago
My husband deserted me, this book bar far helped me more than any other book. The book is entirely about you working on yourseslf, taking care of yourself, journaling, working through affirmations and relationship inventory to help you move through the pain of a relationship ending.
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