Getting What You Want and Deserve: Proven strategies for taking control of the most difficult situations


Do you have to deal with an intimidating boss? Meddling in-laws, nagging spouses, mud slinging colleagues, manipulative friends, defiant teens, insensitive doctors, or obnoxious neighbors? An easy-to-use handbook full of practical solutions, Getting What You Want (And Deserve) shows you how to convert the anger generated by these aggravating relationships into creative energy, take control of the most difficult situations, and come out the winner. Drawing on over four decades of professional communication ...
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Do you have to deal with an intimidating boss? Meddling in-laws, nagging spouses, mud slinging colleagues, manipulative friends, defiant teens, insensitive doctors, or obnoxious neighbors? An easy-to-use handbook full of practical solutions, Getting What You Want (And Deserve) shows you how to convert the anger generated by these aggravating relationships into creative energy, take control of the most difficult situations, and come out the winner. Drawing on over four decades of professional communication experience, Muriel Solomon can teach you how to think and speak strategically. You'll discover how to clearly state your goal, explore ways to achieve it, and then develop the strategies, scripts, and tactics to influence the outcome. As you free yourself from the manipulative webs spun by your opponents, you'll learn how to make others feel good about doing what you want. You'll not only be able to confront people in ways that resolve difficulties, but you will learn how to transform these troublesome situations into golden opportunities. Concise, practical, and effective, Getting What You Want (And Deserve) provides immediate relief from the pain inflicted by infuriating relationships.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781567315448
  • Publisher: MJF Books
  • Publication date: 12/1/2002
  • Pages: 253

Table of Contents

Introduction xv
Part A Professional Relationships 1
Chapter I. Bosses 3
1. Spare the Ultimatum: Tell Me What You Want: Taming tyrants who freak out when displeased 4
2. SOS--I'm Swamped: When excessive assignments are constantly dumped on you 7
3. Here's What I'm Worth; Let Me Tell You Why: Overcoming the fear of asking for a raise 10
4. Big Brother Is Watching, and It's Disconcerting: When you're angry that the boss monitors your computer usage 13
5. I Was Only Trying to Help: Choosing between taking the initiative and being employed 16
6. I Don't Intend to Play Your Blame Game: Protecting yourself when you're the scapegoat 19
7. It's a Mistake, but It Didn't Merit the Riot Act: Responding to a tongue-lashing you didn't deserve 22
8. Do You Mind If I Put That in Writing? When your boss habitually backs out of a promise 25
Chapter II. Associates 27
9. I Think We Need to Come to an Understanding: Bringing into line challengers to your authority 28
10. Let's Pull on the Same End of the Rope: Getting prima donnas to do what's required 31
11. Make Peace, Not War: When feuding workers go on the warpath 34
12. We Have a Conflict, So Let's Try to Resolve It: Dismissing an unpredictable, potentially dangerous sabotcur 37
13. No One Likes a Tattletale: Querying informers who may be malicious troublemakers 40
Chapter III. Colleagues 43
14. Say It to My Face or Not at All: Confronting backstabbers and gaining their respect 44
15. Don't Even Think about Sandbagging Me Again: Handling an underhanded surprise attack in front of others 47
16. Hold Your Fire--We Need to Work Together: When rivals spread rumors or sling mud at you 49
17. Stop Stealing from Me! Reclaiming ideas or turf from thieving colleagues 52
18. I Don't Want Any Part of Your Misconduct: When a coworker presses you to do something wrong 54
19. Your Jokes Aren't Funny--They're Digs: How to look good after jokers lampoon your achievement 56
20. Cease and Desist with the Disses: Using humor when boorish clods enjoy ridiculing you 58
21. We Can Salvage This: When partnerships are threatened by intense disagreements 61
Chapter IV. Clients and Customers 63
22. I Appreciate Your Business, But...: Handling impatient egotists demanding special treatment 64
23. Let's Discuss This in Private: Calming angry folks who are using loud and abusive language 66
24. Quit Bullying Me: Stopping unwarranted pestering at home and in the office 69
25. It's Time to Fish or Cut Bait: When their vacillating stops the sale 72
26. I Made a Mistake; Can We Start Over? Making amends after you step on someone's sensibilities 74
27. This Accusation Doesn't Have Merit: When unfounded attacks can ruin reputations or get you fired 76
Chapter V. Doctors, Lawyers, and Other Professional Experts 79
28. Do You Understand What I Want? Getting the high and mighty to pay attention to what you're saying 80
29. Your Arrogance Is Discomforting to Me: When answers to your queries make you feel stupid 82
30. In Plain English, Please: When they speak in terms lay people can't comprehend 85
31. Love Your Waiting Room, But...: Voicing your complaint about being kept waiting 88
Chapter VI. Salespersons and Service Providers 91
32. You Sold Me a Bad Bill of Goods: How to complain about a product to get results 92
33. This Isn't What I Paid For! How to complain when the service isn't as promised 95
34. Excuse Me--Do You Want My Business? When store clerks and other workers ignore your needs 98
35. If You Insist on Talking Down to Me...: Responding to condescending people paid to serve you 101
36. Either We Work This Out, or You're Out a Customer: When they won't soften strict policies to accommodate you 103
Chapter VII. Teachers 107
37. Did You Know You Were Speeding in a School Zone? When instructors go too fast and get mad if you ask questions 108
38. Because You're Considered an Expert in This Field...: Challenging opinions of instructors who are know-it-alls 111
39. Is My Grade Open for Discussion? How to question a grading system that appears irrational 113
40. This Isn't Payback Time: You're Paid to Teach Me: When you're the target of an inexplicable vendetta 116
Part B Personal Relationships 119
Chapter VIII. Spouses and Significant Others 121
41. Let's Be Fair--You Do Your Share: Balancing the load when you're being overburdened 122
42. Clue Me In So We Can Both Decide: When major decisions are made without consulting you 125
43. I've Never Been So Embarrassed: Stopping humiliation, especially in front of others 128
44. Stop Nagging Me: How to instantly stop continual fault-finding 131
45. Please Talk to Me: Breaking the barrier when you get the silent treatment 134
46. This Isn't Getting Us Anywhere: When a partner exaggerates your faults with name-calling 137
Chapter IX. Your Ex 139
47. It's Time to Move On: When your former partner refuses to let go 140
48. Your Threats Aren't Good for Our Kids: How to handle bullying and tyrannizing 143
49. They're Our Kids--Not Our Weapons! When your ex tries to poison the kids' minds against you 145
50. Let's Be Fair: Reducing arguments about property settlement 148
51. Let's Resolve This, or You'll Be Hearing from My Lawyer: Dealing with your ex's evading judicial decisions 150
Chapter X Parents 153
52. I'm an Adult; I Can Run My Own Life: When they interfere with the way you handle decisions 154
53. Stop the Shame Game: Answering constant jabs that imply the fault is yours 156
54. Your Name-Calling Isn't Doing Anyone Any Good: Confronting hurtful name-calling and doomsday predictions 158
55. Give Me the Benefit of the Doubt: When parents jump to conclusions without waiting for facts 161
56. Why Isn't Anything I Do Good Enough? Rejecting parental affronts while accepting their support 163
57. Please Respect My Time: Handling unreasonable demands made on your free time 165
58. I Just Want What's Best for You: When the more you do for older parents, the worse it gets 167
Chapter XI Teenagers 169
59. Let's Be Certain We Understand Each Other: When your kids won't play by your rules 170
60. I Hear You and I Want to Help: When they need to learn how to handle painful experiences 174
61. Your Walking Away Won't Solve Anything: When "I don't want to talk about it" ends the discussion 178
62. This Is Your Responsibility--Don't Make It Ours: Gaining cooperation instead of doing their chores 181
63. I Didn't Raise You in a Barn: When their mess makes a trail throughout the house 184
Chapter XII In-Laws and Other Relatives 187
64. This Is Really No Concern of Yours: Politely telling meddlers to mind their own business 188
65. Your Smugness Is a Real Pain: Coping with know-it-alls 190
66. Let's Accept It--You're You; I'm Me: What to say when you're the target of sibling rivalry 193
67. At Least Our Dog Likes Us: When whatever you do, you can't please your in-laws 195
68. Let It Go: When relatives keep digging up old, unresolved grudges 197
69. I Don't Have a Saucer of Milk: Curbing family members who are catty 199
Chapter XIII Friends 201
70. I Appreciate Your Opinion, But...: When friends try to run your life 202
71. The Glass Is Half Full, Too: When negativists spill ice water on all your ideas 205
72. Your Condescending Jokes Are Wearing Thin: When your friends know exactly which buttons to push 208
73. That's Not Amusing: Blunting the point of your friend's critical wit 210
74. Please Listen to Me: When your friend becomes unsupportive and inattentive 213
Chapter XIV Neighbors 215
75. Can You Keep It Down to a Dull Roar? Dealing with the vein-popping noise from next door 216
76. I Know You Must Have Forgotten, But...: Keeping the perennial borrower from taking advantage 218
77. I Value Our Friendship, But I've Got to Work, Too: Protecting your time while operating a home-based business 220
78. Cut Me Some Slack, Jack: When neighbors are unreasonable and won't budge an inch 222
79. Oh Boy, Just What I Wanted: When they bring their dogs to perform in your yard 225
Part C Additional Techniques to Deal with Infuriating Situations 229
80. Overcoming the Fear of Approaching Your Boss 231
81. Managing Your Own Anger 235
82. Lowering Hostility by Retrieving the Right Words 238
83. Reducing Worker Frustration with Effective Policies 240
84. More Tips for Talking to Teens 242
85. In Conclusion: A Dozen Important Reminders 245
Index 249
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