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Ghosts by Daylight: Love, War, and Redemption

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Overview

An enthralling, deeply moving memoir from one of our foremost American war correspondents.

For more than twenty years, Janine Di Giovanni spent most of her time in war zones recording events on behalf of the voiceless. From Sarajevo to East Timor, from Sierra Leone to Afghanistan, she had been under siege and on the run.

But somewhere along the way she met Bruno, whose spirit and audacity were a match for her own. Their love affair spans nearly...

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Ghosts by Daylight: Love, War, and Redemption

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Overview

An enthralling, deeply moving memoir from one of our foremost American war correspondents.

For more than twenty years, Janine Di Giovanni spent most of her time in war zones recording events on behalf of the voiceless. From Sarajevo to East Timor, from Sierra Leone to Afghanistan, she had been under siege and on the run.

But somewhere along the way she met Bruno, whose spirit and audacity were a match for her own. Their love affair spans nearly a decade and a dozen armed conflicts before they settle in Paris to raise a family. But Janine soon learns that a life lived in war is inevitably haunted. Bruno struggles with physical and emotional pain, with alcoholism. And Janine, a new mother and wife in Paris, suddenly feels the years of fear returning. As a caregiver to Bruno and their infant son, she feels afraid of her work for the first time and doubtful that she can hold all their lives together . . .

With stunning scenes of action, heart-wrenching accounts of profound love, personal loss, and unexpected redemption, Ghosts by Daylight tells the unforgettable story of a passionate life lived to the fullest.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Di Giovanni, an American-born war correspondent (Madness Visible) who’s covered conflicts from Sarajevo to Afghanistan, met Bruno Girodon, a French photographer, whom she eventually married after a long, passionate, tortuous courtship, and they settled in Paris to raise their son, Luca, born prematurely after a difficult pregnancy. In beautifully deliberative passages, Di Giovanni depicts the elaborate concoction of her marriage, the renovation of a choice apartment, and the accoutrements of a privileged Parisian life—yet Bruno, her modern-day Ulysses, could not settle down. Obsessed by the safety of his family, by survival fears inculcated during wartime, he began drinking heavily, was plagued by depression, and eventually needed hospitalization. Conversely, while her husband seemed to be losing himself, Di Giovanni began to find autonomy for the first time in the strange country of the prickly, exacting French. (Her portrayals of perfectionist Frenchwomen who don’t breastfeed because “it ruins your breasts” is priceless.) Her rather scrambled, touching work is about trying to habituate herself within a mad, chaotic world where even love cannot be fixed in place—inviting enormous sorrow along with the joy. (Oct.)
Library Journal
For the last 20-plus years, Vanity Fair contributing editor Di Giovanni (Madness Visible) has been covering world hot spots from Sarajevo to Afghanistan and has won several journalism honors for her efforts. Along the way, she met and married a man named Bruno, who had been through hell and had the physical and emotional scars to prove it. Suddenly, Di Giovanni found herself caretaker to husband and newborn son—and terrified of the job she has always loved. Given where she's been, what she's done, and the quality of her previous writing, this memoir would seem promising.
Kirkus Reviews

A war correspondent's struggle to leave the battles behind and embark on a life of motherhood.

In this sweeping memoir, di Giovanni (The Place at the End of the World, 2006, etc.) offers a portrait of a love story abloom in wartime. While covering the Bosnian War in 1993, she became smitten with a French cameraman named Bruno, whose charm and charisma would forever alter her life. "Everything about falling in love during wartime, perhaps because our exterior world was so chaotic, was so effortless," writes the author. "It was almost adolescent in its lack of complication." Yet complications soon emerged, and after the pair endured one too many life-threatening assignments, they eventually married, di Giovanni giving birth to her son, Luca, soon after. While Luca's birth provided a momentary glimpse of normalcy in their lives, when Bruno returned to the war zones, he and the author's love story began to wilt. The once indefatigable cameraman began struggling with an array of physical and mental ailments, including a descent into alcoholism that took a dramatic toll on the family.As di Giovanni reflected on her decision to become a foreign reporter, she writes, "I had chosen to leave my home and my family and go as far away as possible, but I had no idea how desperately I would miss them."While her role as wife and mother provided a temporary fix, Bruno proved not enough family to make the world whole again.

A plainly told, occasionally exotic tale of love gone awry.

From the Publisher

“Everyone knows life in a war zone must be harrowing and soul-threatening, and that becoming a mother for the first time is deeply fulfilling, right? In her keen, passionate memoir, Janine Di Giovanni illuminates just how easily these two can be swapped.”
—Kate Tuttle, Boston Globe
 
Ghosts by Daylight is a story infused with love: di Giovanni’s love of her job as a war correspondent, love of the one man who could frustrate, but also delight her, and unequivocal love of her son. The book also shows that seemingly invincible and unflappable war correspondents are human, just like the rest of us.”
—Phyllis Hanlon, New York Journal of Books
 
“In this sweeping memoir, di Giovanni offers a portrait of a love story abloom in wartime . . . [An] exotic tale of love gone awry.”
Kirkus Reviews
 
“[A] beautifully written memoir about the pain of adjusting to normal life after being exposed to the intensity of battle . . . Ghosts by Daylight is no misery memoir, but a powerful lesson. Two people can love each other deeply, have a child, but still, in the end, not make it together.”
The Economist
 
“Di Giovanni writes with sadness, love and generosity about endings: about losing friends, colleagues, her father, her brother and her marriage. She is that unfashionable thing, a high romantic. Fortunately, she possesses a technique formidable enough to carry it off . . . [She has] turned the harsh facts of a life full of extremity and chaos into a story of defiant elegance”
—Jane Shilling, The Telegraph
 
“Janine di Giovanni writes with unblinking courage about war, death, marriage, motherhood, loss, love, redemption, fear—indeed, about all the world's most pressing risks and dangers. She has seen far more of life than the rest of us, so she knows more than we do—and yet she lays down her memoir with touching and deeply honest humility. Her writing here (as ever in her remarkable career) is a great and important achievement.”
—Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love
 
“With a gripping narrative that spans much of the globe, Ghosts by Daylight captures poignantly the romance of the war correspondent’s life as well as its physical and psychological hardships. Di Giovanni’s is a lyrical tale, haunted and haunting, of a passionate love affair that comes apart under fire, both on assignment abroad and at home in the quiet of living room and kitchen. She's been in all the hot spots of our era, and has suffered the cruel consequences, but she triumphs in the end over pain and trauma to dwell in a newfound contentment of her own devising.”
—Amy Wilentz, author of The Rainy Season
 
“Only a writer as tender and intuitive as Janine di Giovanni can offer herself as a witness to some of the world’s most barbarous and nightmarish wars while also deconstructing the very private unraveling of a once-beautiful love story. Ghosts by Daylight, just like its author, is brave, heroically and elegantly told, and brutally honest.”
—Fatima Bhutto, author of Songs of Blood and Sword
 
“Janine di Giovanni has written a profound and beautiful book about the two great human struggles: love and war. That so much hope could shine through a story of such violence and destruction is testimony to the human spirit and, of course, the breathtaking clarity of Di Giovanni’s prose. It is a brilliant book about things that concern us all.”
—Sebastian Junger, author of War

From the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307265586
  • Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 9/20/2011
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 1,046,535
  • Product dimensions: 8.64 (w) x 5.94 (h) x 1.12 (d)

Meet the Author

Janine Di Giovanni has won four major journalistic awards, including the National Magazine Award, and is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair. She has reported from Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, Zimbabwe, Rwanda, Pakistan, East Timor, Ivory Coast, Bosnia, Kosovo, Liberia, Somalia, Nigeria, and Sierra Leone, among many other places. She is the author of Madness Visible, The Quick and the Dead, The Place at the End of the World, and of the introduction to the international best seller Zlata’s Diary: A Child’s View of Sarajevo. Two documentaries have been made about her life and work. She lives in Paris.

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Read an Excerpt

Part One

In his sorrow he found one source of relief in war

Tacitus, Agricola

chapter 1

Beginnings

We arrived in Paris in rainy January, the first week of the new year, shuffling our feet like little soldiers retreating from battle. The moving boxes and crates had followed us from places where there really was war: the Ivory Coast, Iraq, Sarajevo and Afghanistan, and were filled with remnants of the life that both of us were trying to leave behind.

The boxes were tall and foreboding. Mine were cardboard from an overpriced shipping agency in London. The movers came to my Notting Hill flat one afternoon and wrapped my entire London life in plastic and paper, nearly twenty years of it sealed away in boxes. They packed everything, even lipstick-stained cigarettes left behind in ashtrays from a dinner party the night before.

Bruno’s crates were more solid. They were wooden and imposing and came by ship from Abidjan. Together, our combined possessions lined the dining room of our rented apartment on the Right Bank, so there was no room to walk around unless you shimmied between them. Unpacking them seemed a distant chore, impossible, something that would happen far away in the future.

Inside my boxes were pots and pans with burn marks from omelettes that were left unattended for too long; velvet dresses worn once or twice at a forgotten London fancy- dress party; down-filled coats and sleeping bags still lightly coated in dust. There were hiking boots with red mud from Afghanistan; my mother’s delicate china tea set; my black-and-white photographs from Africa and the Middle East and the Balkans. There were pieces of a disassembled wooden Shaker-style chair I had bought with a previous boyfriend, ready to be reassembled in Paris, and piles of old, worn linen sheets bought in Ireland and Rome. There were towels and dishes, pie plates with bits of burnt pastry still left on them and hundreds of books.

I had left the flat where I had lived for a dozen years empty except for the bed. That was staying behind; I could not bear to bring it to my new life. I had inherited it from an Irish girl, a banker, who had fled to Dublin with a broken heart, and it seemed time to pass it on again, this time to the blonde German lodger, a solemn psychoanalyst, who was renting my flat.

Also inside the boxes were things that would only make sense to me. Painful stiletto heels which were bought in New York on a whim and worn only once; an ashtray stolen from a hotel in Algeria; some bits of metal shrapnel twisted like an odd sculpture; a packet of love letters—some of them faxes, faded with time—tied with a pale pink ribbon; and two flak jackets with Kevlar inserts to protect the chest and groin and shoulders from bullet wounds.

There were also two helmets with my blood group taped on the front and carefully marked in indelible ink; a nylon bag of medical supplies; packets of the antibiotic Cipro­floxacin; a buddy injection of a liquid opiate that I had stolen from a miserable red-headed American soldier before leaving Kuwait for Basra. There was a satellite telephone and two digital cameras that I had never learned how to use, still in their boxes with the instructions. There was a waxy chemical weapon suit, wrapped in plastic and tied with elastics; an unused gas mask; and maps of Baghdad circled in red at strategic points.

There were eighteen black covered notebooks scribbled with names like Ali and Bassam and Mona and Ahmed—names of people I had interviewed in what seemed like another lifetime, and my canvas boots, still full of sands from the western desert in Iraq.

Bruno’s packing cases were more exotic than mine. His boxes were filled with things Claude Lévi-Strauss might have collected during his long and lonely voyages. There were bits of woven fabric in equatorial colours; long, feathered arrows from Brazil; black-and-white shimaghs from the Middle East; pink-and-white shells from the beaches near Grand-Bassam, outside of Abidjan; green and red and black beads from Mali; a dried-out starfish that still smelled of the sea; teak tables and mirrors with ivory inlays; brass trunks; a heavy white blanket from Ethiopia; and ancient Buddha heads from Afghanistan and Burma. He had a long cloak from the Tuaregs in the Sahara, and he knew how to wrap it so that he looked, as he put it, like a man from the desert.

There were six brass cups from somewhere in Central Asia. There were lapis lazuli necklaces from Iraq and prayer rugs from Kurdistan. There was a metal box full of photographs which he kept secret. There was his name written in Greek on a gold plate which an old girlfriend, a lawyer, had made for him. And there were rugs from a trip to Afghanistan where we had both met by chance and then dramatically split up, for absolutely the last time, I had thought. We were slowly, and with great tentativeness, lifting our old lives from the boxes and trying to make room for them in this new and frightening life.

Bruno looked the same as he did when I first met him, many years before, in the hotel lobby of the Holiday Inn in Sarajevo. It was in another lifetime, and it was strange, how we met, how two people, two lives collided full force with as much impact as a donkey kick. And because of that chance collision, another life was made, a child was born, and our cycle went on. “Now you both are immortal,” someone told him the day our son was born. At the time, still bleary from drugs and pain, and the shock of holding another life in my hands, I did not understand the words. Now I do.

The lobby of the wartime Holiday Inn was an ugly, cavernous space that opened up to the hallways of the eight floors. It was freezing in winter, scorching in summer, and got shelled and shot at on a regular basis. It was positioned in one of the most dangerous front lines of the city, a place we called Sniper’s Alley. Journalists, penned up for months and months and growing bored, used to abseil with rope from the top to the bottom of the lobby. There were long periods without water, electricity and heating in the winter, and one season we had to drop red tablets into the water for fear of a cholera epidemic. The food, one of my colleagues once remarked, was worse than his grandfather ate in Auschwitz. We subsidized it with expensive black-market luxuries, or packages of chocolate picked up at the last minute in Zagreb Airport before boarding the United Nations flight that dropped us in Sarajevo for months and months and months.

In the summer of 1993, the second year of the war, Bruno and I arrived from our respective homes in Paris and London to report on the longest-running siege in modern history. He was a cameraman for the main French channel, France 2, and I worked for a major British newspaper. We were young, easily impressed, very green and young enough to have real passion for what we believed in. I believed then, as I sometimes do now, that occasionally what you write or photograph or film can reach someone somewhere, and make some kind of difference. But I did it with more fire in those days.

I had been in Sarajevo since the previous December, but it was Bruno’s first time. He saw me, he said, from a mezzanine, which was suspended between the first and second floors. There was a piano on that level, hidden in a corner near the bombed-out side of the building where we were not meant to go because it was particularly visible to the snipers, and sometimes I heard an Italian journalist called Renzo playing ghostly tunes—Schubert, or jazz, which sounded alien, coming, as it seemed, from nowhere.

In those days, we would try to go to the daily press briefing at the UN complex in the old Post Telephone and Telegraph building on Sniper’s Alley. If you had an armoured car, the journey was fine and took about seven minutes. If you did not, it was nerve-wracking: stuffed into the back seat of a VW Rabbit with your fellow hacks wearing flak jackets and laden with bags stuffed with computers and cameras, hoping a stray shot would not pierce the metal of the car. In those days, I remembered with frightening clarity the prayers the nuns had taught us when I was small: a slender white book I had forgotten, embossed with gold; prayers about seeking forgiveness before death.

The briefing was at 9 a.m. sharp and I was not a morning person. I usually woke, drank a watery coffee served in a makeshift dining room, grabbed a piece of hard bread and ambushed a television journalist—they always had armoured cars—to beg them into giving me a ride. CNN’s truck was always full, and they had the reputation of not helping anyone but their own. The BBC people, however, were more generous, and they usually waved me into the back of their truck. “Get in, hurry up.” The back of the car smelled of gasoline from the stores of petrol in tin cans.

The morning I met Bruno was sometime in August. It was hot, but the clouds in Sarajevo lay low and grey, and gave the impression of an autumn rather than a high summer day. After breakfast, I found Jeremy, a fellow journalist, who was kind and funny and who said there was no rush. “Drink your coffee,” he said, “then we’ll go.” We drank the coffee—bitter, black and without sugar—and Jeremy looked at his watch. We grabbed the flak jackets, which accompanied us everywhere. I swung mine over my shoulder, bearing the weight on my right side, and wincing slightly at the pain in my right collarbone, which I had broken twice already. We were headed through the lobby, towards the stairwell that took us to the underground parking lot. Once you got to a car, you strapped in and raced out of the car park as fast as lightning because the entrance lay right in view of the Serbian snipers.

But before we reached the stairwell, someone passed us, clearly in a hurry. I bent to tie my shoelace, then stood up, and saw something out of the corner of my eye. A strange and beautiful man had dropped to his knees in front of me. Both Jeremy and I stopped short. The man held a large camera on his shoulder and was saying something in French—or perhaps in French-accented English—we could not hear because he was whispering. I stared, and Jeremy stared, and the man was also staring, intensely, at me. Eventually, I made out his words: “Don’t ever look at me like that!” he said dramatically. He was laughing.

It was a strange moment, one that would ultimately change the entire course of my life. I looked down at this person on his knees. He was slender, almost Asiatic looking, wearing baggy combat trousers and a T-shirt. His boots were highly polished. He had a beautiful, wide smile. He was flirting, and laughing at my reaction. He picked himself up and stood in front of me. He looked directly into my eyes: his were green and unflinching. There was not much for me to do but smile back, weakly, and then turn, embarrassed, and keep walking towards the door.

Jeremy said, “There are cameramen, and there are cameramen. And then there are French cameramen.” Then Jeremy took my arm rather protectively and we walked to the stairway, leaving the Frenchman—Bruno—still standing there.

I have asked Bruno so many times why he did that, why he fell on his knees, unembarrassed, unencumbered and nimble—and he has always shrugged, or muttered something, never giving me an answer, only sometimes quoting Montaigne about not wanting to know why you loved a certain woman, and if you knew the answer to it, you would love her no more. I asked him for years and years, but I never did find out.

I did not see Bruno again for what seemed like a very long time. I did not see him in the dining room where the reporters gathered to eat humanitarian-aid rice and cheese twice a day, and drink wine from the cave that was left over from the siege. I did not see him during the days as I worked alone with my driver, Dragan, and we moved amongst the buildings where I preferred to do my work in the city—the psychiatric unit of Kosevo Hospital, the morgue where I counted the dead, the presidency building where I went to see the vice president, and the orphanage where I went to hold the babies that nobody wanted.

Every Saturday was my deadline at the Sunday newspaper for which I worked, and I wrote in my dreary orange-tinted room with the plastic-covered windows—the glass was blown out during a mortar attack—and then went downstairs to eat my rice and cheese alone. I worked until 5 p.m., and then went to the Reuters office to file my copy by satellite phone at a cost of $50 a minute, knowing that an editor in London would pare it down and pare it down till nothing was left of it but eight hundred words. At night, I slept on top of my sleeping bag—it was too hot to get inside—and listened to the sound of fighting from the open window. Sometimes, if it was loud enough, it woke me from my dreams.

Once I saw him standing in the mezzanine. He whistled loudly and said something in Spanish. “Señorita!”

“I’m not Spanish,” I said. I had decided that I would flirt back.

“But your dress is.”

In fact, it was a housedress that had been bought in a marketplace in Split, on the Croatian coastline, for $5 during a rare break a few weeks before. It came to my knees and had virtually no sex appeal, but in a place like Sarajevo, it stood out.

“You look like a flamenco dancer,” he said, leaning over the balcony. And then: “When can we spend time together?”

“I don’t know. I’m leaving for Central Bosnia,” I replied.

“We’ll see each other,” he said. It was more of a statement than a request. Then he was gone.

One Sunday in the middle of August, some weeks after I met him, a time when the rest of the world seemed to be at a beach and no one cared at all about a siege in the middle of the Balkans in a city whose name they could not pronounce, I woke at dawn to a knock on my door.

I wore my cotton nightgown, and I covered myself as I opened the door a crack. It was a Bosnian kid in a soldier’s uniform, smoking, with a message from a commander written on a piece of paper. The teenage soldier spoke no English but made a motion for me to follow him. I knew what he was doing. I had been waiting for this message for weeks. I dressed, brushed my teeth with a bottle of mineral water, and ran up a flight of stairs to wake my friend, Ariane.

Ariane was my best friend in Bosnia. Tiny, fluent in three languages, the daughter of a French fighter pilot and a Franco-Argentine mother, she was a champion skier and rock climber. She was curvy, green eyed, and her mouth was generous. She was sexy and smart, and said what she thought, a little too loudly sometimes. She was bossy, and irritated me often. But she was frightened of no man, no woman and no thing. Inside her tiny frame was a very big heart. In time, she became my dearest friend in that city, and much later, as the years went by, we grew older together in Paris. She was the first person to visit me in the hospital when my son was born. Back then, she was in love with a tall French colonel, a UN peacekeeper, and I was having an affair with his friend, a captain from Brittany.

Love in those days was so very easy. It was the last time in my life I would love someone so lightly, without any repercussions, guilt, drama or desperation when the time came to leave. Everything about falling in love during wartime, perhaps because our exterior world was so chaotic, was so effortless. It was almost adolescent in its lack of complication. The four of us—the three French and me—would sit around late at night watching the flares and drinking whisky. The soldiers liked to be away from the confines of the United Nations base whenever they got the chance, and they brought us gifts: ready-to-eat meal packets which included small bottles of red wine. Once a week they would take us to the base to shower. This was the most amazing gift: in a city mostly without water, Ariane and I had clean hair.

Ariane liked to be tanned, and she refused to give up her summer skin just because she was living in a city under siege. Instead, she would sit in a chair close to her open window, naked except for her underwear, wearing suntan oil and sunglasses. She claimed she needed the vitamin D, and she was getting UV rays even if the glass partially blocked them. She did, in the end, get what she would call a siege tan.

“I hate looking like a man,” she told me that summer, staring at her jeans and sneakers. We had been going around in flak jackets and helmets, heavy shirts that covered our arms, and trousers. I had not worn a dress in months. So we took a trip to Split, that seaside Dalmatian town that was becoming overrun by United Nations soldiers and humanitarian aid workers and journalists, and stayed for a few days recuperating. We ate risotto with black ink squid and went to the beach—a real beach—and came back with a handful of cotton dresses we bought in the market, one of which was the so-called flamenco dress. They were knee length and respectable; no cleavage, no legs on show, and we wore them with our dirty sneakers to the daily press briefings. They were just cotton housedresses that Croatian cleaners would have worn, but we felt liberated.

The morning the Bosnian soldier knocked on my door, I could tell that Ariane had spent the night before with her colonel. She looked groggy and sleepy; her eyes rimmed with exhaustion. She always smoked as soon as she woke up and she smelled of cigarettes. On her dresser were a big bottle of perfume by Guerlain, a bottle of suntan lotion and a bottle of whisky.

“What?” she said, a little sharply, hazy from sleep.

“Zuc,” I replied, and she was quickly awake.

“Christ,” she said. She saw the little soldier gaping at her in her short T-shirt and said, “I’m coming.” She knew what this meant. We had been trying to get the Bosnian commander to take us to Zuc for weeks. Zuc was the final line of defence in Sarajevo, where a battle was raging, where young boys were dying and their bodies were rotting in the sun.

Ariane picked up a pair of shorts from the floor, grabbed her flak jacket—she refused to wear a helmet—and said she needed coffee and another cigarette. Next we woke a photographer who lived next door, an Italian named Enrico who looked like a young Robert Mitchum and who wore an MTV sticker on his helmet as a way of bringing some humour into the blackness of this place, and then picked up another friend, Chris from Reuters, before heading out the door in a pack. Everyone was smoking, carrying our flak jackets, not sure what we were going to see, what we would feel, in less than an hour on the front line.

And this was the day, a bright, shining August morning in the Balkans, that I was to meet Bruno again.

From the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

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  • Posted August 9, 2011

    Highly recommended - excellent tale on the lives journalists lead!

    I got a copy of this book and literally could not put it down during my free time. As an individual that has always been fascinated by journalists, given, rather than be born into the life of danger they seek it out time and time again. This book gives us a glimpse on the thoughts, emotions and consequences these war and conflict journalists face in the midst of normalcy and stability. In a time when so many lead this life in order to maintain us informed it is helpful to understand what drives them on daily basis.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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    Posted October 24, 2012

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