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Fifteen-year-old Jess, living with her mum, separated from her father in Cornwall, and with a best friend who seems to do everything perfectly, finds her own assets through humor.
Eyes, nose, lips. Jess was drawing a face on her hand. She should have been making notes for her history essay: a list of reasons why King Charles I was un-popular. But instead she was giving herself a love tattoo of the beautiful Ben Jones. A touch of Leonardo DiCaprio, a hint of Prince William, the merest suggestion of Brad Pitt . . . the flicked-up hair, the slanty grin . . . Oh no! It didn't look like Ben at all. It looked like a demented iguana.
Art wasn't Jess's strong point. She wrote "Ben Jones--or demented iguana?" under her tattoo, and coughed in a signal to her friend Flora that communication was desired. It was a kind of ring tone, a cough in the rhythm of the latest Justin Timberlake single. Flora looked up from the next desk, and Jess held the tattoo up to her. Flora smiled, but it was a kind of pretend smile, and immediately afterward Flora glanced furtively at Miss Dingle and sort of dived straight back into her work.
Miss Dingle--Dingbat to her fans--was glaring from the teacher's desk.
"Jess Jordan! What's your pwoblem?"
"Oh God, Miss Dingle, there are so many," sighed Jess, hastily pulling her sleeve down to hide the portrait-tattoo of Ben Jones the iguana. "Tragic broken home, hideous genetic inheritance . . . massive arse . . ." A few people giggled.
"Get on with your work," snapped Miss Dingle, trying to sound steely and terrifying, even though she had a weedy little voice and couldn't pronounce her r's. "If you showed half as much intewest in witing histowy pwojects as you do in twying to be amusing, you'd be the star pupil instead of the class dunce. You're going to fail misewably unless you pull your finger out! You think you're such a clever dick!"
Everybody hid their faces in their books and cracked up--as silently as possible, of course. The whole room shook. Miss Dingle always used this old-fashioned slang that sounded faintly obscene: pull your finger out and clever dick. "And the west of you!" shouted Miss Dingle. "Be quiet and get on with witing your list of weasons--unless you all want to stay behind after school! I'm quite tempted to put the whole gwoup in detention! Don't push me too far! I can quite easily pull out the Big One!"
There was a muffled explosion as everyone tried to avoid laughing out loud by eating their own tonsils, but frenzied scribbling was also resumed. Nobody wanted to stay behind after school. Jess picked up her dictionary and tried to look intelligent. She turned the pages, hoping for a rude word. Suddenly she had an idea. Maybe you could consult the dictionary, a bit like the tarot. Think of a question, then open it at random. Jess closed her eyes and concentrated. Will Ben Jones and I ever be an item?
Her finger jabbed at a word. "Parsley. A well-known garden herb, used for flavoring soup." Well, not a brilliant result, obviously. But maybe there was a hidden meaning. Perhaps you could make a boy fall in love with you by rubbing parsley behind your ears, or sprinkling chopped parsley in his pants while he was swimming.
Jess suddenly caught Dingbat's eye again. A dangerous moment. Hastily Jess copied down the title of the history essay: "Reasons Why King Charles I Was Unpopular." All she had to do was read chapter six of the history book. Jess flicked through the book and looked at the pictures. Charles I had sad, haunted eyes and a stylish goatee. Flora had told her that he had been only about five feet tall. Some kind of hobbit, obviously. And then he had had his head chopped off--pretty bad news for anybody, of course, but for a short guy clearly a disaster, stylewise.
Jess looked across at Flora, who was writing so hard, her whole body shook. Flora had written three whole pages already, and if Jess was going to catch up with her, she'd got to make a start. Jess picked up her pen and let her imagination run away with her. This was always dangerous.
Reasons Why King Charles I Was Unpopular
1. He never changed his pants.
2. He refused to grow.
3. He passed a law saying everybody taller than him had to have their legs cut off.
4. He slurped his soup.
5. He used to bottle his farts and sell them to the tourists.
Somehow at this point Jess's inspiration dried up and she began to think about Ben Jones again. She formed a plan to steal a bit of DNA from Prince William and Brad Pitt. Just the kind of work she would enjoy. With a dash of each, together with leg of toad and eye of newt, she ought to be able to genetically engineer a Ben Jones look-alike, in case the real one proved unavailable. She gazed in adoration at the tattoo of Ben the iguana. How she longed to have his babies. Or possibly lay his eggs.
Jess started another list. This was much easier than the history question.
Reasons Why Ben Jones Is Popular
1. Hair like golden grass (if only I could picnic on it)
2. Eyes blue enough to swim in (he's beginning to sound like a holiday destination)
3. A cute, slow, slanty smile that could defrost Antarctica
4. Doesn't speak much, i.e., not loud and trashy
5. Oozes mystery and charisma
Suddenly the bell rang. A massive sigh of relief spread through the room. Everybody put down their pens, yawned, and stretched. Tiffany, a plump dark girl with savage eyebrows, turned round to Jess and whispered, "Don't forget my party tomorrow night! Be there or else!"
"Sure," said Jess. "I was gonna stay in and darn some socks, but for you I'll make that major sacrifice."
Tiffany's family was quite rich--at least by Jess's standards--and Jess was quite looking forward to quaffing champagne and swinging from the chandeliers.
Jess's best friend, the goddess Flora, was the only person in the class who hadn't finished working yet. She scribbled away harder than ever, her golden hair glittering. One grain of her divine dandruff could make the blind see again, and revive small insects that had been trodden on.
Flora finished off her sentence with a flourish, tossed back her hair with a great flash of supernatural light, turned to Jess, and grinned. It's a good job the beautiful, overachieving bitch is my best friend, thought Jess, or I might just have to kill her.
"Jess Jordan!" thundered Miss Dingle in her tiny fairy's voice, above the noise of people packing up their bags. "Will you come up here and show me your list of weasons, please!"
Girl, 15, Charming but Insane is one of my favorites. I became so engrossed in it when I was reading, that I didn't eat or drink. Only a few books have ever done that to me. I couldn't put it down for four hours, of course i had to wait until after school to read it (annoying teachers and distractions). I laughed out loud at least every other sentence, my mother asked me, "What is wrong with you?" Kudos to you, Sue Limb, for creating a book with the most witty characters and one of the best stories I have read this year.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 23, 2012
I am slightly in love with this book. Everytime i read i fall a little more in love with it, and i hate Flora a little more. Everyone should read it at least once in their livesWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 25, 2011
Posted March 20, 2011
Posted May 1, 2008
I thought the book was great. I mean some parts were just so outrageously embarassing. And it was really funny. But the ending was bad, I mean it should have been written a bit better.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted January 27, 2008
Posted October 29, 2007
Jess is the main character. she has a somewhat normal life. she has a best friend flora and fred they get into fights. they have boyfreinds all typical teenage stuff. She lives through her femminest, hippie, tree hugging moms ways. Her grandmother who is fascinated by mureder. She has to live without seeing her father. her Father lives in St.ives. shes very jealous of her mostley perfect friend flora and floras barbie doll family. She has a best friend fred who is only a freind except when they get into a fight she realizes how much she need him. They eventually go out. The book ends and all you get is how she goes out with fred. It wasn't a good ending,
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 18, 2007
I thought this book was very exciting, Jess 'the main character' did many things I haven't even thought of. I do wish the author would write a sequal, because i feel like there is still some questions left unanswered.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 2, 2007
It was a good book but it was a little too wacky and a little insane, and a very weird ending that you have to read a few times to understand. Over all tha book was good anyone who reads it will understand that. It's a book that will make you want to read the second one!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 31, 2007
I absolutely loved this book! I read it on my way to Stowe, VT for a ski trip and usually I'm distracted from reading on a bus with my friends but this book I totally got into. Great story and a bit unexpected. I really have to but the next two books in the series. Definitely like a 10 out of 10!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 13, 2007
Being a teenager can be hard sometimes! dealing with crushes, friends, and family is not always a piece of cake! Girl, 15, Charming, but Insane tells the story about how a teenage girl named, Jess, deals with it all! With problems flying at her from every direction, some of the solutions Jess comes up with will have you laughing on the floor! From stuffing her bra with bags of soup, to stealing a video tape, you will never know what Jess will think of next!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 29, 2006
I just got this book the other day and after I started the first chapter I just couldn't put it down! The story just kept getting better and better! And it was sooo hilarious!! It was so great I finished the whole book in one night!! I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Don't let the cover deceive you. It's a great book!!! ^^ Although the cover could use some redoing.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted January 4, 2007
Books with ammusing titles always catch my eye, and this one proved to be great. It was so hilarious and was one of those books that actually had a good ending. I loved this book.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 27, 2006
Posted November 21, 2006
man oh man what a hilarous book! jess is such a lovable character who will make you either A. laugh at her naieve stupidity or B. root her to victory. Both A and B were my reactions. I love this book. it's totally outta the ordinary and really unique. i recommend this to any girl who has a good sense of humor.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 19, 2006
I did not expect this book to be as great as it was. Girl, 15, Charming but Insane, was interesting, amusing, and very well-written. I recommend it to everyone who's looking for a good, quick read.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 6, 2006
This book is so amazing. Its so hilarious how she gets herself in the worst situations imaginable. Its a page turner and im excited to read the rest of the series. It had me laughing out loud!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 15, 2006
Ever single line I read made me laugh outloud. It was hillarious, sad, outrageously contageous and somewhat over the top. However the fact that it was over the top made it totally relatable. I would reccomend this book to anyone who loves birtish expressions and teen dramas.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted January 1, 2006
This has got to be the most hilarious book I've ever read. It's actually got a good story to go with it, too, it's not just humor. The characters (mostly Jess, Fred, and Granny) are completely lovable too, which is always a plus. I would reccomend this book to any girl.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 14, 2005
Incredibly funny !! If you like Bridget Jones- you will love this book ! I originally picked this book up because of the cover-I thought it was soo cute and I was looking to buy a gift for my niece- when I read the inside cover- it was soo funny. I liked this book so much- that I looked to see if there was a sequel - and it just came out this year ! The sequel-Girl nearly 16-Absolute Torture- is great ! It reminded me of when I was younger! Hopefully the author will continue to write more books with this character ! A great book for teens !Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.