Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild [NOOK Book]

Overview


Inundated by popular culture, many women have lost their bearings and no longer trust the internal compass that intuitively affirms those things that are good, true, and noble about womanhood. And as Jesus' favorite and most powerful teaching tactic was the parable, it is appropriate that Mary Kassian walks the reader through the compelling tale of the wild versus wise woman found in Proverbs 7. By using 20 points of contrast, the reader will be able to discern the difference between wild and wise. Is she living...
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Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

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Overview


Inundated by popular culture, many women have lost their bearings and no longer trust the internal compass that intuitively affirms those things that are good, true, and noble about womanhood. And as Jesus' favorite and most powerful teaching tactic was the parable, it is appropriate that Mary Kassian walks the reader through the compelling tale of the wild versus wise woman found in Proverbs 7. By using 20 points of contrast, the reader will be able to discern the difference between wild and wise. Is she living as a wise, biblically savy woman? Or has she bought into the one our culture holds as ideal: the wild woman?

Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild will captivate, convict, and challenge women to become decreasingly wild and increasingly wise. Includes questions for personal reflection at the end of each chapter.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781575675510
  • Publisher: Moody Publishers
  • Publication date: 3/17/2010
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 194,116
  • File size: 3 MB

Meet the Author


MARY KASSIAN is an award winning author, internationally renowned speaker, and a distinguished professor at Southern Baptist Seminary. She has published several books and Bible studies, including The Feminist Mistake. A graduate from the faculty of Rehabilitation Medicine from the University of Alberta, Canada, Mary has also studied systematic theology at the doctoral level and taught courses at seminaries throughout North America.
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Read an Excerpt

Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild


By Mary A. Kassian, Cheryl Dunlop

Moody Publishers

Copyright © 2010 Mary A. Kassian
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57567-551-0



CHAPTER 1

HEART

What Holds First Place in Her Affections

Girl-Gone-Wild: Christ Is Peripheral

"Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it."

(Proverbs 5:5–6)

Girl-Gone-Wise: Christ Is Central

"Her heart has not turned back, nor have her steps departed from your way."

(Psalm 44:18)


He swept her off her feet. I'm sure you've heard the expression. People often use it when a girl gets emotionally overwhelmed by and infatuated with a guy. He gains her immediate and unquestioning support, approval, acceptance, and love. Like Wanda, the high school senior who was swept off her feet by the star of the football team. She loved him so much and was so certain they would have a future together, that she gave up her virginity and self-respect. Their relationship lasted a scant month. Or forty-four-year-old Tammy—who was swept off her feet by Omar, a new convert with a Muslim upbringing and twenty years her junior. He was anexotic foreigner, with a desire for a green card. She married him weeks after they met, convinced she had met the man of her dreams. Or Amanda, who was swept off her feet and into an affair with a married coworker. Or Bridgette, who was swept off her feet and left her husband and teenage children for a guy she met on the Internet. Or Tammy, a lonely widow, who was swept off her feet into bankruptcy by a dashing elderly gentleman who was just a tad too fond of gambling.

The idiom "swept off her feet" indicates that there is a strong connection between a girl's heart and her feet. That connection is the first point of contrast between a Girl-Gone-Wild and a Girl-Gone-Wise. A wise woman gives the Lord Jesus Christ first place in her heart. Her feet follow the inclination of her heart, so she makes cautious, wise, godly decisions about her relationships with men. A wild woman, on the other hand, does not have Christ at the center of her affections. Other things—such as her desire to have a boyfriend or husband, to gain security or approval, or to have fun—take center stage. Her relationship to Christ is peripheral, shoved off to the side somewhere. The wild woman's feet also follow the inclination of her heart, but since Christ is not at the center of her affections, she makes missteps in her relationship with men. "Her ways wander, and she doesn't know it."


THE WAY SHE WALKS

The Sage Father tells his son that he'll be able to spot a Girl-Gone-Wild by the way she walks. He advises him to check out a woman's "feet," "steps," "path," and "ways." He's not being literal here. He's not telling his son to look to see whether the woman sports a crisp French pedicure or calluses rough as concrete, whether she wears designer heels or hiking boots, whether she prefers swaggering through a barn or strutting down urban pavement, whether she sways her hips or marches like a commando. It's obvious that the "walk" that he and his son are talking about is primarily figurative.

Biblical writers use the word walk metaphorically to describe the way human life is lived in relation to God. A girl's walk has to do with the overriding inclination of her heart. Her walk demonstrates where her loyalty lies. It reveals whether her heart is inclined toward the Lord or toward other things—whether she's moving toward Him or away from Him, whether she prefers the path of uprightness or the path of wickedness, God's way or the world's way—whether she favors being wise or wild. Her walk is her prevailing pattern of behavior. It's the key to determining which way she's headed. According to the Bible, you can tell the difference between a Wild Thing and a Wise Thing by the way she thinks, what she talks about, and all the small, daily decisions she makes. Her small, individual "steps" all add up to reveal the dominant direction of her heart.

If Christ is at the center—if He is the one who has forever swept her off her feet—she makes sure that her attitude and speech and conduct are pleasing to Him. She seeks to walk in His way. Her eyes are ever toward the Lord (Psalm 25:15). Her steps increasingly follow His path. She relies on Him to make each footstep secure (Psalm 40:2). If, on the other hand, Christ is not at the center, then she will walk in her own way, in a way that is "right in her own eyes" (Proverbs 12:15). She will follow her own desires, turn aside from the straight and narrow, go after things she has no right to, and mess around with sin (Job 31:7). Her way will be "a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death" (Proverbs 14:12).

The wild woman makes poor decisions concerning her sexuality and relationships with men. If she doesn't have a guy, then she's probably obsessed with getting one. If she does have a guy, she's probably not content with him and is having trouble with the fairytale-ending part of the romance. If she's between guys, she may be licking her wounds and wrapping herself up in protective layers, telling herself that she'll be more careful next time. In any case, she schemes, dreams, manipulates, connives, controls, clamors, seduces, dominates, cowers, compromises, explodes, and/or implodes in this area of her life. All the while, her spirit dies a slow, withering death. When it comes to her love life, her "feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it."

It's important to remember that although her steps wander, the Wild Thing of Proverbs is a very religious woman who moves in religious circles. Nowadays, you might find her at a youth group, on the worship team, in a Bible study, on a mission trip, or teaching Sunday school. She could be the leader of the women's ministry in your church. Or the speaker at your next women's retreat. She could be me. She could be you.

On the surface, the Wild Thing does a lot of things right. She professes to worship God. She offers "fellowship offerings" at church and appears to fulfill her vows (Proverbs 7:14). But a closer examination reveals that her heart really isn't into it. Christ is not at the forefront of her affections. He has not captivated her heart. She loves herself and her own pleasure more. She only follows the Lord as long as it's convenient, and as long as it doesn't interfere with her quest to get what she wants (Zechariah 7:4–7; Isaiah 58:3–7). She lives a religious life, but does not love Jesus wholeheartedly. Though she calls Him "Lord, Lord," she does not know Him intimately, nor does she eagerly and obediently follow His ways (Matthew 7:21–22).

Several months ago, my young adult son, Matt, phoned and told me about a girl he had started seeing. My first question for him was, "Is Christ at the center of her heart?"

"Well," he tentatively replied, "she's super nice. She attended a Christian school. She goes to church. She went on a mission trip last year. Her family seems solid. We get along really well."

"That's not what I asked." I explained, "What I want to know is if she bubbles over with Jesus. Does He occupy her thoughts, purposes, dreams, and desires? Does she long to know Him better and obey Him more? Is she into His Word? Is He the sun around which all her planets revolve? Does she love Him with her whole heart?"

"Umm ... I'm not really sure," he stammered. "We haven't really talked about it much." (By now, he's probably sweating, because it's dawned on him that his lack of an answer is an answer. If he's gone out with her several times, and they haven't talked about Jesus, chances are Jesus isn't at the center of her heart, at the center of his heart, or at the center of their relationship.)

"Son," I gently advised, "there is nothing more important than a girl's relationship to Jesus. Nothing. If her heart isn't sold out to Him, then she's not the woman for you. Plain and simple. A heart for God should be your number one criteria for a wife—number one—at the top of your list. Above all, make sure she loves Jesus and gives Him first place in her heart."

Thankfully, my sons have learned to politely tolerate and listen to what they refer to as my "mom-lecture moments." I pray that they take the wisdom of my words to heart. And I pray that you do too. It's one thing to be acquainted with Jesus. It's another thing to uphold Him as the Lord of your life—and to let your relationship with Him dictate how you conduct yourself in all other relationships. As my sports-chaplain husband often tells his pro athletes, "You can talk the talk. But it doesn't mean a thing unless you also walk the walk."


THE HEART–FOOT CONNECTION

When I was a kid at summer camp, we used to sit around the campfire late at night, belting out any song that came to mind. It was always an eclectic collection, ranging from old spirituals ("He's Got the Whole World in His Hands") to action songs ("Hokey Pokey"), from rounds of "Three Blind Mice" to repetitive counting songs like "Ninety-Nine Cans of Soup on the Wall" ... (the counselors at the church camp made sure we substituted "cans of soup" for "bottles of beer"). We also sang an old traditional folk song, "Dem Dry Bones." It started with, "Ezekiel connected dem dry bones; I hear the word of the Lord," and then continued with a lesson in anatomy: "Your toe bone connected to your foot bone. Your foot bone connected to your ankle bone. Your ankle bone connected to your leg bone ..." and so on, until you got to the final connection: "Your neck bone connected to your head bone—I hear the word of the Lord! Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk aroun'—I hear the word of the Lord!"

This song comes to mind because I believe that any girl who wants to hear the Word of the Lord, feel His Spirit breathe life into dem dry bones, and experience what it means to walk aroun' in His power needs to be very mindful of the connection between her heart and her feet. Anatomically, your foot bone is connected to your ankle bone. But spiritually and metaphorically, your foot and heart are directly connected to each other. Maybe the campfire song should add the line: "Your foot bone's connected to your heart bone!"

That's the way it's always been. Throughout the Old Testament, God repeatedly asked two things of His people: (1) follow Me with your feet, and (2) love Me with your heart (Deuteronomy 11:22; Joshua 22:5). Under the terms of the old covenant, the "feet" part came first. It was necessary for people to keep all the rules (the Law) in order to have any kind of a relationship with the Lord. But it may surprise you to know that the love relationship, and not obedience to the rules, was the main goal the Lord had in mind. His old covenant was a "covenant of love" (Deuteronomy 7:9 NIV). The rules were there because they made a love relationship possible. A holy, sinless God cannot enter into a relationship with a sinful creature. It is an utter impossibility. That's why the old covenant had a set of rules that defined God's standard of righteousness and a sacrificial system to atone for the penalty of falling short of that standard.

The sacrificial system of the old covenant had severe limitations. The sacrifices needed to be continual and were never quite "enough" to restore humanity to the sinless state that was required in order to approach and interact with a sinless, holy God. Because of the ongoing problem with sin, people's contact with Him, knowledge of Him, and relationship to Him were limited. Their feet and hearts continually strayed. They were unable to do what was necessary to remain in a committed love relationship. They couldn't hold up their end of the deal.

The Old Covenant didn't satisfactorily solve the problem of the sinful human condition. But God had the ultimate remedy in mind. Through the prophet Ezekiel, the Lord foretold:

I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. (Ezekiel 36:26–28)


There it is again. The foot-heart connection. But this time, there's a different order—and an absolutely breath taking promise. The prophecy pointed to a time when things would be radically different. The heart would come first. And the right heart wouldn't be the result of human effort. It would be the gift of God and a work of His Holy Spirit in the life of the individual. The feet would come second. The new heart would ensure that all who have it would walk in the way of the Lord. They would obey, not because they had to—contrary to the old covenant, there would be no obligation to fulfill—but because they wanted to. The new heart would contain the power, motivation, and guidance to walk the right way. Instead of being inclined toward sin, it would be inclined toward holiness.

Jeremiah prophesied that the new heart would have a far greater capacity to do the right thing, because God would engrave His ways directly on it (Jeremiah 31:33). Instead of relying on the external letter of the Law, the Spirit would provide internal guidance as to the intent of the command. (The Spirit might reveal, for instance, that imagining an affair is just as sinful as having one.) The capacity for holy living would be exponentially greater than under the old covenant, for God's Spirit would provide the impulse, guidance, and power to understand and follow God's Word.

God fulfilled the promise when He sent His Son to institute the new covenant in His blood. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ—the spotless Lamb of God—satisfied the requirements of God's justice and atoned for all sin. Through Jesus, we can receive the gift of God's Holy Spirit and enter into a close and intimate family relationship with our Father. We can be declared holy and enter into His presence boldly.

In the old covenant, the rules provided "the way." In the new covenant, Jesus is the Way (John 14:4–6). A relationship with Him sets us right with God. It results in a new heart and inspires and enables us to walk correctly, according to the directions in His Word. The heart-foot connection is still there, as it was in the old covenant, but God is the One who does everything. He gives us the heart, desire, and power to obey. It's a radically different approach.

So what does all this have to do with male-female relationships? We can draw several important conclusions. First, the way a woman relates to men has a lot to do with the state of her heart for God. Her behavior is a good indicator of the state of her heart.

Second, although behavior is a good indicator, it is not a conclusive indicator. A woman can have the "right" behavior, yet still miss the mark by failing to have the right heart. Conversely, a woman's heart may be right, but she could still be doing some things wrong. The Holy Spirit's conviction and instruction in her life might still be a "work in progress." Therefore, although it is our responsibility to evaluate behavior, discern right from wrong, and make judgment calls in our relationships, we need a strong dose of humility when doing so. Unlike the Lord, we are unable to see what is in a person's heart.

Third, when it comes to sexuality and male-female relationships, the Bible gives an illustrative list of behaviors that are out of step with God's way, but it doesn't provide an exhaustive list. Just because a certain behavior isn't prohibited in the Bible doesn't mean that it's a behavior the Lord condones.

For example, the Bible doesn't explicitly prohibit a girl from having her boyfriend sleep over on the couch at her apartment. I've heard several college students rationalize that if the couple does not have sex, this behavior is totally acceptable, that it's not sin. I agree that it technically doesn't go against the "letter of the Law." But it may be an offense against the Lord nonetheless. It may cause the girl and guy to toy with temptation, compromise purity of thought, engage in sensuality and impurity, dishonor the institution of marriage, disobey their parents, fail to flee the appearance of evil, muddy the reputation of the gospel in the eyes of unbelievers, and/or place their desire for convenience and pleasure above their desire to glorify Jesus Christ. They may have avoided the sin of fornication, but in all likelihood, there are a bunch of other sins they did not avoid. Furthermore, compromise of one protective boundary usually leads to the compromise of more protective boundaries. Couples who start with the intent of abstaining will often find that the circumstances are too tempting and, bit by bit, will give in to sexual immorality.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary A. Kassian, Cheryl Dunlop. Copyright © 2010 Mary A. Kassian. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents


Wild Thing

21 Points of Contrast

1. Heart
2. Counsel
3. Approach
4. Attitude
5. Habits
6. Focus
7. Appearance
8. Body Language
9. Roles
10. Sexual Conduct
11. Boundaries
12. Authenticity
13. Neediness
14. Possessions
15. Entitlement
16. Reliability
17. Speech
18. Influence
19. Respect
20. Sustainability
21. Teachability

Gone Wise

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 14 Customer Reviews
  • Posted April 29, 2010

    Timely book for Christian women...

    Mary Kassian's book is a comparison of the woman gone wild in Proverbs 7 and the wise women of Proverbs 31 and other parts of the Bible. She looks at 20 character traits of the wild woman and what the traits of the wise woman would be.

    God has used this book in my life four times in the past week since I began reading it. I have been amazed at the timely reading of this book in my own life.
    #1 The first day I read the first 50 pages of this book and puzzled as to why I was reading it. The chapters were about women having affairs and the temptation to be unfaithful. The next day a friend shared with me that she had been having an emotional affair with a man. God prepared my heart to hear her, not judge her, and have compassion. I encouraged her to flee temptation.
    #2 A few days later during a small group discussion at my home, this book came up again. A conversation had been related in which a wife nit picked at what her husband said in front of his family. I related a story from this book. The story had hit me very hard. A woman wrote a letter to Ms. Kassian about how she treated her husband for 30 years. She bucked him at every turn and wouldn't go along with anything he said (her words). After 30 years, her husband left her for another woman. Two years later, she said that she would have been married for 32 years, but instead all she has to show for it is an empty house. The woman wanted young women to know the falsehood of what feminists have been teaching women.
    #3 The next morning, I turned on VH1 hoping to see some old 80s or 90s videos like Glee. No luck. Instead, there was a video popular today. Oh, my goodness! I do not expose my eyes, heart, and mind to the things that were on that video. I realized that the content of that video is commonplace today. Women are inundated by sexual messages that are ungodly and full of sin.
    #4 The last time this book came up was two days ago, when I heard about a Christian singer coming out. I grieved as she claimed that the translators have mistranslated the Bible (she inferred this on Larry King Live) and that homosexuality is not a sin. Many people commented on blogs that many churches and denominations have come to a fuller and deeper understanding of human sexuality--implying that homosexuality, affairs, and such are not sins. That isn't what the Bible says. It is clear. Ms. Kassian is urging young women in this book not to be deceived by the world, but rather to look to the truth in God's Word about sex.
    Affairs, sexual sins, homosexuality, lewd talk... our culture is filled with these things today. If we become desensitized to it, we can easily fall into these sins and not see what's wrong. Mary Kassian wants to sound an alarm and make young women aware of what they need to watch out for. She wants young women to guard their hearts and minds.

    If you live in the world and are surrounded by this culture and are struggling to know what is right and wrong, please read this book! It will give you a strong defense and help strengthen your resolve not to give in to the temptations of the world to sin.

    I was reminded in my heart of the phrase "But for the grace of God, there goes I" as I read the first 50 pages. I am not experiencing these temptations right now, but I was reminded how important it is that I continue to guard my heart and mind as well as the hearts and minds of my family.

    Please note that I was given a complimentary copy of this book for review.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 9, 2010

    Must read guide to living wise instead of wild

    Girls Gone Wise by Mary A. Kassian is a powerful indictment of the modern woman. Kassian compares the foolish woman and wise woman of Proverbs and contrasts them both to the modern woman. She doesn't pull any punches, and readers will feel deeply convicted. I know as I started reading the book, I initially had a long list of people I wanted to give a copy to, but as I progressed further, I realized that it was me who needed these words of wisdom. Kassian castigates the popular idea of serial monogamy and uses Scripture to support her attack on a lifestyle that God certainly doesn't condone. That's not the only life choice that's under attack, flirting, selfishness, gender role confusion are all discussed. Kassian's words will not earn her the title of Most Popular, but they are true words that must be spoken in a world that continually turns away from God and biblical living. I found myself convicted again and again by my own selfishness. This is not an easy book to read, but I highly recommend it to every woman who wants to strengthen her relationship with God and live a more fulfilling life.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 21, 2010

    A necessary reminder

    I was eager for the opportunity to review the book Girls Gone Wise In a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian, and I was not disappointed. As a woman and friend to women with young daughters (and aunt to 6 boys that are rapidly approaching the age where they notice girls) I am interested in how to lead young women and even some not quite-so-young woman to think about their choices.

    This book is written to provide thoughtful advice and alternative options to what the world provides. It is suitable for women at college age or above, and has helpful information for mothers of younger girls. She lays it out there in a few examples, never beyond acceptable, but it is probably not useful for younger girls to read those details, protect their thought-life. The book is also very useful for women of all ages. Given the bombardment of the media and the feminist messages, I believe we all need some corrective reminders of what scripture says and what is truly wise.

    The structure is identifying contrasts between the wild girl and the wise girl. The writing is clear and keeps the subject interesting. The chapters are short enough to allow for some real contemplation of what is being discussed, and there is a companion website with questions that can be used by an individual or in a group to spur deeper thought.

    I will be recommending this book to friends. I even thought that I'd love to share it with my nephews so they can see the truth behind the wild girls no matter how fun they may look, and really appreciate the wise girls of the world.
    ***************

    Disclaimer - I did receive a free copy of this book to review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 26, 2014

    I Insist!

    I have read many Christian teen "purity" type books and this book is different! Kassian talks about how living as a woman pursuing God and trying to glorify him is so much more than just "saving it until marriage" and "being equally yoked." God uses Solomon in Proverbs to illustrate the difference between a wild woman who uses all areas of life for her own gain and a wise woman of God who is giving and working for the Kingdom. This book has been such a wake up call for me, and I am thankful to have stumbled across it! Such a rad handbook! Also there is a devotional that comes along with it for personal reflection.

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  • Posted March 1, 2013

    This book will change your life!

    Excellent study. This study WILL make you stop & think, it will make you re-evaluate you values and your life.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 11, 2013

    Essential reading.

    Essential reading.

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    Posted June 29, 2010

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