The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade

Birth mothers Bible for healing

The adoptee sister to my son suggested I read The Adoption Triangle, I couldn't find the book, but took out three others on adoption to read. As a birth mother from 1972 who 'went away', I was totally un-educated to modern day reunion practices to which present times has us in as adoptee to birth mothers. Then "The girls that went away" - was suggested to me by another birth mother. What an educational book! The stories were personal,heart felt, and Real. The book helped me realize my family was just like most of the rest of that era. I was no longer standing on an island by myself. Ann Fessler did a wonderful job of pulling together facts of an era where shame and guilt was placed on the platter of every single girl who found herself in trouble. There was so much healing that took place as I turned each page. I have ordered a copy for each one in my first family to receive in order to really know their sibling and daughter's struggle during that nine month's and years afterwards. This is a five star book for anyone in the adoption triangle, birth mother, adopted mother, and adoptee. All parties will understand each other better when they close the book.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

refutation of the first two reviews

I've read the book and it is a very depressing and harrowing account of what adoption CAN be, but not necessarily what adoption always is. I am adopted and have two great parents who did not attempt to exploit my birth mother--who decided to give me up voluntarily. My adoption was facilitated professionally and I was in good health the entire time. I know this because Holt International adoption agency is very respected throughout the world and does a great service by facilitating adoptions from poor nations. However, from my own experience and research I must corroborate that many adoptions that occurred several decades ago, before societal acceptance and regulations, were susceptible to greed and manipulation, as this book asserts. It certainly highlights a part of what adoption was and can be still. However, to attribute these accounts to the overall culture of adoption would be a mistake. Hopefully, this book can bring some awareness that adoption has come a long way but that there are still negative remnants from the past.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Highly recommend

This book reveals truths never discussed in the open.

Eye Opening!

this is such a great book that openly talks about a subject that was so taboo at the time! being born in the 80's, it's mind boggling to me to see how we treated young women and their unexpected children just a few decades ago. a great read!

Will change your life.

"The Girls Who Went Away" was a required reading book in a history class in college. I decided to start reading it just as the deadline approached before a quiz. The minute I opened the first page, I couldn't stop reading. I never realized the heartbreak so many un-wed women had to endure. It keeps your interest with heart wrenching stories. The only problem is realizing these are TRUE tales of women in a time in America where things seemed to be sugar coated.

Great book!

As an adoptee, I found this book to be very helpful in understanding the culture surrounding my birth mother's decision. Growing up as I did in an era where being unmarried & pregnant is not as big a deal, it's difficult for me to really understand the condemnation and stigma these women faced, how REAL the punishment was for being unmarried & pregnant. I understand her a little better now, and I'm sending her my copy so that maybe she can understand herself a little better, too.

I truly couldn't put this book down

This was a wonderful book that kept my attention from start to finish. As a girl born in the 70's, I had no idea young ladies were treated so unfairly. It really makes me look around at women that may have been affected by it (and are still affected by it). This books provides both real life stories and historical background into the issue.

Unexpected

I was born in 1961, so my interest in this topic stemmed from becoming close with several adults who are adoptees. I became even more interested after I mentioned something in passing to my 16 year old niece and made reference to the time before abortion was available, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I found this book dispelled many myths about the feelings and intentions of birth mothers. I found it alternately very sad (stories of girls being forced to do something they didn't want to do) and very inspiring (stories of joyous, healing reunions). I'd recommend it to anyone who's life has been touched by this issue.

A Treasure to me an adopted child

My Mother gave me up for adoption and I always wondered how she felt. This book gave me alot of insight. What a brave courageous woman she was. I just found birth family, but regrettfully my Mother had already passed away. One day I hope to meet her and tell her how much I love her and thought about her everyday!!!!

A reviewer

Great insite into a taboo subject. The interject of statistics and facts between the real life stories is both fasinating and heart breaking. Kudos to Ann Fessler for bring these women's untold stories to the printed page.

A must for birthmothers...

Though this book brought up some grief for me that was long buried, I found it also liberating and healing. Though my story happened 20 years later, some of the things these ladies expressed were written right from my own heart. I am grateful for this book.

Very insightful

I could not put this book down! Very informative and easy to read. Easy to relate to. I think I read the first half of the book in one sitting!

A wonderful and heartbreaking look at the history of womanhood.

When I finished reading this book, I was glad to be a woman in this day and age, and I mourned for my predecessors and what they had to go through. The book does a great job of dispelling the stereotype that unwed mothers are always 'loose' women, and I was seriously blown away by how many girls did not even understand sex and pregnancy while they were engaging in those very same activities. The book is NOT, nor should it be taken as, a condemnation of ALL adoptions (thus, the review included among these that all adoptions need to be eradicated is a seriously erroneous message to take from this book), but rather on the treatment of women at the time, and the pain that birth mothers can go through. What the book DOES do is reveal that adoptions are not as emotionally easy on the birth mother as we may have thought (my students, for example, see adoption as the obvious answer to an unwanted pregnancy, an easy transition in which everyone is happy). The book does not condemn adoption, and even exalts many of the adoptive families. Nevertheless, it is a wonderful, historical account, of motherhood, womanhood, and the pain that many birth mothers (past and recent) must feel. If the book teaches anything, it is the importance of empathy and the perils of uncritical judgment.

A Slice of Women's History in the USA

Fessler presents an historical perspective unknown to those that were not directly or indirectly impacted by adoption during the decades just after WWII. I found the book to be extremely informative and enlightening about a part of our nation's history that we do not openly speak of because in order to preserve societal norms we behaved shamefully. While it might appear that adoptions are handled openly today, there is certainly evidence that coercion still occurs. Because of familial/societal/religious pressures, many young women today are not allowed the freedom to exercise their choice. Some private adoptions offer babies for money - how is that okay? Yes, there probably has been some reform but one cannot claim that it is 'ALL better and different today.' You will not want to put this book down. You will live the lives of the women in it - experience their pain, frustration, despondency, disappointments and joys. And, you will not be able to stop the compulsion to share the stories with everyone you know.

very well written and informative

very interesting book, grabs your attention right away and you become immersed in the stories of these women. Good choice if you are intrigued by what these women had to go through, as well if you are adopted.

Thanks, Ms. Fessler

I had seen movies featuring characters who got pregnant out of wedlock and were sent away to maternity homes. But after seeing a website and then this book, I saw that it wasn't just made up, but real. I found myself feeling sorry, shaking my head, and feeling happy--feeling sorry for the women who were made to feel like trash when they were still young and didn't know what was happening, shaking my head at the people who judged, insulted, and shamed them, and feeling happy when the women finally reunited with the kids they were forced to give up. Adoption can be a good thing, but ONLY if a woman (or girl) does it out of her own free will. These women didn't have a choice in that and suffered greatly because of it. I had no idea. This book taught me something, and that's the importance of being compassionate and nonjudgmental. It also underlined the importance of providing young people with honest, accurate sex education so that something like this never happens again. By publishing this book, Ms. Fessler gave these women a voice. Thanks, Ms. Fessler, for sharing these stories with us.

Absolutely Fascinating!

I bought this book on a whim because it sounded interesting and I needed a new book for the subway. I think I lasted two days with it as a subway read, by the end of my second day I couldn't put it down. I came home, read all night long and finished it. The Girls Who Went Away wonderfully blends a background history of how unwed pregnant women were viewed while mixing very touching and poignant stories of young girls being shipped off alone to maternity homes or being hidden inside their own homes so as the neighbors would not know. This book tells the stories of many women who didn¿t have a voice. Author Ann Fessler does a wonderful job of letting people hear their stories. I had a constant mix of emotions upon reading this book, you are angry and astonished for how women were treated, as well as elated when a happy reunion occurs. This is a great insight to the many complexities of adoption it definitely teaches you about a whole different world that existed then.

Stories that Needed a Voice

I am also one of the children who was placed for adoption during the time period that Ann Fessler describes. I have gained so much from reading this book. It was not easy for me to get through it. I had to put it down between the emotional highs and lows that I experienced as I kept reading. I cried at the losses and rejoiced in the reunions and times of family acceptance of past wrongs done to the women in the book. This book gives a voice to women who struggled with one of the most difficult, life-altering events in their lives. Thank you Ann, for honoring these women. As an adopted child, I had a wonderful family. As an adult, I wished to know my birthfamily especially the woman who gave me my life in so many ways. Through this book, I have learned to appreciate her and her courage even more than I did before. I believe in adoption now as it has changed so much and become so much more sensitive to all involved in the process. I only hope that this book helps more families deal with the loss and to forgive each other. To that end and as I work in a bookstore myself, this has become my personal recommendation to customers. The stories of these women needed to be told and this book does an excellent job in allowing them to be heard.

Powerful

I'm 47 years old. While I recall hearing my older siblings talk about 'girls who went away', I didn't personally know anyone who did. I came 'of age' just as birth control became more readily available and I was 15 at the time of Roe v. Wade. There were certainly girls during my early teens who 'messed around' and we all knew who they were, but none of them became pregnant (at least they never 'went away'). When I would hear my siblings and their friends talk about the girls of their generation who did suddenly disappear, I assumed these girls were glad to give their babies up so they could get on with their lives. I also assumed they had been careless about birth control never imagining that they were never told about it or how difficult it was to acquire. I also assumed that as they aged, they probably had moments of fleeting curiosity about their baby. Simple things like 'I wonder what he/she looks like'. I never imagined the depth and intensity of their loss. I was mesmerized and heart broken by each story in this book. I'm so glad Ann Fessler took the time to gather their stories and that the women were willing to share them with the rest of us. Bless their hearts.

Not just for women

Ann Fessler's book is well researched and written. I am a male whose mother went through the process of giving up a baby and her pain and secrecy lasted for her entire lifetime. Needless to say, this had an adverse effect on the way we were brought up. Her depression and addictions might have been prevented if she would have had a caring and responsible person to see her her through this trying time. I have learned a lot by reading the book and would highly recommend it to anyone interested in the topic.