Got Here As Soon As I Could: Discovering the Way Life Should Be

by Sarah Smiley

Overview

I’m not from Maine… but I got here as soon as I could. Six years ago, a family from Florida fell in love with “the way life should be,” and although they’ve never seen a moose, the Smileys intend to stay. Because say what you will about the cold winters and the messy mud season, there is no other place to raise a kid than in the great state of Maine. Got Here As Soon As I Could is a collection of syndicated columnist Sarah Smiley’s most-loved columns about raising a family in Maine. In these 100 essays, readers will laugh, cry and nod their head “yes” as they remember a time when all of America was as simple and beautiful as it still is today in Vacationland.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608935765
Publisher:	Down East Books
Publication date:	04/01/2016
Pages:	328
Product dimensions:	5.83(w) x 8.37(h) x 1.04(d)

About the Author

Sarah Smiley is the author of a syndicated newspaper column published locally in the Brunswick Times-Record and Bangor Daily News, and in Washington, Florida, Colorado and Texas. Sarah has written three books: the memoirs Dinner with the Smileys, (Hyperion, 2013) Going Overboard, (Penguin/New American Library, 2005), and a collection of essays titled I'm Just Saying.. ., (Ballinger, 2008). She is a frequent contributor for Parade, Huffington Post and Military.com. Sarah has been featured in The New York Times Magazine; O, the Oprah Magazine; Parade (cover story); GoodHousekeeping; Newsweek; DownEast; Maine; and Military Spouse Magazine (cover story). Sarah also has appeared on the Today Show, Katie (Couric), Nightline, CNN’s American Morning and Sunday Morning, CBS's The Early Show, Fox News Studio B, and MSNBC Live. Locally, Sarah is a frequent co-host and guest on WVOM, The Voice of Maine, and The Nite Show with Danny Cashman. Sarah has been featured on WCSH6’s 207 and MPBN. In 2014, Smiley was awarded the American Legion Auxiliary’s prestigious “Public Spirit Award.” She lives with her husband and kids in Bangor, Maine.

Table of Contents

Preface: The Way Life Should Be ix

Foreword Senator Angus King xiii

Introduction: From Away xvii

Welcome to Maine

A Lesson in Liquids and Solids 2

There Might Not Be Moose 5

Still Looking for Moose 8

He Who Hesitates Gets Stuck on the Lift 11

Ice Fishing 14

Old Man Winter 17

Crispy Isn't Spelled with a K 21

The Beast Below the Floorboards 24

My Basement of Solitude 27

Benefits of Small Living 30

No Room for Lazy 33

The GPS Wont Get You to Katahdin 36

When a Case of Soda Freezes, You Know It's Cold 39

How to Blow Snow 42

When I Knew Maine Was Home 46

The Way Life Is

Waking the Senses 50

Off the Beaten Path in the County 54

Small, Local Shops Make Memories 57

Zucchini: Plant of Horrors 60

A Frozen Christmas Tree 64

The Unsung Heroes of Winter 68

Small-Town Life 71

Apologies to the Wildlife 75

The Mother Bird 79

One Bird in the House is Worse Than Two Outside 82

Raising Kids in Maine

The New (Naughty) Kid in Class 88

Gift Shops = Hell 91

Kids as Collateral at the County Fair 94

Frozen Waffles (Hey I cook them first!) 98

National Waffle Shortage 102

Moms Don't Have Favorites 105

If Otters Read Books About Us 108

The Brothers' Separation 112

Firstborn Cuts Path 115

Loss of Wii: Cruel and Unusual Punishment 118

Etchings on the Family Table 122

Price Gouging Gumballs 125

Picture Frames as Time Capsules 129

First Fish, Then Dog 132

We Won a Shark 136

Meet Sparky 140

When a Dog Trains His Boy 144

To the Littlest Boy in Striped Shirts 148

Sam's Club 151

Things I'll Forget 155

Lindell Learning to Read 159

Diary of a Snow Day 163

Lindiddy 167

A Letter to My Future Daughters-in-Law 171

The Fairness of World-and Coin Tosses 174

Letting Go of the Bike 178

A Sad, Backward Version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar 181

I Ruined Halloween 185

Living With All Boys 188

Managing Children, Gardens 192

It Will be Quiet All too Soon 195

Star Wars is Tearing Us Apart 198

Yellow Beans 201

Ads Set Parenting Bar Too High 204

About a Boy in a Kayak 208

To Ford as He Begins High School 211

Baseball

Baseball Season in Maine 216

First Day of Little League 219

Father-Son Moment at Third Base 222

Where Have All the Baseball Kids Gone? 225

Last Year of Little League 229

Marriage and Other Things

Dustin Goes to a Civilian Dentist 234

The Immortal Coffee Mug 237

Clean While No One is Watching 240

The Ramekins 244

Dustin Finds a New Way to Fly 248

You Can Take the Kid Out of Diapers, but Will Dustin Ever Hear? 251

Dustin Doesn't Let Anyone Win 255

Lost Wedding Band 259

New Wedding Band 263

Wedding Band Found by Mainers 267

If Schools Were Designed for Introverts 270

Fear of Flying 274

Flying with the 101st 277

Mission Accomplished 281

Flying: Let's Try That Again 285

FAQs about Failed Flying Attempt 289

Online Commenters 293

Lessons for the Future 297

About the Author 301

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

Endorsements from her other books:

“…often funny and always humane, an unexpected voice in a world long defined by ironclad rules and abhorrence of emotion” – New York Times Magazine

“Uplifting” – O, The Oprah Magazine

“Sarah Smiley is all heart…She’s honest to a fault, filled with self-doubt, and frequently,
perilously, vulnerable. And many people will see her as a hero for being so frank about it.” - USA
Today

“…forthright and honest, funny and smart.” –
The New York Times

"Her honest nature, quick wit and endearing personality make her a highly sought-after representative of the military spouse community.” - Military Spouse Magazine

“both a joy and an inspiration…” – Sue Halpern, author of A DOG WALKS INTO A NURSING
HOME

“[The] stories range from heartbreaking to hilarious.” –
Maine Magazine

“Sarah Smiley writes in such a very intimate and frank style that the reader feels like a fly on the wall…Her humor is quiet and wry, and at times she is painfully honest.” – BookReporter.com

“Smiley is so painfully honest that readers who’ve been there are likely to feel that old familiar hot flush of hysteria.” – The Virginian-Pilot

“…an Erma Bombeck for the military-wife set…[Smiley's] prose is simple and straightforward,
and her humor is clever.” – Publishers Weekly

“You can’t help but be moved” – Carol Leifer, former writer for Seinfeld

“Most eloquent when writing about the joys and challenges of parenthood…Yet, not afraid to take the military to task for its shortcomings.” – Military.com

“…not afraid to question the tight-lipped culture she inhabits…” – Philadelphia City Paper
“disarming candor” – BookReporter.com

“You will find yourself smiling and chuckling to yourself as you read.”- Des Moines Register

“It is that wry take on the life…that Smiley does best” –
New York Times Magazine

"Laugh-out-loud humor and poignant honesty” -
The Florida Times-Union

“Smiley has the knack of turning the ordinary, and not-so-ordinary travails into an absorbing narrative. [She] writes with the kind of three-beer honesty that seems both amusing and brave at the same time.” – Frank Cerabino, columnist, The Palm Beach Post