Grandparents as Parents, First Edition: A Survival Guide for Raising a Second Family

Overview

Of the more than a million American grandparents who today are the sole caregivers for their grandchildren, most have found their lives changed, their finances challenged, and their parenting techniques antiquated with a new, and often traumatized, generation. An enlightening resource for all professionals who encounter this phenomenon and a perfect reading recommendation for grandparents and family members, this book offers compassion, encouragement, and fact-filled advice. It covers everything a grandparent ...
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Overview

Of the more than a million American grandparents who today are the sole caregivers for their grandchildren, most have found their lives changed, their finances challenged, and their parenting techniques antiquated with a new, and often traumatized, generation. An enlightening resource for all professionals who encounter this phenomenon and a perfect reading recommendation for grandparents and family members, this book offers compassion, encouragement, and fact-filled advice. It covers everything a grandparent needs to know to cope with the practical, day-to-day needs of raising a child today.

Describes grandparenting & the law/child protection & the dependency system/government aid, etc.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"This is a reference book, a character-builder, a challenge and a friend." —Peter Warren, Seniors Today

"This book provides insights and practical guides for all aspects of grandparents parenting their grandchildren. Although lengthy, it is organized for reference reading on topics of special interest. It reflects extensive personal experience and commitment." —Robert Casey, Founder and President, Creative Grandparenting, Inc.

"As an educator, I feel that the authors have done an excellent job researching material for Grandparents as Parents. It was written with much compassion and insight." —Gertrude B. Burrell, PhD, B.O.D. Secretary, Creative Grandparenting, Inc.

"Thank you for the opportunity to read through this manuscript. I was deeply moved. I found the writing to be an extraordinary, heartwrenching account of grandparents raising a second family. It is a profoundly sensitive guide that provides a fine blend of education, understanding and assistance for 'when the second shift arrives.' What I most appreciated is that while somewhat alarming, it shows the real side of grandparenting—including those not-so-pleasant issues that most of these families will face. And it doesn't ignore the fact that the legal system often adds to the confusion and difficulty. Rather, it takes a step-by-step approach to getting through the system with an eye always on what's best for the child. The book answers many of the questions grandparents have asked us in desperation and confusion. It fills an existing void of information and will be welcomed by the millions of grandparents that need its assistance and support." —Giovanna Stark, Executive Director, Child Development Programs Advisory Committee, Sacramento, CA

"Contains an important source of information as it responds to real life experiences of parenting grandparents. The in-depth focus of Grandparents As Parents defines the many roles, adjustments and responsibilities grandparents who are parenting their grandchildren must make as they become parents a second time." —Lenora Madison Poe, Ph.D., Berkeley, CA

"Sylvie de Toledo's pioneering work with grandparents who are raising their grandchildren finally has the national platform it deserves. DeToledo and Edler Brown have produced a practical, readable guide that will prove invaluable to these grandparents who are dealing with their emotionally distressed grandchildren, their often disturbed and/or abusive adult children, and a hopelessly outdated and confusing legal system that so often works against 'the best interests of the child.'" —Annette Winter, Senior Editor, Modern Maturity magazine

"Grandparents As Parents is a wonderful resource not only for grandparents raising grandchildren but for anyone who is connected with or provides services to families in this situation. From personal experience, the authors provide a special insight into the circumstances that grandparents and other relatives face as they take on the charge of protecting and nurturing their kin. Grandparents As Parents addresses the emotional challenges this responsibility involves as well as contributing very practical advice. Through real-life examples, it gives us both the grandparents' and the social workers' perspective regarding family history, the value of group support, negotiating complex systems of services, and the importance of advocacy. The book ends with a call to action. I highly recommend this book to recharge our commitment as we advance our knowledge." —Dana Burdnell Wilson, MSW, Kinship Care Program Director, Child Welfare League of America

"This book is a brilliant 'how-to' manual for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. It guides grandparent caregivers through the maze of physical, emotional, financial and legal problems encountered as they strive to rescue and protect their beloved grandchildren in a world wrought with violence, abuse, drugs, prostitution, gangs and guns. This 'survival handbook' should be standard issue to every grandparent raising (or contemplating raising) their grandchildren." —Nancy A. McCann-Stone, Citizens Advocate, Senior Citizens Advocacy Bureau

"Covers every aspect of the complex issue of grandparenting today. This is a good, solid guidebook for any grandparent who is helping to support, raising, or contemplating raising a grandchild. Written in a professional yet caring style, the book presents a detailed summary of the issues affecting grandparents who raise their grandchildren, as well as a realistic look at the systems in place to help them." —Senator David Pryor (AR), U.S. Senate Special Committee on Aging

"Ms. de Toledo and Ms. Brown have written a step-by-step guidebook for one of the most crucial issues of our time. Grandparents As Parents is an excellent user's manual which can empower seniors who increasingly step in to fill the breach when the family infrastructure crumbles. 'Kinship Care' will keep a lot of American families together as our country moves into the next century." —Congressman Ron Wyden (Oregon)

" ...A detailed, sensitive guide...Each chapter includes concrete suggestions, for example, how to recognize symptoms of behavior problems and cope with them, ways to negotiate with teachers, and what to do if the parent still has contact and the grandparents suspect she or he is abusing the child...Grandparents as Parents is a supportive, practical book written by someone who has personal experience with the effects on all concerned...Any grandparents raising a grandchild can read this book and know they are not alone. The material is direct and honest; it normalizes the many negative emotions grandparents may be uncomfortable expressing...This is a useful and timely book that will benefit the grandparents and grandchildren, the helping professionals who work for them, and the rest of the members in this increasingly common family configuration." —Nicole Spaulding, Rehabilitation Education

"This book addresses an important topic on which little literature exists. The authors have filled this vacuum admirably. The result is a highly readable guide to the problems facing older adults who take on the task of raising their grandchildren....The numerous case examples drive home the points being made, as well as make the work accessible to individuals who may not have had the advantage of higher education." —Pearl M. Mosher-Ashley, PhD in Clinical Gerontologist

Intervention in School and Clinic

"...this survival guide for raising a second family should be available in all schools and counseling offices, to be passed from grandparent to grandparent....Critical reading for counselors and school psychologists. "—Intervention in School and Clinic
Seniors Today

"This is a reference book, a character-builder, a challenge and a friend."—Seniors Today
From the Publisher

"This is a reference book, a character-builder, a challenge and a friend." --Peter Warren, Seniors Today

"This book provides insights and practical guides for all aspects of grandparents parenting their grandchildren. Although lengthy, it is organized for reference reading on topics of special interest. It reflects extensive personal experience and commitment." --Robert Casey, Founder and President, Creative Grandparenting, Inc.

"As an educator, I feel that the authors have done an excellent job researching material for Grandparents as Parents. It was written with much compassion and insight." --Gertrude B. Burrell, PhD, B.O.D. Secretary, Creative Grandparenting, Inc.

"Thank you for the opportunity to read through this manuscript. I was deeply moved. I found the writing to be an extraordinary, heartwrenching account of grandparents raising a second family. It is a profoundly sensitive guide that provides a fine blend of education, understanding and assistance for 'when the second shift arrives.' What I most appreciated is that while somewhat alarming, it shows the real side of grandparenting--including those not-so-pleasant issues that most of these families will face. And it doesn't ignore the fact that the legal system often adds to the confusion and difficulty. Rather, it takes a step-by-step approach to getting through the system with an eye always on what's best for the child. The book answers many of the questions grandparents have asked us in desperation and confusion. It fills an existing void of information and will be welcomed by the millions of grandparents that need its assistance and support." --Giovanna Stark, Executive Director, Child Development Programs Advisory Committee, Sacramento, CA

"Contains an important source of information as it responds to real life experiences of parenting grandparents. The in-depth focus of Grandparents As Parents defines the many roles, adjustments and responsibilities grandparents who are parenting their grandchildren must make as they become parents a second time." --Lenora Madison Poe, Ph.D., Berkeley, CA

"Sylvie de Toledo's pioneering work with grandparents who are raising their grandchildren finally has the national platform it deserves. DeToledo and Edler Brown have produced a practical, readable guide that will prove invaluable to these grandparents who are dealing with their emotionally distressed grandchildren, their often disturbed and/or abusive adult children, and a hopelessly outdated and confusing legal system that so often works against 'the best interests of the child.'" --Annette Winter, Senior Editor, Modern Maturity magazine

"Grandparents As Parents is a wonderful resource not only for grandparents raising grandchildren but for anyone who is connected with or provides services to families in this situation. From personal experience, the authors provide a special insight into the circumstances that grandparents and other relatives face as they take on the charge of protecting and nurturing their kin. Grandparents As Parents addresses the emotional challenges this responsibility involves as well as contributing very practical advice. Through real-life examples, it gives us both the grandparents' and the social workers' perspective regarding family history, the value of group support, negotiating complex systems of services, and the importance of advocacy. The book ends with a call to action. I highly recommend this book to recharge our commitment as we advance our knowledge." --Dana Burdnell Wilson, MSW, Kinship Care Program Director, Child Welfare League of America

"This book is a brilliant 'how-to' manual for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. It guides grandparent caregivers through the maze of physical, emotional, financial and legal problems encountered as they strive to rescue and protect their beloved grandchildren in a world wrought with violence, abuse, drugs, prostitution, gangs and guns. This 'survival handbook' should be standard issue to every grandparent raising (or contemplating raising) their grandchildren." --Nancy A. McCann-Stone, Citizens Advocate, Senior Citizens Advocacy Bureau

"Covers every aspect of the complex issue of grandparenting today. This is a good, solid guidebook for any grandparent who is helping to support, raising, or contemplating raising a grandchild. Written in a professional yet caring style, the book presents a detailed summary of the issues affecting grandparents who raise their grandchildren, as well as a realistic look at the systems in place to help them." --Senator David Pryor (AR), U.S. Senate Special Committee on Aging

"Ms. de Toledo and Ms. Brown have written a step-by-step guidebook for one of the most crucial issues of our time. Grandparents As Parents is an excellent user's manual which can empower seniors who increasingly step in to fill the breach when the family infrastructure crumbles. 'Kinship Care' will keep a lot of American families together as our country moves into the next century." --Congressman Ron Wyden (Oregon)

" ...A detailed, sensitive guide...Each chapter includes concrete suggestions, for example, how to recognize symptoms of behavior problems and cope with them, ways to negotiate with teachers, and what to do if the parent still has contact and the grandparents suspect she or he is abusing the child...Grandparents as Parents is a supportive, practical book written by someone who has personal experience with the effects on all concerned...Any grandparents raising a grandchild can read this book and know they are not alone. The material is direct and honest; it normalizes the many negative emotions grandparents may be uncomfortable expressing...This is a useful and timely book that will benefit the grandparents and grandchildren, the helping professionals who work for them, and the rest of the members in this increasingly common family configuration." --Nicole Spaulding, Rehabilitation Education

"This book addresses an important topic on which little literature exists. The authors have filled this vacuum admirably. The result is a highly readable guide to the problems facing older adults who take on the task of raising their grandchildren....The numerous case examples drive home the points being made, as well as make the work accessible to individuals who may not have had the advantage of higher education." --Pearl M. Mosher-Ashley, PhD in Clinical Gerontologist

Intervention in School and Clinic

"...this survival guide for raising a second family should be available in all schools and counseling offices, to be passed from grandparent to grandparent....Critical reading for counselors and school psychologists. "--Intervention in School and Clinic
Seniors Today

"This is a reference book, a character-builder, a challenge and a friend."--Seniors Today
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781572300118
  • Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
  • Publication date: 7/1/1995
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 322
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 0.88 (d)

Meet the Author

Sylvie de Toledo, L.C.S.W., B.C.D., is the founder of the organization Grandparents As Parents and the co-president of the National Coalition of Grandparents. A founder of the California Coalition of Grandparents and Relative Caregivers, she currently serves on the organization's board. She recently received a 1995 Special Achievement Award from the Southern California Psychiatric Society in recognition of her work with and for children and grandparents.

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Table of Contents

Introduction
1 Unplanned Parenthood: Why Me? 9
2 Taking Immediate Action 17
3 Your Lifestyle: Changed and Challenged 22
4 Family at Large: Your Spouse and Other Children 35
5 Your Adult Child 47
6 Your Troubled Grandchild 72
7 Your Grandchild and the School 103
8 The Drug Epidemic at Home 114
9 When Parents Get Their Children Back 132
10 Grandparenting and the Law 141
11 Child Protection and the Dependency System 163
12 Government Aid and Public Assistance 187
13 Special Education and Early Intervention 224
14 Their Arms about Us: Finding and Forming Support Groups 243
15 The Call to Action 257
16 Conclusion 273
App. A: Resources for Grandparents and Relative Caregivers 279
App. B: Conversation Topics for Grandparent Support Groups 286
App. C: A Guide to the Grandparents Mentioned in This Book 289
Notes 293
Bibliography 307
Index 315
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