Read an Excerpt
The Laura Corn Challenge
A couple of years ago, I'd been going through a very rough period in my life and I was feeling extremely stressed. I was under a tight deadline for a TV project and used this preoccupation to let my relationship slide.
The more my boyfriend Jeff tried to comfort and support me, the more I pushed him away. The more I focused on work, the more depressed and listless I felt. I knew I was busy and stressed, but why was I turning away from my best friend and partner?
As always, Jeff was understanding and comforting. But I knew he was frustrated. One of his big frustrations was that we weren't having sex. I was aware of this, too, but there was nothing I could do to motivate myself to want to have sex. Jeff wasn't the problem. He was still the wonderful, sexy guy he'd always been. No, the problem was with me.
It had been two months since Jeff and I had had sex, and I was caught up in a vicious cycle: The more I didn't have sex, the more I didn't want to have sex. Here I was, an author of four bestselling books on sex, and I had become turned off by sex. I had always had low desire, but this was a record even for me! What was wrong with me?
If I were to be truly, fully honest with myself, I would have to admit that like many women and men, I just stopped having sex. I know I'm not alone in this experience. In more than ten years of talking to thousands of men and women about their sex lives, one of the most astounding lessons I've learned is that, no matter how much inlove they are or how healthy their relationship, they often stop having sex with any frequency. Sound familiar? Anyone you might know?
Why do we stop wanting sex? How does that thrilling fire of passion turn into weak embers? And in my case, what was I going to do about it?
One morning during this dry (pun intended) period of my life, I decided to have sex with Jeff. To be honest, I was feeling sorry for him. It wasn't his fault that I didn't want to have sex. He was still interested in love, romance, and passion. I was the one with the problem. Of course I still loved him deeply, but somehow these feelings weren't translating into me wanting sex. So, finally, I asked myself the question: How bad could it be to lie there and open my legs? Please excuse my crudeness, but I mean, really, wasn't that the least I could do for the man I love?
Although it began with me "going through the motions," I have to admit, once we got started, my body took over and, before I could say "abracadabra," I was into it. What a relief! What a feeling! It was as if floodlights of energy began to awaken my tired, stressed-out body, and my every cell surged with pleasure, reminding me of how great it feels to make love.
Later that day, instead of returning to my former morose, deflated state of mind, I realized I felt better than I had in months. This sudden and immediate change inspired me to make a promise, to Jeff and to myself: For the next week I would have sex with Jeff every day. And that's exactly what I did.
Needless to say, Jeff was thrilled and felt like he was walking on the moon. And me? Well, I just felt better and better with every passing day, energized in my body, relaxed in my mind, and completely in touch with myself at the core of my spirit. What was happening? Was this the power of sex?
On the seventh day, I was standing in line at Gelson's grocery store in Marina Del Rey, California, when a man behind me said, "You are so happy! What are you on?" I guess I must have been smiling. When I turned to look at the man, I didn't hesitate before I said, "I'm on the Great American Sex Diet!" And the whole line broke out in spontaneous applause.
Thus the idea for this book was born. Clearly, its inspiration was very personal. Does sex really make us feel better in our bodies, our heads, in our relationships? This was the question that I sought to answer. I had remarkable evidence: I knew for certain that I felt better. One week had made me start to think of sex differently.
What I did next was to expand that one week into six months, during which I began to observe myself, Jeff, and our relationship. I was determined to see if the link between having sex regularly and feeling better both physically and emotionally was real. In that first week, I had sex every day. For me, knowing the number of times (seven) motivated and inspired me. Instead of feeling buried in why I should or shouldn't have sex, I kept thinking only of having sex seven times. There was something very powerful about the number. Then, over the course of the next six months, I decided to have sex with Jeff more often, as many as three or four times a week.
Immediately I saw results: When Jeff and I were having frequent sex, he became more attentive and passionate. He flirted more, made dinner, created romantic moments that just blew me away by their thoughtfulness. He was simply more affectionate and loving all without me having to ask. And not only was I happily reciprocating, but I was also on a high. My body trembled with energy and desire. This was not just sexual desire; it was more than that. The sexual energy between Jeff and me spread like wildfire throughout my body...