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You love your kids . . . but where did the intimacy go?
From changing diapers to playing chauffeur, it’s easy to spend so much time and energy on your kids that at the end of a long, exhausting day, you have nothing left for your spouse. Too often, being a great parent comes at the expense of having a great marriage.
In Great Parents, Lousy Lovers, relationship experts Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham, authors of From Anger to Intimacy, show you that it is possible to be a great parent and a great lover. This book will help you and your spouse to begin reinvesting in your marriage—not just your children—because the best foundation for great parenting is a happy, healthy marriage.
Filled with wit, wisdom, and practical advice, Great Parents, Lousy Lovers will help you move from a frustrating, fatiguing, out-of-balance, kid-centered marriage to a strong, life-giving, fulfilling, couple-centered relationship. Tyndale House Publishers
Acknowledgments ix
Chapter 1 Generation Observation 1
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you grew up in the '80s, rolled up your pants, poufed your bangs, drove a Camaro, or have more than two Bryan Adams songs memorized.
Chapter 2 Princess and Queen 13
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you feel like a cook, maid, or shuttle, and you run your home like a hotel.
Chapter 3 Preparing for Change 23
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you consider an appetizer the free applesauce that comes with a kid's meal.
Chapter 4 The Kid-Centered Home 33
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if one or more of your children sleep in your bed more than you do.
Chapter 5 Choosing between Life & Wife 45
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever responded to a friend's engagement announcement by saying, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Think it through long and hard."
Chapter 6 How to Add More Time in Your Day 57
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your idea of a date night is watching the kids play on the playground at Chick-fil-A.
Chapter 7 Building Margin 71
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you are consistently late to events and activities because you are coming from other kid events and activities.
Chapter 8 Four Spiritual Journeys 85
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have adult children living at home and they refuse to give up their Star Wars bedsheets.
Chapter 8 Your Spiritual Journey 101
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your only alone time with God is to calm you down and to Keep you from "going off" on someone small.
Chapter 10 Your Spouse's Spiritual Journey 117
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you think that you don't even need a spouse to have a great marriage.
Chapter 11 Your Child's Spiritual Journey 131
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if it is more important to you to have a child in the accelerated reading program or on the honor roll, rather than to create a home where Mom and Dad thoroughly enjoy each other.
Chapter 12 Your Marriage Journey 145
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if, before you leave the house, you ask your husband, "Do you need to go potty before we leave?"
Chapter 13 Dream Big 157
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever been tempted to look for greener grass on the other side. Keep in mind, where the grass is greener, there is a septic leak.
Chapter 14 Play Hard 173
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have told your family that they are going on a family vacation and you demanded that they have a good time.
Chapter 15 Laugh More 133
You might tie a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if the majority of laughter in your home comes from a pop star with a split personality or a sponge that lives under the sea.
Chapter 16 Touch Often 193
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever had a kiss interrupted by a kid screaming, "Mommy, can you help me wipe?"
Chapter 17 Great Lovers 205
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have sex less than four times a month and they are all quickies.
Chapter 18 Sex after Kids 221
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your "Tonight's the night" is regularly met with "Let's shoot for tomorrow night."
Chapter 19 Great Men, Great Women 231
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you've ever wondered why your spouse wasn't just like you.
Chapter 20 Great Churches, Great Marriages 245
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you choose a church based only on its kickin' kids program.
Notes 259
This book is written by two well known speakers one of marriage, the other a pastor, they have worked together previous to this book.
If you feel like your marriage is stuck, and all you do is revolve around the kids and household work and NOT enough time spent with your other half, then this book is for you!
I liked this book for many reasons, but the main reason is for the guidance and instructions on how to improve. It is written in daily life terms, without any high tech speak, and its a very good reminder that marriage is of two joining together under God, and that he wants us to be happy.
puppetmaster
Posted September 7, 2010
This new book does seem to take the form of many similar self-help books on love in a relationship but in reality Great Parents, Lousy Lovers gives you a fresh take on how you should live your life towards your spouse. It attempts to be new and fresh in many ways and I believe it succeeds in that goal quite well and it keeps this book rather interesting from beginning to end.
A parent in todays fast paced world can be a great parent and yet still have a healthy love life, which is very important in a happy marriage. This is the philosophy that drives this book and it is this idea that is reinforced throughout. The book gives great insight into a typical marriage today and how one is to balance being a good parent with being a great lover. The book does this via Jeff Foxworthy style humor with questions like:
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you consider an appetizer the free applesauce that comes with a kid's meal.
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your idea of a date night is watching the kids play on the playground at Chick-fil-A.
You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if, before you leave the house, you ask your husband, "Do you need to go potty before we leave?"
These comments are answered by situations and solutions to those situations that you may run up against as a parent, whether a new parent or raising up teens. This book is for many groups of married couples out there, especially those that want to have any hope of making it through the terrible twos and threes still having sex with their husband or wife. So if you are a parent, then chances are this book is for you!
Real4Truth
Posted September 7, 2010
There is no question that marriages are falling apart, the divorce rate is staggering and many couples who do stayed married are tired, apathetic and holding on by a thread; especially those who have kids. I am optimistic and do believe there are happy marriages but it is not the happy ones that need rescuing; they are the marriages that are in trouble. That is why, Great Parents, Lousy Lovers, is such a timely book. Dr. Smalley and Ted Cunningham have collaborated on this book and with their combined wisdom have written an encouraging, challenging, and thought provoking book on how to have a balanced, healthy and holy marriage full of vitality, fun and passion even in the midst of countless responsibilities. There is no relational rock unturned as they write about kids and parenting, intimacy (yes, that includes sex), rest, fun, relational challenges, spiritual vitality, "leave and cleave" principles and countless other topics. This book is a storehouse of treasures and is not a book that just points out all of the problems but gives practical advice from people who take marriage and family seriously. I would listen carefully to any person who has personally interviewed over 60,000 women on the topic of relationships and intimacy. Even though I do not have children, this book reinforced some great relationship principles for me that can help me to be an amazing lover as opposed to a "lousy lover." For example, Smalley and Cunningham point out a study that was done asking women what their husbands can do to get them in the mood. The number one answer was, "domestic support." That's right. Doing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, scrubbing the toilet are practical ways to fill up your wife's love tank and in turn prepare the evening for delightful and passionate intimacy. Of course this is a wide generalization but I think this wisdom can help many traditionally minded couples as it has certainly been helping me. Great book and a must read for couples and pastors! Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.How many parents out there would say that their parenting skills far supersede their intimacy ones between spouses?
I know we all think that we need to address our kids needs, which if you really think about it, take almost all the time we are given in the course of the day, less our sleep time, but then again if you've got a newborn or a sick child, even night times aren't off limits.
This book from Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham, called Great Parents, Lousy Lovers shows just how far most married couples with children fall away from making time to restore the intimacy and couple time we all had, before our children were born. Not only that they show you the perfect ways to go about reclaiming that time, without neglecting our children.
Here's an excerpt explaining even more directly from the back cover:
"You love your kids...but where did the intimacy go?
From changing diapers to playing chauffeur, it's easy to spend so much time and energy on your kids that at the end of a long, exhausting day, you have nothing left for your spouse. Too often, being a parent comes at the expense of having a great marriage.
The authors of this amazing book will show you that it is possible to be a great parent and a great lover. This book will help you and your spouse to begin reinvesting in your marriage - not just your children - because the best foundation for great parenting is a happy, healthy marriage.
Filled with wit, wisdom, and practical advice, this book will help you move from a frustrating, fatiguing, out-of-balance, kid-centered marriage to a strong, life-giving, fulfilling, couple-centered relationship."
Isn't it about time to begin enjoying your spouse again and bring peace and balance to your life?
I received this book compliments of Tyndale House Publishers for my honest review, and can tell you what a great resource this would make for first time parents or those that are in the process of having kids to help them maintain balance and love in their marriage. I would rate this book a 5 out of 5 stars and a definite must read for any parent or even as a resource for Christian counseling.
HotMomTips
Posted August 31, 2010
Great Parents, Lousy Lovers address one of the biggest challenges facing parents today, making time for each other. This is also probably one of the least discussed problems in parenting. It's easy to get caught up in caring for the children and not have any time or energy left for you or your spouse.
Relationship experts Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham take on this pitfall for families in their book Great Parents, Lousy Lovers. They offer sound, practical advice on how to keep the spark of romance alive while maintaining a happy, healthy home.
I truly enjoyed this book. It is as entertaining as it is informative. The date suggestions and "study" questions at the end of each chapter are excellent. There are also video podcasts and an "Add your voice" message board to share your thoughts on the chapters. I would recommend reading this with your spouse as a bible study. To get the most out of the book it needs to be read together.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishing as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Steven_Ruff
Posted August 25, 2010
It is no secret that marriages bring with it its own set of problems and difficulties. Couples struggle with issues like extended family, finances, and careers. An additional stressor on couples is the responsibility of raising children. In their book, "Great Parents, Lousy Lovers: Discover How to Enjoy Life With Your Spouse While Raising Your Kids", Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham address the many issues that couples deal with every day while raising children. As parents, there is a tendency when raising kids to put the focus upon them and forget about the marriage relationship. Smalley and Cunningham remind us that it is important to stay connected as a couple, learn to laugh together, come to terms with the role that each person plays in the family unit, and to make our homes couple-centered and not kid-centered. They also show us that each person in the family is on a spiritual journey and that journey must be nurtured individually.
"Great Parents, Lousy Lovers" is an easy and enjoyable read. Smalley and Cunningham mix in humor, experience, and biblical advice that makes this book beneficial. It is a book that you will want to reread as your children grow up and your marriages develops. The most important thing I learned from this book is that our kids deserve parents who are happy and experience joy in the marriages. This sets a positive example for them years down the road. This book is most definitely worth your time. I was provided a complimentary copy of this book by Tyndale in exchange for my honest review.
We all deal with this issue of problems in marriage. The question is, how do we respond? Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham give us some insights on the problems they faced and analyzed during years of counseling in their church and the result is this wonderful book. It is very well written, easy reading and funny. They describe using simple words all common issues that happen in a daily basis with a marriage couple with kids. Through 20 chapters they suggest very well defined roles, behaviors and attitudes that will help us turning our kid-centered home into couple-centered home and they could not stress more how important this change is for the kids. They go over the importance of laughing together, fighting together as a team, taking care of insecurities and enjoying great sex.
Definitely this is a book I would recommend to any couple that already have children or intent to have any in the future. It is a great asset to your permanent library. It is really easy reading. It took me about 8 hours to read the entire book.
This book was written by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham in 2010. It was published by Tyndale Publisher House also in 2010 and they were kind enough to send me a copy for reviewing through their blogger book review program.
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Posted January 29, 2011
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Posted October 21, 2011
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Posted November 29, 2010
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Posted May 11, 2011
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Overview
You love your kids . . . but where did the intimacy go?
From changing diapers to playing chauffeur, it’s easy to spend so much time and energy on your kids that at the end of a long, exhausting day, you have nothing left for your spouse. Too often, being a great parent comes at the expense of having a great marriage.
In Great Parents, Lousy Lovers, relationship experts Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham, authors of From Anger to Intimacy, show...